I get a break

by xCloudx

Drinking and dreams

I woke up screaming and clutching my jewels “JESUS CHRIST THEY STILL STING!” is all I could yell. I finally opened my teary eyes and looked at my surroundings. I was in a room. Wasn’t I just in the barn wait I passed out. I got to my feet and looked at the door way to see the orange mare that probably just made me go sterol standing there. “NO LEAVE ME ALONE” I fell to the floor and cringed in fear and that doesn’t happen very often. “Calm down im not gunna hurt ya again.” She spoke with a southern accent just like applebloom so I guess this is applejack then.

She walked over to me and looked at me up and down “What in tarnation ar ya?” I sighed a really long sigh. “Well my dear applejack I am a human are was I think I am not sure many things I guess. Also my name is cloud” She stared at me “How do ya know mah name?” “Your sister told me” I replied bluntly as possible but is sort of impossible for me.

I got to my feet and looked for my sidearm and sword “There over there” applejack pointed a hoof towards a corner where my weapons lay. “Thanks Jackie” I smiled at the nickname I just made but applejack did not look amused “what did yu just call me?” I winced remembering what just happened earlier.

“NOTHING!” I clutched at my pants again protecting myself if she tried to kick me again. She only laughed. I smiled and went to the corner slung my sword over my back and put my gun in my holster. “So cloudy where ya from?” I laughed “im from earth and can you tell me where I am?” she smiled “Well you’re in Equestria and mind tellin me why yur here?” I stopped myself from answering

“Wait… EQUESTRIA!?!??” she had a odd look on her face “ya why?” I started jumping with excitement “BECAUSE PINKIE PIE IS HERE I HAVENT SEEN THAT RANDOM FOURTH WALL BREAKING GIRL IN AGES!” Applejack tilted her head slightly “fourth wall?” I sighed “it’s better if you don't know and why I am here is because my boss sent me on a vacation.”
“Your boss? What exactly is your job?” this is going to get old I told my myself. I explained how I was 900 years old and that im the guardian and how I met pinkie. “So that’s how you crashed through mah roof?” I nodded “So that explains the blood and no scratches on yu then. ”yup!” I looked at my wrist to see what time it was. “DRINKING TIME!”

“What?” I smiled “It’s time for me to get drunk and regret nothing!” a bottle of whiskey appeared in my hand “Cloud where did that come from?” I begin chugging it like a real man should. I stop after finishing it letting it take affect “it came from….hell if I know” I begin tilting side to side “sugacube I think it’s time for you to sleep.”

“what? NO! I wanna just go for a walk.” I begin walking and fall straight forward nearly crushing Jackie “Dammit shoes you drank too much now my arms can’t walk!” I could hear applejack laughing “common sugarcube get in the bed.” I moaned and pouted “but I don't wanna! Not until I finish my vodka!” I could somewhat see Jackie facehoofing are something couldn’t tell with all the swaying and whatnot.

“know what im just gunna lay here night orangejack” before she could reply I was drifting off into a drunken stupor sleep.
I get to my feet looking at all the vibrant colors. “OH HELL YEAH LUCID DRUNK DREAMING!” I begin to run as my feet sink into the ground. Turns out the ground was a great big white marshmallow. “Oh so cool” I knelt down and began to devour the marshmallow as I yelled something about donkeys and deer not getting along. I stand up again looking at the work I did on the marshmallow. HA I AM THE GUARDIAN COWER IN FEAR MARSHMALLOWS! Everything begins to go black. The air got cold I felt so alone.

I shivered what the hell just happened I was dreaming of marshmallows now all this stuff is happening. “YOU SHALL FAIL GUARDIAN YOUR KNEW FOUND FRIENDS WILL PERSIH YOU WILL DIE!” I stopped “Creepyvoicesaywhat?” I begin to start thinking again “I am the guardian ghost thingie bingie thing” aw yeah talk like pinkie confuse stuff “and that means I can’t die I can’t be defeated get at me bro!” the voice laughed

“YOU’RE IGNORANCE BLINDS YOU HERO BE PREPARED WE WILL RISE AND CAUSE UTTER CHAOS AND NOT EVEN YOU AND YOUR PUNY AUTHOR CAN STOP ME!” the monsters words rung in my ears. “OBJECTION!” I yelled out “OVVERULED!” WAIT WHAT DID IT JUST SAY?!?!? NO ONE OVER RULES ME! I gritted my teeth “listen here asshat and listen good you fuck with me you are going to brutally killed as I choke you with your own intestines!”

No response I hmphed as I just won an argument as I turned around I could see my worst fear in front me. “You…” I bolted up from my spot on the floor with sweat running down my face. UGGHHH WHY IS IT WHEN I GET A VACATION MONSTERS WANT TO DESTROY WORLDS GOD DANGIT! I sighed and got to my feet. I looked out the window the sun was coming up. “Hell I need some food and a shower…why am I talking to myself.” I shrugged and walked towards the door way.

I peered around the corner. No one in sight I quickly headed down it and quietly made my way down the steps and out the door. I look around all’s I see are trees big apple trees. My phone begins to vibrate I take it out of my pocket “boss we got a problem.” I used my serious voice “yea kid I know I saw your dream listen enjoy yourself when I find out more I will fill you in and in the meantime go fix that barn im sure applejack would appreciate it” his tone was cold we never spoke like this “alright boss call me if you get any info right away.” I hung up the phone and made my way towards the barn.
It seemed like a long depressing walk but it wasn’t just a boring one. Off from what I could tell was a forest I could hear howling of wolfs and other animals I couldn’t make out. Due to me not paying attention I walked straight into the barns door hitting my head against it.

I quickly got to me feet and just stood in front of the barn. Now to get on the roof. Okay remember just like Altiar showed you. I stepped back a few feet and I began to run at the barn door. I ran up alongside the door and grabbed the top of it. I pulled myself up and stood there and face palmed hard. I forgot I could fly. Some guardian I am I forget that I can fly. I jump down from the door and spread my wings. My wings aren’t like you would expect. There not feathers there not bat wings. They are just a pitch black gas that looks like wings.

I begin to flap them as and I begin to hover over the ground. After a few more flaps im on the roof and I stare at the gaping hole I left in it. “Gah why can’t this be like mine craft where I can just cover it with a block!” I thought aloud. I sighed and knelt down over the hole and began to work.