Equestrian Joe

by HellRyden

First Contact

Chapter 4: First Contact

Jesus Christ, my head... It felt like I’d just headbutted a dump truck I’d been on a collision course with...

“Look, I know that you were trying to help, Rainbow Dash, but really, did you have to knock it out so violently?”

“Look Twilight, Scootaloo came up to me with the rest of the crusaders babbling something about a ‘human monster’ thing that they ran into at Sweet Apple Acres, and the kid was terrified! You think I wasn’t going to head out looking to kick this thing’s flank? Besides, it looked like it was about to break into your house! And look at that weird stick thingy it’s carrying - that thing just spells bad news! What did you think I was gonna do?”

Voices weakly filtered through my ears, sounding as though they were coming from the end of a very long tunnel. I recognized the words, but some of the gears upstairs must have been knocked loose because I couldn’t assemble any meaning out of them.

Hang on... those voices... they sounded vaguely familiar...

“Well, I’ll give you that, Dash, but what have I told you before about the use of excessive force? You could have broken its neck and killed it!”

My vision was slowly beginning to come back into focus, and now instead of a big black blur I saw a big white blur. Fuzzily, I looked up, and saw pretty much what was the last thing I expected to see. Two quadrupedal silhouettes stood above me, outlined in the light, and they seemed to be debating on what to do with the half-conscious human at their feet.

“Well, wouldn’t that be a heartbreaker. Relax egghead, I always know when to pull my punches. It’ll wake up with one hay of a headache, but nothin’ worse! Don’t worry about it!”

No shit ‘one hell of a headache’, I feel like the Hulk’s going to town on the inside of my skull. Hey wait a minute, isn’t that...

I focused my gaze upwards, at the one on the right - the one who sounded like she’d been the one to knock me out. It could’ve been a trick of the light, but I could’ve sworn that I saw just a hint of a rainbow...

“Oh, would you look at that! See, he’s just fine! What’d I tell ya, Twilight?”

“Well, all well and good then. Let’s just hope you didn’t cause any lasting harm. Go and gather the girls and the mayor, Dash - they need to know about this so we can decide what we’re going to do with it.”

“On it! You sure you’re gonna be ok alone with this thing though? I don’t like the way it’s looking at us...”

Hey, you try not glaring murderously at the person who’d just given you a good whack over the noggin! I’m going to be feeling that bump for weeks. Uh oh, I don’t like the way it’s starting to lean towards me right now...

“I’ll be fine, Rainbow. In the meantime, we should get it to the hospital at least, maybe they can do some sort of checkup on- Wait, Dash? What are you doin-”

Before the other voice could get any further, the silhouette on the right reared a hind leg back, and- WHACK d’oh knocked out again!

---

Waking up with a monstrous headache seemed to be becoming a habit for me these days. Piledrivers repeatedly pounded against the inside of my skull, a litany of agony that literally pummelled me awake, and I opened my eyes with a groan, trying to remember just where the hell I was.

The last thing I remembered was two four-legged shadows standing above me after one of them nearly succeeded in smacking me into unconsciousness. I vaguely recalled some kind of discussion going on between them right before they noticed me waking up, and this time the one that nearly knocked me out had succeeded in doing so. Blackness blanketed my senses right up until the herd of banthas tromping around in my head finally roused me, and I finally forced my eyes open.

My eyelids creaked open by a slit, and light immediately stabbed at my eyes painfully through that slit, intensifying the massive headache I already had by several magnitudes. I nearly went off on a string of blistering oaths that would have shamed a sailor for not having done better, but I bit the succession of curses off at the last second and settled for a pained, exasperated groan.

What I didn’t expect, however, was for there to be a sudden gasp of surprise at my groan, and I was abruptly aware that I was not alone.

"Oh, look, it’s awake! It’s waking up!”

“Technically, I think ‘it’ is actually most probably a he, Rarity - that much I’m certain of. Just look at that stubble - he almost looks like a bipedal stallion!”

“A stallion, Twilight? Oh for shame, he certainly looks nothing like the sort! If I had to say, he looks more like a... eh...”

“Ya can say it, Rarity, nopony’s gonna think any less’o ya for sayin’ what we’re all thinkin’ - darn thing looks more like’a tall, upright monkey if ah’ve ever seen one.”

“Oh! Oh! Do you think he likes cupcakes? He’s probably kind of tired and hungry now, I mean he looked so beat up when you and Dashie dragged him here, Twilight!”

“Pinkie... we don’t even know what he eats. Maybe we should just wait for him to open his eyes, then you can ask him.”

Multiple, numerous, female voices. That I all recognized.

Emperor on Earth, was I really in the same room with...

I forced my eyes open the rest of the way, trying to ignore the intensifying pain that the action brought, and blinked several times in dull surprise when I saw what I quite believe to be the last sight any brony ever expects to see, but secretly dreams of witnessing at least once before they die.

Gathered right at the foot of the bed I realized I was lying in, lined up in a neat little row and staring at me with wide, curious eyes, were the Mane 6.

Well, maybe not all of them - Fluttershy was practically hidden behind Rainbow Dash, taking only the briefest of peeks over her pegasus friend’s shoulder at me from behind the curtain of her mane, and she looked downright terrified. But then again, that should’ve been expected from her, shouldn’t it?

