Rapture has given Epsilon only one good thing, the very thing that drives him everyday to live in this stinkin' city. His only family, his daughter Applebloom. He'll do anything and everything to protect her.
How could subject E forget this, no human or...horse can understand Bid daddies
>Bid daddies >Bid
Subject E looked to the stallion
>At
What kind of guard would carry a map everywhere? He doesn't seem to be rookie or new to the castle... It does seem suspicious that a guard would need it since he's been trained in Canterlot for a long time.
Well, everything still seem fine, nothing much to improve here. But you should try and add in more content into a chapter or it might seemed rushed. Like what damage was caused to the stallion and the environment by the Big Daddy. From what you described about the 'fight', it seems like something other than the guard is broken.
FEAR ME FOR I AM A BIG DADDY..is all I said mentally during this and..... You messed with a little sister and her big daddy!? I prepare the memorial service.
With some repairs and a bit of polish this would be a good story. If I had to guess, most of the down votes on your story are because of a lack of thorough editing in all of the chapters (even the ones you said were edited). If I get some free time this week, I might go through and fix a couple chapters for you by the end of the week with some quality editing (no promises, but I'll try).
The chapter is a bit to short. But OK!
>Bid daddies
>Bid
>At
What kind of guard would carry a map everywhere? He doesn't seem to be rookie or new to the castle... It does seem suspicious that a guard would need it since he's been trained in Canterlot for a long time.
Well, everything still seem fine, nothing much to improve here. But you should try and add in more content into a chapter or it might seemed rushed. Like what damage was caused to the stallion and the environment by the Big Daddy. From what you described about the 'fight', it seems like something other than the guard is broken.
4216264 Yes....thank you screw....i mean really thank you
FEAR ME FOR I AM A BIG DADDY..is all I said mentally during this and.....
You messed with a little sister and her big daddy!?
I prepare the memorial service.
Just going to say now, when Subject E meets Celestia again, the excrement will hit the ventilation unit.
Will there be a new chapter soon?
4463962 i hope so...
4463962
Yes there will be a new chapter
4640518 Thank you!
4641809
Love you avatar pic
4648364 Thank god for Google Images.
4649236
Amen
Take my likes
4655982
.....Okay
With some repairs and a bit of polish this would be a good story. If I had to guess, most of the down votes on your story are because of a lack of thorough editing in all of the chapters (even the ones you said were edited). If I get some free time this week, I might go through and fix a couple chapters for you by the end of the week with some quality editing (no promises, but I'll try).
4658701
Well thank you for your advice I'm working on a new chapter so after I finish this chapter I'l go back to them....
4658993
That would be helpful...thank you
Update?
4661550
It's coming soon. I know it's been awhile but I'm still just an amateur writer
Password for it must be stopped?
4661977 huh?.....
4661977 huh?.....
4661988 what is the password for the chapter it must be stopped?
4662137
Oh...yeah
Sorry but it's not publish I accidentally pushed publish...sorry for the misunderstanding. ..hehe...sorry