Hahahahaha! Zelda!

Thnks for clarifying that law, but why were you compelled to go for a Zelda reference?
Has no-one played any other action/adventure game?

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Jack picks up an ocarina what the hell? An ocarina i swear if i travel through time i will lose my shit

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Actually cause it made sense in the reference of things. Literally speaking when I thought up this concept, I was thinking "Rod of Seasons" which is an item from the franchise.

3660991 I understand, but the dungeon crawl moment being based on Zelda is so overused that it's almost a cliché.
The object(ive) is irrelevant to the dungeon in that regard. Hell, you could have done it in a style like a Skyrim dragon-priest temple.

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I'm saving the Skyrim reference for a later chapter, and honestly, with the way the MLP universe is, I'd hate to try and delve into Draugrs and the undead - yet.

3661788 Then what about the dwarven construct like the dwarven sphere and centurion?

I just read through the entire story. It was fairly enjoyable, and it looks like you have frequent updates, but the individual chapters are short. The plot has advanced at a nice pace from when Jack woke up in the forest to now, but I have no emotional investment in the characters so far.

The descriptions of the characters and everything else is very sparse. I know Tempest has blue hair, green eyes, a white coat, and a fit body, but I don't know what kind of pony she is, how tall she is compared to anything, how long her hair is, or anything else about her physical description. The same could be applied to other ponies in general. Do their legs end in hooves or feet? Jack wears boots, so I would assume he has feet, but I could be wrong. How tall are they? How much do they weigh? How do the Princesses and Nightmare Moon compare to the average pony? These sort of things are important to convey the setting and actions of the characters.

When characters are described, they're usually given descriptions that aren't all that solid. Fluttershy is described as having a body like a supermodel. Okay, she's pretty, but what kind of pretty? Does she have a slime and lithe body with legs that seem to go on for miles, or does she have a hourglass figure accentuated by how buxom she is with a narrow waist before her sides flair out into child bearing hips?

Then there's the problem that I don't feel emotionally invested in the characters. At the moment, the main reason I don't want Jack to die is because that would mean the story would end, and I don't want that because you seem to be rather promising as a writer. You just need more experience and polish, but the only way to get any of that is to actually write and have constructive feedback. That reason, however, is not good for Jack and his friends/fuckbuddies. After all, if you abruptly ended this story, started a new one, and I found it I would be fine. I wouldn't be in distress or overwhelmingly happy because I don't have an emotional investment or attachment to him. That means you need to come up with a way for me, the reader, to relate with Jack and any other important characters as a fellow human pony person and not as a bunch of letters on a screen. A few scenes that brought me closer with Jack include the flashback where he was learning conjuration from Zecora, when Jack rearranged the unconscious guards into compromising positions, and Jack's interactions with Zecora and Applejack. Jack fishing with Leonidas could be a great way to make him to be more of a person. In short, you need to do some character building if you want to take this to the next level. You have a solid framework, good progression, and a solid grasp of grammar which is more than a lot of writers, but a person is more than just a skeletal system and vital organs; this story needs meat on it's bones and some personality.

On a different topic, I have to agree that Jack's new-found control of the seasons really isn't that big of a deal. Jack's ability to conjure things makes that rather superfluous. S far as I can recall, Jack needs to know the form and function of the object that he wants to conjure. Sure, he needs to concentrate and have enough magic to pull it off, but he can make items from fictional games that are both magical and not. He has made a cloaking device from Metal Gear and a enchanted tunic from The Legend of Zelda. He could make a Pip-Boy 3000, The Sword of Evil's Bane, or even the star ship Enterprise; her ongoing mission, to figure out if the sun Equestria orbits the planet or if Celestia has just conned everyone for the last thousand years. Sure, it would take an absurd amount of magic to create a vessel that's more than a couple hundred meters long, but it could be theoretically possible, and the wasn't a limit on the amount of time he had to spend on something. A portion here, a portion there, and eventually you'll get something big that isn't going to magically disappear on you.

I wish you well, and I hope that I was helpful.