Twilight and Her Nutty Teacher

by FlameSwordedLink

Chapter 1: The Making of Ava- Equestria

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

You have been cordially invited to partake in Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. We hope that you pass the entrance exam. If you should fail, you shall be followed and shunned for the rest of your miserable life. Have a nice day.

Sincerely,

Entrance Exam Anon

Twilight read the letter over several times before she finally got to the school. She went in to the office to begin. She knew that it was a once in a life time opportunity to be taught by an alicorn, especially one that was a princess.

"So, Twilight Sparkle, why do you think that we should accept you?" The pony questioned.

"I like Pi." She said.

"Yes, well I like trains."

"Ooh! I like trains too! Watch out for that one behind you though!" A pink pony said out of nowhere as a train ran into the building. "Well, that's seven buildings down, five thousand, six hundred and forty-three to go."

"Who are you?" The lavender pony asked.

"I'm your future friend. I need to go and destroy more buildings though, so bye for now!"

"What just happened?"

"I honestly don't know." Twilight's mom said.

"Can I start the test yet?"

"Your test is to hatch this dragon egg." A pony said as he unveiled a purple dragon egg sprinkled with green spots on it. Twilight then started up her horn and tried for hours upon hours to get the spell to work. Suddenly, out of nowhere a rainbow came across the sky when it wasn't raining. Then she proceeded to turn her parents into plants and grow the dragon one hundred times past its original height. She proceeded to build up a purple ball of magic overdose, presumably not have giving anyone hallucinogens to cause this, or possibly have consumed drugs herself. Whatever happened, she soon had a ball of magical overload that was ready to burst, which is to say that she was about to create a black hole. She then had to have the Princess, Celestia herself, calm her down to prevent that from happening. You don't want Equestria to be gone, and you trapped inside a place that pony kind knows very little about after all.
"So, did I pass?" Twilight asked.

The exam pony replied saying, "Yes, though please never do that again. You are to be tutored by none other than the Princess herself."

"Congratulations, Twilight! You now get to be taught by an acorn! What an honor!" Twilight Velvet said enthusiastically.

"You mean an alicorn." Twilight corrected, being the grammar nazi she is.

"Nope, I mean an acorn. Did you feel any hooves on you at all?"

"No, but I did feel feathers." She then turned her head and saw that a grey pegasus was pressed up against a wall, while there was a gaping hole in the ceiling. Apparently she had also cast a pegasus magnet. Meanwhile, the pegasus got up and found that her eyes were messed up. She shrugged and attempted to fly. She succeeded, but she did not fly very straight and ran into Twilight.

"I just don't know what went wrong!" She cried. She then proceeded to get up and fly off with a lot of thuds, screams, and cats meowing. She definitely got less coordinated by that fall.

"So I am going to be tutored by an acorn.... What could possibly go wrong. Well, besides the nut in the moon. But one thing that I'm wondering is how an acorn came to rule our nation." She then proceeded to rant off about the terrible things that could happen with a nut ruling Equestria.

HISTORY LESSON!!!

Once upon a time, in the not-so-magical land of Earth, a wizard by the name of Starswirl the Bearded planted a seed that grew into a giant tree. The tree soon became a new world, one which he named Ava-

Wait, that's copyrighted? I DON'T CARE!!!

One which he named Avalon. He then picked three acorns off of the tree. He named them Nutella, Celestia, and Cadance. He proceeded to cut the tree and rename the land Equestria, for he saw ponies crawling all over the place. That or someone slipped a hallucinogen into his coffee again. Probably the coffee. He then proceeded- Wait, I've used "proceeded" too much you say? Fine. He then made himself into a pony and embedded all of the ponies with a memory of things that never happened. Like Nutella becoming Nutmare Moon for example. But that is for another time. He then had Celestia guard the sun, which somehow worked, he decided to ask Pinkie how it did later, Nutella the moon, and Cadance to guard the love and friendship between everypony. ...That or embed them with feelings of jealousy and hatred. He still was uncertain. Once he was done, he decided that everything was good. It took about seven hours to make.

WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY PLANNED PROGRAM. OR NOT SO REGULAR. IT DID HAVE PINKIE IN IT AFTER ALL.

Twilight was still wondering how her brain mated with her logic when a gust of wind blew through and everything around her changed. She was then sped through time by seven years. These seven years are meant to be discussed at a later date over a tea party with Mr. Miggens. Twilight decided that she would have to ask her future friend how time sped up like that. And how she didn't destroy Equestria. She then pro- er, found a book on Nutmare Moon, the Nut in the Moon. She then burst out laughing at whoever created this silly book, which is to say that she laughed at her idol.

"Hey, Rick! Come look at this!" She said to her pet rock. Meanwhile, her pet dragon was sitting in the corner playing video games from an era that has yet to reach the common era. Twilight really was a sad, lonely little mare. She then proceeded to have a seizure. End of story. Goodbye. Wait, you want more? Fine. She was told by her enchanted rock to go show the Princess, whom she had also enchanted, her findings. Well, this means that she will either end up dead, crazy, or a hero. Or all three. Who knows for certain except Starwswirl?

Author's Note:

This is not meant to be taken seriously at all. If you do, call you nearest hospital and ask for a bouncy house to relieve stress. I will work on Celestia teaching Twilight in the next chapter. And yes, Luna is Nutella. DEAL WITH IT. If you did not understand any of this, consult your nearest Pinkie Pi. 3.1415 Twilight likes Pi. Soarin likes pie. This was inspired by myself talking to another user via comments. Their name is DerpyRainbow. If you did not like the story, wait a few hours and reread it. If you still don't like it, like it anyway. Thank you, and good morning.

~FlameSwordedLink

Comments

[MDNGHTRDHTLN]

I read that comment chain and laughed. I read this story and laughed. Liked and favorited.

[FlameSwordedLink]

3076952

Thank you very much. I actually wrote this within about two hours past midnight. I wonder what a chapter would look like if I didn't take my ADHD medicine....

[DerpyRainbow]

You've written one of the rarest things on the planet: something that makes me actually laugh out loud! You are to be given one cookie everyday for the rest of your life (starting at an unspecified later date) Thank you for writing this

[FlameSwordedLink]

3079884

i59.photobucket.com/albums/g305/Meuterei/Ponies/flutteryay-1.gif

Thank you very much. Expect another chapter tomorrow because I'll probably write while I'm sleep deprived at midnight. If not very much awake and doing nothing.

[DerpyRainbow]

3080052
I'll be looking forward to it! Nice easter egg in the Author notes I must add

[FlameSwordedLink]

3080124

Thank you. At least some people read the author's notes. Besides Pinkie Pie. She is just...Pinkie. Well, I need to eat and listen to music before I write the next chapter. ...Pinkie Pie is not going to be happy with me....

[StageQuill]

I LOVE THIS!

It's hard to read in a loveable way. GENIUS>