Random story about Twilight having an acorn for a teacher. Please read the full description for more details.
...This description is now completely rewritten! I am sorry for not tabbing, but it is hard to do on my iPad.
This story is mainly about what would happen if Equestrian was ruled by acorns. I apologize in advance, this is not meant as a trollfic, and yes, I do have ADHD.
What's it like when you are the student of an acorn? Just ask Twilight, she'll tell you all about it. And best of all, she doesn't even know what will happen next!
Might I say that this contains fourth-wall breaking, lots of Pinkie Pie, and some other things that might be considered very crazy. I also want to say that I am trying to make it normal and that it starts at chapter 8. I recommend reading it all of the way through, but if you can't get through some of the chapters, just skip it and see if you like the next one! The plot of this story is still being decided....
You have been cordially invited to partake in Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. We hope that you pass the entrance exam. If you should fail, you shall be followed and shunned for the rest of your miserable life. Have a nice day.
Sincerely,
Entrance Exam Anon
Twilight read the letter over several times before she finally got to the school. She went in to the office to begin. She knew that it was a once in a life time opportunity to be taught by an alicorn, especially one that was a princess.
"So, Twilight Sparkle, why do you think that we should accept you?" The pony questioned.
"I like Pi." She said.
"Yes, well I like trains."
"Ooh! I like trains too! Watch out for that one behind you though!" A pink pony said out of nowhere as a train ran into the building. "Well, that's seven buildings down, five thousand, six hundred and forty-three to go."
"Who are you?" The lavender pony asked.
"I'm your future friend. I need to go and destroy more buildings though, so bye for now!"
"What just happened?"
"I honestly don't know." Twilight's mom said.
"Can I start the test yet?"
"Your test is to hatch this dragon egg." A pony said as he unveiled a purple dragon egg sprinkled with green spots on it. Twilight then started up her horn and tried for hours upon hours to get the spell to work. Suddenly, out of nowhere a rainbow came across the sky when it wasn't raining. Then she proceeded to turn her parents into plants and grow the dragon one hundred times past its original height. She proceeded to build up a purple ball of magic overdose, presumably not have giving anyone hallucinogens to cause this, or possibly have consumed drugs herself. Whatever happened, she soon had a ball of magical overload that was ready to burst, which is to say that she was about to create a black hole. She then had to have the Princess, Celestia herself, calm her down to prevent that from happening. You don't want Equestria to be gone, and you trapped inside a place that pony kind knows very little about after all. "So, did I pass?" Twilight asked.
The exam pony replied saying, "Yes, though please never do that again. You are to be tutored by none other than the Princess herself."
"Congratulations, Twilight! You now get to be taught by an acorn! What an honor!" Twilight Velvet said enthusiastically.
"You mean an alicorn." Twilight corrected, being the grammar nazi she is.
"Nope, I mean an acorn. Did you feel any hooves on you at all?"
"No, but I did feel feathers." She then turned her head and saw that a grey pegasus was pressed up against a wall, while there was a gaping hole in the ceiling. Apparently she had also cast a pegasus magnet. Meanwhile, the pegasus got up and found that her eyes were messed up. She shrugged and attempted to fly. She succeeded, but she did not fly very straight and ran into Twilight.
"I just don't know what went wrong!" She cried. She then proceeded to get up and fly off with a lot of thuds, screams, and cats meowing. She definitely got less coordinated by that fall.
"So I am going to be tutored by an acorn.... What could possibly go wrong. Well, besides the nut in the moon. But one thing that I'm wondering is how an acorn came to rule our nation." She then proceeded to rant off about the terrible things that could happen with a nut ruling Equestria.
HISTORY LESSON!!!
Once upon a time, in the not-so-magical land of Earth, a wizard by the name of Starswirl the Bearded planted a seed that grew into a giant tree. The tree soon became a new world, one which he named Ava-
Wait, that's copyrighted? I DON'T CARE!!!
One which he named Avalon. He then picked three acorns off of the tree. He named them Nutella, Celestia, and Cadance. He proceeded to cut the tree and rename the land Equestria, for he saw ponies crawling all over the place. That or someone slipped a hallucinogen into his coffee again. Probably the coffee. He then proceeded- Wait, I've used "proceeded" too much you say? Fine. He then made himself into a pony and embedded all of the ponies with a memory of things that never happened. Like Nutella becoming Nutmare Moon for example. But that is for another time. He then had Celestia guard the sun, which somehow worked, he decided to ask Pinkie how it did later, Nutella the moon, and Cadance to guard the love and friendship between everypony. ...That or embed them with feelings of jealousy and hatred. He still was uncertain. Once he was done, he decided that everything was good. It took about seven hours to make.
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY PLANNED PROGRAM. OR NOT SO REGULAR. IT DID HAVE PINKIE IN IT AFTER ALL.
Twilight was still wondering how her brain mated with her logic when a gust of wind blew through and everything around her changed. She was then sped through time by seven years. These seven years are meant to be discussed at a later date over a tea party with Mr. Miggens. Twilight decided that she would have to ask her future friend how time sped up like that. And how she didn't destroy Equestria. She then pro- er, found a book on Nutmare Moon, the Nut in the Moon. She then burst out laughing at whoever created this silly book, which is to say that she laughed at her idol.