Dear Lord, that kick to the head must have actually broken something upstairs and caused some brain damage along with some far-out hallucinations. Either that, or my neck had actually been broken, and I’d died and gone to heaven.

“Uhh... Twilight?” Rainbow Dash suddenly piped up, turning to look at her purple-furred friend. “It’s awake, and it’s looking at us. It’s... staring.”

Okay, so maybe I wasn’t dead and in heaven - there is no way I can hallucinate Dash maintaining that kind of sass, whether I was in the land of the living or not.

With the realization that I was indeed still alive came the fact that I was face-to-face with the Mane 6, and then the stark reality of the situation came running up to me and drop-kicked me right in the face with all the subtlety of a WWE wrestler.

I was face-to-face with the Mane 6.

Holy shit, I was face-to-face with the Mane 6.

I swear with Ceiling Cat as my witness, I nearly died inside from a fangasm for all of about three seconds before my more cynical side rapidly reasserted control, and immediately hung a lampshade over every single damn HiE story I had ever read. I’d read about this moment tons of times before, in dozens of different iterations, all of which had felt monumentally cliched and contrived, but I have to tell you, once you’re actually there, in their shoes, you can’t really blame them for reacting the way they reacted - i.e. the brain switching off as they experience the urge to do something truly, universally, monumentally stupid.

Hell, I would’ve reached out to pinch Twilight Sparkle’s cheeks really hard just to see if I really wasn’t hallucinating this, if not for the fact that I suddenly realized that my hands were restrained.

Both of them were. Straps had my wrists secured tightly to the sides of the bedframe, preventing me from making any sudden movements, and for a frustrated second I wondered to myself just why they thought they might need such restraints. It wasn’t like I was about to just get up and attack them, right?

… On second thought, if I encountered a strange creature for the first time that was as cut up, bandaged, and splattered with dried blood, sap and dirt as I had been when I emerged from the Everfree, and was armed to the teeth with strange weapons I didn’t understand, I sure as hell wouldn’t be leaving it unrestrained either.

Some of my thoughts and frustration must’ve shown on my face, because Twilight immediately reached a hoof out in reaction as I began tugging at the straps experimentally. “Hey, hey! Don’t panic, relax! You’re in a ward in Ponyville General hospital now, relax. You’re safe. We aren’t going to hurt you - we just want to ask you some questions. Can you understand me?”

I stopped pulling at the restraints and raised an eyebrow at the purple mare, but otherwise said nothing. I mean, how could I have? I was literally at a loss for words right now - I was still coming to terms with the fact that the Mane 6 were standing right in front of me, and I really had no idea what to say or how to react. Fangasm? Spazz out? Deny all forms of reality and start demanding for myself to wake up from this too-vivid hallucination?

The stress and fatigue of the past several days finally caught up to me. I’d gone for almost four to five days and nights setting aside my emotions and focusing on my survival, staving off impending freakouts by concentrating on what was important and shutting out the rest. Right now the emotional centre of my brain was raging and thrashing inside my head like a caged animal, demanding to be let out, because goddamnit it all to hell this entire scenario was just not possible.

“Sure,” I began with just a hint of hysteria creeping into my voice, my eyes still scrunched up from the pain of the pounding in my skull. “I can understand you all right, despite the massive headache and probable brain damage that you guys gave me. I mean, this must be pretty normal for you, huh? Kicking newcomers to town in the head without even so much of asking why they’re there?”

“Stars above, it speaks,” I heard Rarity murmur faintly out of the corner of my hearing, but that line of thought got quickly overridden by the cyan pegasus I suddenly found getting right up in my face.

“Hey, you better watch that tone of yours, chump!” Rainbow Dash suddenly stepped forward, her expression growing confrontational. “You’re a stranger in our town, Scootaloo came up to me babbling something about a monkey-like monster, and I caught you trying to break into Twilight’s library. We were already kind enough to bring you to the hospital when we could’ve left your unconscious flank out in front of her house or tossed you in jail. Don’t push it!”

Okay, best pony or not, I already had to fight down the growing urge to snap back impatiently at her. Annoyance and irritation were the foremost things on my mind and dammit the headache was just not helping; the first few words of my next sentence came out of my mouth before I even had the chance to consider what they sounded like. “I wasn’t trying to break in, I was trying to... Ugh, never mind. Just... just give me a second.”

I held an open palm out from one of my restrained hands, closing my eyes and trying to gather myself back together despite the heated anger that threatened to rise. Geez, first contact and I was already on the verge of blowing it by losing my head. Keep it together, man - you don’t want to screw up your first impression here if they’re your ticket to getting a roof over your head and three meals a day.

Dash however didn't seem satisfied with my answer, and she took another step closer, sticking her chin out belligerently. "What, trying to come up with an excuse now? Save it chump, we caught you red-hoofed!"

"Rainbow, relax," Applejack said, holding a foreleg out across the pegasus mare’s chest to stop her. "Can't ya see he's tryin'a catch his breath? That kick ya gave him to the head was a doozy, just give 'im a chance to recover."

Out of the corner of my vision I saw Twilight giving the two mares an approving look, and all I could think at the moment was are they seriously trying the Good Cop Bad Cop routine on me?

