I get a break

by xCloudx

Explanation and a scooter

“NO NOT THIS AGAIN!” Is all I could yell as I fell through the vortex? Wait you don't even know my story. Huh guess I should explain all this vortex nonsense to you shouldn’t I? Well im the Guardian. Guardian of what you ask. Guardian of Worlds, Realms, Universes, Dimensions, and time. Yea it’s a a lot to keep up with but a fun job but a burden. I’ve been at this for over 900 years and by god it sucks. I have been shot at so many times stabbed thrown out of cars thrown off horses nearly devoured. The list goes on and on of the times I died.

But I can’t die I can only be hurt I regenerate my health just like a video game character. Guardians are immortal like I said but they can pass the burden on to somebody else and well. That’s what happened to me. Still searching for that bastard and when I do I am going to just….stick a blender in his ass.

Ah you’re probably asking yourself right now “How did you become the guardian?” Well it wasn’t by choice guardians as I said earlier can pass the burden to innocent nobodies like me. So grab some popcorn and I will tell you about the unlucky day I became the guardian. Well I was walking on my way home from my school like I do every day to hear a cry for help. Being me I am a good person just a bit of a smartass. I dashed for where the cries for help were coming from. I stopped at an alley and looked down it. I could see a kid about my age getting his ass handed to by a couple of other kids. “Hey leave him alone!” is all I could yell. They all looked at me and laughed.

Well fuck im in this now. I begin to walk down the alley way with my fist clenched. One of them came at with a haymaker. I ducked and uppercutted him as hard as my fragile lady like manly hands would let me. It must have been pretty hard because he fell straight on his ass and was out. I felt like batman until one of them got me with a right hook in the jaw. I stepped back a bit and readjusted my glasses and brushed my black hair out of my eyes.

I was rushed once again by one of them. Shit is all I could think. I quickly got into a kicking stance “SPARTA!” I yelled as I kicked my foot as he ran into it right onto his family jewels. He hunched over and grunted in pain. I pulled back my foot and punt kicked him in the jaw causing him to fly back a bit. I looked at the last guy. Big mean and did I mention big? Well he wasn’t very fun one to fight least it was one on one. Well it was a fair fight until he pulled out a huge knife. Well fuck im going to die now is all I could think.

He charged at me with furious speed preparing to swing the blade. I yelped and dodged the blade rolling into some trash cans. This is where I got really lucky. He looked at me with enraged eyes I could have sworn that they were red but I didn’t pay much attention. He threw the blade at me full speed almost as fast as light I thought. It impaled me right through my hand “MOTHER FUCKER!” is all I could yell as I felt the blade pierce my skin and tear through the muscle.

Oh my god oh my god is all I could think. I looked at the big burly bastard. Well I would have but him and his friends were gone. Still in pain I managed my way to the victim. He looked like he was dead but I could tell he wasn’t. I knelt down and I was grabbed by the throat. “You have proven yourself worthy mortal.” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!?!?! “You shall be the second guardian.” Before I could ask a question there was a bright glow outlining me and him?

I closed my eyes tight refusing to look. Well being me I opened them anyway. I was surrounded by nothing but white. “OH MY GOD IM DEAD!” I yelled. “Not dead just in my home.” Replied a harsh voice. I looked around “What Who!??!” I just couldn’t comprehend this. “Most people cant. Can’t believe he actually found a replacement.” Replacement…. Wait. Guardian that guy oh my god. “Replacement? Replacement for what!??!?!” I quickly sputtered. “Ha he didn’t tell you did he?”
“No.”

“Well my dear boy you are the replacement for the Guardian.”

“The guardian?!?!”

“Yes”
“GUARDIAN OF WHAT!?!??!” I screamed “You are the Guardian of Worlds, Realms, Universes, Dimensions, and time” Just no. “You got the wrong guy I can’t do this.” The voice only laughed. “TO BAD! Now let’s get you a name your weapons watch bracelets and get you ready for your journeys!” before I could reply I was thrown into a room. “Now here your will be able to choose and make yourself. Now what will your name be?”

