Anon in Equestria

by Bastinator

Chapter 1: Introduction

It’s been a long while since you’ve just walked. Walking to college or your job was one thing, but now, you can just relax. And that’s exactly what you do, relax. Walking through the park at night was one of the few things you could truly enjoy. The gentle rhythm of your shoe hitting concrete, coupled with some light crickets chirping away is simply intoxicating. Your close your eyes, wishing this peace could last forever. If only you’d known…

Now, silence… You snap open your eyes, the lack of sound breaking your hypnotic trance. You look around, scanning for what caused this sudden intrusion of your peace. The trees seem to have become denser as your walk continued. What was a clean cut path has now become far more of a natural forest. Diverting your gaze to the floor the ground itself has also changed. You remember the concrete floor being a part of your walk, but instead it was replaced by the soft dirt.

It’s all good Anon. You just went off the path a bit is all. You can just turn around an- Down the path, covered in shadow, you barely make out the silhouette of a wolf. “Fuck.”

Terror. Sheer mother of god Terror. The one creature you thought you’d never meet and here it is. If you hadn’t gone to the bathroom before this you know you would’ve pissed yourself. Fuck it’s coming closer. Think dammit think. Bing! God that took long enough.
You reach into your pocket, pull out your spring assisted knife and flip it open.

That’s right you stupid wolf, you may get me, but I’ll get the fuck out of you. Wait, wolves? Your mind begins to chug again. Wolves, you think to yourself, dogs, large, predators, packs, wil- Pack. A growl from some nearby bushes catches you off-guard. ”Clever girl”

And you’re running, howls and snarls echoing from your rear. All you wanted was a damn walk, but Nooooo. You take a quick peak behind you, trying to grasp the severity of the situation. Not ten feet behind you are four wolves, eager to make you their next meal. NOPE!

Setting your fucks given meter to max, you start sprinting like Forrest Fucking Gump. You reach the end of the forest, but like hell you’re stopping there. You can make out a town on the distance, it isn’t yours, but when there are wolves trying to gnaw on your face you think you can make an exception.

Upon reaching the town, you reassess the situation. Wolves? Gone. Jimmies? Rustled. Town? Empty. After all this, you can’t think of anything better then getting that bit of relaxation you wanted. Being a coward, you decide it’d be best not to wake the town’s inhabitants. After a few minutes of searching you find a comfortable looking alley, well as comfortable as you can get. Compiling a small bed out of various items, you lie down and sleep.

Oh damn the light, it burns! Shielding your eyes you get up. This is what it must feel like to be a hobo. You can hear voices coming from the town square. At least you can finally get some help. You’re almost at the entrance of the alleyway, when you see all the commotion. Ponies. Ponies everywhere. Is this some kind of farm community? Whatever, you’ve talked to enough farmers to know how to act.

”Five bits is an outrage! I’ll pay no more than three.” Did that pony just…? Bitch Mode: Dumpster Diver Activate!

Talking ponies. Talking. Ponies. It’s by far not the weirdest thing you’ve heard about, carrot astronauts still takes that prize, but this can’t can real. You’re just delusional. Yeah, that’s it. This is just a figment of your imagination, but… It can’t hurt to check right? Bringing your fingers to your arm, you take a little pinch. Oww. “Double Fuck.”

Why? Why did this shit happen to you? Go for a walk and end up in Ponyville. Heh, clever name that. Peeking over the dumpster, the town square is pretty busy and doesn’t look like it’ll slow down any time soon. You gotta get out of this alley. No one may know where you are now, but you aren’t going to take the chance that they won’t. What help are you going to find in a dumpster? It’s not like they drop invisibility cloaks. Come on brain, get me out of here. Thump and darkness. Why is it always…? A cardboard box? A grin slowly grows across your face. Luck is on your side today my friend.

Slipping out of the dumpster, it’s time to enact your master plan. You slip the box over your body, tearing out a small hole to see through. Working your way around the ponies isn’t easy, but you’ve go it down. Just a little more and you’re home fr- ”What in tarnation?”

Oh god the light again. Silence. Every p0ny is looking directly at you. Anon, you’ve been spotted. ”The horror! The horror!” Time to run.

Almost out of town. Anyone else hear that screechin- Bam, on your back again. A cyan blur slowly approaches you. ”No one’s faster then-“ Tackle and run. Tackle and- God dammit rope! Who uses rope anymore? You writhe around on the ground a bit, multiple ponies approaching you. ”Quick thinking there AJ”

”All in a days work Rainbow.”