They must’ve missed my incredulously raised eyebrow, because Rainbow backed down after a couple of seconds, grumbling inaudibly under her breath as she looked away. Applejack gave me an apologetic look, and shrugged. “Sorry about that. She can be a little hot-headed sometimes. If it’s any comfort, ya ain’t the first one she’s bucked in the head before she started asking questions.”

“Somehow I find that even less comforting,” I muttered, tugging at the restraints again with a frown. “Honestly, do you guys mind getting these straps off? I need a drink - I’m thirsty as hell, my head’s hurting like a bitch, and frankly this is starting to seem a lot like an interrogation more than an interview.”

“Who says it’s an interview?” Dash spoke up again belligerently, glaring daggers at me. “You’re not going anywhere until we’ve gotten some answers outta you.”

“Rainbow Dash! Honestly!” Rarity huffed in what I swore was irritation, and the white-furred dressmaker was actually shooting an annoyed stare at her. Okay, so maybe it isn’t so much of a Good Cop Bad Cop routine here as it is just Dash being Dash. “He hasn’t even spoken a word of his intentions, and while his language may be a little uncouth, he has done nothing to warrant such hostile treatment from you!”

“Girls, calm down!” Twilight called out, stepping in between the two mares before the situation could continue its hopeful degradation into name-calling and catfights. “I think you’re taking this a step too far, Rainbow Dash - let me handle this.”

“Fine, but don’t come crying to me when he bites your hoof off or something,” The hotheaded speedster muttered as she stepped away, stalking off to another corner of the room where Fluttershy followed her, asking quiet, concerned questions that I couldn’t even begin to make out. Hoofsteps from in front of me caught my attention, and I looked back to see Twilight giving me an intense, studying look, as though I were some sort of specimen instead of a living, sapient creature. Needless to say, I started fidgeting nervously underneath that stare very soon.

“Well then,” The lavender mare began. “Since you could respond to our questions, I guess that safely means that you can understand us. Let’s move on then - how are you feeling? Aside from Rainbow’s kick to your head, that is. You’ve got a welt the size of an orange back there - I think that one’s still going to be smarting for a while.”

My mouth was already half-forming a smart-assed answer on just where she could shove another one of Rainbow’s kicks when I thought about what she said, and realized something surprising.

Apart from the splitting headache that I was suffering, the rest of my body felt great. The weariness, aches and pains of the four days I’d spent in the Everfree had all but faded, and there was no longer a dull, throbbing ache from the bite wound on my calf. Even as I flexed the muscles on my legs to test them, I felt only a dull twinge as opposed to a fierce stab, and for the first time in days I actually felt rested.

I said as much, and Twilight gave me a small smile. “Well, that’s great to hear. When we brought you in, your body was covered in cuts and bandages, and there was this terrible bite wound you had on your leg. We had the doctors treat most of the injuries, but just where exactly did you come from? And what were you doing in there that got you those kind of injuries in the first place?”

Ah. Well, this is probably where things were going to start to get awkward.

“Well, I, uh...” Okay, I had to answer this one carefully. By right, I was supposed to be a newcomer to this world who knew practically nothing about the place - I couldn’t just drop names left right and centre like I knew Equestria like the back of my hand. Taking in a deep breath, I formulated my answer carefully. “Okay, it was that forest surrounding the edges of your town. I just spent the past four days trekking through it on my own trying to find my way back to civilisation, so I’m sorry if I seem a little short tempered or irate. Fatigue from wilderness survival can do that to you.”

There was a collective jaw-drop at my statement, and six pairs of eyes stared at me goggle-eyed. “What!?” Twilight spluttered. “That’s just- Four days? On your own?”

I don’t know what it was about my statement that triggered it, but if Rainbow Dash was giving me suspicious looks before, she was now regarding me as though I were a ticking time bomb. The others on the other hand seemed more like they were staring at me in awed fear; the kind of look you would give a guy you'd seen pull off something really dangerous, and while you respected his cajones, you really didn't want to cross him at the same time.

Honestly speaking, I didn’t really get why. I mean, it isn’t like they haven’t done it before themselves, right?

"What? What about four days?" I looked at them, nonplussed.

"Four days in the Everfree of all places is just unthinkable, my dear!" Rarity shook her head. "I wouldn't even last four hours before going crazy, but to do so on your own? Oh, the filth would have driven me absolutely insane!"

Applejack shot the melodramatic seamstress an odd look, then shook her head and turned to me. "We’ve been through it ourselves, so we know what yer talkin’ about. But we’ve never gone any longer than a few hours inside, and inna’ group ta boot - ya must be mighty tough if ya can rough it out through that kinda road fer four days straight by yerself, stranger," the farmer drawled. "Ah can appreciate that at least - ain't never heard'o nopony livin’ in this town who'd even dare spend a single night in the Everfree alone, never mind four days.

She paused for a second as she seemed to consider something though, and shrugged noncommittally. “Well, then again there is Zecora, but she’s kind of a special case, seeing that she lives in the Everfree an’ all."

Pinkie just stared at me. "Wow. So you are a toughie! I knew I wasn't mistaken about those scars!"

Scars? I raised an eyebrow. Ah, she was probably referring to the injuries I'd sustained through my traipse in the Everfree. Huh. So apparently by pony standards, outdoors survival is viewed as the epitome of badassitude?