"Hey, Rick! Come look at this!" She said to her pet rock. Meanwhile, her pet dragon was sitting in the corner playing video games from an era that has yet to reach the common era. Twilight really was a sad, lonely little mare. She then proceeded to have a seizure. End of story. Goodbye. Wait, you want more? Fine. She was told by her enchanted rock to go show the Princess, whom she had also enchanted, her findings. Well, this means that she will either end up dead, crazy, or a hero. Or all three. Who knows for certain except Starwswirl?
Twilight studied the spell book furiously. She wanted to make sure that she got this correct on her first try. Though, with this being a comedy story, do you really think that she will? She continued to study it until she was sure that she could cast it. She prepared her horn and was about to let the spell loose when Spork, her pet dragon, walked into the library and asked her where some batteries are. She then lost control of the spell and sent all of the background flying out the fourth wall. Then the pink mare popped up.
"Her Twili- you tried to travel between dimensions, didn't you?" The pink mare, who you should recognize as Pinkie by now, questioned. Twilight just nodded to that. "I'll go get the background."
"Spork, what are batteries?" Twilight asked the purple dragon.
"Oh...right, this isn't the correct time period, my bad." The dragon said as he quickly vanished in a flash of light. It wasn't that noticeable with the background gone though.
Twilight found that she was hungry. "Hm...I had breakfast, and second breakfast, and brunch, so I think it's tea time. I'll have to ask Her Royal Nutness if I can grab some from the Royal Teabags. If not I'll threaten to eat her." She quickly teleported to the Nut room to tell her story. The Princess was not amused. She decided to use the threat when Pinkie suddenly returned. She was eating popcorn, but to them it was just puffed starch.
"Hey Twi, I was wondering if you had an- oh, tea time, sorry." She said as she back into the ground. Twilight made a mental note to ask about that later. It would really help her social awkwardness. Sure, it wouldn't help her overall awkwardness, but it would come in handy. Unless she was hallucinating again, in which case she should be laying off the coffee which she thinks Spork had sporked to get her drunk. But that didn't work. Anyway, back to the story.
"Let me have some tea or else I shall eat you." Twilight said affirmatively.
"If you eat me you shall live with guilt for the rest of your life." Celestia, or better yet, Nutlestia said.
"Or I could just grow another acorn, enchant it, and infuse it with it your memories."
"You know, sometimes I really hate you."
"Well now we both know what it feels like to be disappointed." The lavender mare said before walking off to get some royal tea. She passed the pink mare on the way there and asked her how she melted into the ground and mare merely said that she found away around the laws of physics. Which is to say that she doesn't apply to logic. Or common sense. Or anything. I believe that she might even be able to revive ponies from the dead.
"Well, I guess that I should work on my studies again." She says as she goes to have a staring contest with her pet rock.
"So how does this help you again?" Rick asked her.
"Some mumbo-jumbo about unlocking my inner power. That or cheese. I really don't know if she's wise, or an everyday enchanted acorn. And it teaches me patience...I think...." She says as her eyes have been open for a minute now. An hour later and she still has her eyes open. "I think I'm done for today. I'm going to go see if I can finally get proof that Spork is actually a demon spawn now. I'll be back soon." She says as she teleports away from the room.
"And now that she's gone I can plot how to start a fire in her room without her knowing. Hehehe...."
"Or you could just stay and not to do anything destructive." Pinkie said. "Where did you come from?" Rick asked.
"You still think that logic applies to me? Really?"
"I would strangle you now if I had arms."
Pinkie then felt an invisible force choking her. She died. She then woke up and found that she was still alive. "Darn it! I thought that I might have actually died for a second there. Also, I think that you got the force. The author must really like you to do that. I'll have to kill him for giving me immortality though."
"B-but you were dead! How are you still alive!?"
Just then a fairy died. "I knew I should've listened to that fairy when she said that I would be revived...." She then found that her friend was still alive. "Thank goodness 'Navi,' I thought you might have been dead." Pinkie said as a light blue fairy flew around her head.
"Nope! I'm still as jumpy and ADHD full as ever!"
"ADHD? Oh...you must mean Pinkicus Piacus Sydrome."
"In the eye of the ti-er...this isn't the shower rooms...." Spork said confused.
"Uh...why would you think that this is the shower rooms?"
"It said, 'The Little Nut's Room' on the door."
"Oh, that's Twi's nickname."
"But shouldn't he nickname be Nick? Because if it's a nick name, then if you're a nick your name would be Nick. Or is my logic misguided here?"
"...I honestly don't know how to reply to that." The mare said before bouncing off, humming a song. Just moments later it began to rain....
"So...I'll be at a windmill if you need me." The fairy said before popping out of existence.
"What the buck just happened? And why do I smell a fire?" Spork said as he saw Rick trying to burn down the room. "Well Twilight will be in for a surprise.... Oh well, it's not my room, or time period. Later Rick!" Spork said before he headed off to find the shower rooms.
A/N: I only have 12% left on my iPad. I guarantee nothing.
Twilight followed Spork around after she teleported. She found no conclusive results about him being a demon spawn, however, so she just took notes of his behavior. She cast an invisibility spell when she saw that Spork was heading back to her room. She watched the whole scene take place.