Bam, hoof in the face. “That’s for tackling me you bucking idiot.” Oh god your head. Consciousness.exe has had an unexpected problem. Restarting. Mission Failure.

Consciousness.exe has finished resolved the issue. Running. You awaken to complete darkness. Great, come to a town of talking ponies and you get locked in a basement. Just your luck. You notice a soft glow emanating from the floor. Is that- a rune? You take a step back, observing the layout of this device. It appears to be circular which means that you’re about to…

Electricity courses through your body, granting the room a purple hue. The pain is indescribable. They do this shit to criminals? Soon the current ends, allowing your body to plummet face first onto the stone floor. Fucking Enchantments. You can almost hear Sandal giggling to himself at your despair.

So you rest, not like there’s anything else you can do. Being surrounded by a magical fence of electricity made sure of that. You hear some voices coming from what you think are stairs. Let me guess, it’s time to play 20 Questions.The door bursts open, light pouring through the frame. God damn that light. You should have spent more time outside during the day.You vaguely make out the outline of several ponies, maybe six in total. A few more seconds and your eyes will finally adjust. More fucking light? Why can’t you get a break?

“So this is the thing that attacked you Rainbow Dash?”

”Sure is, pretty fast for only two legs.” A compliment? These ponies are pretty fast to forgive and forget.

Your eyes, finally adjusted, can make out your not so gracious hosts. Six in total, all of various colors and features. You’ve got two “regular” ponies, one pink and visibly bursting with energy, and another orange wearing a cowboy hat. The orange one is probably the one who got you with that stupid rope. There are another two ponies, but with a horn on their heads? Unicorns, at this point you’re more surprised at the fact they can talk then how they’re mystical creatures. One is purple and you have a hunch that she’s the leader, pretty bright too. The other is milky white with a purple mane; you find it hard to describe her with anything other than majestic. Probably a stuck up bitch though, another hunch you have.

The last two are attract more attention, both featuring a pair of wings. Pegasuses? Pegasi, that sounds right. One is yellow with a pink mane, very skittish though, she reminds you of yourself at one point. The other is cyan and boasts a rainbow colored mane, kids these days and their crazy antics. You at least know her name, Rainbow Dash. Fuck Anon, pay attention to what they’re saying. You can sort everything else out later.

”I’ve never seen anything quite like it before, at least not in any of the books I’ve read.” Great, you’re an IT now. Another downgrade. ”I’d better inform the princess, she is likely to know how to proceed.”

”Indeed,” the white unicorn gasps, “This THING is positively ghastly.” Yep she’s a bitch alright.

“Do I have any say in the matter?” All the ponies turn back to you, shocked. I guess they didn’t know you could speak after all. “I’ll take that as a no.”

The first words to come out of your mouth and they fall on deaf ears. You should have just fapped and gone to bed. ”So… you understand us?” The purple unicorn being the first to respond. You nod your head dejectedly.

”I think it’d be best if you sent that there letter sugarcube.” The purple one slowly walks up the stairs and out of the room, calling to someone named Spike. No one has a simple name it seems. Awkward silence ensues.

”So what’s your name?” The pink one blurts out.

”Uh… You can call me Anon, I guess.”

At least she’s treating you like a person. ”Cool! My name’s Pinkie Pie. This here is Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Fluttershy. The one who just left is Twilight Sparkle.” Oh god the names… ”I can’t wait till you get out of here. We’ll be the best of friends, and I can throw you one of my super duper PARTIES!”

“I have enough friends, but thank you for the offer.”

”Pfft, you can never have enough friends. This one time I met this donkey…” She continues to speak, but you soon lose interest. All you want is to get out of here.*Bluurgh* WTF was that? Maybe Spike? How fat must that fucker be?

The door slowly creaks open, followed by the purple po- Twilight. You better start using their names. ”We’re going to Canterlot.”

“Well, as much as I’d like to go, I’m kind of stuck here so have fun without me.”

”Sorry, but you’re coming with us.” Twilight’s horn begins to glow, what the hell is she doing? You start feeling… Weightless? Looking down you see your floating above the ground. Jimmies are approaching the rustling stage. ”Rarity, would you please bind his arms and legs?”

