Off to a Bad Start
Rainbow Dash was lazily flying through the air, having just recently returned from her latest two week session at the Wonderbolts training camp.
She was thrilled to learn that she’d been promoted to active reserve; this meant she would be receiving a duty roster in the post in the next couple of days that would detail her on call duty shift.
As she flew over the schoolhouse she noticed a few stray clouds that hadn’t been cleared yet. Knowing that tonight had been forecast to be clear skies throughout all Equestria she diverted. She bucked and slammed the clouds into non-existence.
“Rainbow Dash! Down here!” Cheerilee’s voice sounded from below with urgency, catching Rainbows attention.
Back flipping into a dive Rainbow oriented herself to land on the ground next to Cheerilee, spying a very agitated Sweetie-Belle next to the schoolhouse teacher. “Hey, what’s up?” Rainbow asked as she landed softly on the ground, bringing her wings flush against her body.
“Rainbow, it’s about Scootaloo,” Cheerilee spoke. Distress evident in her voice, her face betrayed how worried she was.
“Okay, what’s wrong?” the blue pegasus enquired quietly and calmly - trying to sooth the agitated teacher’s state of mind.
“She forgot her saddlebag after school ran a bit late when she dashed out, I asked Sweetie here to take it to her, and thought nothing of it since. That was until Sweetie just came back and told me what had happened.”
Rainbow looked down to the little white filly unicorn that seemed not to want to move much as she started speaking, explaining what had happened earlier.
-o.O.O.o-
Sweetie trotted up the path to Scootaloo’s home thinking about her next sleepover with the crusaders as she knocked on the door. Before her second knock had even faded the door was opened by a large, dark orange Pegasus stallion glaring down at her. Sweetie assumed this was Scootaloo’s father having never met him before.
“E-excuse me sir, but Scootaloo forgot her bag when school let out this afternoon - Miss. Cheerilee asked me to bring it to her.”
The stallion didn’t say a word to her just stepped aside turning his head to call up the stairs, “Hey runt! You got a friend at the door!”
Sweetie couldn’t believe what she heard, and was even more surprised at the demeanour of her friend when she came to the door.
Scootaloo kept looking to the floor downcast, jumping slightly every time the Stallion so much as twitched. “Th-th-thanks Sweetie, I’ll see you t-tomorrow,” Scootaloo said quietly taking the bag from her friend before turning to go back to her room.
*SLAM* The door swung shut in Sweetie-Belles shocked face, a raised voice coming to her ear’s from the other side, “I TOLD YA’ NOT TO BRING YOUR FRIENDS ROUND RUNT! YOU KNOW WHAT’S COMIN’!”
Sweetie gasped as the words echoed through before she heard Scootaloo’s voice pleading - fear in her voice. “No please, NO!” The sound of running was heard going away from the door.
Sweetie couldn’t take it anymore and for the first time ever she used her magic. The door flew open in a pink aura and Sweetie-Belle ran inside. She wasn’t thinking straight, she just knew her friend was in trouble. Tearing up the stairs she ran into the room where the noise came from.
Entering she screamed at what she saw: Scootaloo was dangling in the air, being held roughly from her wing by the stallion. He brought his other hoof into a vicious backhoof into the filly’s stomach causing her to cry out once more.
Sweetie-Belle screamed “Let her GO!” as she charged into the room at the stallion, only thinking to stop him form hurting Scootaloo.
The stallion threw Scootaloo contemptuously across the room into the wall above her bed, and turned to hit Sweetie-Bell in her side. With the sudden lack of air she stumbled to a halt, and was soon picked up by the stallion and carried to the front door where he unceremoniously threw her out.
Getting up Sweetie looked to the house once more in complete horror. She knew she needed to get help, fast. Without hesitation she turned ran, hoping that Miss. Cheerilee was still at the school.
-o.O.O.o-
By the time Sweetie finished the story, Rainbow was practically trembling in rage. She had truly come to care for Scootaloo. Not just as the sister she portrayed, but more like she would her own daughter.