My pet rock is evil and wants to burn down my room. Honestly, I was expecting the dragon to do that first. Oh well, best to try and stop him n-!
AT THE HOSPITAL
The lavender mare, or grey if you are colorblind, woke up in a hospital. She asked what happened and was given this response:
"Well your room burned down while you were in it." Is what the doctor had told her.
"And thus my pet rock is evil." Twilight said sadly.
"Wait, pet rock?"
"Yes, why?"
"Well, if you enchanted him, which I would guess that you did, then he wouldn't become evil unless you were evil. And he couldn't have started the fire unless he had a gem inside him...or (Apparently "googly" is not a real word. Nor is googlie.) googly eyes...." The doctor said as he shivered.
"What's wrong with googly eyes?"
"Googly eyes make all rocks evil when enchanted. They also make for bad decoration, cheap knockoffs, and ways to store limitless amounts of magical energy. We don't know why, but-"
"THINK OF THE CUPCAKES!!!!" Pinkie yelled while randomly bursting in, and eating a red velvet cupcake.
"Why cupcakes? Gems taste so much better. Hi Twi. Sorry about the burnt down room." Spork said while munching on a ruby.
"But they just turn evil for no apparent evil. AND YOU STOLE MY CUPCAKE!!!! AND YOU STOLE MY MONEY THAT I TRADED IN FOR A GEM! GIVE THEM BACK!!" The doctor said as he ran after them yelling.
"Well that was awkward. ...Well, I guess that I need to go rock hunting!" Twilight said while taking out her rock hunting license. She also posted several rock season posters. ...Don't ask me why she has them. She was taught by an acorn, OK. Be prepared for anything? Well, whatever it is it's- OW! PINKIE! STOP TRYING TO PUNCH ME WHEN I'M NARRATING! IT'S VERY DISTRACTING AND I NEED TO GO BACK. I'LL GET BACK TO YOUR SCENE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!
...That was embarrassing. Anyway, she decided to grab a hammer, a welder's torch, a pitchfork, and a disenchanting spell book. (All of which are located at your nearest angry mob convenience store.) She took off to her room to start looking.
AT THE ROOM
She found nothing. (Hey, I did say "start" looking.) She decided to use a tracer spell instead. She then found that he was hiding at the nearest river. She decided to grab some C-4 and enjoy herself with that fact.
AT THE RIVER
She placed the C-4 in a good amount near where Rick was(And by that I mean about one hundred pounds. Do not ask me how she managed to get that much. If you really want to, then I will reply.), and set it off from about two miles away. She then was knocked over by the resulting boom. Twilight decided that she should be find and went on to carry out her day.
Later on that evening she found out that she had been infected by a deadly virus and died. The end. Wait, you still want more? ...And now I'm broke because I owe Pinkie all of my money. Great.... WELL, WE SHALL HAVE TO GO INTO THE FUTURE.
THE FUTURE.
In the year 3159, Twilight Sparkle is wanted for her crimes agai-. NOT THAT FAR PINKIE! That's what you get for letting her learn to break the fourth wall.... OH SHOOT! CERBERUS!!! EVERYPONY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!
MEANWHILE WITH DISCORD
"So, I was told that I was to make a special appearance." Discord stated. "And I'm wondering, dear author, are you just trying to cover the fact that you almost got killed? Where's the excitement, the chaos, and the acorns?" Are you wanting me to randomly misspell words? That would be chaos. "Maybe to you, but not to us. Not all ponies are grammar nazis you know. Speaking of which, has anypony seen my googly eyes?"
"NO! NOT THE GOOGLY(Strangely it's not misspelled here from what they are saying.) EYES! ANYTHING BUT THE GOOGLY EYES!!! EVEN HAPPY BIRTHDAY WOULD BE BETTER THAN THE GOOGLY EYES!!!" Pinkie yelled while coming out of Discord's nose.
"See what I mean author? You honestly expect ponies to find this funny? Because if you are you are not doing a good job. I don't think that you are even trying to get me to be funny. .ereh seno tseinnuf eht era I dna eikniP, ti ecaf s'tel, naem I .sdrawkcab gniklat ma I won, taerG Can you at least try to be more funny. Ah, now I can speak normally again. Thank you. I am going to leave before you-." Suddenly all of Equestria blows up. "Find out about that.... I knew I shouldn't have given Twilight that much C-4 for eight pies.... Oh well. She created glorious chaos, and that's all I could want. Well, I'm going to go back to being a statue. Good luck on your next two hundred words!" He then goes stiff.
Great.... Where's Pinkie when you need he-! Pink...ie...you're...cho...king...me...!
Hi! This is Pinkie. I'll be taking over for the author while he's suspended over a shark tank. Don't you just love sharks? They're so sweet and cuddly...wait, no, that's snakes. Or is it tigers that I'm thinking of? Oh! Right, it was pandas! ...Wait, he was supposed to be suspended over pandas...well, that would explain the screaming. ...And the tearing...maybe I should go save him? Wait! I know! I can write it that he makes it out OK! Think Pinkie...I know! I'll go get cupcakes!