”Hmph, how barbaric.” Every word she speaks makes you want to beat her down. Rope slowly works its way around way, tying itself to constrict your movement. Your finally put down, the sudden weight making you jolt in surprise.

”Let’s go um…”

”His name’s Anon” Pinkie interjects.

”Fine, let’s get moving Anon.”

“Whatever…”

You haphazardly step out of the circle, hoping they didn’t forget to shut whatever that is off. Phew, nothing. You make your way up the stairs and out of what looks like a library. Check, Twilight’s a nerd. No sign of this Spike character though. The stares of the crowd send chills down your spine. If it wasn’t for this little group you’d have certainly been lynched by now.

“So uh, where is this Canterlot anyways?”

”Over there” Fluttershy finally spoke, if you can even call that speaking. She has the tiniest little voice you’ve ever heard. Kind of cute.

You turn to where she was looking, to see a castle way of in the distance. “That’ll only take a week to get to, and I don’t want to take up your time, so how about you let me go and I’ll walk from here.”

Twilight glares at you, “Nice try, but you’re not getting off that easy. Besides,” a chariot quickly dropping beside her, “We’re not going by hoof.”

“A for effort?”

”Just get in” Jeez, no sense of humor at all.

You finally manage to get in the back, moving around with your limbs bound is a lot hard then you thought. Twilight swiftly follows. ”I’ll be back by tonight” Twilight reassures her friend. The fact that she didn’t say “we” disturbs you little. The pegasi driving the chariot quickly ascend into the sky. You fear that you might end up falling off; flight was never something you were completely comfortable with. Twilight laughs quietly at your noticeable fear. Her calm demeanor slowly rubs off on you. For what it’s worth, this place is beautiful. You never really got to appreciate your surroundings, mostly because it’s filled with grey lifeless buildings, but this place has a certain aura about it. Even with the threat of the unknown approaching, you feel… at peace.

It’s been about half an hour you wager. You wish you had your watch, but it was taken, along with your wallet and knife. The sun is beginning its descent, and so are you. You hadn’t even noticed how close you had become to the castle. Strange, you tend to notice things fairly quickly. You cast your head over the side to get a better view of this ‘Canterlot.’ You can see a few ponies in its streets, making their way to their homes. Guards are patrolling the pearly white walls. It’s not that different then where you grew up. You get closer to the ground, eventually landing in what you believe to be the courtyard.

As your feet touch the ground, you hear an inaudible whisper. You look around, but see nothing, just a bunch of statues. Must’ve been your imagination, being around talking ponies and magic has that effect on you. ”Hurry up Anon. It’s impolite to keep the princess waiting.”

You quickly shuffle behind Twilight, working your way up the steps and through the castle doors. You’re greeted by a battalion of guards, patting you down for any hidden items on your person. You’re pretty sure your beef whistle doesn’t count though. They nod to Twilight, granting access to the main chamber. Twilight, with you in tow, enters.

You find yourself in a great hall of sorts. Ornate and elegant, this definitely fits your picture of a princess castle, just without all the pink. At the end of the room is another Pegasus… or Unicorn… Ok, the fuck is that? It’s at least six to eight feet tall, has both a horn and wings, and her mane reminds you of Rainbow Dash, only far more regal. She picks up her head and looks directly at you, her eyes overpowering yours, causing you to look at the floor.

”Celestia!” Twilight yells before running, or galloping, over to the Princess, practically dragging you along with her.

”My faithful student Twilight, it is great to see you again.” After a quick embrace her eyes turn to you. “I see you brought him along as well.”

”Of course Princess, it’s wonderful to see you again.” They must have been very close.

”You seem quite famished dearest Twilight, we can talk during dinner.” Your stomach grumbles at the word dinner. Celestia grins, “And I’m sure you would enjoy some food as well.”

Food. Oh wondrous food. There may not be any meat, but you’re just happy you can eat. ”Twilight, could you please unbind him? He may have difficulty otherwise.” The rope begins to loosen and soon you have controls of your limbs again. Without remorse, you begin to serve yourself. It hits you that you’re being incredibly uncivil, Rarity would probably have a hissy-fit. Straighten up and act proper, you weren’t raised like an animal. This sudden change has not gone unnoticed, as Celestia giggles at your behavior. ”It’s quite alright Anon, eat up.”

“Thank you Princess, I haven’t eaten in a while.”

You are about to dig in when a thought comes to mind. How does she know your name? Twilight didn’t tell her and Celestia didn’t ask so how… Almost on queue, you and Celestia look at each other, Celestia having smile across her face.

