Chapter 9: Surprise
"Were are we going again?" I asked for the second time.
"I already told you, we're heading to Sugarcube Corner to pick up a special package." Twilight answered, trying to remain calm.
It was earlier this morning, Twilight informed me that there was something important she wanted me to do with her today. When I asked what it was, all she said was 'Wait and see.' I didn't bother trying to press her about, since we haven't had much time to hang out. I had been in Equestria for a solid week now, and Twilight & me haven't had much time to talk. Sure, I saw her in the morning for breakfast, passing by the halls during the day, and she would come to my room tell me goodnight, but we never really got to know each other yet. At this point, me & Spike were almost best buds by now, but Twilight was just a room mate. Or castle mate. I guess being a princess didn't give you much free time.
Now it was the afternoon, and Twilight, Spike, & me were walking through Ponyville, making our way to Sugarcube Corner. I knew something was up, but I decided to go ahead and play along with it. In a world without T.V, Internet, phones or video games, you got your jollies anyway you could. Besides, we were heading to Sugarcube Corner, we were bound to run into Pinkie Pie at some point. She maybe a crazy, motor mouthed pony, but she was a blast to hang out with. Actually, all the mares I've been hanging out with were great to be around. They were smart, kind, funny, and cute. Yes, CUTE. At first I thought was the type of cute you'd think when being around a bunch of puppies or something, but now I think it was going into something a little more. I don't know if it has something to do with being turned into a pony, but I was starting to grow an affection towards these ponies. I hope I'm not becoming attracted to them or something.
"We're here." Twilight said, snapping me out of my trail of thought. She opened the door and looked at me with a smile.
As I looked through the door, I saw the place was completely dark. Which meant two things, ethier it was a surprise party awaiting me, or killers waiting for me to walk in to kill me and make food out of me. God, I hope it's the first one.
"Uhh... Twilight, why is the light's out? Is the shop closed or something?" I asked nervously, hoping for her to answer.
"Just go in." Twilight said as she rolled her eyes at me.
Well, here I go. I thought, before walking throught the threshold. I walked a few feet in, before stopping to turn around behind me. Twilight & Spike also walking in, closing the door behind me. Now we were in complete darkness. As my eyes tried to adjust to the change, I squinted my eyes trying to make out my surroundings. I could faintly see the forms of other ponies in the room, as well as hear them breathing. I couldn't help but start to panic alittle. Why are there ponies wanting for us in the dark? Is something going on? Do the princesses not trust me anymore? What if...
FWOOM! A sudden blinding flash of light exploded everywhere, completely taking me by surprise as my senses went nuts.
"SURPRISE!!!" Everypony in the room screamed, as confetti, streamers, and the sound of party whistles filled the room.
I however, I was too busy to be surprised. As I rubbed my eyes, trying to get the flash behind my eyelids to go away.
"Pinkie, you turned the light on too quickly." I heard Rainbow Dash say. "You blinded the poor guy!"
"It's, okay. Just give me a minute..." I answered, earning a few giggles from the room. As I rapidly blinked my eyes, getting my eyes to refocus, I started to look around the room.
And was totally surprised by the sight!
It seemed like over half of Ponyville was crammed into the bakery. As I looked around, I saw quite a few number of ponies I already knew, plus alot of ones I didn't. Twilight & Spike was here, duhh, they were the ones to lead me here. There was Also Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy and Rarity here. As well the CMC and several other kids, each had their own look that made them standout as cute. Ditzy Doo was also standing in the group, next to a filly unicorn that looked similar to her. She was light pink, with a yellow mane & tail, as well as adorable yellow eyes. She's so damn cute! I thought with a smile. Looking around, I saw everypony's eyes were on me, giving me big smiles and looks of contentment.
"I don't get it, what's all this for?" I Asked Twilight, turning to give her a confused look.
"It's you're surprise party." She stated, rolling her eyes. "Can't you tell?"
"Yeah, but why?"
