Oh Kenny, Where Art Thou?
"Princess Luna?" Luna looked up from her Eggplant Parmesan to find Morgan giving her a curious and interested look. "I'm sorry if its a little personal and forgive me for being forward, but what are you to Kenneth?" Luna's face twisted into a look of stark disbelief.
"You mean he hasn't told you?" Luna asked. concern running deep in her voice. She felt her heart pang when Morgan shook her head no.
"He didn't talk about any of you. I hadn't even learned he had left our reality until Alfred had made an offhand comment about it. Lo and behold, time comes for him to go out and earn some life experience and he pounces on the opportunity to come here. Since our arrival I have wondered what brought him back, and why he never spoke about it." Luna was now pissed and likely to destroy her lover when he got back. "Then I heard about you." Luna perked up at this. "Pardon?" Luna asked, unsure of what she meant.
"Kenneth lost much sleep staring at the stars and constellations the first two years I was with him. Whenever I asked him about it he would say 'It isn't the same.' I never thought he would be talking about your night skies. When your sister here told me about what roles you two play, it clicked. He must have missed seeing your skies. It explained so much. Did he tell you shamans have spirit forms?" Luna shook her head no, Celestia listening intently as well. "Shamans learn to transform into a spirit, it is a important part of their training. It is different for every shaman, as it is a representation of who they are on the deepest level. He turns into a wolf."
Morgan let that sink in, but the meaning was lost on the Royal Sisters.
"Wolves in human culture have always been seen as symbols of freedom, brotherhood, and fearlessness. They are masters of the hunt, and serve as warriors, protectors, and loyal companions. The important part, however, is that they are also seen as patrons of the night. Wolf spirits are often used in rituals involving the moon, seeing as that wolves are her messengers and servants" Luna looked on in shock. Her earlier anger with Kenny had vanished. "And here I learn he has spent a prolonged amount of time around the living embodiment of the night before he ever even heard of shamanism. Whatever you have, it was enough that it left an imprint on his very being." Morgan took a breather after letting that all out. "Sorry, I tend to get a little long winded about stuff like that. So, back to the original question, what are you and Kenny?"
Luna was still reeling and simply sat there processing the news. Celestia spoke for her.
"The two are currently dating." Morgan nodded sagely at this news and said, "I figured as much. It made the most sense with all the evidence presented. I'm amazed he managed to stay interested that long. Most men eventually give up after a while, or find someone else along the way. I have to say Luna, you lucked out with Kenneth."
"Yeah." Luna's voice was soft and hinted that her thoughts were really elsewhere. "Excuse me, I'm going to go find my boyfriend and pull him straight back to the bedroom." Celestia whooped while Morgan looked on in mild disgust.
"I'm beginning to see what he sees in her."
"Wow..." Edith was thoroughly impressed by the Crystal Palace. The shining cathedral was both massive and magnificent. When she had heard about it, she hadn't thought it was actually made of crystal. Then again, she didn't believe Crystal Ponies looked like crystals either. The whole 'Crystal Empire' thing was starting to make lots of sense.
"Yeah... Did you know I was almost put on guard detail here?" Flash commented as he munched on a scone. The totem's effects had long since worn off and he and Edith decided to spend their first day sight-seeing. Edith, a little confused as to why it didn't happen, asked for clarification, though it came out more like, "Why the fuck didn't you?"
"I was already here as a guard for Princess Twilight's coronation. Me and Prince Shining go way back, so he asked if I would like to stay as part of the Empire's Royal Guard. I told him I would think about it and went back home. I almost took him up on it, then Kenny popped into existence. I was assigned as his personal guard and I had to decline Shining's offer." Edith nodded her head in understanding and continued walking around the city. She wasn't done asking things though, "Do you regret not accepting his offer sooner?"
"Heck no!" Flash said with a chuckle. "If I had taken him up on his offer I would never have met my wing-man! And, if I never met Kenny, I would never have met you! Do I regret not moving to the Empire? About as much as I regret spending twenty bits on Attack on Sleipnir."
"Are you sure you don't have a fetish for six-legged horses?" Edith joked. Flash's mood instantly worsened, he hated that joke.
"I already told you, I read it for the plot." Flash muttered.
"Yeah, 'plot', gotcha honey." Edith giggled when Flash's face turned a nice shade of vermilion.
"Your the worst..." Edith wrapped him in her arms and gave him a tight squeeze. He smiled at her and peck her beak with a kiss.
"So where to now?" Edith said, hopping off him.
"How do you feel about jousting?" Flash said pulling a pair of tickets out of his saddlebag. Edith's eyes widened and she nodded her head fervently.