And that is why you should never trust Pinkie. I still have half of my bottom missing.... Well, I'll just get back at her in the next chapter. BYE! GAH! PINKIE! ENOUGH WITH THE HUGS! THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!
A/N: It has come to my attention that I rarely have Nutlestia in this. I will try to add her more, but I am making no promises. All that I can do is say that she has not been fed to sharks...unlike me. I can confirm that she does not have googly eyes, and I will try to exact my revenge on Pinkie...in the most unreasonably reasonable way possible. And now, the story! AND NO! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BEEF JERKY SPORK!
THE STORY
Pinkie has been trying to avoid lava, spikes, marbles, and falling buckets of wet cement all morning. She decided that she should go see Nutlestia about her problem.
"Well, Pinkie, I believe that going out for cupcakes instead of helping the author, and saving his bottom, has angered him. The wisest thing to do is try to make amends with him. If not, offer to be his slave for one day. Also, please try ask him to make me a bit crazier. I am supposed to be an acorn, after all." Nutlestia told Pinkie. She also tried to make the pink mare laugh...she failed.
"Princess, I'm pretty sure that in order for you to be funny you would need to be inanimate. That way Twilight can learn how to unlock her inner peace. Or was it pizza? It was probably pepperoni pizza. And also teach her patience. In fact, she set off explosives when she still had burns. THIRD DEGREE BURNS EVEN! ...Although, I guess that she wouldn't be able to feel them, then. She must be pretty tough, but you can make her power even stronger!" Pinkie told the Princess assuredly.
"Sure, I have to go inanimate again just to help her. No thank you. She will be able to help sister, though. Well, I believe that I have answered you question. NOW LEAVE BEFORE I SEND IN THE GUARDS TO MURDER YOU!"
"OK, I'm leaving. Sheesh, you don't need to be so mean about it." TARTARUS
"That'll be six pies." Pinkie said.
"You sure run a tough bargain for lessening your destruction." Death told her.
"Well somepony has to destroy things, and Discord is currently sleeping in his statue."
"Yes, but in doing so you also let some of the souls loose from here! If I am to keep them in check then I need to make sure that no one rips holes for them to escape through! And you and Discord constantly make the holes appear! And pies are hard to get down in Tartarus! Do you know how many bits it takes to get one? A hundred!"
"Well I'll be off then!" Pinkie said as she bounced away through a black hole...and over it...and under it, and...HOW IS SHE ACTING LIKE A PARTICLE?! QUANTUM PHYSICS SHOULDN'T APPLY TO HER!! SHE'S BREAKING PRACTICALLY ALL OF THE LAWS OF PHYSICS! SHE SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO ALL OF THAT AT ONCE! ...And that is why you always attend quantum physics lectures, even if you are still in school.
BACK WHERE THINGS STILL DON'T MAKE SENSE
"So you see, Princess, the Nut in the Moon is going to return soon." Twilight told her teacher.
"But that would mean that- and that would mean- but huh?" Nutlestia said as she exploded.
"I'll go find an acorn." Spork said sadly.
"At least I saved her memory."
"Here you go Twilight! Another acorn! This is the fifth one this week, though, so shouldn't you be taking it easy?" Spork told her as he held out the nut.
"Nah. I can take it easy later. Right now I need to work on getting the Princess to tell me what to do."
"I'M BACK!" Nutlestia said as she was reenchanted.
"So what do I do, Princess?"
"You will need to go to Ponyville and make some friends while checking on the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. MAKE FRIENDS OR ELSE I WILL MURDER YOU. I MEAN IT."
"...OK, I'll make friends. BYE!" Twilight said as she teleported out of the room.
BACK IN THE PAST
I have no idea what to do next, so...RANDOMNESS FOR WHATEVER I THINK OF NEXT! ...Nope. Nothing. PINKIE! DID YOU DRINK ALL OF THE INSPIRATION AGAIN?!
"No. I drank all of the mystical rainbow liquid that was sitting on your desk." Pinkie said.
...And that is why you ask before you drink mystical liquids. THAT WAS THE INSPIRATION! Did you think it was a love poison or something?!
"Well of course I didn't, silly. I thought it was a rainbow! It wasn't as spicy as last time, though."
Next time, don't drink things sitting on my desk. Now I have to settle for pizza.
"The one you left in the refrigerator? I ate that too."
WHY CAN'T YOU STOP LIVING IN MY HOUSE?!
"Because you never asked me to leave."
But I- and I-. ...I'm leaving. You can finish the story. (Also, if you don't want to listen to a rant on cupcakes, leave now.)
"Okie dokie lokie."
So, I guess that being that I'm working on the story now, I can write a rant about how good cupcakes are! They're so good! They come in so many different flavors, like chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, lemon, raspberry, blueberry, red velvet, death, poison, burpleberry, loganberry, huckleberry, blackberry, marionberry, lingonberry, and more! And then you get to put sprinkles, toppings, and frosting on top! And you get to decorate them however you want! You can even stuff them with jam or jelly! Or put chocolate chips in them! Or maybe you might want to make muffins instead. In which case Derpy would be a better specialist. I believe her favorites are banana nut muffins. Did you know that bananas are great in smoothies? Or that peanuts aren't considered a nut? They are actually a bean instead. And beans make you fart. ...Why don't peanuts make you fart, though? Shouldn't they at least do something? Oh well. At least they're healthy for you. Wait? You say that you need to leave, author? Fine. I'll have to finish this when you get back....
