Spike awoke to the sound of frantic hoof beats. It took a moment for him to wake up enough to take in the scene before him: Twilight was rushing all around her room, grabbing one item after another and stuffing them into a brown satchel. As Spike watched her rush around the room something struck him. All of the things she was placing into the bag were his things. For the briefest of moments, Spike flashed back to the evil door in the crystal kingdom and the horrible vision he experienced. The young dragon shook his head, trying to clear the terrifying memory from his mind. He rose from his basket with a stretch and approached Twilight.
"Twilight, what are you doing? It's the middle of the night... What's going on?" He let out a long yawn.
Twilight stopped dead her tracks. "Spike! We don't have much time. Let me finish packing this."
Spike watched as a magenta glow encased his pillow and blanket and stuffed them to into the bag. Twilight set the satchel on her desk and turned to Spike. She place her forelegs on his shoulders and set him with a look that sent a fearful chill down his spine.
"Spike, I don't know any other way to say this, but please don't be afraid. Spike... I'm sending you away, somewhere in the mountains. At least there you won't have much trouble finding food and shelter."
Spike's eyes immediately started to tear up. He shook his head and looked Twilight in the eyes. "W-why? Did I d-do something wrong Twilight? If I did I'm s-sorry, I swear I-I'll try harder. Please don't make me leave."
Twilight couldn't help but begin to break down into tears herself. She knew this was coming. She just thought she'd be more prepared. She took his small face in her hooves.
"Shhhh, hush now. You didn't do anything wrong, Spike. You are the best little dragon anyone could ever hope to have. I love you so much, and there is nothing you could ever do that would make me send you away."
Spike was now openly sobbing into Twilight's chest. It was all he could manage to choke out his words.
"T-then w-why, Twilight? I-I don't wanna go. I-I want to stay here with you and all of our friends." He buried his face into her coat again, crying his little heart out.
"It's for your own safety, Spike, I swear. You need to stay as far away from Equestria as you can. It won't be safe here." Twilight punctuated her explanation by placing a soft kiss on the baby dragon's forehead. "If I thought I could keep you here without putting you in mortal danger, I would never have even considered this."
In the distance avian screeches could be heard, and soon after the screams and cries of ponies mingled into the chilling chorus.
Twilight knew their time was almost up, and she quickly grabbed the satchel she had packed and slung it over Spike's head. Her voice was terrified and frantic as she lifted the small dragon's head one last time.
"Okay, Spike, it's time. Don't ever forget how much I love you. Please forgive me for this... I just don't know what I would do if something happened to you. You are a brave, strong, smart little dragon. Survive, Spike, for me, for all of us. I love you so much, my son."
Twilight's horn began to glow a blindingly bright whitish magenta, and Spike could feel the magic enveloping his body. Everything was happening so fast he honestly couldn't process it all. All Spike could do was squeeze his eyes shut tight and hug the lavender unicorn as hard as he could, enjoying the warmth as long as possible, and utter one simple phrase:
"I love you too, mother." A final tear slid off his scaly cheek and splashed onto the floor.
The world suddenly went white, and Spike felt the rush of magic flow through him as he was teleported. Not a moment after the young dragon vanished from the room, the door slammed open and a group of five armor-clad griffons rushed in. Twilight quickly found herself surrounded, and she slowly lowered herself to the floor and placed her hooves on her head. The only thoughts running through her head were of Spike. She hoped beyond hope that she had placed him somewhere safe. As she was lifted off the ground, and the last of their tears seeped into her coat, she sent out a silent prayer to any god who would listen that her son be protected in the harsh world she had no choice but to throw him into.
As the world came back into focus, Spike was a bit disorientated, but he realized he was in a mountainous location. It looked nothing like the areas he usually visited with Rarity when they went looking for gems, though. The terrain was anything but level, and his feet felt out of place against the chilled ground.
He was also quickly becoming aware of the heavy rain drenching his bag and body, and the brutal winds that threatened to blow him across the rocky terrain. Spike's previously crippling grief was almost at once overcome by the situation he now found himself in. As he struggled to his feet, he had to brace himself against the howling wind to not be lifted from the ground. He raised a claw to his face to try and block some of the torrential downpour. How could this be happening? One second he was sleeping happy and warm in his basket, and in the next ten minutes the one pony who meant the more to him than anything in the world had flung him through the fabric of space onto a mountain and into the middle of a hurricane.