I thought long and hard. “Cloud” “Alright then now we cant just have you wearing that muck time to pimp you out boi!” Wait what pimp me out!?!? I looked down at my jacket and pants. I looked fine. “Now give me a second child and I will prepare some clothes for you.” Within a second clothes were laid out in front of me. Red and black were all the colors. I slipped on the red and black converse. Next was a black shirt and a red tie Slipped on the jacket. “Wow you got style. Going to give me your name?” It was silent for a moment.

“Just call me author. Now put these head phone around your neck and take this iPhone and bracelets.” I was hesitant at first but I decided to grab them. “So what kind of stuff do guardians do?” I asked stuffing the phone in my pocket. “Well they go through worlds and whatnot solving their problems the last one only lasted about 100 years. He was a stubborn person never could trust him looks like you were the unlucky person to save him and prove yourself.” I processed that for a moment.
“Will I ever be able to see my family and friends again?” I asked quietly.

“Most likely not it’s a burden but I assure you that you will meet new people and be able to see them again.” I processed this for a long time. “So what you’re telling me is that I am immortal and I can travel through time and go to different worlds?” “Eeyup.”I stood there for a moment. “FUCK YEAH LETS GET STARTED!” the voice grew quite. “You actually want to do this!?!” it replied voice full of surprise “Hell yeah I do this sounds amazing!” I regret those words a little.

Ever since that moment I started being the guardian I told myself I would find that man and stick a blender in his ass as I said before. And the author was right I did meet a lot of new people I learned new things I did good things. Also I did some rather weird things that I rather not get into. But nonetheless I love being the guardian and hate it. But I could never pass the burden on to somebody else and have had them experience the hell that I have been through. Ah yes now back to me falling through the vortex.

Vortexes are not a fun thing to fall in. They make me sick and nauseous and I will never get used to the feeling of being thrown around time and space. I screamed the manliest scream and I have 900 years to practice. And I still scream like a 5 year old girl and that’s the unfortunate part about taking the spot of a guardian at being 18. I flung my arms around I have done this millions of time but this time it felt different.
A cool breeze hit me. I snapped open my eyes. I was falling fast. “EVERYTIME I HATE YOU AUTH-“I was cut off as I smash into the ground. I rolled in pain just because im immortal doesn’t mean I can’t get hurt. “I SWEAR TO GOD AUTHOR YOU NEED TO STOP DOING THIS TO ME!”

I could hear a faint “no” coming from the sky I smiled and brought myself to my feet.
My phone began ring I quickly yanked it out of my pocket and answered it “Yea boss?” the voice laughed “Don't call me boss I told you call me author how many times to I have to tell you that?” we both begin to laugh “Alright where did you send me now?” it grew silent “Well cloud you have been doing this longer than anyone so I thought you may want a break a LONG break.” I fell silent. Author has never given me a break never.

“Well thank you but where did you send me?” author laughed again “Cloud when you find out you’re going to love me!” he hung up the phone. “how rude author” I smiled and shoved the phone into my pocket. Okay surroundings blue sky big sun lots of color. Crap I can’t guess this one. I begin to trudge through this colorful meadow. “By god this place is beautiful and so peaceful.”
I spent a good half hour walking till I find a road. Just then my phone begins to vibrate. I quickly yank it out and answer it. “Yea?” I could hear snickering over the phone “Hey cloud what’s broken and crying?” I stop myself. “I swear to god author I-“He cuts me off and yells “YOUR LEG!” just then I could feel my leg bone breaking and screams of terror.

I am flung a few feet from where I was standing “OH MY GOD AUTHOR YOU SUNAVBITCH!” I scream holding my leg as it heals. I push up my glasses and look at what just hit me. A scooter. A FUCKING SCOOTER BROKE MY LEG! By god I’ve been through hell and back (literally ask Dante!) disemboweled and smashed so many times. But the scooter wasn’t the part that surprised me it was the three things riding it.

Three little fillies riding a scooter. Now I have seen some weird stuff but this sort of tops it all off.