Looking to the teacher Rainbow spoke, “Can you watch Sweetie for a while? I’ve a feeling Rarity won’t be home before long.”
Cheerilee nodded, yet before she could verbalise an answer Rainbow was already flying, one destination in mind as she blasted through the air: the library.
Slamming through the door she landed next to the shocked Alicorn.
“Rainbow this is- “ Twilight started to lecture her.
“Not now Twi, this is important!” Rainbow interrupted before immediately explaining what she’d been told.
“You get the girls, I’m going to get Scoots outta there and to the hospital.”
She finished as she saw Twilights own face mirroring the rolling fury inside her own chest before she took off. She flew out the door, pointing herself in the direction of Scootaloo’s home.
-o.O.O.o-
Scootaloo watched as the stallion who had sired her carried Sweetie out of the room before returning moments later.
“I told you, an’ you didn’t listen. Didn’t I discipline you enough?!” he shouted at her as she scrambled to get away from him as he approached, terror filling her veins. She hoped he wouldn’t hit her too hard as she pressed up against the wall by her bed.
The first hoof landed on her wing sending a jolt of pain arcing through her body, but she wouldn’t scream - he only hit her longer if she did. As the blows rained down upon her she started to think this was finally it, this would be the day he would go too far… this time, he’d killed her.
Her thoughts went to the times she felt safe within Rainbow’s arms and wings. She started crying with the pain and desperation to be there again.
“MOMEEE!” she screamed as the pain went on while she kept trying to dodge the blows - this was the longest he had ever beat her.
“Your ain’t got no momma! Ya killed her! She died when you were born, remember?!” The stallion roared as another blow connected – this time hard as she felt one of her ribs give. She tried and failed once more to dodge his assault.
Finally she ran out of energy and curling up into a ball, hoping he’d stop. She finally started screaming in pain, calling for the mare she thought of as her mother.
“MOMMA! MOMMA DASH!” She knew it was pointless, hopeless! Rainbow would never hear her. Yet, she wanted her final thoughts to be of the mare who had taken her under her wing.
“MOMMA DAASH!”
The last thing she saw as her father’s hoof struck her head knocking her out: was a rainbow trail bursting into her room, followed by the sound of broken glass.
-o.O.O.o-
Spitfire sat back breathing a sigh of relief as she looked through the progress reports of her favourite recruit.
Rainbow Dash had come a long way from the brash young mare who’d started as Lightning Dusts Wing Pony. How time had flown. She chuckled and shook her head at how happy Rainbow had been when she’d been promoted to active reserve.
She deserved it though, outside of training or off duty she was a cocky, brash determined mare with a strong core of friends. Yet on duty it had turned into a Confident, Strong and Resolute attitude willing to get the job done and pushing herself beyond the boundaries.
Suddenly an alarm sounded, an alarm she hated to hear as she grabbed her flight goggles and took to the air. Her goggles -- charmed by the unicorn magic -- provided a detailed HUD and had a directional arrow: showing for her to follow a labelled marked ‘RD’.
Her blood ran cold, if there was one Pegasus she thought would never use the emergency wing band it was her. Putting on an extra burst of speed as she glanced to the mini-map in the corner. She saw the other dots of the Primary team all homing in on Rainbow’s position.
As they got to the edges of Ponyville they all managed to meet in the air and form up as they followed the distress signal. What Spitfire saw as Rainbow came into sight would be burned into her mind forever: how Rainbow was still flying the Captain didn’t know.
There battling with an unknown stallion was the supposed to be blue mare - coat stained red with her own blood. One wing was obviously dislocated as she fought to stay in the air.
She was bucked in the chest, but when this strike hit, it was one blow too far and she started to fall.
Spitfire jabbed towards Rainbow thrice with her hoof, pleased to see the trailing three of the Bolts peel off and head to catch her. Spitfire and Soarin’ closed on the strange stallion and unexpectedly for him - attacked!
