Rapture has given Epsilon only one good thing, the very thing that drives him everyday to live in this stinkin' city. His only family, his daughter Applebloom. He'll do anything and everything to protect her.
This story has a good concept (so far, I haven't read any chapters besides the first yet), however many potential readers will be scared away by the poorly edited first chapter. If you have some free time, fixing it would probably be in your best interests if you want more readers in days to come.
I've wanted a bioshock crossover and I think this is promising.
"GROAN"echoed a monsteous voice
Yet again, I have been put off by a description...
Okay, dude, this premise is interesting, but you definetly need an editor, STAT!!!
Otherwise, good job.
You REALLY need an editor
Dear (insert author's name here),
This story has a good concept (so far, I haven't read any chapters besides the first yet), however many potential readers will be scared away by the poorly edited first chapter. If you have some free time, fixing it would probably be in your best interests if you want more readers in days to come.
Thanks,
/XX/\