Spike struggled to put one foot in front of the other as he began a slow trek forward, no destination in mind. How could Twilight do this to him? He had to shield his eyes as another gust of wind crashed against him, pelting his face and body with all manner of rock and foliage. He could barely muster the strength or attention to protect himself from the storm. Nothing currently happening around him could tear him away from the one soul-crushing thought playing over and over in his head.
"I'm alone"
Never before had he ever really been alone. There had always been someone around, whether it was Twilight or the Princess or even just a palace guard. Spike's chest tightened as he thought of Twilight. As much as he wanted to hate her, to curse her for this situation, he simply couldn't. She was the first thing his newly hatched eyes had seen, and sure, she hadn't always been the perfect guardian, but she had done her best to raise him since.
Spike snapped out of his reverie as lightning split the sky and thunder immediately boomed overhead. The storm was only getting worse, and it was directly over him. He braced himself against the wind and trudged forward, digging his heels in with every step to stay grounded. Another crack of lightning illuminated the mountainside, revealing a cave just a few more meters ahead of him. Every step was a struggle for him, and every blast of wind slammed more debris against his body, but he slowly pushed toward the cave. Just then, a larger rock connected directly with his face, causing him to stagger and almost lose his footing. The metallic taste of blood spread through his mouth as Spike neared the entrance to the cave. He couldn't be sure what might dwell inside, but he was willing to risk meeting it if it got him out of this storm.
As Spike entered the pitch black cave, he let out a tiny breath of fire to illuminate the area. As far as he could see the cave was uninhabited. The young dragon collapsed onto the floor of the cave with a heavy sigh, partly out of relief for finding shelter from the raging storm and partly from the emotional toll the night had taken on him. As he lay there, battered and exhausted from the ordeal, his thoughts drifted back once again to Ponyville and all of the faces he might never see again. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, his childhood crush Rarity, and Twilight... he could see all of their faces cast against the blackness of the cave, and for the second time that night he could feel his throat tighten up and his eyes begin to burn.
He cried for all of them, for every friend he may never see again, for every day he wouldn't get to spend in Ponyville, and most of all he cried for the loss of the one pony who meant the most to him. The sounds of the raging storm and his own quiet sobbing were the only lullaby Spike would have that night. He didn't even bother to take his pillow and blanket out of his soaked pack. As he felt himself starting to drift off, he tried as hard as his could to picture Twilight's face one last time, but he saw only a blurry image of the mare who raised him as the sweet blackness of sleep overcame him.
Spike awoke with a jump after a particularly bad nightmare. He made an attempt to call out to Twilight so he could tell her all about the horrible dream he had, in which she forced him to leave Ponyville, and he had to trek through a storm all night and sleep in a cold dark cave. He stopped when opening his mouth made his face throb, and the pain brought reality crashing down on him. He was still in that cold dark cave. He felt his wet satchel against his back and shivered, gently pulling it off and realizing his whole body ached.
He noticed that now the cave wasn't completely pitch black. A small amount of light was pouring in from outside. When Spike gingerly walked to the entrance of the cave he saw dawn starting to break the midnight sky. The ominous clouds of the storm had started to dissipate into wisps and he was treated to a beautiful magenta sky flecked with fading stars.
The sight, while beautiful, caused Spike's breath to catch in his throat. The sky reminded him so much of Twilight. He still could not understand why she had sent him away. If she had just given him some reason instead of being so vague maybe he wouldn't be so hurt. For a moment he felt the fire of anger burn in his chest, but he quickly smothered the flame. The look on Twilight's face was proof enough that what she did, she did as a last resort. He couldn't be mad at her for wanting to protect him.
Spike felt like he could sit there in the frigid cave, wallowing in his misery until the day he died, until one small phrase sparked another recent memory to come rushing to the forefront of his mind.
"Survive, Spike, for me, for all of us." Twilight's voice echoed in his mind.
With a deep breath and a wipe to his eyes, Spike looked toward the horizon. He felt an ember ignite in his heart as he looked up at the sky. He would survive, and he would find out what happened to Equestria and to all of his friends. He swore that dawning day that he wouldn't allow himself to die until he saw Twilight Sparkle again.