Fortunately for him they were only aiming to incapacitate and detain. With a perfectly executed flyby, Spitfire rammed a hoof into his stomach as Soarin’ slammed a hoof across the back of the stallions’ head.
The now unconscious stallion was caught and lowered to the floor before being restrained with both hoof and wing cuffs so he couldn’t get away when he awoke.
Rainbow was just struggling to her feet as Spitfire approached. “Easy there Dash, you’re in a bad shape,” Spitfire said trying to get Rainbow to relax.
“H-help Scoot… a… loo... Hurry!” Spitfire saw Rainbow pointing her not so damaged wing to a house.
Spitfire nodded as she passed Rainbow over to Soarin’. She ran into the house, breaking the front door down as she did so. Running through the house she searched every room until she came to a little filly’s room. There on the floor was a sight that broke Spitfire’s heart, the broken and battered body of a bright orange filly, with a smooth purple mane and tail.
Thanking all the times she had taken courses to treat wounded pony’s she set to work, horrified at each new injury she discovered while tending her so that she’d be stable enough to transport to the hospital.
The sight of the destroyed wing almost broke the Captain, even with the best doctors in Equestria, Scootaloo -- the filly Rainbow always praised as never giving up -- may now never be able to fly.
No wonder Rainbow had gone into a rare Pegasi Battle Rage. It was why mostly Pegasi served in the guard even now, they were the warriors of the pony race. Looking to the filly she swore that she would help, however she could.
-o.O.O.o-
Rainbow didn’t know how fast she flew, she barely registered pressing the panic-band on her wing as she blazed through the air from the library.
She cursed the fact that Scootaloo’s home was so far from the centre of Ponyville, knowing that it would be a long time before her friends got to the house. She could only hope she would be able to help Scootaloo as she left a rainbow trail behind her.
“MOMMA DAASH!”
Rainbow heard Scootaloo’s voice call as she approached the house. Her heart lurched that the little filly saw her so as she aimed for the cracked window that lead to Scootaloo’s room. She slammed through just in time to see Scootaloo’s father landing a blow to Scootaloo’s head.
Rainbow screamed in fury slamming into the stallion before grabbing him with her forearms and threw him across the room. Not noticing as he twisted in the air landing on his feet until he charged her, slamming her into the wall, his hoof coming down on Scootaloo’s wing in the process.
Rainbow’s vision centred on the being that was supposed to offer unconditional love and support to Scootaloo. Her blood pounded in her ears as she reared up and with a whinny, slammed her hooves forwards into his chest as he came again for another blow.
He sailed out the window with her following him into the air. She flew above him and dove down with a blow to his withers that he turned into a forwards roll, bringing his rear legs to bear as he bucked her in the gut.
On the aerial combat raged, each blow landed weakening Rainbow a little more, but she couldn’t stop, she wouldn’t go down. Because as long as he was fighting her - he wasn’t hurting Scootaloo.
As the injuries mounted Rainbow misjudged a blow and he got a shot in on her muzzle, breaking her nose. Rainbow was aware she fought on, but it was now a haze, she was in a full rage – something no pony dared raise in a Pegasus.
Finally her body could take no more and she began to black out, her body slipping from the air. Her only hope was that her friends would get there in time, as the darkness claimed her vision. The last she knew was a pair of strong, friendly hooves catching her.
As she came around her body screamed at her for rest as she ignored it, she needed to get Scootaloo help. It was with immense relief she recognised the Captain of the Wonderbolts.
When she pointed to the house and managed to mumble about help for Scootaloo she watched as Spitfire became a blur when she flew into the house.
‘Daaamn, I thought I was fast. I guess the Wonderbolts are too when it’s one of their own in trouble,’ Rainbow thought as she collapsed to the floor once more, allowing the Medic amongst the team to start helping her.