Chapter 5: A Look Into the Life of a Drunken Twilight
A/N: First off: This is not what I originally was going to do for this chapter. I also want to say that I did not mean for the hiatus to go this long. I will have another chapter out later today for the waiting, and I will have three new stories to work on after that. I will have a schedule posted with the stories in the lower author's notes. Thank you for being patient, and enjoy the story. ...Now I just need to figure out how to tie this in with the story....
Twilight awoke in the hospital with a terrible migraine. ...Yeah, two possible explanations there: Pinkie threw a party last night and she got drunk (Yes, Twilight drank underage because Pinkie spiked the punch. Spork really needs to stop sleeping those bowls....) Or she could have gotten a concussion at a party that Pinkie threw. Either way Pinkie was involved. She decided that she ask the doctor.
"Eh, what's up, doc?" Twilight asked in a spot-on impression of Bugs Bunny's voice.
"The ceiling is up." Replied the doctor.
Twilight immediately facehoofed. She then said, "No, what happened to me."
"Oh, you got hurt trying to get all of the books out of the library when a fire broke out. I believe a pink mare was thought to have thrown a party there and spiked the punch, thus resulting in somepony blowing out the candles on the cake towards books."
"Pinkie...." Twilight said angrily, now knowing that she was suffering from a migraine and a hangover...while also having lost 20 IQ points. She was very sad about that.
"Did the books survive?" She asked the doctor.
"No. They all disappeared. I believe the mare was talking about something called the 'fourth wall' and how that's where they went."
"...Oh. I'm going to leave n-" She started to say before she fell. "Er, why can't I see or balance now?"
"Well, I believe that you now have vertigo. CONGRATULATIONS!"
"Is there any remedy?"
"Nope!"
"I hate you." Twilight said with a straight face.
AT THE CASTLE LIBRARY BEFORE THE FIRE
"I'm telling you, Pinkie, that Murphy's law states that something will go wrong at precisely the worst time. Like a fire could start! Maybe Nutlest- no, wait. It wouldn't be bad if she got assassinated. Maybe you'll turn into a psycho killer! Or worse, you'll spike the punch and we'll all get drunk!"
I really want a picture of Twilight saying that. Only she could think that losing IQ points is worse than a psycho killer. Also, what could possibly go even more wrong? Oh yeah this:
ONE HOUR LATER
"Twilight, would you like to help with an experiment?" Pinkie asked.
"What kind of *hic* experiment?" Twilight said questioningly.
"A romantic one."
"No."
"THEN I'LL MAKE YOU!" Pinkie says as she lunges towards Twilight. Twilight then teleports away, finding that she teleported outside of the castle instead of behind Pinkie. Apparently casting under the influence is very dangerous. It could kill you. Well, back to your irregularly scheduled story! Or is it regularly scheduled? Or is it a cupcake? Oh! Look! IT'S A BIRD! No! It's a Wonder Bolt! NO WAIT! IT'S A PIE!!! ...I'm getting sidetracked from being sidetracked....
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! *kersplat*"Twilight yelled as she plummeted towards the ground. ...Yeah, she wasn't going to feel good in the morning. But it's not like I had anything to do with it, right? And besides, ...WHERE'S THE JAMAICAN GUY WHEN YOU NEED HIM!? ...Oh well.
"And now back to the news with Sir Sporksalot." Announced Pinkie.
BACK IN A DIMENSION WHERE TWILIGHT IS TAKING A SHOWER
...This might actually get too inappropriate for some audiences, so for that reason I have shortened this scene into this sentence: Pinkie tries to kiss Twilight again, while appearing through the shower head, and gets punched through the wall as a result.
EXPLANATION
A few chapters back I had all of Equestria destroyed. If you do not remember that, then that's too bad. Anyway, I think that a little bit of an explanation of how the world got back together again. So, without further ado, here's the mo- PINKIE! STOP TURNING MAGUAYS INTO GREMLINS! IT'S BAD FOR BUSINESS! WE HAVE ALREADY BEEN GONE FOR MORE THAN A WEEK AS IT IS, SO CAN'T YOU JUST BEHAVE FOR ONE CHAPTER?!
In the beginning of the recreation of Equestria, there was nothing. Then Discord said, "Let there be chocolate milk," and there was light. Then he said, "Let there be cotton candy clouds," and there was land. Then he- Wait, that's ripping off the Bible? And you're questioning my religion? I AM A DEVOTE CATHOLIC! I JUST WANTED TO PUT A PERSPECTIVE ON THIS! ...Fine, we'll do it the easy way....
The floating mass of dirt and rubble that was Equestria floated through space, and there was also a pony floating saying, "I knew humans were real!" ...Yeah, she is not supposed t know about that.... The floating mass eventually neared a black hole, where it was sucked in, but then Pinkie Pie suddenly appeared and broke the fourth wall, rebuilding Equestria and trying to rename it something to get Twi to...you know, to her. Her plan failed when Nutmare Moon showed up and told Pinkie that she was dreaming. She then proceeded to lecture her about what a bad thing it is to have romantic ideas about your frien- er, budd- no, acquainta-, no...aha! Victims! That's the word I was looking for. ...But yeah. Nutmare Moon then tried to kill Pinkie. Pinkie then summoned a black hole and dove in. I wonder where she we- *thud* PINKIE! STOP FALLING FROM THE SKY! THAT'S THE SEVENTIETH TIME TODAY!!!