... Nah. This was a small country town after all, and they were mostly a superstitious lot to boot when it came to the Everfree. They hadn't been trained in jungle survival; of course the standards with which they judged it by would be different.

"Well," Twilight visibly gathered herself back together, bringing the conversation back on track. "That would certainly explain the wounds - the Everfree doesn't take kindly to trespassers. Although then, that would imply that you were a trespasser to begin with... Which then begs the question: just where did you come from?"

Oh boy. Here comes the game breaker.

I pursed my lips, thinking. The answer to this question was one that was going to shape the tone and direction of quite probably the rest of my time here in Equestria, be it weeks or months or however long it took them to help me find a way back to that portal in the Everfree I’d come in through. First impressions lasted, and I wanted this to be as smooth an entry into Equestrian society as possible. I did not want to screw this up.

I blew out a breath, and spoke slowly, choosing my words very carefully. "To be honest... I'm not entirely sure how I got here, wherever 'here' is. But... I'm pretty sure I'm not from around here."

Rainbow Dash snorted. "Yeah, like that wasn't obvious enough. Thanks for enlightening us, genius."

Twilight shot the cyan speedster a reproving glare, and she cleared her throat. “Well, apart from not being from Ponyville, which you couldn’t possibly have meant since that’s painfully obvious, the only other possibility is... Are you saying that you’re not from Equestria?”

The lavender mare’s expression was incredulous and disbelieving, but I simply shrugged, trying to be as cryptic as possible - the more mystery I provided, the more time I would have to piece together what their reaction might be to the truth. “Equestria, huh? Hm. Well, I only know what I see, and I know that what I’ve seen so far is nothing like what I’ve seen back home.”

“And just where is this ‘home’ you’re talking about?” Twilight riposted verbally. “You still haven’t answered my question.”

Damn, but Celestia’s prized student was sharp. I shouldn’t have expected any less out of her. I immediately started racking my brains for another answer, one that wouldn’t make me seem like some crackpot junkie spewing crap about portals to other worlds and alternate dimensions, but... oh who the hell was I kidding? I’m terrible liar, and I couldn’t tell a falsehood to save my life. I could however stretch a truth longer than an American highway, as long as there was a grain of honesty to whatever I was talking about. Perhaps there was still a way I could bullcrap my way out of this without sounding like a complete loony.

Or I could simply just tell them the truth, and not have to worry about covering my ass with even more lies and coverups later.

Sigh.

Look, when it comes to dealing with people, I’m a simple guy. Much as I’m able to spin and weave tales of inaccurate half-truths, I liked to have things straightforward and out in the open instead. I honestly preferred playing on the level with people and being honest with where I stood with them.

However, sometimes being straight up with the truth just isn’t enough.

“Look, I could tell you, but you probably wouldn’t believe me, or even know where it is, either. I don't even know how I got here, much less how to get back. I guess... You could just say that I'm just really, really lost,” I shrugged helplessly at Twilight, and quickly changed the tack of the conversation before she could question me further. “Hey look, miss, no offense, but you’ve still got my hands strapped to this bed like I’m some sort of dangerous animal, and I’m kind of starting to resent that. Do I look like I’m about to attack you?”

It spoke volumes of just how trusting and naive these ponies were as looks of chagrin immediately began coming over Twilight and Applejack’s faces, while Rainbow Dash immediately looked away from me, averting her eyes before I could read anything off her expression.

I pressed on further before their expressions could make me falter.

“Cut me some slack here, guys,” I sagged against the pillows behind me in a show of weariness. “You said that you weren’t going to hurt me, but somehow I’m getting the feeling that you’re afraid I’m going to hurt you. I’m not. So how about we take these restraints off, show each other some trust, and take it again from the top? I promise I’ll be good.”

I colored my last few words with a wry smirk, and the room was very quiet for a couple of seconds.

“All right then,” Twilight said in an unexpectedly small voice, and her horn sparked aglow. The straps around my wrists abruptly came undone as a reddish hue surrounded them, and I rubbed at the abraded skin sorely. A glass of water came floating up to me a second later, wrapped in the same bright magenta glow of Twilight’s aura, and I gratefully accepted it, sipping carefully. My throat was absolutely parched, and the water burned as it went down, but damn it felt good.

After I’d drained about half the glass, I set it down on the bedside table next to me and looked at the six mares standing in front of me. “All right then - I know where I am, but nobody told me who you six are. So... Who am I talking to here?”

This was all a show of ignorance, of course - I wasn’t about to go all meta on them by revealing that their entire existence was nothing but a children’s cartoon to us, and I wasn’t supposed to even know any of these things in the first place. I had to keep up appearances, so despite the fact that I knew every single one of the six mares standing inside the room, I kept up a genial poker face as introductions went all around, nodding my head and saying hello as though I were meeting them all for the first time.

“Well, I guess we might as well start with me,” Twilight said. “I'm Twilight Sparkle, and I’m the librarian of the Golden Oaks library in this town we live in, Ponyville. And you are...?”

“Joseph,” I answered. “Joseph Ryan Ang, but my friends just call me Joe.”