The sound of galloping hooves reached her ears. She looked up to see Rarity and Applejack leading the rest of her friends at full speed to them.
“Rainbow, are ye okay?” Applejack asked as she got to her.
Rainbow only nodded once before she passed out.
-o.O.O.o-
Twilight carried on running into the house calling out.
“UP HERE!” a female voice called out, leading her to scramble up the stairs into the room.
“Oh no,” she whispered as she stopped dead at the sight. Spitfire, however, just carried on working, only glancing up once.
“Princess, you can either help me or get my Medic... Don’t just stand there!” Spitfire’s voice commanded, jolting Twilight out of her shock.
Twilight ran over, her horn lighting up as she conducted a scan on Scootaloo’s broken body. What she found had her glad that the one who had done this was already in custody.
“Spitfire, what do I need to do?” Twilight asked before listing the injuries her scan found that Spitfire couldn’t even know about.
Looking Twilight in the eye Spitfire spoke very deliberately, and quietly, “Pray...”
With that she ran to the window and shouted for her Medic to hurry up, and for another pony to come take the list of injuries Scootaloo had from Twilight to the hospital. Giving them optimal time to prepare for when they flew both Scootaloo and Rainbow in.
Twilight watched as Spitfire turned back to carry on tending Scootaloo. “Not gonna lose you, kid... I promise.” Twilight heard her whisper as two other Pegasi entered the room.
Twilight passed the one a list of Scootaloo’s injuries she had written down on a conjured scroll, and before she could blink he was gone - a mere speck in the sky on the way to the hospital.
“Okay, she and Rainbow are stable enough to transport to the hospital, but we gotta move now if we want to minimise the long term damage,” the Medic said as she finished inspecting the work Spitfire had done on Scootaloo.
“Damn, Captain. You did a better job than I would have done,” she whispered to Spitfires stoic face.
“Okay, get the squad ready, I’ll carry the kid, you stay with me in case of complications. Soarin’ and one other help Rainbow to the hospital, the other two take this kids. . . father,” Spitfire said gratingly, “to the hospital and keep him under guard... Let’s move!”
Spitfire finished her orders and scooped Scootaloo up into her arms before she leapt out the window followed by the Medic, who Twilight saw stop by the ground briefly to relay orders before the Wonderbolts took to the air, duties assigned, Fluttershy with them staying close to Rainbow.
Twilight left the house the conventional way going to the others.
“They’re all going to Ponyville General. It doesn’t – doesn’t look to g-g-good for s-sc-scoot…” She slumped to the floor at that point.
-o.O.O.o-
“No, oh dear Celestia... No,” Rarity gasped out as she moved next to the distraught Alicorn. “Tell me there’s hope,” she pleaded with Twilight.
Applejack’s face had seemingly turned to stone while Pinkie’s mane suddenly deflated, all of them coming to terms their own way that they may not see Scootaloo’s bright eyed smile again.
Rarity helped Twilight struggle to her feet, well aware that although they had seen Spitfire carrying the filly, Twilight would have seen the true extent of her injuries.
“Come on, we... we need to be at the hospital... In case…” Twilight didn’t finish what she was saying, as they all knew what could happen.
Pinkie looked completely lost as Applejack moved closer to her. “Come on Pinkie, we need ta get Applebloom an’ Sweetie-Belle, Scootaloo needs her friends near her nah.”
Rarity nodded with the other three and listened as Twilight told Applejack where to find Sweetie-Belle.
They all turned and ran back towards Ponyville, Twilight taking to the air and flying above them, Pinkie and Applejack breaking away at the town to collect the others as Rarity and Twilight carried on to the hospital, all hoping the same thing.
Hoping that Scootaloo would survive.
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ShadowBlades approved!
~ Michael
Maybe there can be some ScootaBelle in here. It certainly has the possibility for it after that little... happening.
~SolidFire
Jees, that's pretty damn brutal. Writing seems decent enough, not quite an original concept, butt I'll follow all the same.