Anyway, that is how Equestria was remade. ...Or at least how it was after that catastrophe. I believe that Pinkie blew the world apart five times more after that. So I have taken the liberty of suspending her cupcake rights for a month. ...I'm literally living in a very crazy place right now.... But, what I do know is that she will be less crazy than usu-!
*Tarzan noise* Pinkie then swings in on a vine, takes my iPad and smashes it on the windowsill...she is going to regret doing that.
PINKIE! COME BACK HERE NOW! I WOULD SAY THAT YOU WOULD BE KILLED, BUT YOU ARE ESSENTIAL TO THIS STORY...and you also would probably come back from the dead.... So, COME HITHER! DON'T MAKE ME BRING NAVI INTO THIS MESS!
A/N: Go back and check the previous chapter. READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTES! Also, I am going to try and get an actual plot into this. I said that Nutmare Moon would come in at chapter 8, but now it will be chapter 10. I will try to do a story arc for the next few chapters until then. Also, I am just saying that if Chapter 5 is not as random as usual, then that just shows that I am currently lacking inspiration. If you have any ideas that you would like me to incorporate then just tell me. That is all. ...And I made it long again....
We passed 5,000 words! Now to see how Pinkie is doing. *opens door* Hi Pinkie! How are y-! I then suddenly get pounced upon by Pinkie. She must really like cupcakes to do this. Pinkie! Gah! GET OFF OF ME! I WON'T GIVE YOU ANY CUPCAKES! I ALREADY ATE THEM!
"Well I'll just rip open your stomach and eat them!" Pinkie says evilly.
That won't work! I ate them more than a day ago! They are already digested! Please get off of me! She then proceeds to get off, cursing the whole time. OK, now I have to write the sane part of the story. ...If one could call it that. Pinkie, you won't get any cupcakes for a month, unless you get back into the normal story. There will be a giant pile of cupcakes. I promise. She then followed my instructions and somehow managed to hop into my iPad.
STORY TIME!
Today began like any other day for Twilight. She got sexually harassed from Pinkie, tried to find proof that Spork was an alien, and talked to an acorn. Yep, she had a normal life indeed! ...Which is to say that being that nopony ever has a normal life, hers was very abnormal. So, her actually being able to go through a day without any of this happening would be strange for her...and today was not one of those days! Today was the day where Spork's ancient alien ancestors of Drakonius were going to destroy the world unless we gave them cupcakes. ...Yeah, cupcakes are apparently very valuable in their trade system. And we only have one hope left, as I had eaten all of the cupcakes, and she is: Pinkie Pie. So, will she give the aliens cupcakes? Well, let's find out.
APOCALYPSE: PHASE 1
"But Pinkie! This is the end of the world we are talking about! If that happens, then that would mean the end of cupcakes! FOREVER! Would you rather give them all of your cupcakes, save the world, and then make more later, or would you rather hoard them and let the world be destroyed?" Twilight asked Pinkie worriedly.
"Well I can always just go to another dimension where the world doesn't get destroyed." Pinkie said casually.
"But what about us? You know, your frie-...er, victims! And this story that you say that we are in! Think about the author!"
"The author has done nothing for me! He only takes away my cupcakes and makes do things that I drea- er, don't want to do!"
"Yes, but didn't you leave him in a tank full of sharks? Maybe he doesn't do anything for you because you do nothing for him!"
"With that kind of logic you could justify why the economy should be better." Pinkie said.
"...Wait, why didn't I think of that before!" Twilight said enthusiastically. She then grabs all 109 cupcakes in her magic and casts a spell that prevents Pinkie from getting to them. She then heads outside of the castle with them and yells, "HEY ALIENS! I HAVE YOUR CUPCAKES! NOW PLEASE PUT OUR PLANET BACK TOGETHER! THANK YOU!" The aliens listened and took the cupcakes. And that is how Twilight saved the world again. ...What? You want to know how she survived that fall a few chapters back? Why obviously with the Equestria Laboratories portal suit. She didn't get to make an infinite portal for Pinkie yet, though.
Well, Twilight saved the world, at least for now, and I believe that it's time that she meets a new friend, don't you? One that's fast! One that's a daredevil! One that always runs into things! Why it's none other than Fluttershy! ...Wait, no, that's not correct.... Er, Pinkie? Did you bring in the wrong Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash again? It's the one from the crossover? Er...so she's not[i/] going to be a pushover then? ...Fine, I guess that this story can have two of Fluttershy.
NEW FRIEND: ALTERNATE STORY DIMENSION FLUTTERSHY!
Just as Twilight finished reshelving all of the Canterlot Royal Library, she heard a sound that sounded like a pegasus zooming towards the castle. So, she did the only logical thing for Twilight to do: panic, pace, and scream. "NOT THE BOOKS!!! EVERYPONY, SAVE THE BOOKS!!!" The pegasus then crashed through the wall, the bookshelves, and another wall, and then finally flew into Twilight.
