The Jack of All Trades

by Lord Zalgo

Sonic Rainboom

Phoenix bumped into Rainbow Dash when he tried to stretch his aching muscles and she was about to go back to training. Phoenix asked her what she was training for. She explained that she was preparing for the Young Fliers Competition and that she was getting further in her technique and her routine, but the Sonic Rainboom was still giving her trouble. She offered to explain what the Sonic Rainboom was, but Phoenix declined.

“Why explain it, when I know you can show me?” Phoenix replied to her offer. She looked at him wide-eyed for a moment before giving him a determined, glaring smile and shot into the sky to do her routine again, only to fail at the Sonic Rainboom. She crashed into the ground, which led Phoenix to convince her to take a break. Rainbow then remembered that Applejack had carried Phoenix back to town as he slept on her back the previous day. She asked him why, but she wasn’t expecting the answer.

“You were WHAT?!” Rainbow Dash practically screamed.

“I was nearly eaten by a hydra.” Phoenix calmly repeated.

“B- W- H- N-nearly?!” Rainbow had many questions on her mind and obviously couldn’t decide which one to ask.

“Yeah. I managed to get out after I was swallowed.” Phoenix said calmly.

“How the hell did you do that?!” Rainbow exclaimed.

“Its throat was fairly narrow, so I managed to stop my fall by digging my hooves into the walls of its oesophagus. Then I climbed, but I knew that I wouldn’t be able to get past its mouth on my own. So, I climbed into its trachea and dug my hooves in just like with the oesophagus. Obviously, its body reacted by trying to remove the blockage. Have you ever eaten something that went down the wrong hole?” Phoenix began to explain but stopped at the question. Rainbow thought for a moment before her eyes lit up.

“You made it cough!” Rainbow said, proud of her deduction.

“Bingo. Luckily for me, though, its cough flung in the direction of the girls.” Phoenix finished with a smile. Rainbow just sat there with a proud and awestruck smile.

“You’re officially awesome. You reached ‘radical’ when you shot Nightmare Moon, but now you’re just awesome.” Rainbow said. Phoenix smiled and thanked her. A moment later, Fluttershy arrived to accompany Rainbow up to Cloudsdale. They waved goodbye to Phoenix and flew up to the city in the sky. Phoenix stood for a while before he noticed the girls walking towards a large purple balloon, however Rarity had large translucent butterfly-like wings.

“...Okay.” Phoenix said as he walked to them. When he arrived, Twilight hoofed the owner ten bits and turned towards the girls and noticed Phoenix reaching them.

“Phoenix? What are you doing here? You should be resting!” Twilight said worriedly.

“Oh, come on. You get swallowed whole by a giant four-headed creature and everypony gets incredibly protective.” Phoenix chuckled at his sarcastic comment. The girls all looked at him seriously.

“Yes.” Twilight said.

“Yes.” Rarity said.

“Yep.” Applejack said.

“Are you Batmane?” Pinkie Pie asked. Everypony looked at Pinkie Pie in confusion as she continued to watch Phoenix very seriously.

“No, Pinkie. I’m not Batmane.” Phoenix replied.

“That’s what Batmane WOULD SAY!!” Pinkie yelled. Nopony replied. Phoenix simply turned back to Twilight.

“So, considering you’re hiring a hot air balloon, I assume you’re either going for a calm flight or going to see the Young Fliers Competition.” Phoenix said.

“Yeah, we’re goin’ to cheer Rainbow on at the competition.” Applejack answered.

“How do you plan on hanging around Cloudsdale? Is it something to do with Rarity’s new appendages?” Phoenix asked.

“Yeah. But, that spell really takes it out of me. So I cast a cloud-walking spell on the rest of us.” Twilight explained.

“Are you going to do it to me too?” Phoenix asked.

“What? No! You need to stay here and recover.” Twilight said.

“Come on, Twilight. I’m fine.” Phoenix said. Twilight sighed before her horn began to glow and cast the spell on Phoenix. They all climbed into the balloon and released the weights, allowing it to rise from the ground. A few minutes into the flight, Cloudsdale was in their sights. The girls stared in awe at the beauty of the floating city.

While Phoenix was curled up in a ball, trying not to think about how high up they were.

“You doin’ okay down there, Phoenix?” Applejack asked teasingly. Phoenix created letters made out of magic that spelled ‘Fuck you’ in front of Applejack’s face. The balloon emerged through the cloud floor of Cloudsdale and funnily enough, in front of Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy.

“This is so cool! You guys made it!” Rainbow said happily.

“Sure did!” Pinkie said happily as she jumped out of the balloon basket. Rainbow screamed for her to wait, but Pinkie landed on the cloud floor as if it were like any other solid surface.

“How'd you do that? Only Pegasus ponies can walk on clouds.” Rainbow said curiously.

“Haha! Pretty cool, huh?” Pinkie said, admiring her new temporary ability.

“I found a spell that makes temporary wings, but it was too difficult to do more than once. So I found an easier spell that lets the rest of us walk on clouds.” Twilight explained as everypony else left the basket.

“And we came to cheer you to victory!” Applejack said confidently.

“Yes, although, I almost wasn’t here.” Phoenix sent a playful scowl to Twilight, which she returned with more malice.

“To be honest, I was starting to get just the teeniest, tiniest bit nervous. But I feel a LOT better now that you guys are here. Hey, we've got some time before the competition. Why don't Fluttershy and I show you around Cloudsdale?” Rainbow said to which everypony agreed. Rainbow then led everypony through the weather factories. Phoenix knew that Cloudsdale’s greatest responsibilities was weather stability.

