This Isn't A Game Anymore, It's a motherfucking Fanfic!
No More Ponies
Equestrian Struggle
This Isn't A Game Anymore, It's a motherfucking Fanfic!
By:Vectorgameplay
"Travis Touchdown, what did I tell you about practicing in the Library?! Just look at this mess!" Twilight yelled at Travis angrily.
"Sorry, Twilight but my bro here Spike wanted to learn some of my wrestling moves. He needs to practice if he wants to be the number one dragon in all of Equestria, isn't that right Spik-o?" Travis replied, trying to defend himself from Twilight’s fury
"Yeah, Twilight don't worry about it. Besides, I'm the one who ends up cleaning the library anyway," Spike said in an attempt to calm Twilight down.
"But what about you, Spike? I don't want to see you get hurt," Twilight said, concerned for Spike's well being and safety.
"Don't worry, Twilight babe. It was just some basic moves and Spike's scales are pretty hard. Hell, I think it hurts me more than what it hurts him," Travis replied to Twilight with a grin, "Besides, Spike is a tough kid so you have nothing to worry about."
"‘Nothing to worry about’?" Twilight repeated, concern pretty evident in her voice, "How can you say I have nothing to worry about when you are teaching wrestling moves to a baby dragon?! And how many times do I need to tell you to stop calling me ‘babe’? You know I don't like it!" Twilight said, acting angry but with a visible blush on her cheeks, "I just don't know what would I do without my number one assistant," She said in a sad tone.
"Come on, Twilight if what you need is an assistant all you need to do is ask me. I can take care of you day and night... specially at night, if you know what I mean hahaha... Twilight where are you going? ... Uh, why are you going to the kitchen? ... Twilight, Twilight calm down, wha... what are you grabbing? ... Twilight no, Twilight, TWILIGHT NO! DROP THE FRYING PAN! TWILIGHT DON'T DO SOMETHING YOU WILL REGRET LATER! COME ON, LET'S TALK THIS LIKE TWO RATIONAL PEOPLE... OR PONIES OR... GOD DAMN IT I DON'T KNOW! PLEASE TWILIGHT! TWILIG...
*Whanck*
I know many of you reading this may be wondering: "What the fuck is going on?" I can understand that and to be honest, I still have no clue as to what I am fucking doing since I arrived here. Everything has been so strange and weird without Television and computers with internet or anime... I miss Pure White Lover Bizarre Jelly! But at least they still have video games and arcades. Don't ask me how that is possible, it's too crazy even for me, but hey! What’s life without a little of craziness right? Anyway, I think we should tell you guys how this shitstorm all started, whadaya say? Yes? No? I don't give a fuck because I'm going to tell you anyway. So for the sake of this Fanfic and our totally cool readers, let's do a rewind to the beginning, shall we Author?
Let's Punk!
<-----°Rewind°<-----
*Beep Beep Beep*
It was a hot and sunny morning in the town of Santa Destroy, California, a tourist hot spot famous for its seediness, lack of care for education, and menial population. Funded by multiple corporations like the well-known shopping area Area 51, the Job Centre and K-Entertainment, a corrupt advertising agency; the latter will not allow employment to those without introduction tickets.
These tickets could only be obtained through first working for the Job Centre. This is because as a corrupt advertising agency, K-Entertainment deals with the employment of assassins to weed out ‘undesirables’ for large sums of money. The town is also known to have hosted a Santa Destroy Eight Hour Stamina Meat Festival.
*Beep Beep Beep*
Santa Destroy is also the home of the Santa Destroy Warriors, a Major League Baseball team based at Destroy Stadium. While the Warriors are a professional baseball team, they are apparently inferior to a number of other teams in the league, to a degree at which it is even described in the Santa Destroy Guide as: ‘The only thing they lead in the league is violence towards fans
*Beep Beep Beep*
But the biggest difference that Santa Destroy has is surely the economic system. Despite being set in California – a state of the USA – its currency is not the American dollar but rather the "LB dollar". There is no exact explanation as to why the currency is different to the rest of the country, nor has it been officially confirmed what "LB" is an abbreviation of. But that doesn't stop people from getting up early in the mornings to go work so they can get some money for their families and other habits...
*Beep Bee...Thunk*
"Fuck you alarm clock! I do what I want!"
... Well, maybe it stopped just one person.