Interesting start, though there are some issues. The biggest one is that Sweetie Belle's name is not hyphenated. It's not Sweetie-Belle. I can point out the other issues if you want, but that's the biggest one.
3481074 Really? It's not hyphened? Huh... I guess I was wrong.
~ Michael
I need coordinates for a black flame run please provide. Excellent start, faved and followed
Why.....why why why why.....I hate waiting
3481464 don't worry, I'm editing chapter 2 as we speak er text... its 5,000 words so it's a big one.
~ Michael
Now this looks to a very interesting fanfic. Can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter.
...
Well, glad to see some awesome writers working on this.
The ShadowBlades are editing? Huh, why do keep coming across them?
pretty good. im into it so write some more!
i want to murder her dad i want to literally rip his wings off and shove them down his throat but that isn't enough. We need to see him suffer.
3482198
Methinks you are a little angry at Scootaloo's father right now.
3481969
More hath been written, it is now in the editing phase :
3481705
My thanks.
And I agree with your awesome comments agout the ShadowBlades
If not for Mike the grammar of this story would make dicord happy
3481464
I Pinkie Promise you won't have to wait too long.
3481074
Thanks for letting me know I'll bear that in mind about Sweeties name in the future.
3481061
I know it seems a brutal start, but I was hoping for a hit-you-in-the-face WTF reaction from people. 3481074
3481273
Coordinates = Pnyvle sctn 05alpha - enjoy
So...
Commas
Rainbow's
comma
Sweetie Belle.
comma. not dash.
comma splice.
comma
Comma
Comma. A good rule of thumb is if you speak it out loud and pause, comma.
Period. Not dash.
Comma, period.
stallion
Don't need the *. In fact, describe the door slamming. Sweetie Belle's. Period.
comma not dash.
comma before "and" and Sweetie Belle.
comma
"Let her go!" Sweetie Belle screamed as she...
You have a double space, and another Sweetie Belle.
You underlined 'fast' in the story. Italics would be better.
Comma. Also, why not say "Cheerilee?"
Will be home before long. Also, wouldn't she have to come to the school? It doesn't matter when Rarity gets home because she has to go to the school. Something like "I have a feeling Rarity will be here for her before too long." would work a little better.
comma. Also, there is no time between Rainbow taking off and getting to the library. Expand that. On yet another point, you describe Twilight here as a "shocked alicorn." There is a better descriptor, right? I mean, show us that Twilight is shocked, don't tell us.
Em dash. Also, you don't need the said tag. Describe her actions, not her words, since we already know what they are.
Comma splice. "Not now, Twi! This is important!"
Twilight's
period, not dash.
He'd kill her.
As the blows rained down upon her, she started to think that this was finally it. This would be the day he would go to far. This time he'd kill her.
Period or semi-colon.
comma
Lightning Dust's
comma splice.
It? And why the caps?
Comma splice.
comma. Also, proper nouns are capitalized.
Comma, not dash. You also forgot to hit enter with that second sentence.
and, unexpectedly for him, attacked.
stallion's
Standard issue to an entertainment team like the Wonderbolts?
Hooves, not feet.
Easy there, Dash. You're in bad shape." Also, show us how Spitfire is getting RD to relax. Not tell us.
no comma needed.
treat wounded ponies, she set...
comma splice.
comma splice.
Looking at the filly, she swore that she would help however she could.
Comma splice.
Rainbow screamed in fury, slamming the stallion before grabbing him with her forearms and throwing him across the room.
She didn't notice that he twisted in the air and landed on his hooves until he charged her..." Two other things: One, try to think about his position while tackling her. It seems unlikely that he could charge at her and slam his hoof on Scootaloo's wing. Two, Scoots' wings are small. So small that he'd also have to slam his hoof into her body to get to her wing.
whinny, and she slammed...