“Joe, eh? As in coffee ‘joe’, or Donut Joe?” The cowpony who stepped up to my right said jokingly, her distinctive Southern twang tinged with just a hint of guilt. Still, she did a good job hiding it behind a hearty grin as she extended her forehoof. “Well, the name’s Applejack, and ah’m the owner of this here town’s Sweet Apple Acres, finest apple orchard you’ll ever lay eyes on. Though, ah got a feelin’ you might’a already been there to take a look fer yerself, if my lil’ sis Applebloom ain’t pullin’ my leg.”

Nice, I was detecting healthy levels of snark behind that grin of hers. I already had a feeling this mare and I were going to get along swimmingly.

My right arm was still on prickly fire with pins and needles, but that didn’t stop me from raising it to meet hers. I thought of going for a handshake at first, but then remembered something else at the last moment and formed a fist instead, bumping her outstretched hoof with my knuckles. Applejack’s eyes widened slightly at the gesture, and I flashed her a cryptic wink and turned my gaze to Rarity before she could think to ask anything.

"Oh, me?" The dressmaker blinked in surprise as she realized that my eyes were on her. "Well, I'm Rarity, the owner and tailor of Carousel Boutique, and having taken a look at your clothing sir, I simply cannot let this go unsaid: black is so last season."

I blinked.

Hang on; did Rarity just try to open up a first contact conversation by commenting on my fashion sense?

"Well, that aside, just what did you go through that left you with those gash marks?" She continued, oblivious to my reaction. "The Everfree certainly wouldn’t have been kind, but those kind of wounds are the kind you would from running into a manticore, or a timber wolf!"

“That’s kinda because I did,” I deadpanned, and the unicorn’s eyes widened. “Had to fight a whole pack of the wolves off by myself, and halfway through they just turned tail and hauled ass, only because a manticore had shown up. I only narrowly escaped from the bastard - he nearly had me down for his afternoon chow.”

“Well, that certainly would have put a damper on things…” Rarity pursed her lips, looking thoughtfully at me for a second before her eyes lit up. “Aha! I have just the thing in mind - with your clothes as torn up as they are, why don’t I make a small, new selection for you to replace what you have right now?”

I blinked at the sudden, unexpected turn of generosity, right until I remembered just who it was coming from. “Uh, all right, why not? How are you going to get my measurements though?”

The fashionista tittered, putting a hoof to cover her mouth, and she gave me a bemused look. “Oh, don’t worry about that darling, I have a natural eye for this sort of thing! I should have your new clothes ready within the week! Oh, designing this new line is going to be so exciting!”

Thankfully at that moment, Twilight stepped in, stopping Rarity before she could continue any further down that train of thought. But unfortunately, whatever words they exchanged flew over my head as I found myself distracted by a very belated, distressing realization on the topic of clothes.

I wasn’t carrying any of my gear - hell, I wasn’t even wearing any of it. My T-shirt, vest, fatigues and boots were all gone, as I could tell by the feel of the sheets against my bare skin and toes as I wiggled them about, and a peek under the sheets told me that I was clad in a simple hospital patient’s gown... and only that.

Doctors are professionals, they don’t even have nudity taboos here, and besides your clothes were filthy. Now get your goddamned head out of the gutter before you start freaking out. My brain pointed out several important facts before I could start thinking about the implications, and I took in a deep breath, trying to ignore the fact that I was conspicuously and very uncomfortably naked beneath the patient’s gown.

On that note, where the hell was all my stuff? I figured they must have had it stashed somewhere, but before I could begin to wonder just where, my thoughts were suddenly and very rudely interrupted by a pair of very large, aquamarine eyes staring right into mine just inches from my face.

“Hey, I just met you!” A high-pitched, hyperactive voice that I recognized all too well jabbed at my ears in a sing-song manner. “And this is crazy! But here’s a cupcake - please eat it maybe?”

I looked down just long enough to see a small cupcake with a liberal smattering of blue-white frosting on it being offered to me by two pink forehooves, and glanced back up to see Pinkie Pie looking right at me with huge eyes, blinking hopefully at me.

“How... did you...” I began disbelievingly, but Pinkie cut me off as though she knew exactly what I was about to say.

“Know that song? Oh, silly, that little matchbox-thingy of yours has got so much music inside it!” Pinkie tittered as though it explained everything, hopping off the bed to stand next to me. “Didn’t take me long to figure out how to use it - all I had to do was follow the arrows and symbols! Anyway, my name’s Pinkie Pie, and it’s super duper nice to meet you! I baked the cupcake specially for you when I heard from Twilight that you were in the hospital, so I guess that makes it a ‘Get Well Soon’ cupcake, but I wanted it to be a ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ cupcake, so I guess that kinda makes it both! Welcome to Ponyville!!!”

The rest of her rambling got automatically tuned out as my brain picked up on something, and it immediately set it up with red warning flags as it shoved it to the forefront of my thoughts. Wait a minute... she’d spent the entire time I’d been unconscious listening to my iPhone?

“Hang on,” My mouth caught up with the rest of my brain as the implications sank in, and Pinkie Pie abruptly stopped right in her verbal tracks. “What the hell have all of you done with all my stuff? That’s all I had on me when I came here!”

