Alice ventures to Equestria after her confrontation with Dr. Bumby. What will a girl do? All she knows of life is pain, suffering, and death. She will find out with her constant companion and her trusty blade. An AMR MLP crossover.
I see no errors per se this time, but try reading your work aloud too - you sometimes do unnessesery repetitions, like using the name Alice 4 times over three sentences or "the strength of her drink was strong".
The cat might be a bit less direct... I get his way of speech is hard to imitate.
Finally, after reading this chapter I can say that compared to humans, ponies are complete amateurs when it comes to industrialised genocide. This is what they've come up with after centuries of work?
It is unfortunate that they got a Victorian human. Any 20th century human with the knowledge of the Nazi Germany could make their procedures... 20% more efficient
I see no errors per se this time, but try reading your work aloud too - you sometimes do unnessesery repetitions, like using the name Alice 4 times over three sentences or "the strength of her drink was strong".
The cat might be a bit less direct... I get his way of speech is hard to imitate.
Finally, after reading this chapter I can say that compared to humans, ponies are complete amateurs when it comes to industrialised genocide. This is what they've come up with after centuries of work?
It is unfortunate that they got a Victorian human. Any 20th century human with the knowledge of the Nazi Germany could make their procedures... 20% more efficient
...
Ok, that was dark.
Keep up the good work.
Cant believe that Dash let Pinkie try ranbows in the Rainboom ep.