‘How, I must ask, are they up to the task?’ Phoenix thought to himself, but didn’t have to wait, because Rainbow was fairly extensive and informative. However, the tour was interrupted by three stallions walking up to Rainbow and began to tease her.

“Hey. Leave her be.” Phoenix said to the bullies. They turned and towered over Phoenix.

“Why? What’re you gonna do about it?” Dumb-Bell said as he shoved Phoenix, causing him to stumble slightly.

“I’ll reveal one of your deepest secrets.” Phoenix said and completely analysed their reactions. He saw from their reactions, that they were seemingly trying to physically hide it inside. He knew what to say next.

“Please, you don’t know our secrets!” Dumb-Bell said as he shoved Phoenix again. Phoenix cleared his throat.

“You have a very big crush on Rainbow Dash and you two are closet homosexuals.” Phoenix said as he pointed to Hoops and then to Dumb-Bell and Score. Their faces grew bright red, letting Phoenix know that he was right and everypony else know that they couldn’t lie their way out of it. The bullies saw everypony looking at them and they quickly walked away. The tour then continued until they saw everypony awing at Rarity’s wings and telling her that she should compete in the Young Fliers Competition. Which she said she would.

Rainbow took it well.

By having a panic attack. Time seemed to fly until the Competition was upon them. Fluttershy led Phoenix and the girls to the stands in the Cloudeseum to overlook the competition while Rainbow and Rarity were preparing. One after another, pegasi performed their routines, wowing the crowds. However, the competition was beginning to draw to a close, but neither Rainbow nor Rarity had performed.

“I loved number seven. Doing fifteen barrel-rolls in a row can't be easy.” Twilight complimented.

“Actually, Twilight, those weren’t barrel rolls. When a pegasus spins their body in place, it's call an aileron roll.” Phoenix corrected.

“Can’t let you do that, Phoenix.” Pinkie said somewhat antagonistically.

“Do what?” Phoenix replied.

“Ruin the joke I was going to make.” Pinkie said.

“My favorite is number ten. She just looked like such a nice pony.” Fluttershy said in an attempt to keep the nicer conversation going.

“Hmm.. Wonder how come we haven't seen Rainbow Dash or Rarity yet. The competition's almost over.” Applejack said curiously.

“You know Applejack, I was just thinking the same thing.” Phoenix replied.

“And now, for our final competitor of the day, contestant number fifteen! Uhh... And apparently contestant number four...” The commentator said through the speaker system and the crowd cheered. Rainbow and Rarity seemed to be doing two different routines, but Rainbow was blundering through hers with slip-up after slip-up. Suddenly, Rarity shot into the sky and yelled something to the crowd, but her wing spontaneously combusted and left no trace.

“Oh no! Her wings evaporated into thin air!” Twilight exclaimed.

“She must have flown too close to the sun!” Phoenix said in the same tone. Rarity began to plummet back towards the stadium, causing the Wonderbolts to attempted to save her, but were incapacitated by Rarity’s flailing limbs. Rainbow noticed the four ponies heading towards the ground and sped towards them. As she flew, a mach cone began to form around Rainbow’s body until...

BOOM!!!!

“A Sonic Rainboom! She did it! She did it! WOOO!” Fluttershy screamed in excitement as she jumped up and down. Phoenix, Twilight, Pinkie and Applejack were in stunned silence as the watch the explosion of colour. Phoenix watched as the powerful sonic boom shattered the visible light spectrum. Rainbow continued to race towards Rarity and the Wonderbolts and caught them before they reached the ground, flew over the stadium and leaving a rainbow trail in her wake.

After Phoenix and Twilight took Rarity back to the balloon, Phoenix noticed Rainbow talking to Hoops in the distance. He decided to listen in, but remain out of sight.

“So... yeah. Sorry, Hoops, but... I... I just don’t feel that way about you. I’m sorry.” Rainbow said guiltily. Hoops looked like he was ready to cry, but simply inhaled deeply.

“I knew for a while that was the way it was. I wanna say that I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you. I was wrong.” Hoops said trying to hold back his emotions.

“Thank you. I forgive you. I’m just... so sorry.” Rainbow said.

“Hey, at least now I have a definite answer. I can move on, now... It’ll just take me a while.” Hoops said as a tear escaped his eye. Rainbow noticed and wrapped her forelegs around his neck and hugged him. She immediately felt his heartbeat increase in his chest as he slowly reciprocated the action. Phoenix watched with pity for the stallion and wondered what he was feeling. That stallion had the mare of his dreams in his forelegs, but knew he couldn't have her. When they released each other, Hoops had tears streaming down his face his simply walked away without a word. Rainbow raised a hoof in a vain attempt to stop him, but also remained silent. Phoenix walked up to her.

“You’ve given him a chance to move on, Rainbow. You’ve done the right thing.” Phoenix said softly. Rainbow turned to him with watery eyes.

“Then, why do I feel so crappy?” She asked sulkily. Phoenix wrapped one foreleg around her and they began to walk back to the balloon.

“Come on, Rainbow, cheer up.” Phoenix said to comfort her.

“It’ll be nice to see how Rarity’s doing, but I don’t think anything’s gonna cheer me up today.” Rainbow replied.

Comments

[blackjack5]

My god... You made a reference to death battle..... Yes!!

p.s. Love the story a ton also.

[Midnight_Hellfire]

‘How, I must ask, are they up to the task?’ Phoenix thought to himself, but didn’t have to wait, because Rainbow was fairly extensive and informative. However, the tour was interrupted by three stallions walking up to Rainbow and began to tease her.