“Whoa, easy there, tiger!” Applejack held out a placating hoof. “We stashed ‘em in your bed’s footlocker, relax. We ain’t thrown away nothin’ yet - we figured that stuff was important to ya.”

Well, that was a reassurance, at least - the stuff I’d had on my back wasn’t much, but it was all I had that I could actually call my own. If I lost any of it, then I’d really know what it would be like to literally have nothing to my name, and it wasn’t a feeling I cared to experience any time soon. I let out a sigh of relief, nodding in thanks and sagging back against the pillows.

“Speaking of which,” Rainbow Dash suddenly said, and she reached down to pick something up before tossing it on my lap - the .44’s heavy metal frame landed atop my thigh, and the pegasus gave me a pointed look. “You mind telling us what this is supposed to be?"

I stared blankly at the revolver. Okay, I hadn’t expected this to come up in conversation so early - I was completely unprepared for the question, and found myself flailing mentally for an answer.

“What do you mean, ‘what is this supposed to be’?” My mouth reflexively responded with a defensive question even before I’d even thought about it. “Maybe you’d care to be more specific?”

Something twitched above Rainbow’s eyebrow, and her glare intensified. “You know what I’m talking about - if you’re as harmless as you say, then would you care to tell us why you’re so heavily armed carrying these things around? Fluttershy over here says she saw you blow apart a giant timber wolf with it!"

There was a collective round of gasps, and the rest of them immediately began staring at me as though I’d grown a second head. Ah, so she was the pony I’d heard scamper off from the bush in the aftermath of my altercation with Wolfzilla. Groaning, I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to stave off the massive, unnecessary headache that this pegasus was starting to give me.

“And who am I speaking to here?” I hinted at her horrible lack of diplomatic skill, and got another dirty look flashed at me in return.

“The name’s Rainbow Dash, chump!” She not-quite spat, but it still sounded pretty damn close. “And you better not forget it!”

It didn’t seem likely that I was going to get any other sort of reaction out of her, so I decided to humor her. Unlikely as it was that they’d even understand what a gun was, if giving answers would garner their trust, I figured I should be as forthcoming with information as I could.

"Well, if you wanna know what that thing is, that is precisely what kept me from becoming wolf chow," I replied dryly. “Do you have something against me using a weapon in self-defense, Miss Dash?”

“I sure as hay do when you scare the living daylights out of my friends while you're doing it!" Dash snapped back. "Self-defense or not, you're dangerous, pal. Don't think I haven't got my eye on you."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, and I could already see Twilight holding back a sigh as she gave Rainbow a long-suffering look. Behind the rambunctious pegasus was the second flier of the group, and the last one who had yet to introduce herself. I peered over Rainbow's shoulder trying to get a better look at her, but she automatically moved further back behind Rainbow, ducking out of sight the moment I caught a flash of a turquoise green eye, wide and apprehensive.

“Don’t mind her,” Twilight said almost automatically as though she’d gone through this introduction dozens of times. “That’s Fluttershy, and she can be a little... well, shy, at times. She’ll probably take some time to warm up to you.”

“I’ll bet on that,” I muttered underneath my breath, stifling a stinging pang of hurt - in my own humble opinion, Fluttershy is best pony, but seeing her duck away from me in fear just like that was like having your favorite celebrity suddenly run away screaming the moment she’d even caught sight of you. I was surprised at how much it actually hurt, given the fact that prior to my entry into this world she had been nothing more than a fictional character. I wasn’t supposed to be taking this so hard, dammit.

Bringing myself back under control with a deep breath, I exhaled slowly, looking at the six mares standing in front of me. Twilight and Rarity were looking at me curiously, while Rainbow was still giving me the stink eye. Applejack simply regarded me steadily, and Pinkie was still bouncing on the edges of her hooves, grinning excitedly.

“Well, now that we've gotten introductions out of the way," Twilight said after a moment. “I think there's still one thing we still don't know yet, Joe... Do you mind if I call you Joe? Or should I call you Joseph?”

“Either one’s fine, really,” I shrugged, speaking before even thinking. “It isn’t the first nickname I got saddled with - I had a bunch of friends calling me ‘Jojo’ for a couple of years once.”

There was a round of suppressed snickers, and I sighed mentally - now why did I do that? Great, now I wasn’t ever going to live that name down either. Twilight was the first to compose herself again, and she nodded with a ghost of a smile and a thoughtful expression on her face. “Well then, Joseph, so what you're saying is that you're hopelessly lost, you have no idea how you got here, and you have absolutely no clue how to get back to wherever it is you came from - am I right so far?"

"Pretty much," I nodded.

"And this place you came from, you're saying that there isn't a point telling us where it is because we wouldn't know where it is, or that we wouldn't believe you, correct?" I nodded again, and the young librarian's violet eyes narrowed, a grin spreading over her face. "Try me."

"Born in Singapore, lived there for twenty plus years, moved to the United States of America and took up residence in New York for two years, travelled to San Francisco and Tennessee to tour for a bit, all of them places nations and states on this good old ball of dirt we call Earth," I savored the nonplussed look that came over her face as she watched me rattle off a whole list of names she probably hadn't ever heard of in her life. "You were saying?"