"Wait a moment.... Twilight? Why are you so small? And where are your wings?! ...Also, are you alright? And do you know where Angel Bunny is?" The yellow pegasus asked.
"One, I'm only (insert age you decide upon here) and I'm a unicorn. And no! I'm not fine! You just destroyed the library! And who's Angel Bunny?" Twilight replied.
"...Your are only (age here) and you aren't an ali-! Shoot! The portal took me to the wrong dimension! ...Wait! That means that I can...er, I probably don't want to say that out loud.... Anyway, I'm Fluttershy, and you won't know me for several more years. Technically I'm not supposed to be here, but I went through the wrong portal. ...Yeah, and you also probably know about Chrysalnuts yet either.... Where's Celestia though?"
"You mean Nutlestia? You probably know her as an alicorn, but here she is an acorn that I enchanted. And you're from another dimension? Pinkie probably knows you then. Do you mind if do some tests on you? I really want to try and work out how to travel between worlds. I wonder if there's a four-dimensional world...." Twilight then mumbles off to herself while Fluttershy thinks to herself.
So the Twilight here is only a filly and I can still make an impact in her life.... Maybe I can make it so that she actually has friends! Maybe she would like to try and take lessons from me too.... I really want to find myself, too. I don't want to be passive here like I once was. Those times have changed, and the adventure that I went on was life-changing. I really hope that I don't mess this up. And if I do, then I can at least prank myself!
A/N: I need an editor. If you want to help, read the ending author's notes for details.
"OK, our first lesson is going to be on friendship. What I want you to do is go with Pinkie-" Fluttershy began.
"With her? But then I would have to avoid getting killed!" Twilight interuppted.
"...I want you to go with Pinkie and pull a prank on not me, but the other me." Fluttershy said, after being rudely interrupted.
"Um, how is that a lesson on friendship? I mean, it would be like throwing a water balloon at you as soon as I met you. And wouldn't that also be considered dimensionist(the hating of a particular dimension)?" Twilight questioned.
"...Because it helps you learn how to get along with Pinkie. And I'm not dimentionist! I just happen to hate my old self...a lot. Now, I will tell you the prank...." Fluttershy said.
THIS PART IS CENSORED BECAUSE THE AUTHOR DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW THE PRANK. ...I DO TO HAVE ONE IN MIND!!!!!
"Now, is that clear?" Fluttershy asked Pinkie and Twilight.
"Yes. But why did the author censor it?" Pinkie asked.
"What author? What are you even talking about? We're not in a book, Pinkie." Twilight told Pinkie.
"But we are! Don't you guys have fragmented memories?! Fluttershy, can you tell me the name of your pet turtle? And Twilight, can you tell me one thing about your life before the exam for Nutlestia's School for Gifted Unicorns?" Pinkie said, pulling an interrogating table and light out of nowhere.
"Yes. His name was Quiggley." Fluttershy said to herself assuredly.
"Wrong! You don't even have a pet turtle! You have a pet rabbit that's named Angel." Pinkie said in a slightly angered tone of voice.
"Well I remember when Celestia raised the sun during the Summer Sun Celebration." Twilight said with complete confidence.
"...Twilight, how could an acorn raise the sun. You do know that Discord has only been tricking everypony into thinking that, right?!" Pinkie said in a maniacal rage. I think we should all leave now, but let's just keep watching instead.
"OK, so we have fragmented memories. But what does that have to do with being in a story?" Twilight asked.
"It's because the memories are just scenes! They are like chapters in a story, and they always seem to make no sense whatsoever!" Pinkie said. She seems to be floating off of the floor, with random things going on around her. I believe that a proof for two and two equalling five in there somewhere as well. Why is two even spelt like that? It doesn't even make sense! Couldn't we have spelt it toue instead? ...Wait, did she just-? ...Well, this is bad.
"Pinkie, you are starting to go crazy, please stop! ...Wait, is that a-? SHOOT! PINKIE! STOP! YOU CREATED A PINK HOLE! WE DON'T KNOW WHAT IT DOES, NOR DO WE KNOW HOW UNSTABLE IT IS! STOP BEFORE YOU KILL US!" Twilight shouted like a maniac.
And then logic collapsed. Nothing made sense, nor did anything look like anything. We could travel back and forth at will. There could even be more than one of you-ish blobs! ...And then it got bad.
Everything swirled into a giant mass before Pinkie, the only thing that still was in a shape, said, "LEAVE THIS PLACE AT ONCE AND NEVER RETURN. YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE THOUGHT THAT YOU COULD WIN AGAINST ME. YOU SHALL NEVER HAVE THE THRILL OF READING A BOOK EVER AGAIN, TWILIGHT. AND YOU SHALL NOT TAKE CARE OF ANIMALS EVER AGAIN, FLUTTERSHY. AND IF YOU RETURN, LET ME SAY THIS: THERE ARE THI-!" She was then nudged by her father, Starswirl the Bearded.
"Pinkie, just because I entrusted you with overseeing this world does not mean that you can banish ponies. Also, you should not warp the matter around you either. It is very hard to put it back the way it originally was." Starswirl said as he began returning the world to its natural state.