He's going to die.
Seeing as how the chapter is called "prologue," not everything is meant to be explained in one go. Nonetheless, I remain a bit lost. While there were a few show references strewn in here and there to help orient me with around when this would take place in the original universe, the lack of descriptions had me imagine a mostly white space or an empty stage for Spike and Twilight to be. I understood where you'd most likely be placing them, but...yeah.
There's definitely exposition: telling the reader what's going on, and mostly Twilight-driven dialogue that's supposed to set the intrigue, pushing the scene along toward what will be chapter one. But despite what is obviously supposed to be a frenetic, confusing situation for Spike, it would have served you well to ground the reader in the scene prior to Spike being transported just as you did (for the most part) after the teleportation.
One such example would be the narration telling the reader that Spike shouted out Twilight's name. It would have been more emotionally gripping to spend the time to do that scene so we can connect to his distress, rather than rely on preconceived empathy from the show or other stories/fanworks. Poignantly having Spike and Twilight call each other "mother" and "son" respectfully, just moments before they're separated does not necessarily make a sympathetic scene, either.
To me there was a lot more effort put in after the line break than before it. There's more internalization on Spike's part, whereas before the line break the attention switches between Spike and Twilight somewhat, muddling what the perspective is supposed to be and robbing the momentum of its drive. In other words, the anxiety of Spike being sent away without so much as an explanation is sort of sapped by you not focusing entirely from Spike's point of view (I don't mean to make it 1st POV, by the by).
There are grammar mistakes which a look-through or two can fix easily enough. The overuse of semi-colons was a bit harder to stomach, though. I wish you all the luck in world building!
Based on the JoJo-rrific picture this is supposed to be "anthro" as well? Otherwise that's just false advertising.
3733830
Wow, the story is about him and he's going to die- not even in the first chapter, but the prologue, this ain't Game of Thrones bud.... But if he did that would be the twist-iest plot twist the world would have ever seen... Ever. So while I don't confer with your cynicism, that shit would have been mind blowing to see anyway.
3733841 The first half was a bit of an experiment on my part with pacing, I couldn't work out a way of doing it I felt 100% ok with so I settle for what my gut didn't immediately hate. You make a lot of good points sir and I will take them all into consideration as I push forward on this little (it's actually huge) project. I'll let my editor know about the grammar mistakes, she edited this in about an hour while holiday so I wasn't expecting it to be perfect.
The world building is actually taking up most of my writing at this point. I have very little in the way of character to character interaction written but I have over 40k words of world building for the Griffons and Occupied Equestria. Many notes will be gone over during this course of writing this fic.
As far as the cover art and the anthro tag, I feel like that image is simply what spike would look like as a young dragon so I don't feel the need for an anthro tag. Plus I just think ss2sonic does amazing Spike art.
Excited to see you post this, man. Can't wait for more of this sure to be kickass story
3735433 Don't you even start with me Idylia.
Who the hell put this in every goddamn folder?
3736046 I'm not entirely sure what you mean.
Dude, Wtf? I didnt even read the first part and you say That Twilight is his mother?
Goddamnit! Lauren Faust said herself that CELESTIA took care of her not Twilight!
I really hope you edit that.
3736063
Someone put this in every folder.
3736066 it is labeled alt uni man.
3736087
It has every tag but alt uni and anthro.
Well that what is says at my comp
3736087
Im gonna go and restart and check what's up.
3736101 then we are seeing very different tags
This is adventure alt uni and nothing else
3736120
Oh shit, now am seeing it too.
The fuck happend with the thags?
3736225 No idea man, sorry you got confused, I hope it didn't ruin the story for you.
3733830 I just finished your most recent chapter of malideas and I come to this story to find your reading and not finishing the next chapter which you said you said that you would finish today... for shame... for shame.
3734043 I'm gonna let this story get a few more chapters until I dig in. Good luck dude
I'll give it a hesitant favorite. It does have some promise. Typewriter highlighted most of my worries already, so I won't go into much other than this is going to be a very character-driven story. If you intend for him to go the route of Samurai Jack and learn form the world's masters, remember it's going to be character driven more than anything else. Spike's own internal struggles, from the heartbreak of being sent away to the looming sense that he may never see his friends again, will all take their toll in some respect. You're going to need some pretty ninja moves for this one.