"Because silly-billy." Pinkie said, as she bounced over next to me. "You've been long overdue for one. I told you I'd throw you a big party to welcome you to Ponyville, and now I get to throw you one for saving the town as well. Think of it as a big 'Welecome to Ponyville and thanks for being a super cool hero', party." Pinkie finished with a giggle.
"I'm no hero..." I muttered. I could feel my cheeks becoming hot, the tell-tale sign I was starting to blush. "I didn't even do that much."
"That's not true darling." Rarity spoke up, walking up to us with AJ and Fluttershy. "You lead that awful brute away from our sisters and helped defeat it in one blast. That makes you a hero in my book."
"Yeah, don't sell yourself short, sugarcube." AJ said, as she put her arm around my shoulder. Now I knew my face was beat red! "Ya helped us take down that thing when we were struggling against it. You're alot more then ya give yourself credit for."
"Yeah. Applejack's right." Fluttershy said in her soft tone. "You're kind and brave. And smart and handsome, and..." She trailed off, hiding face behind her hair. I could tell that she was blushing just as much as I was at this point.
"They're right, Mark! Your the best!" Sweetie Belle, Applebloom and Scootaloo yelled as they rushed me. Covering me in a group hug. I noticed that Ditzy Doo and the little unicorn were close behind them.
"Your the coolest stallion we've ever met!" sweetie belle said.
"Next ta my brother, of course." Applebloom corrected.
"Oh come on, Applebloom!" Scottaloo said, rolling her eyes. "How many earth ponies do you know that can explode in an awesome ball of magical energy?!"
"He doesn't look so special to me." A voice suddenly said out in the crowd of other ponies. The CMC quickly released me and turned their attention to some fillies in the crowd, giving them venomous looks. As I looked, I noticed two fillies that look like spoiled brats. One was pink, with blue eyes and a purple mane & tail with a white streak in it. She had a tiara on her head and a picture of one as her cutie mark. The other filly was grey, with a white mane & tail. I couldn't tell what color her eyes were through the blue framed glasses, but I think they were grey, hard to tell. She also wore a blue bead necklace and had a silverspoon on her flank. One look at them, and I knew they were the stuck up girls. There was always some in every group.
"He just looks like a normal earth pony to me." The pink one said, her nose pointing up in disgust.
"Yeah. What's so great about him?" The grey one asked, giving the CMC a unpleased look.
I'm so starting to not like these two. I thought, getting a little peed at their unkind words. Judging by the looks by everyone else, I wasn't the only one.
"Your wrong, Diamond Tiara!" Sweetie Belle yelled. Ha! i knew her name was something like that. What's the other one, Silverspoon?! "He is special! So you and Silverspoon lay off him!" Yep, called it.
"Yeah, Mark here did all of that without even a cutie mark!" Applebloom spoke out. "And he's more brave then some of the other stallions I know. Ex...except for my brother." She corrected.
"Besides, he's now a member of the cutie mark crusaders! That makes him even more awesome!" Scootaloo finished, acting as if that would stop those two's comments. Sadly it didn't.
"So, all that means is he's an adult stallion without a cutie mark." Diamond Tiara said rudely.
"Yeah, not so special looking to me." Silverspoon also commented.
Alright, that's it! I thought, getting tired of the two brats. I knew that I couldn't physically punish them for being so rude, or use harsh language at them. But I grew up dealing with bullies and prissy bitches all through school, and I knew the best way to get back at them was to make them feel dumb and small in the crowd. Beat them with words. And If I learned anything from my father, it was running my mouth. Time to put these little stuck up brats in their place!
"Your right girls, I"m not special! I'm just your average Joe." I said, walking toward them. I could tell my words caught them by surprised. Now I had them. "I'm just as surprised as anypony else how I was able to defeat that golem the way I did. Heck, I doubt I'll be able to cast magic like that ever again." I stated. This caused all the girls to look at me curiously or with concerned, while the two brats smirked at me. Almost like I confirmed what they thought.