"Where did you find tickets?"
"I told you, me and Shining go way back. When I told him I was visiting he got all kinds of things set up for us. However there was a little catch..."
"What?" Edith didn't like that Flash's face turned into one of worry and fear.
"You and Princess Cadance are going to have a 'girl's night' tomorrow." Flash said with a false smile.
"....How do you plan to make up for this?" Edith said calmly.
"I brought my best whiskey. Aged for twenty years, gold label, everything. Guaranteed to make you number than a wooden board."
"Good boy."
"Luna, I already told you I can't." Kenny had finished the conference (which had consisted of him walking in and throwing a bag with a couple texts on the advancement and function of technology on Earth and various computers, big and small, into the room and walking out again) and was headed for his room. Luna had insisted that he instead go to hers for another 'roll in the hay'. "I have lots of things to do and I'm sure you have work to do as well." Luna pouted as cutely as she could in hopes that it would sway him, but frowned sourly when he remained unmoved. "Luna, as much as I would love to, I have responsibilities now. If I don't realign my gear the elements will get pissed. They're finicky as it is, I don't want to piss them off by channeling them through tainted mediums. It would be like sloppy seconds for them."
"I liked it better when you had more time for me..." Luna grumbled.
"I wish that were the case, Luna, but I have responsibilities now. I would expect you of all ponies to understand." Luna's ears drooped as she responded, "I do, its just that you make me so happy all the time and now that you'll let me I really want to repay the favor."
Kenny's eyebrow raised, "Through constant sex?" He received a prompt swat in the rear by Luna's tail for that comment.
"Excuse me for choosing a method that I too find enjoyable. If that is how you feel perhaps I should retract my offer." Luna mimicked the haughty nobles she dealt with on a nightly basis, snout pointed in the air as she sped up her trot to pull ahead of him.
"Good, then maybe I can get some work done. Bye Luna." Kenny winked out of existence, leaving a highly disgruntled Luna in his wake.
Luna grumbled to herself as she approached her office. She hoped today she would have something to do, thanks to Twilight and her friends her original work as the sword of Equestria was meaningless. Few threats ever presented themselves that required her intervention, meaning she was often stuck doing lots of nothing. It was getting so bad that some days she considered taking on some of the work on Celestia's side of things, but remembered what happened the last time she had done so and shot it down. She opened the door to find her IN box empty, and she sighed in disappointment. Another long, boring night it would seem. She called over a hoof-servant and requested a coffee cake be delivered to her office. The dainty mare nodded once and trotted quickly away to do so.
Luna sat at her desk with a mighty floompf! on the goose down pillow seat. She desperately wanted something to do. Before, Kenny had slept through the night, now that he was awake he was too busy to alleviate her of her boredom. She threw around ideas in her head, mulling over the few options she had. The sad reality was that her sleeping schedule prevented her from finding many friends. Most ponies slept, and those that were awake were usually working and didn't appreciate distractions. She felt a furry form cuddle up by her hooves and Luna looked down to find Tiberius had wormed his way into her lap. At least she had him during these nights.
She picked up the playful possum and nuzzled him affectionately. "Oh, what should I do Tiberius?" She asked the cute marsupial. "Kenny is busy, work is slow, and I find myself without things to do. As comforting as it is to see Equestria so peaceful, I long for a foe to face or a challenge to conquer. Times have really changed." Tiberius licked her nose, eliciting a quaint giggle from the princess. "Your right, I shouldn't think like that. If the times have changed, then I will change with them. I must find new things to conquer besides dragons and manticores, both fictional and non." Luna stood proudly from her seat, Tiberius balanced on top of her crown. "The world is full of adventure! I just need to find it!" Luna weaved her way to the door and sped through the castle.
Five minutes later, the hoof-servant returned with the coffee cake on a cart, only to find an empty room. Checking to see if anyone was watching, the castle staff entered the empty room and the cake was never seen again.
Luna came to a stop at Kenny's door. Her first endeavor would be to assist Kenny in whatever he was doing. This would not only fix her state of apathy, but it would hasten its completion, bringing her closer to another night of joyous romping. She gripped the knob in hoof and turned it to find the door was securely locked. Sadly, security measures have been placed to prevent unlocking the door with magic, and teleporting in would be dangerous if he was in the middle of a spell. Her sudden, unannounced appearance would undoubtedly cause a scene. Instead she opted for the next best thing. She rapped her hoof on the door, sounding off three hard, even thuds on the door. When an explosion did not rock the hallway she breathed a sigh of relief.
"Yessum?" Came Kenny's voice from behind the door.
"Kenny, Love? It's me, Luna."