The both of you continue to stare at the other, Twilight oblivious to your current predicament as she continues to ramble on about her life. ”Hello Anon.” Her mouth unchanged. “How are you?” The fuck? “Such language, it is certainly… refreshing.”

You shake your head, hoping that you’re just going crazy again. Another laugh, your jimmies can only take so much rustlin. ”It sure is strange, the world you come from. So much violence, hatred…” Her voice suddenly more serious, “Such chaos…”

”However,” her voice lightening, “you seem far more… stable, then your peers. Perhaps you can stay…” The Jimmies have officially been rustled. OUTOUTOUT!

Relief. You refocus on Celestia, hoping that she is done with her charade. She slowly nods at you, and turns to her pupil. Is it over? ”Twilight my dear, I believe you may have misjudged poor Anon here. As you can clearly see, he’s trying to be as civil as possible. A simple misunderstanding is all this was.”

”But princess he attacked-“

”Rainbow Dash after she tried to prevent his escape. He was acting on instinct, would you have done any different?”

”I- Well- No Princess… I guess I wouldn’t.”

”I believe we should make it up to our friend here by-“

”Anooooooooon.” A whisper creeps into your ear. It sounds familiar… ”Anoooooooon” It continues to call.

You turn and stand from your chair, slowly walking towards the voice, almost pulled. ”Anon? What’s the matter?” Celestia questions.

“It’s nothing, I just- I want to take a walk.”

You can hear both Twilight and Celestia stand; you almost turn when the voice calls you again. ”Anooooon” The voice softening as you continue. A part of you wants to stop. Just turn around and sit down, but you just… can’t. You find yourself at the castle entrance, continuing to creep to the voice’s origin.

”Seriously Anon, what wrong?” This time Twilight slightly concerned.

“It’s alright, don- don’t you hear that?”

”Anon, you should really come-“

You pick up the pace, on the verge of running, the voice egging you on. ”Anoooon. Anoon.” You’re sprinting now; you have to get to that voice. You need to. You catch your foot on a branch, causing you to violently trip, followed by silence. You look up and… A Statue?

As sudden as the voice appeared, it dissipated, leaving you tired and weary. You pull yourself up, coming face to face with some sort of statue. You could have sworn the voice came from here, but now… nothing. This statue is certainly strange to say the least, some combination of horse, lion, goat and a bunch of other creatures. Unique is one word you can use to describe it. You reach out your hand, feeling the same pull as before.

”Anon what are you-“

The head of the statue shifts to a devilish grin as your finger tips reach it. Green clouds your vision, as your body writhes in pain. You fall back, vision clearing. “Fucking Enchantments…”

Why does everything try to kill you? You’ve barely been in wherever the hell you are for a day and it’s abundantly clear that you’re not welcome. My legs are still all screwy. How about you give me a lift now Twilight? Almost as if she read your mind, you feel weightless again. Your ascent is inconsistent to say the least; Twilight didn’t seem to have complete control over you as she did before. You blink a few times, getting a sense of your surroundings again. Celestia and Twilight had their backs to you, inspecting the statue.

“You can drop me whenever you’d like Twilight.” The two ponies gave you a quick glance and returned to the statue. “As much as I’d love to just float here, I like my feet better on the ground please.”

”Anon what on earth are you talking-“ More stares, Twilight’s one of surprise and Celestia’s of anger. Bitch Mode: Activate. You fall like a rock, the flow of magic interrupted.

“Why didn’t you-“

”Silence!” You’d never heard Celestia yell, and apparently neither did Twilight. ”Why did you run? Speak!”

“I don’t know, I just felt like I should”

”Enough of your lies, I will not let you release chaos in Equestria.” Well at least you know where you are- Fuck my brain! Celestia is in your mind again and god does it sting. Your brain feels like it’s being torn to shreds. OUTOUTOUT! Pain continues to seep into your mind, fuck... pain… Consciousness_2.exe has encountered a problem and needs to close. Damn ponies…

You awaken to the sky, the stars gazing down upon you. Twilight seems unaware of your condition. You appear to be on the chariot again, Celestia nowhere in sight. “Twilight?”

”Yes anon?” She doesn’t look at you.

“Am I dead?”

”Far from it.” She laughs a bit at your absurd question. ”Listen Anon, there some things we need to talk about.”

