The writing quality is somewhat lower than some of your other fics.

I agree with hs0003, even your last chapter was of a better quality than this one. You forgot to capitalize several names, Pinkie's among them.
INOPPORTUNE COMMA AND SPELLING!!!

Fluttershy yawned as, she woke up to see that she was in a foreign envoirment.

Environment.
I have to say, you have captured Pinkie Pie almost spot on. Fluttershy doesn't seem shy enough though. I was expecting her to cower and squeak in fear at Dread, as is her way.
Waiting for more.

3382923

I can answer fluttershy being not as shy is because she.....grew some damn balls and got more "normal" it.

In the story It didn't show and specific time period so she must have gotten better in the authors eyes

(but still love flutters for the way she is)

YOU CAPTURED PINKIE PIE RIGHT OFF THE BAT HOW U DO IT BOY~SLENDY

Slendy's right you captured pinkie pretty good and i have to agree with truth, you didn't specify time periods. still a like and a fave from both of us~shyZilla

3382923 sorry I'll try better next chapter

3383492 with Pinkie there fluttershy got a bit braver alright since Pinkie thinks that dread is a friend fluttershy also thinks as him as a friend

Again, I'm offering to be your editor.

3385680 really PM me.

3385755 I was gonna volunteer to be your editor, but I'm already helping someone else. Sorry!

3385987 it's fine you go and help someone else I'm sure I can find someone.

3386016 Btw, that picture looks so fucking cute dammit!

3386020 which one my avatar or the cover art

3386040 Cover art.

3386049 awesome

3386136 okay one thing if you don't like 2nd person don't read simple as that. Now I write second person because I like being in the center of the story just because the protagonist has features doesn't mean it makes it bad I've read stories that have the primary name and description of the character so yeah.

Also I'm not the best writer by a long shot so I'm trying to find an editor so yeah don't like it read something else.

3386314 Look, man, if someone is giving you there honest opinion about a work, it means they care about it and wish it to be better than it was. It's not him trying to be mean, and the fact that he read it in the first place shows that he wants to read it. Be mature enough to understand that constructive criticism is meant to help the author, not criticize the work.

So don't go off on a guy just because you don't agree with him. Leave that to the politicians.

3391317 yeah I get that now I was just trying to point out that some 2nd person story already have a preset character for ya.

3391330 Okay, cool.

Everyone's happy!

3391335 yeah that's fine

Ookay... I`m not the paragon of proper language myself, but... dude. Reading this was... less then pleasant.

Really, if you go for second person view, at least try not to make it awkward.

had a bright red blush across your face, as you looked away sweating profusely you also had an awkward boner

awkward boner

888chan.org/cow/src/139759743246.jpg

Ooh, I hope humanized ponies come to visit me so I can tell them my name is too long to remember and instead give myself an edgy nickname like..Wrath..or Itachi Uchiha..or even Dick McLargeHuge

I loved this chapter it was a awesome read and it had me cracking up. I can't wait to see what happens next.