"However..." I began, pointing up a hoof as I prepared to drop a bomb at them. "Just because someone seems normal or not as talented as others, doesn't make them useless. Anypony is capable of acts of greatness, even during times of great stress or danger. That's what makes a hero! Normal ponies never giving up and fighting for what they believe in. We see it all the times from the firefighters who risked their lifes to rush into a burning building, or the guard who risks his life to protect his kingdom. But even normal everyday ponies like me can do great things to protect the ones they love, if pushed hard enough. Cutie mark or not!" Finished, giving the two fillies a smirk.
Suddenly, everpony in the room was cheering and stomping their hoofs on the floor. Without even realizing it, I just gave a huge speech like I was Captain America or something. But it worked, I had embarrassed the two brats while everypony else cheered. Take that, you little bitches! I thought, as I watched them worm their way back into the crowd.
"That was one heck of a speech, sugarcube!" Applejack said, slapping my back with her hoof.
"I agree, darling. That was so moving." Rarity said, with a gleamer in her eyes.
"I couldn't have giving one as inspiring as you did." Twilight said with a smile. "You sure you're not a hero?"
"Okay, okay. Enough of the mushy stuff, already!" Rainbow dash proclaimed, hovering in the air. Looks like she was healed.
"Okay everypony, let's party!" Pinkie yelled, pointing off toward the crowd. "Hit it, Vinyl!"
Looking off to were she had pointed, I saw off to the side of the crowd, a mare standing behind what looked like a giant DJ mixing table. The mare was white, with a wild looking blue mane & tail. Her eyes were hidden behind some cool looking purple glasses. She held her arm up for a moment, almost like she was about to declear something, before bringing it down and turning on the boom box. The speakers boomed with what sound like dubstep (A different type of techno, if you didn't know), as she banged her head to the beat of the music. Everypony in the room started moving their bodies and dancing to the music, even Twilight seemed to be enjoying herself. I just shrugged my shoulder at the sight, before deciding to join in the fun.
When in Rome..... I thought, banging my head and moving my rear and tail to the tune.
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"So, Dinky Doo is your daughter?" I asked Ditzy Doo. We were both standing by the snack table.
"Yep." She answered, taking a bite out of her muffin. "She's my pride and joy."
The party had been in full swing for well over two hours. While several ponies soon left the party to go do their own thing, most remained to have good time. The party had been quite a blast, I have to say. There was great food, fun games and great ponies to hang out with. Twilight was with Mayor Mare and Rarity, talking about design plans for the coming festival, while the other girls were off talking and laughing with each other. Pinkie was over by Vinyl Scratch, shaking her groove thing and making song requests. Spike & the CMC were off with the other kids playing 'Pin the tail on the Pony', among them was Dinky Doo. It was clear just by looking at her she was a little younger then the others, but they didn't care. They treated her just like a part of the group. It was nice to see.
"She's as cute as a button." I said with a smile, watching the kids play.
"Thank you." Ditzy replied.
"It must be so hard for you, being a young single mother."
"I won't lie, it hasn't been easy raising Dinky all by myself." Ditzy said as she stared at her daughter for moment, before looking at me with a smile. "But I've had alot of help from my friends and family."
"What about her father?" I asked. During the whole time we've been talking about Dinky Doo, I only heard a little about her father. I only learned that he was some type of doctor, who she met several years ago when he came to Ponyville. "I don't mean to pry, but where has he been during this whole time?"
"Traveling." She answered simply, staring off in the distance. She had told me that he had been traveling for years, off doing his job. What ever that was.
"Will he ever return?" I asked, curiously.
"Someday." She said with a smile. "I know that someday my Doctor will come back for us. He said he would."
Before I could ponder upon what she had said, I was interrupted by a wave of childern running up to us. Lead by Spike and the CMC.