I like it,write more!
3737250 Well I'll do the best I can to take you from hesitant favorite to just plain favorite .
I plan to split the narrative between 3 different story driving characters which will hopefully at some point (If I do indeed have ninja moves) all come together in a big 3rd act. This is the first fic of this scale I've ever tried to write so I'm in the same boat I think some of you other hesitant readers are. Just grab on tight and lets see where this story takes us.
Most certainly liked it... big fat tearjerker already...
3737658 Glad you enjoyed it! Expect to experience a wide range of emotions before this train reaches it's final destination.
color me interested
all of my yeses a first for me and.. rainbow and applejack aren't the type to let an invasion go as planed without fighting...are they still alive? but a like and fav from me
3738983 You'll just have to wait and see!
Well... You got my attention
3739120 i cant!
but what kinda updater are you? just wondering
3740704 I'm currently I'd say 1/4th of the way done with the next chapter. I'm currently working on notes for the over all world building in addition to writing the chapters for you good people. Chapter 1 should be up in the next day or so.
3740714 excellent
This seems a little like my story, except mine is quite a bit detached in comparison.
I like it though.
3740872 ohhhh I'll def give your story a read through at some point than. I love any form of fiction where Spike and dragons in general get more love.
I haven't gotten to him yet, but when I do, I'll be spending a very long time on them.
3740911
3740919 Ah, I look forward to it! How if you'll excuse me I have to go write about Spike having a moral dilemma.
3740957 HELL YEAH! In return you get the song that inspired this entire story.
3741038 Best. Night. Ever.
3741042 Your life goal, Achieved!
3741073 My life goal is getting the some 100k+ words this fic will be out so all of you amazing people can enjoy it! I seriously never expected this fic to get more than like 10 views but now that I know I've got amazing people wanting more I'm even more pumped to keep writing.
Spike getting stronger and returning to rescue his friends? I suddenly have a strong desire to see Spike become something like Eva 13:
wiki.evageeks.org/images/4/43/Eva3-33_C1419_comp.jpg
3741878 Stick around then my friend. You might just get to see something like that.
Okay. From what I can gather, Equestria has been taken over by avian creatures (more than likely Griffons). Just before she was caught, she packed up Spike's belongings and teleported him away from there just before she was captured. Poor Spike. So, how long of a time skip are you going to do or are you going to show Spike growing up in the wild? I also hope the Mane Six survives that long. At least Twilight.
*Siniff*
Do you smell it?
*Siniff*
It's a smelly smell...
*Siniff*
A smelly smell that smells...
*Siniff*
...kinda smelly.
*Siniff*
I SMELL POTENTIAL!
*Clicks Like and favorite*
3746694 The description kind of you know... says Griffons
As far as time skips go I do plan to have one and it will be quite the skip but if I attempted to write out the entire time span everyone would lose interest. I won't say much about the mane 6 but we may or may not be seeing some of the story from Twi's perspective.
3733956 shout out to Apple.mov in that prof pic
I'll definitely be adding this to my faves list. I need to know the story and lore for this.
SUNLIGHT FRIENDSHIP OVERDRIIIIIVUUUUUH (gonna read it)
edit, after reading-
alright, has some promise and I love stories that center in spike and or gryphons (at least as a side in a war, it's ok). I'm very glad that the spike-jojo image attracted me.
good luck with the story
3733830 Says the guy who sends a hater on a random murder spree that dosen't make any sense :P
Mentally changing "my son" to Spike...
...and also adding a comma before that.
Mentally changing "mother" to Twilight.
It's not you, Madness. It's just that I tend to think of Twilight and Spike as more brother and sister than mother and son. Also, Celestia raised Spike, according to [url=tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/WordOfGod]Word of God, so if anyone would be his 'mother,' it would be her.
Also, the comments section in this chapter is larger than the story itself. I'm sorry, but WHAAT??!!
3754887 You can do whatever you like man if it makes the story more readable for you but I will continue to have them refer to each other as mother and son. As far as what canon says about who raised Spike, that is why I slapped the Alt Universe tag on this bad boy, gives me free reign to do anything I want the way I wanna do it.