"At ten o'clock at night? You don't say?" The sarcasm was so thick, it oozed like molasses through his words.
"Can I come in?" Luna asked, ignoring his remark.
A minute passed before she heard the lock on the door click and the portal open. "Very well. Come on in."
His room had gone a complete makeover since his arrival. The once refined and royal bedroom was now gone. In its place was what looked like a Zebrican tribal's hut. The walls were adorned with various talismans, carvings, tapestries and other unique items. There was even a wooden shield on one wall, covered in intricate, indecipherable carvings. The desk and nightstand were littered with bottles, flasks, rocks and trinkets. They appeared to be placed at random, no sense of order among it all. Kenny sat on the floor in the middle of four totems, each a pillar with carvings representing one of the four magical elements. Kenny himself was bare from the waist up, his legs clothed in some rough-looking orange cloth. His back was to her, legs crossed and hands on his knees as he sat ramrod straight. Along with the totems was a long bladed spear of a make Luna has never seen. It floated just in front of Kenny, wrapped in his black magic. It glowed a brilliant white, then quickly faded as Kenny lowered the weapon down.
"All done. Now what was it you needed Luna?" Kenny stood as he talked. He grabbed a matching orange shirt from his bed, the only thing in the room left untouched, and pulled the material over his head. It was large and baggy on him, a very modest choice of wear, Luna thought.
"I am bored, and so came here in hopes to correct my boredom." Luna said as she crossed into his threshold. "What are you doing?"
"Now, I'm going to move on to practicing my movements." Kenny reached into the bag he had brought with him, which now lay at the foot of his bed, and began rooting around.
"Is there anyway I can help?" Luna asked. Tiberius climbed from her shoulder to the floor and began inspecting the many strange aromas that wafted around the room.
"Aha!" Kenny cried in triumph as he pulled out an oil lamp. "What? Oh. Sure, meet me in the gardens. I'll be by the Weeping Willow." Luna and Kenny both knew the tree well. It rested on a personal island in a small pond deep in the gardens. It was Luna's favorite place for picnics. Luna was going to ask why she needed to meet him there when they would both be walking the same direction when he winked out of existence again. Luna couldn't help but consider that he may be a little addicted to teleportation. She followed shortly after.
Luna arrived to find Kenny placing the lit lamp on the ground. When he had it placed just right she asked, "So what do you need me to do?"
"I need you to make sure nothing I do causes unnecessary harm." Kenny entered a balanced stance, palms pressed together in front of him. "These can become incredibly dangerous if I mess up." Luna nodded and pulled up a bubble shield around them. Now no magic would be able to get in or out.
"If these are so dangerous, why are you practicing them in Celestia's prized gardens?"
"It was either here, or the Everfree, and the last time I visited there it was on fire." Kenny closed his eyes and relaxed his body with a deep breath.
"What!?" Luna's shrill cry caused Kenny to tense up. So much for relaxation.
"Shh, Luna. I need to focus." Kenny resumed his deep breaths, calming himself. When he had reached an optimal level of relaxed, he began.
Kenny started by taking a large step towards the pond, his body turning as he did. Now his left leg was stretched out in front of him, his body perpendicular to the water's edge. He separated his palms and his arms moved slowly down, then up in a smooth, circular motion. Matching his movements a orb of water gradually rose from the pond, an action that Luna failed to see any danger in. Luna watched, and realized something about what he was doing nagged at her, but she couldn't pinpoint what caused her unease. She pushed it aside. Kenny opened his eyes and they locked on the smooth orb of crystal clear water. He slowly rose back into a standing position. Then, with a quick sweep of his arm, the water turned in to variable whip, lashing out to his side before returning to hover over his right palm. This movement was followed by another and another, in quick succession. Kenny's movement's were graceful and smooth, the water following him like a ribbon through the air. He stopped suddenly, returning to the same position as before, palms pressed together. The water turned into a mist that hung around his feet.
"Impressive." Luna commented, receiving a coy smile from Kenny as a reward.
Kenny's next action abandoned grace entirely. He stomped his right foot into the ground and a chunk of earth lifted itself from the ground, eliciting an 'eep!' from the Moon Princess. He slammed his now open hands together as fists, knuckle to knuckle. The chunk compressed into a perfectly round stone, smooth and featureless. Kenny held it in place as he repeated the actions multiple times, producing three more stone spheres. They circled lazily as Kenny twirled his hand in little circles. He formed a fist and the stones collided with eachother above his head, mashing into a single entity. Feet planted firmly into the ground, Kenny brought his arms straight down, and the stone crashed back into the earth. Rather than leave a crater, it melded back into the ground, leaving little more than a patch of soil where it landed. He pressed his elbows into his sides, fists held out horizantally. The ground heaved and surrounded him, encasing him in a dome of rock. The dome exploded shortly after, the fragments flying outwards and stopping midair before they impacted anything. Kenny stood at the epicenter, arms extended fully and hands open wide. He calmly stood up straight again, the floating rocks falling back into the earth.