"Hey Mark, we're going to play 'Hit the Pinata'. Come join us" Spike said, pointed off to the pinata already set up in the room.
"Yeah, Mark. Come play with us. It'll be fun!" Applebloom said.
"I don't know..." I began. "I've never played it before."
"Oh come on. I bet you'll like it." Sweetie Belle said.
"What's not to like? You hit something made out of paper with a stick, and get free candy!" Scootaloo exclaimed.
"Well..." I hesitated.
"Please uncle Mark?" Dinky Doo walked up and ask. That did it. No way I could say no to cute eyes like that. Awww, it's just so damn cute! Can't.... resist....
"Okay, okay. you win. I'll play." I answered.
They all cheered, before grabbing me by the hoof and leading me toward the pinata. Ditzy was giggling at me the whole time.
Help!
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Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash watched with amusment as Mark was being lead around by the children. The girls placed a cloth over his eyes before spinning him around and placing a stick in his hooves. They laughed as they watched him wobble around, trying to find the pinata so he could hit it.
"He sure has a way with kids." Applejack said with a smile, watching Mark swinging wildly in the air, only to fall on his rump.
"The kids sure do like him." Fluttershy said, blushing as she watch Mark. Suddenly, her wings flew open, sticking straight in the air.
"Looks like they ain't the only ones!" Rainbow Dash stated, before busting up laughing at the sight.
Fluttershy gave a small Eeeep! before trying to recompose herself, pushing her wings back to her sides. Though the blush remained heavy on her face.
"Aww, lay off her Dash." Applejack said, giving her a look. "Ah'm not surprised she finds him attractive. Mark is a nice stallion, after all."
"You should talk, AJ!" Rainbow Dash said with a sly smirk. "What was with you closing your stall the other day so suddenly, just to get a chance to hang out with him?"
"Hey, mind your own business!" Applejack snapped at her. "Besides, it was lunch time and ah figured ah could use the break."
"Uhh-huh." Rainbow Dash replied, rolling her eyes unconvinced. "Face it, you both got it BAD!"
"Got what bad?" Twilight asked. Her and Rarity were now walking up to them, after having discussed the final details for the upcoming festival. "What are you girls talking about?"
"AJ and Fluttershy have a crush on Mark!" Dash proclaimed, causing the two girls to blush with embarrassment.
"Well, honestly darling, could you blame them?" Rarity asked, poofing her hair with her hoof. "He is quite a catch."
"What?" Dash asked, blown away by Rarity's words.
"Oh come on, Dash. You have to admit he is quite good looking." Rarity said, glancing over to mark playing with the kids. "He's kind, shy, brave, great with kids, and from what Twilight said, knows how to cook. A girl would be stupid to let a stallion like that slip by her."
"But that's the thing! He's not really a stallion, he a blasted alien!" Dash protested.
"He breaths and bleeds the same as us." Twilight said. "From the tests I was able to do on him, I was able to confirmed that everything about him is the same as a normal pony." She stated to her friends. Though she left out that his magic aura was quite a bit stronger then the average earth ponies. "Whatever he was, where ever he was from, he's a pony now."
Dash just puffed as she rolled her eyes as she looked off to the side.
"Besides, did you hear that speech he gave earlier? He's clearly an intelligent pony who knows how to inspire others. Just imagine what he must have been like before coming to Equestria." Twilight said with a sigh, smiling as she looked over to Mark.
"I don't believe it. You all are going all mushy over an alien!" Dash proclaimed, shocked by her friends feelings toward Mark.
"Oh, don't act like ya don't feel anything for him as well, Dash." Applejack said, giving the pegasus a look. "Ever since he's been here, ya've been acting a little funny yourself."
"Wh...what do you mean?" Dash asked surprised.
"Oh come on, sugarcube. Ever since Mark helped save us from that golem, ya've been going on and on about him. Ya may act like your jealous about it, but deep down, you're just as smitten with him as we are."