"I... Well..." Her spluttering was almost positively adorable as I watched her flounder to recover. "Well, I'll admit you had me there, but if you came from a place we've never even heard of, then how did you even get here? Most of our entire world of Equus has already been mapped, and the Unknown Regions are far beyond our borders. There's little we haven't explored on our world - so just how did you manage to travel as far into Equestria as the Everfree without any sightings of you on our news?"

"Well, if you really wanna know... I fell into a hole and landed up in the forest," I said simply, and almost laughed at the incredulous expression on her face. "See? I told you, you wouldn't believe me."

I was met with a stunned silence for a couple of seconds, and then Twilight cleared her throat awkwardly. “Well, um... Okay, but even if what you said was true, then... Why here? Why did you come to our town instead of just trying to find your way back home through that hole you fell through?”

I sighed, and resisted the urge to apply palm to forehead. “Like I said, I fell into the hole. It wasn’t as though I didn’t try to climb back out, but it was too high up and I didn’t have any handholds. I couldn't climb back up, and when I walked out the other side I found myself in that forest you called the Everfree. I didn’t have anywhere else to go, so when I saw signs that your town was here on the outskirts of the forest, I figured my best shot at survival was to get back to civilisation, and I’d figure out the next step when I got there.”

Twilight looked very thoughtful as I finished the summary of my past several days, and after a moment she met my eyes, something I couldn’t determine setting itself in her expression.

“Joseph, could you excuse us for a couple of minutes? The girls and I just have to discuss something for a moment first.”

I nodded, and she jerked her head towards the door to the others, the six mares filing out of the room in quick order. Soon, I was alone in the ward as the door shut, but apparently they must have thought I was deaf or something, because although their voices were slightly lowered, I could still hear them nearly clear as day through the door.

“Okay, girls, so what do you make of him?” Twilight’s voice was only slightly muffled from outside in the hallway, and with a little bit of focused effort I could still make out what she was saying.

“He seems pretty on the level to me - he ain’t tellin’ us everything, that’s for sure, but ah’ve got the feeling he wasn’t lyin’ to us either. Poor guy's all alone here - he obviously needs some help. Ah think we can trust him,” Applejack’s accented twang responded, only to receive an immediate scoff in response.

“What? Are you kidding me, AJ?” RD’s high and scratchy protest was unmistakable. “That thing’s dangerous, and I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw a manticore! You saw what he did to that timber wolf, right ‘Shy?”

Whatever Fluttershy’s reply had been was inaudible, as expected, but judging from Rainbow’s reply it must have been the verbal equivalent of a nod. “See? Even Fluttershy’s scared of him! I'm telling you, he can't be trusted!"

"Rainbow, Fluttershy's scared of everything," I heard Twilight deadpan, and I snorted. “You might want to get somepony who’d give a more convincing account before you start hurling accusations left and right.”

“He does intrigue me a little, though,” Rarity thoughtfully mused rather audibly. “I initially thought his mannerisms were rather gruff, but he was also rather well-mannered when speaking to you, Twilight. Such a mixture of refined mannerisms and rough brusqueness - I wonder what his background must be like... Judging by the fact that he even wears clothes, surely he must come from some sort of civilisation as well!”

“I’m just excited we got a new friend in town!” Pinkie’s excited bubbling suddenly cut in. “I can’t wait to put together a ‘Welcome to Ponyville!’ party for him, we can welcome him into the town and introduce him to everypony else! Oh, it’s gonna be so huge, it’ll have games and decorations and drinks and snacks and- Oooooh, does he likes cupcakes? What about hay fries or daisy petals or bubble gum? Hmmm... You know, I’ve never heard what humans like to eat before; hold on, I’ll go ask him!”

There was the sound of frantic scrabbling, and I smothered a knowing grin as I heard Twilight’s panicked voice quickly overrule her friend’s hasty decision. “Pinkie, wait! We don’t even know what he is - we’ve only heard Applebloom’s suspicions that he really is a human, but I’ve never seen anything like him before in my books... That, and material on humans is woefully limited. He’s... Honestly, he’s a mystery as far as any of us are concerned, but he definitely looks like he could use some help, and I think he can be trusted too. Applejack’s a good judge of character, and she hasn’t steered us wrong so far, has she?”

Twilight must have been looking at Rainbow Dash at the last part of her sentence, because I heard a sullen mutter of assent from the speedster through the door. “Yeah, well... I still don’t trust him.”

“You don’t have to, Rainbow - just trust me. We’ll be fine,” Twilight said confidently, and I felt my hopes raise themselves up just a little bit - maybe this was going to turn out alright after all.

There was some inaudible murmuring from the other side - probably Fluttershy, and Rarity let out a chagrined gasp. “Oh stars, you’re right, Fluttershy! Even if we decided to take him into the town as a resident while we help him find his way back, where would he stay? He obviously doesn’t have anywhere to go; he’d be on the streets the moment he gets discharged!”

“And we wouldn’t want anypony catching sight of him without a chance to ease in his introduction to the rest of Ponyville either,” I heard Twilight agree, showing a lot more common sense than I'd expected. “We need to sequester him away someplace quiet first, someplace where not a lot of ponies go by while I try to figure out our next step.”

“He could stay at the farm,” I heard Applejack offer, and my hopes abruptly took a running leap off a skyscraper and began to soar. “We don’t get much visitors ‘part from Cider Season, but that ain’t till next year. The only ones who come ‘round to the farm regularly are you girls, so he should be fine there.”