Luna sat in awe of what she had seen. Kenny, unaware of this, moved on.
Kenny began by moving his hands in a twirling fashion, his entire body moving along with the movement. The only visible sign he was doing anything was how his clothes flapped with growing intensity as he did. Then the air in between his hands showed their true colors, a ball of distortion forming between his hands. He threw the ball at the willow. The result was an explosion of wind on the trees trunk, throwing leaves into the air. Kenny swiped his hands to the left, and a gust of wind followed suit pulling the leaves with it. He continued pulling the air along and around him, physically twirling. Soon a localized tornado formed with Kenny at its epicenter. He stopped moving and it seemed the entire world froze. The very air stilled and the leaves were suspended motionless in the air. He lowered his outstretched hands and the leaves resumed fluttering to the ground. Kenny, however, wasn't done. He began to twirl his hands again, this time above his head. Dark, stormy clouds formed above him, just in Luna's barrier. Lightning suddenly struck down on Kenny and Luna leapt up to help him, shocked by the turn of events. However, Kenny stood unaffected by the shock, sparks dancing over his body. He threw his hand up and his own bolt of lightning leapt from his fingertips and struck the cloud, dispelling it.
"You bastard!" Luna yelled, "I thought you were hurt!" Kenny chuckled.
"Luna, I'm obviously fine. Sorry if I scared you-"
"IF!?"
"-That I scared you, but I've been doing this for a couple years now. I know what I'm doing. This next set is the easiest to mess up, so I'm telling you now. Be prepared." Kenny set himself in a balanced stance, but kept his arms curled at his sides rather than in front of him.
Then Kenny's right arm shot out to his side, towards the oil lamp on the ground. The small, flickering flame roared to a new life and Kenny thrust his hand forward. The flame leapt from the lamp, past Kenny, and directly at Luna, but, before it even made it within a yard of her, dispelled. He performed a roundhouse kick that the fire followed, vanishing as his foot reconnected to the ground. He launched a few punches, bursts of fire leaping from the lamp. Kenny was careful to dispell the flames before they hit anything. These new moves were more aggressive and resembled kung-fu, lots of kicks and punches. When he had completed these sets he moved on to the most advanced one. Kenny began collecting the fire around him, the flickering flames dancing around him like a snake as they collected. Then he shrunk them into a small ball in his hand and raised it too his mouth. Then he breathed a stream of fire over the pond, the wide spray narrowly avoiding incinerating the tree.
"Aaaand done," Kenny said.
Flash Sentry and Edith Grayfeather both settled into bed after there long first day of vacation. Too tired to do anything but sleep, they crawled into the sheets and Edith turned off the light. They were staying at a four-star hotel, all expenses paid by Flash's generous guard salary. Flash knew how to relax in style.
"Well, that was fun," Edith said as she cuddled up next to her colt-friend. "I didn't know crystal ponies were so hardcore."
Flash laughed as he recalled the events at the jousting tournament. "Did you see that dude's leg? The bone was even poking out!"
"Priceless!" Edith joined in his laughter. "You almost puked!"
"I know! It was the gnarliest thing I've ever seen!"
They continued their chuckles for a while before exhaustion over took them and they drifted off to sleep. Flash's dreams were simple at first, going to school naked, sea of ice cream, surrounded by sexy Edith clones, you know, basic stuff. Then he had this dream...
Flash was flying through the sky. He strained his wings, willing himself to go faster. The wind whipped against his face, his lips flapped in the wind as slowly and steadily he approached the speed of sound. He felt the air bend around him as he went ever faster. He pushed harder as the very air seemed to try and hold him back. He was getting close, he could feel it. Just... a little... faster!
"Science Bitch!" Flash yelped as a red and gold blur broke the sound barrier and barreled right past him. He careened off, flipping heads-over tails in the air before landing hard in a chair. He looked around to find himself in a dark and foreboding room. In front of him was a stainless steel table. He couldn't see anything else in the shadowy room. Then a bright light was turned on and aimed directly in his face, preventing him from seeing anything but it. When he attempted to move his head out of the beam's path, an unseen force would move it back into his eyes. What was going on?
"Does he look like a bitch?" A deep, menacing voice said.
"W-Wha-"
"What country you from?!" It yelled at him.