"On the aerial combat raged. Each blow that landed weakened Rainbow..." I'm also having a little trouble buying that this guy can hit her. She's the fastest pony in the entire world, or at least one of them. She should be flying circles around him, not engaging him in a one-on-one fight that she would know that she didn't have the strength to match him with. Also, is she fighting back at all? Because the way you're describing this it sounds like she's not.
comma.
more, and she
comma
comma splice.
enter key.
the one what?
colon would work here, I think.
Spitfire's
"kid's." Also, why the space in the ellipses?
period.
Enter key. Also, who is she talking to?
no ellipses. Ellipses are for when somebody is trailing off.
"hope." You don't need the rest. We already know who is speaking.
show don't tell.
hooves.
Too many ellipses. Twilight is a princess. Even in the show during times of crisis she doesn't act this scared. I get that she is, but this stutter doesn't sound like Twilight at all. Also, you don't need to say "Twilight didn't finish what she was..." we already know that because she trailed off and stopped speaking.
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.
comma splice. Also, just have AJ say "now." You're overdoing her accent otherwise.
Sweetie Belle.
Yeah, those are some of the errors I found. If you don't want me to point them out anymore I won't. I'll keep reading at any rate.
Wow, looks like Sweetie and Dash just saved Scoots' life. Poor thing. That stallion is so dead. I can just imagine Rainbow saying to Spitfire, "just give me five minutes alone with him that's all I ask." or something like that.
3482428 That is quite a few O.o. Did you leave any for anyone else, not that I really want to try my hand at searching for grammatical errors.
3482776
And that's AFTER me and Mike from the ShadowBlades spent 3 hours editing the chapter! Believe me you wouldn't want to have seen it beforehand.
3482659
Wish i'd have thought of something like that when i wrote this chapter...
3482428 sweet mother leviathan, you do that often?
3483528 Every now and again. Only for stories that have some potential that I don't want to see ruined by typos.
3483539 well, good work. I appreciate what you are doing for the community.
Scootaloo needs her friends near her nah.” de-accent the nah part for me now
Where's the Rider when you need him? Scootaloo's dad needs to be mindraped by the Penance Stare.
Edit what the Bronywriter said
3482659 Yes, because Rainbow has already proved that she can take him -_-
Well that got me raging real quick. Nice job.
*fixes bayonet*
One thing I especially liked was how the father wasn't just some monster from Tartarus. He blamed his daughter for his wife's death. I like a somewhat relateable villain infinitely more than just a hate magnet. (I still want to see him burn at the stake though)
oh, and also
HHHHUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRK
Hmm.
You know, there's a lot of Scootabuse stories I've seen on this site, and most of them tend to be either really poorly written, overly sentimental, or both. This one, I will say, doesn't seem to fall into either of these categories(not for the most part). I mean, sure, there's still quite a few grammar and spelling errors scattered throughout, but not so many that it makes it difficult to read or understand, and the quality of the writing is pretty solid overall.
In terms of sentimentality with all the character's emotions and stuff... yeaaahh, there's some of it there. Don't get me wrong; I don't feel like the author is necessarily beating the reader over the head with a brick going "CRY, DAMN IT, CRY!" like many Scootabuse-type stories do, though I won't go as far as to say that the whole thing felt "natural," either.
This story has a nice quality to it, and while it shares the whole "cliché" arc of Scootaloo getting adopted out of abusive circumstances, there's still enough here to make it worth reading anyway.
Anywho, have an upvote, my good fellow.
scootadopt is best dopt
While reading, I could imagine the dad (if it's a good idea to call him that) laying in a hospital bed, restrained, and a few guards watching him, and Celestia giving him a death glare.
Or maybe he should get... The STARE. I wish I knew just how to get the emoticons on here, if there is one of Fluttershy doing the stare. I am reading this on my phone and I don't think I can use them on here.
Can't wait for more. Cannot wait for Scoots.
3484128 It was stated that his counterattack came as a surprise to her. If Rainbow was on her guard from the start, she could take him.