"But Dad, they don't believe that we are being controlled by an author!" Pinkie whined.
"Well they shouldn't even know about an author unless it's of a book. Now, if you would excuse me I have to go and meet up with Merlin. He isn't getting any older, you know." Starswirl said as he started a spell.
"Fine...I'll see you the next time I mess up, or at Thanksgiving. It depends on which happens first. So, bye for now!" Pinkie said before he flashed away.
Twilight started to walk to the throne room. She recently discovered that Pinkie is trying to experiment with giving cupcakes life, and decided that she should talk to the princess about it. She still doesn't understand anything of what happened last week, nor does she necessarily want to either. After all, she is just a student of an acorn.
Once she got to the throne room she was greeted by an imposing white figure that was talking to some guards, but didn't care whatsoever. What intrigued was when she found that Nutlestia was not resting on the throne. She decided that she ask around when she heard her name get called...and that's when things started getting normal.
"Twilight!" The white figure called. "Finally, a recognizable face!"
"...Who are you?" The lavender mare asked the creature, followed by more questions, being her usual inquisitive self. "And what are you as well? I've never seen a pony with wings and a horn. Wait...are you, by any chance, a new crossbreed that was recently created by some revolutionists trying to overthrow the Princess?"
"Um...Princess Celestia, an alicorn, and...no? And why don't you recognize me? And why are you treating me like I'm something to be studied?" The Princess questioned her student/protégé/whatever she is right now.
"OK. One, I don't recognize you because I don't know you. Two, I am treating you like that because I have never seen nor heard of an alicorn before. Also, the only Princess Celestia here is a nut, so why do you claim to be her...and why do you seem to know me?" The mare replied.
Celestia looked around nervously before saying, "I don't know what you're talking about.... Also, why and how is a nut, and I just want to clarify that you don't mean a lunatic, but an actual nut, ruling a kingdom?" She then paused before continuing, "And how could you have never heard of an alicorn before?"
Now it was Twilight's turn for all of the major answers. And so she replied with, "Yes you do. You called me by my name when this conversation started." At this point Twilight began to walk around the Princess in a way that suggested she was interrogating her. "Also, it's a long story about trees and Star-Swirl the Bearded. You can find it in the library if you want. As to your other question, I do not know. Somehow they were told to be our rulers and we accepted it.... And I haven't heard of an alicorn before because they don't exist in this world. I am starting to get the impression that you're from a different world though...which would explain how you know more about me than I do of you."
The ivory alicorn just stood there, dumbfounded by her theory. "But that would mean that I'm not supposed to be here! How am I supposed to get back!"
"Ask the Doctor," the mare said, "he knows more about travel between dimensions than I do. He even has a box that's called the 'Time and Relative Dimensions in Space' or the 'TARDIS' for short. He might be able to help you. Meanwhile I have to worry about zombie cupcakes being created." At that Twilight started to walk away.
"There's a simple solution to that! The Pinkie in my world already did that! We stopped her by telling her about the guilt of eating something that doesn't want to be eaten! She was snapped right out of the idea!" Yelled the white alicorn, trying to tell the unicorn before it was too late. After that she went to try and find the Doctor.
CELESTIA GETS HOME SAFELY, NOW BACK TO TWILIGHT AND THE IMPENDING DOOM OF THE ZOMBIE CUPCAKES!
(Unrelated note: I am writing this part about a month or so after the first part, so this is going to be a rough transition.)
Twilight walked back into the kitchen, and, having not heard the other Princess' words, she started to attempt to talk Pinkie out of making zombie cupcakes. When she walked in, she noticed that a body lay on the ground, with mutant cupcakes dancing upon it. Well, at least everything was perfectly normal, minus the fact that there was a giant hole in the wall.
Wait, there was a giant hole in the wall! "Well, Pinkie is unconscious, there's most likely a giant mutated cupcake on the loose, and I have to create a new princess. Meh, I'll let the townsfolk deal with it." She took another look outside of the new window, and then said to herself, "After all, it is heading for Blueblood's castle, so nothing too bad can happen." With that she retired to her room.
Then Pinkie began to wake, or, what was once Pinkie. By now the cupcakes had invaded her body and she was under their control. She can only be freed by banana nut muffins now, and Derpy has stolen all of them.
Equestria is on the verge of apocalypse, Blueblood is under attack, the Doctor is trapped in another world, and the Elements of Harmony aren't even known. You know what this calls for! A party! Pinkie, stop writing about mutant cupcakes. NEVER! ...I do still have one pony that can save Equestria, and unless you stop writing with your mind, I will unleash them upon your cupcake army. OK, sorry about that, Pinkie is still living with me, so she occasionally messes with my stories.
Anyway, back to the story! 'Twas the night before Christmas.... Wait, wrong story. While Twilight was sleeping, she was not aware of how there was an apocalypse happening to her city. She slept peacefully, completely unaware. She dreamt of her future, the chance of visiting other worlds, and the hope that her world might actually be normal for once. What she didn't know, however, is that she was subconsciously learning magic as well. And she would need that magic, too, for it was ponykind's only way of survival against the new threat.