"What!?"
"What ain't a country I ever heard of! They speak English in What?"
"W-What!?"
"English Motherfucker! Do. You. Speak It!"
"Yes!"
"Then you know what I'm saying?"
"...Not really."
The table was thrown to the side and the lamp cast it's light on Flash's captor. There, shown in stark relief by the lamp's bright light was a red, featureless face with large black ovals surrounding it's eyes. The pony's white, empty eyes pierced into Flash's soul.
"Chimichanga time, Bitch..." The figure grasped the confused and thoroughly frightened Flash in it's hooves and spun him around on his chair. The world turned into a blur of color and Flash's brain began to melt.
"WHaaaHT's GOoooiINNG OOOOOnnnN!!!!!!" He yelled out in despair.
The chair suddenly stopped, though Flash's eyes were still trying to catch up with this fact. Once his eyeballs stopped rolling in their sockets, Flash looked at his savior.
A gigantic hoof.
Connected to a much larger body, with a total of eight, over sized hooves in all.
"A S-Sleipnir?" Flash whispered. The giant hoof retracted, and the giant horses body lowered into a laying position. Even after this, Flash still couldn't see it's face. "It has to be at least eighty hooves high..." Flash whispered. Then the Slepnir's head came crashing down inches in front of Flash, causing the poor stallion to nearly wet himself. When he opened his eyes he nearly peed again.
It was staring at him.
Gigantic, red, blank eyes.
Just staring.
Flash tore his gaze away to look at the rest of the Sleipnir. It had a dirty, tangled mane that was a ruddy green. It's coat was a creamy mocha and it had a distinct feminine figure.
"Hi~" It whispers. Did it just talk! Sleipnir don't talk!
"Hello?" Flash was unsure what to make of all this.
"My name's Hazel~" The giant whispered again. It's gigantic mouth pulled back into what was supposed to be a cute smile, but it's sheer size prevented anything it did from being cute.
"My name's Flash Sentry..."
"Oooo~ Your name is cuter than you are!" Its voice never went above that whisper.
"Uh, thanks?" Wasn't it supposed to try and eat him? What was going on?
"You want to go for a ride?"
Flash was surprised at this offer, Sleipnir were giant, pony-eating, mindless monsters. This one acted like a foal with a new toy.
"Sure?" He was afraid of what would happen if he said no.
Quicker than he could react, the giant snapped him up in her jaws, spat him into the air, and landing him a soft spot on her crown among her sea of green hair. Little did the giant know, much less able to taste, that Flash had finally wet himself.
When Flash finally looked up from his perch, he saw they were now walking through a forest, one that Flash was sure wasn't there before.
"Where are you taking me?" Flash asked. Hazel responded by swiveling her ears so they faced him more. He asked again, raising his voice a little.
"To my home, silly!" Her booming voice was difficult to ignore. "I'm going to feed you, play with you, and make you mine!" Flash gulped. Things had taken a much more sinister turn. What was worse, he knew he couldn't get away. This Sleipnir was intelligent, so that meant that it would catch him with ease if he tried to escape. He could only hope she was gentle with him.
"Here we are!" Flash was broken out of his thoughts to find himself in a giant log cabin. Thousands of trees made up the walls of the gigantic structure. With a flip of her mane, Flash was sent flying into a soft bed made of pine needles wrapped in burlap. Hazel approached Flash, and Flash awaited his fate.
"Now," Hazel began, her voice dropping to whisper again. "I want you to squirm as much as you can, Mama's been waiting for this."
"What?" Flash whimpered, his small voice going unheard by the giant. Hazel turned around and presented Flash something he knew didn't belong on any Sleipnir.
"Wait! Sleipnir don't have genitals!" Flash yelled.
Then Hazel sat on him.
Thousands of miles away, Luna and Kenny were laughing there heads off at the look of sheer horror that Flash had before waking up.
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My reaction to Kenny's elemental training...
notadamandsteve.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/avatar-avatar-the-last-airbender-24725729-660-600.jpeg
Good chapter, but that mental connection is probably gonna stick hard...
It was somewhat confusing when two different people spoke in the same paragraph. New speaker, new paragraph.
Also, you have a habit of using your when you should use you're.
4025623
Me too dooood.
Hillarious! The ending was just Epic!
4031682
How did this even happen? Fixed
...
Y u do dis?!
4034042
Shits and Giggles
4034053 If Luna's sense of humor involves giving people nightmares about 80 story tall beings dropping their vajayjay on them, I'm not sure I can say Luna is best princess now.
4034254
Kenny was the on who knew that Flash was a fan of Attack on Sleipnir.