“Excellent idea, Applejack. I’ll make arrangements with the doctors for when he gets discharged,” I had to practically fight to keep the triumphant, relieved grin off my face. A moment later I heard a couple of hoofsteps, and I kept my expression neutral as though I hadn’t heard anything while the door to my ward opened up and the six of them walked back in.

“Well, Joseph, I guess that you don’t have a place to stay, and since you said that you’re hopelessly lost, I suppose you need a place to crash, right?” Twilight asked, and I nodded in assent.

“Well, I really do hate to impose,” I began modestly. “But I guess I don’t really have much of a choice if I want to survive now, do I?” The wry response elicited a giggle from a couple of them, with the exception of Rainbow Dash who just glared at me as though I was trying to be smart with her.

"Well," Twilight began, still smiling. "Applejack was kind enough to volunteer her homestead on her farm for you to stay, so she'll be here to bring you there once you've been discharged. Is that all right with you?"

"Long as I get a roof over my head and three meals a day," I shrugged, to which Applejack nodded agreeably. "I'm fine with anything that gives me more time to figure out how I’m going to get uh... home.”

The mere mention of home however was certainly a sobering one, and grins and friendly smiles faltered all around as we were starkly reminded of the fact that I was still an outsider here, and one that needed to find his way back as soon as possible. After a long, heavy silence, Twilight finally broke it by sparking her horn, picking the .44 off of my lap and gently setting it back inside the footlocker.

“Well, you should be recovered enough to be discharged within a few days,” She told me somberly. “I understand that you were probably thinking of keeping a low profile, so I’ll have the doctors here sworn to secrecy about your being here. You won’t have to worry about having anypony on your tail. Applejack will be here to pick you up on the morning you get discharged, and she’ll bring you over to Sweet Apple Acres - sound good?”

I didn’t see any more favorable alternatives, so I agreed to it. My nod of assent was all Twilight needed, and she beamed at me, giving a satisfied nod and filing out of the ward with the rest of her friends. Rainbow Dash continued glaring daggers at me the entire way, but it was so expected out of her that I simply took it right in stride, giving her an innocent smile that I knew was sure to tick her off just to mess with her head. The door closed on me as Pinkie Pie, the last one out, gave an enthusiastic wave of goodbye, leaving me alone inside the room with my thoughts, and I slumped down against the pillows, still trying to wrap my head around all of this and figure out my next step.

The most important thing regarding my survival was now out of the way - I was pretty much guaranteed a roof over my head and three meals a day now, meaning that I wouldn’t have to worry about death by starvation or exposure any longer. Which left my brain free to move on to the next most important issue: now that I’d at least guaranteed my survival, how the hell was I going to get home?

The hole through which I’d emerged into the Everfree was several days’ worth of hiking deep into the forest. Not only that, but I also had absolutely no idea how to retrace my steps back to it. My recollections of the jungle trek were nothing but a hazy blur right now.

My best bet of finding it again was probably to head inside with a full search party numbering in the dozens who knew exactly what to look for, and the odds of finding the people I needed for that here were astronomically low. If what I knew of the Equestrians was anything to go by, they were terrified of the Everfree, and other than the Mane Six and the CMC, few others would be willing to venture into the dangerous woods for the sake of a strange creature they had hardly even met.

Speaking of which, there was yet another impossibility that severely rankled my brain, still pushing and shoving against my common sense and acceptance in denial of what I was seeing right here with my own eyes.

I was really here. In Ponyville. With the Mane Six.

Against all possible logical odds, in defiance of everything that I knew to be real, true, and scientifically possible, I had come to Equestria.

Truly, sometimes, reality is stranger than fiction, eh?

In all honesty I felt like I should have been spending a lot more time than just a few moments trying to figure out just how it was possible that I was even here right now, but after a couple of minutes it became pretty obvious that no amount of rumination on my part was going to be giving me any answers. I was never one to stay in denial about what was happening right in front of my face when the evidence was incontrovertible, so I figured the best way to go about it was to simply get with the programme and roll with it.

And now the only question, I guessed, as I drew the sheets over myself trying to ignore the splitting headache starting to assail me, was if I was going to be stuck here for much longer.

Comments

[Beyond the Horizon]

Well well well! Progress! I like this, I like it a lot.

-Edit-

I'll do a more formal comment when I have the time.

[AficionadoAvacado]

Good job. I'm likein this story. Nothing seems rushed, little to no grammatical errors. All-in-All this is going to be an excellent story.

[Mandyrobin]

Very good chapter. You have the personalities of the characters spot on and the writing all flowed together very smoothly. It doesn't feel rushed and it was a very enjoyable read. I look forward to the next one.

[nighters]

do you think he would talk about his time in the forest the two dead bodies that kind of surviving the ordeal not healthy to bottle up for emotion. side it easy to answer the 6 how he know about them as ponies know about humans humans know ponies by trilogy made by a tv company i mean how did ponies know about humans?

[JBL]

Well, Rainbow Dash seems to be even more ignorant and idiotic than is usually portrayed in HiE stories.

[ynfiltra]

FUCK YOU DASH!!!!