"I am not!" Dash yelled, turning her head off to the side. But her rosey cheeks told on her.
"Darling, it's alright if you are. You are a mare after all." Rarity said, trying to reasure her friend.
"Whatever guys." Dash said before using her wings to hover in the air. "I'm out of here!" And with that, she flew out of Sugarcube Corner.
"Where's Dash going?" Pinkie asked, walking over to were here friends were.
"She's just off to think about what it means to be a girl." Rarity stated.
"But why would she have to think about that? She is one." Pinkie Pie stated, causing the other girls to bust out laughing.
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... Joor meys hmph Yol zeymah tol pruzah...TAFIIR
if anyone wants to read this comment go on Skyrim dovah tounge hehe
inthe dark?| in the dark?
"You blinding the poor guy!"| blinded
There was Also Applejack| self explanatory
helped defeated| helped defeat
"Think you." Ditzy replied.| I think you meant "Thank you"
being a young single mother.| Need a coma between young and single due to both describing mother
"I won't lie, it hasn't been easy Dinky all by myself."| I'm going to assume you meant to put raising before Dinky.
Just a few of the mistakes I found along with some other capitalization mistakes in a few of the names and with solo I's.
Sorry if this makes me look like a nit picky asshole but I feel that sometime these little things can take away from the whole experience.
Meant with love, not hate,
Aerigiim
love the last part
Sweet Celestia! Thanks for the point out, Aerigrim, I didn't relize how many little things I messed.
That's what I get for trying to rush out a story without proofreading it first. I'll try to be more careful in the future. And if not, you can always tell me what I messed. Fan help is nice from time to time.
At first I thought was the type of cut you'd think
cut = Cute
"It's you're surprise patry." She stated, rolling her eyes. "Can't you tell?"
Party
"I'm no hero..." I muttered. I could my cheeks becoming hot
The word "Feel" needs placed between could and my.
but where he has been during this whole time?"
It should be "Where has he been"
[ hr ] (Without Spaces makes the line above.)
This is a good way to make Page Brakes. You can use this when changing from one thing to the next. Thus as when he was starting to dance and then you jumped forwards to when he was talking to derpy in chapter 9
"Oh come on. I bet you'll like it." Sweetie Bell said
Not a big thing. But Sweetie Belle has an "e" at the end.
Fluttershy said, blushing as she she watch Mark
One to many "She"
"What?" Dask asked
Dash
Chapter 9 edits to look into...
Thanks again for your help, PinkiePiefox. I really need to comb the chapter better before finishing it. Anyway, thank you again and I hope you read future chapters.
What it...mark sing a song Skillet - Lucy?
That gonna be cool.
My, I seem compelled to comment frequently.
Everypony fawning over the protagonist is getting a bit... wearing. While I knew after the first chapter this was going to be a self insert, I'm sincerely hoping that the depth of characters involved goes well beyond the point of wish fulfillment: I feel that when written well, every single named character in a story could have an individual chapter or story written from their viewpoint completely independent of the intended protagonist.
I'd just like to point out that being a furry does not mean having a sexual attraction to animals; that is just a stereotype created by tabloids looking for shock factor, and frankly, I'm sick of it. I'd expected better from a member of a fandom who's gone through the same treatment. The word you're looking for is zoophile.
I'm sorry if I got bitchy there, but it really strikes a chord with me on account of even my own mother constantly teases me about it, so that's made me rather sensitive, y'know?
5598369 makes sense
The garry stue is strong with this one.
5598369 The ponies are anthropomorphic, therefore, I'd be "furry". If they weren't, then it'd be zoophilia. Anthropomorphic refers to more than just shape, you know...
Vote for mark (less) stevens: make Equestria great again
4481266 That sounds like too much work
was this an intentional fallout 3 reference, or am i reading to deep into it?
I didn't see anyONE point this out but...
"Now it was the afternoon, and Twilight, Spike, & me were walking through Ponyville"
"Twilight, spike, & I" not me.