3484128 Uhhhh... When?
~ Michael
3486447 I was being sarcastic.
3486331 Yes, but it could have only surprised her for a moment. If she could have taken him, she would have already, and that mo' fo' would be burning in Tartarus.
This story was amazing I wish there was more chapters I don't want to stop reading that's how good this story is it almost made me cry and I wanted to hit that's stallion in the face
3486867 We have the whole story done and are editing it as we speak!
~ Michael
3482428
Thank you! When I come load Chapter two (After it's finished being edited) I will also update Chapter one to include your edits.
3483924 Why would you want to expose the rider to such evil, he's too innorcent.
- - - then again. . . .
3484393
Bayonet? I think I'll stay outta the way of an angry Templar. . .
Thanks, Although I do have a couple of Generic villains in one of my other fics, I prefer to add a little bit to make people try to get what makes them tick.
3484818 My thanks
3484820 I think so
3485687
That would be rather. . . warm.
There isn't a stare but there is this -
To get them you have to know the name of the emoticon - the example I used was flutterage, then just put semicolons before and after the word - take the spaces out of my example and it will show the emoticon instead. ---> : flutterage :
3486479 really? Sarcasm on this site? i did not think it existed . . . .(How well did I do.)
3486331 I won't give anything away, but there is more action to come.
3486482
Would Tarturus accept him though, they may reject him for being too eeeeviiiilllll. LOL
3486867 As Shadowblades before me said, don't worry, the full story has been written, we're just in the editing phase of it now. Will hopefully have more uploaded soon!
3487088
Then I'm going to LOVE THIS!!!
Clunky and overacted. Poor dialogue. No horror. Ponies behaving stupidly for plot contrivance. Downvote.
Reference comment by Peace about Tartarus.
Just because they were sent to Tartarus doesn’t mean that the majority of them didn't love their children. Send that misbegotten piece of trash there
I'm sure that some coming across this story might think, "Good lord, not another Scootabuse fic!" but this is very well done so far. I was glad the Sweetie Belle saw what was going on with Scoots and her father and decided that it was her business. Then Sweetie got Dash to come to Scoots rescue as well as the Wonderbolts. I hope that Scoots survives.
Dust's
______________
Twilight left the house the conventional way going to the others, "They're all going to Ponyville General. It doesn't - doesn't look to g-g-good for S-sc-scoot..." She slumped to the floor at that point.
__________________________
And Rarity shows no emotion to the fact that the Stallion assaulted her sister. Well this was an interesting first chapter.
3603063
Come on dude don't be so harsh. At least be supportive when you correct people.
5884184
How in the hell was any of that harsh? Unless you are the type to weep unconsolably when smeone points out you're shoes are untied.
The first correction was showing how Dust's was supposed to be spelled.
The second showed how that quoted dialog should be set up so it's not broken (and made the authors job easier since it'd be simply copy and paste).
As for the whole, Rarity showed no emotion comment. A few things.
A)
B) She didn't show any emotional reaction to that. It was a fact, and something that felt off to me. And the author hasn't deemed it worthy enough to comment onto why that was. So there isn't much to say.
And
C) Yeah, I can totally see how saying a chapter was interesting and how I would be reading more of it is soooo harsh. Like totally
. Even worse than kicking a puppy
. How dare I do something as unrelentingly cruel as give error fixes, point out something that gave confusion, than give a compliment 
. I must be even eviler than Tirek 
.
With the reveal that Sweetie's magic is green might I suggest changing where is says Sweetie Belles magic is pink to it being green seeing as Celestia's and Sombra's magic are the only exceptions to the rule that magic is the same color as a pony's eyes.
5885675
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01ZNEvcaGRY
I SAY SCOOTALOO'S FATHER NEEDS TO BE PUT IN A JAILCELL FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS, NO A DEATH SENTENCE, NOBODY HURTS SCOOTSY!
10925193
There are fates worse than death