Chapter 3: An Old Enemy
Spike and Twighlit had been walking around PonyVille for at least 5 minutes when they came across a house, mostly intact and borded up. They stood, wondering who or what has taken refuge in the house. Twilight went up to the door with Spike keeping guard and inspected it. Upon closer inspection, she saw that it was locked by a double bolted lock, and was borded up with 2X4 planks, probably oak or Mahogany. They snuck around the back and, to their surprise, the gate was open. They opened the gate, barely making a peep, and crept through the small garden. It had a slide and swingset, which were worn, rusty and bent in various ways.
while looking around, Spike spotted that the door had no lock. Lucky son of a.... anywho.... Twilight inspected the scene if it was clear, and it was. So they entered the home, still very quietly. They wouldn't dare split up, just in case they run into someone or something hostile. Twilight peered through a small hole, amout the same size as her head, in the kitchen wall to see if the coast was clear. She almost gasped at what she saw, but quickly shove a hoof in her mouth. She saw a bluish pony, slumped on a chair in the kitchen.
It was Trixie.
"Spike... do you see this?" Twilight whispered quietly.
"Yeah, I do... what should we do?"
"I say we... well... actually is she sleeping?"
They both inspected her. She was slumped slightly sideways and was snoring.
"Yep. She's sleeping. What should we do then?" Spike muttered, trying not to wake the 'Great and Powerful One'.
"Kill her...." As soon as those words came from her mouth, Spike gasped. But was quickly interuppted by Twilight's hoof being shoved into his mouth.
as soon as she removed the hoof, he said. "Why!? Why should we kill her?!"Spike shout - whispered.
"Look. She caused me alot of pain. She is a no good brat. She is...uhhg. I cant even explain it. She must go. Forever."
"*sigh* well. Ok then. But make it quick, please?"
"I will Spike. " she replied
Twilight grabbed a shard of glass nearby and carefully approached the sleeping beauty. She could indead see that it was Trixie. She had a weird metal thing on the table, that looked rather sharp (Kitchen Knife) and a bag of human food (Crisps). Twilight looked at the knife for a moment and picked it up and put the shard of glass down on the table. She raised the knife just above her neck.
"Bye Bye Trixie!" She shouted, awakening her. She had no time to react when Twilight plunged the knife into her neck. The blood came squirting out as Trixie struggled, tears flowing. Twilight held on strong as she plunged the knife in yet again.
"*gasp* please *gasp* no*gasp*" she managed to say weakly before falling to the ground in a pool of her own blood. Dead.
Twilight was covered in blood. Head to hoof. She stood on hind legs, panting heavily and knife in hoof, which was now a crimson red.
Spike was literally sick, yet again, on the floor next to him.
"We need to get a move mon Twi. " Spike said.
"Yeah. Ok. Right. Lets go, then."
the two new survivors wondered from the house back into the Equestrian Wastes. Headed to their next location.
And just as I said before...
Friendship. Friendship Never Changes....
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Dude. It's been done.
This is Australia...
You might want to change the title, since there's already a very popular series by this name.
Just saying.
I refuse to believe that you managed to rip-off the title of possibly the most popular MLP fanfic of all time and not realise it.
I don't recall seeing too many ripoffs of other ripoffs before. Huh. Seems like that would somehow cancel things out in a paradoxical manner.
Regardless, you might wanna change that title as well. I see you're already catching some flak and that negative reception is only going to get worse and worse as this goes on.
Well... I do have to say...
DID THE GRAMMAR JUST GET WORSE IN THIS CHAPTER COMPARED TO THE PREVIOUS ONE!?
th03.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/042/a/9/oh_come_on__by_ohitison-d4paleq.png
I can't take it. I, I just can't take it
uh... change the title... like, now. Fallout: Equestria is taken and it's guaranteed to be better than this because of how downright fucking amazing the ACTUAL Fallout: Equestria is. I don't care how much you want to keep the title, it's taken and it's taken by a REALLY REALLY REALLY popular story, so just deal with the fact that you need to change it and fucking change it. I hate to be like this, but Fallout: Equestria (the REAL one) is a fucking masterpiece, so just change this one's title to something else that doesn't have Fallout: Equestria in the name.
Please change the title of this story. The name "Fallout: Equestria" is only used when the story takes place in the existing Fallout: Equestria universe.
You're going to constantly receive downvotes as long as you keep the title, no matter what the quality of the story is.
I call trollfic
3956067
I just reported the story. There is no possible way he cannot know about the original Fallout Equestria. To try and claim otherwise is a load of shit the size of New York.
3956626 It's not unthinkable at all. It's unlikely, sure, but absolutely possible. If you haven't been an active member of the fan community for a while, you can easily not know about a fanfic from 2011.
The name "Fallout: Equestria" itself is also very easy to come up with. It's based directly on the "Fallout: [Location]" naming pattern from the game series ("Fallout: New Vegas").
I'm, like, 90% sure that the author knows of FO:E and named this fic deliberately, but I'd rather be amicable in case I'm wrong.
3956701
Given the attention the fic got outside of the fanfic community, I find that hard to believe. Songs, animations, artwork... It just isn't that feasible to not be aware of it peripherally.
I've down voted this fic...I'm actually saying this because not only is it using the name of a pre-exsisting story, but because its so badly written, characters acting out of character, and presented in a bad way (line breaks man; LINE BREAKS! No massive one-paragraph layouts).
As for stories with the same title, before presenting anything a quick search of the sight for the same name. It's just polite. Back in college I was creating a comic for an independent art study and wanted to use a particular title for my comic. Turns out someone else was already using it, so I changed it.
Well to play Devil's Advocate, the dude's only been a member for like a month, and who knows? Maybe he never explored MLP Fanfiction before then.
I know a lot of bronies who don't know about popular stories, except for infamous ones like Cupcakes.
A few things to note.
1. I changed the title.
2. I had NO Idea that there was a popular 'Fallout: Equestria'
3. Im not a brony nor pegasister.
4. Sorry for grammar problems
5. I may have access to a PC Soon.
6. Dont go hating too much
7. Ive only been here for a month
8.im new to MLP. It was introduced to me by a friend on December.
9. Sorry for any inconvenience and damage to brain cells while reading my stories.
~Bilbo Swaggins
While I appreciate the fact that you did not ignore the requests (or demands, should I say) to change the name of the story, it might be better if you were to take out the "Equestria" and just call it "Fallout: Equestrian Wastes." That way it can be very distinguished from the original Fallout: Equestria series and it's many spinoffs.
Changed the name YET again.