“Like how your princess almost killed me? That’s one thing you don’t need to tell me, don’t fuck with Celestia.”

”I know that you’re upset-“

“Hell yeah I’m upset. Has anyone torn your mind to shreds? I doubt it.”

”Just calm down and -”

“I almost die, and you tell me to calm down? Fuck you!” You turn away from her, fuming with anger. You should be beating the shit out of her, having a mouth like that. In fact as soon as you land you’ll… Wait what? This isn’t you Anon. You’d never actually do this shit. What’s wrong with you? You and Twilight just sit there. Just you and a now whimpering Twilight. Why’d you do that Anon, you’d never do that to someone? “Um… Twilight?”

No response, just more whimpering. You sit next to Twilight, who’s bawling her eyes out by now. You wrap your arms around her, trying to be as tender as possible. “I’m sorry.”

Flood gates have officially opened. If she was letting back any tears before, they’re running down her face now. You never let go of her, hoping that in some twisted messed up way, having a bipedal alien from another world hugging her will make it all better. And in a way, it did. By the time we got back to her house Twilight had regained most of her composure. She worked her way out of the chariot, looking back at you with her puffy red eyes. God is she adorable. “Celestia said that you’ll be staying here for a while, at least until she knows what to do with you.” You feel the anger rising as she mentions that name, but you quickly drive it down.

“So where will I be staying exactly? I’m pretty sure my bed in that alleyway was burnt when the other ponies found it?

Twilight blushes slightly, “I guess you’ll stay with me.” She blushed? Oh god please don’t have that mean what I think it means.

“Sure, why not?” You put on a fake smile, hoping she finds it genuine. She’s beaming now. Okay maybe that smile is real after all.

Before long the chariot lands, Twilight escorting you back to her house library thing. ”Spike! Spike!”

“I’ve been meaning to ask you, who is Spike?”

”Oh, he’s just my assistant. Spike, we have a guest!”

”Jeez Twilight, don’t you know how late it is?” A talking baby dragon. Wh- You know what, I’ve had enough mind fucks for one day. Let’s just roll with it.

“Spike I presume? Nice to meet you.”

”Yeah, Yeah, are we done? I’m kind of tired.”

”Spike, don’t be rude.”

“It’s alright Twilight, I’m anxious to hit the sack myself.”

She looks puzzled at your terminology, but shrugs it off. ”Alright Anon, let’s get you to bed.” You follow Twilight as she bounds up the stairs. ”I only have one bed, so we’re going to have to share.” Why is everything awkward all of a sudden? All you did was give her a hug. Fuck it you’re tired. Setting aside your jacket you slip into bed, Twilight soon follows. Twilight turns off the lamp and wraps her front legs around you. ”Goodnight.”

You close your eyes, going over what happened today. You wound up in some place called Equestria. You got captured by a couple p0ny and a Pegasus. You heard voices that made you almost lose your mind. You invoked the wrath of a magical princess. And now you’re in bed with a unicorn. Maybe Twilight will explain this shit tomorrow, but for now, this pillow is seriously comfortable.

Comments

[Rhulain]

Celestia was acting very...Luna-ish there at the end. the whole 'angry mind rape without a chance to explain' seems more like Luna.

[Aslatiel]

ENCHANTMENT! Fuck that game was amazing. Getting inquisition!

[Asashi - Dark Fist Inari]

Great. Another ball-less and spineless human, piss off with that crap.

[Poppa Dragon]

5383707 i agree, as soon as i woke up in a containment area i would have been screaming profanity and yelling threats of the death variety at any living creature near me. Example: If I am not released I will tear out your heart and force feed it to the pony closest to you, then I'll rip off your limbs and beat you to death with them, and I'll finish by chopping you up and feeding you to your closest relatives! just not necessarily in that order and with much more profanity

[JennaShinx]

OMG A CARDBOARD BOX WE GONNA GO METAL GEAR SOLID UP IN HERE WOOHOO SOLID SNAKE FTW F*CK YEAH!!!!!!!

[Oakeave]

7104703

Or! The writer of Jurassic Park went to the far future, found out that you can make dinosaurs, went back in time, but accidentally miscalculated his time machine and arrived in this time, and he read this book, and then he went back into his own time, then he weote his book.

[Shadowblade019]

The morevi read these hie or aie, the pissed off i get.

[airsonshade]

Loved the chapter. Very intertaning