"It has been a year since I finally got a first rank in the UAA (United Assassins Association) and mornings still screw me up,"
Travis Touchdown, a thirty-one-year-old American assassin, stereotypical otaku - ‘And let’s not forget pretty damned handsome to boot’ - said while getting out of the bed in his room, filled with professional wrestling and anime collectibles.
Looking in his closet for some clothes, he found what he was looking for: a lightweight red leather jacket, a plain grey t-shirt, some jeans and his signature yellow sunglasses, "Thank god I'm fabulous."
*Ring! Ring!*
"Who can be calling me at this hour so early in the damned morning?" He said while going to the living room of his motel room to pick up the phone, "Hello, who's there?"
"Travis?" Asked a female voice on the other end of the line. It was a voice that Travis knew very well, "We need to talk."
"Silvia! It’s been quite a while since we last talked," Replied Travis to Silvia, an Ukrainian agent of the United Assassins Association and his brother Henry's ex-wife, "Where have you been?"
"Travelling to some countries and seeing the magnificent sights that this world has to offer, but enough about me. How are you doing, tiger?" Asked Silvia.
"Just here living in near poverty in this shithole of a motel but I'm doing just fine. Anyway what do you need?"
"It's about something that happened in the middle of my travels. You see, I was contacted by the UAA. Apparently there is a new member in the organization that has requested a fight with the first rank," Answered Silvia.
"A rank match? It has been a long time since I had one of those," Replied Travis, "But I will have to decline the offer. I don't battle anymore unless I have a reason, since the death of Bishop."
"That's the thing Travis, he also said he is not interested in obtaining the first rank. He said he just wanted an opponent that could give him a real challenge," Silvia said, awakening some interest in Travis.
"And what exactly gives this guy so much confidence to think that he can defeat me in a battle? Travis said, curious about this supposed 'new guy'.
"He has already defeated twelve of the organisation’s assassins. He is actually currently Rank Two on the UAA's list. I haven't had the opportunity to see him myself but people say he is a formidable enemy, you should be careful Travis."
"Don't worry about me Silvia. You know I'm going to be fine as always, did he mention where he wanted to meet for his little bout?" Travis asked, eager to meet this famous new guy.
"Today, Body Slam Beach at twelve PM sharp... Travis... Please be careful!" Silvia replied, genuinely worried about Travis.
"I will be okay Silvia, I promise!" Travis said before cutting the call with Silvia, "Getting back to the old ways I see, I better not keep this guy waiting."
Looking under his bed, he was soon greeted by his pet kitten, a Scottish Fold cat called Jeane, named in honour of his childhood's lost love and later discovered half-sister.
"Sorry little girl, daddy can’t play with you right now, he has some business to attend to," Travis said before grabbing both of his favourite beam katana models, "Blood Berry, Rose Nasty... I missed ya girls!"
After checking that all his equipment was in order, he quickly exited the No More Heroes Motel and left for Body Slam Beach on his motorcycle: the Schpeltiger, "Let's get this party started!"
-Meanwhile-
"Guards, barricade the windows and lock all the doors! Nopony gets out of the castle without my direct order! He couldn't have gotten too far!" Celestia yelled to the many yellow clad armoured guards at her charge.
"Yes, Your Highness!" They all said in unison before tending to the task entrusted to them by their ruler.
Something terrible had befallen the land of Equestria: one of the most dangerous criminals in history and former dictator had escaped his stone imprisonment of more than a thousand years and now freely roamed around Canterlot Castle unabated.
Luckily, both princesses felt his attempt to break free and quickly teleported to his prison but unfortunately it was already too late. His stone prison that once covered his body was laid on the ground in shards and the prisoner himself was nowhere to be found. They quickly sounded the alarm to alert the guards that the castle could be under attack at any moment.
"Captain Armor, I want you and your squad to cover the South and West wings of the castle and the outlying gardens. Luna and Captain Star shall be watching the North and East wings. If you find him, do not fight him alone. Call and wait for reinforcements or for both my sister and I to arrive," Celestia said in a stern tone to the captain of her royal guard. "Do I make myself clear, Captain?"
"Ye-Yes Princess, I understand," Shining Armor trembled under the gaze of the princess, "Do you want me to call my sister and her friends, your Highness?" Shining Armor asked to the worried princess.
"No, I would prefer not to cause a panic amongst the population with the news of his escape if we can handle it ourselves. If the things get out of hoof then call them. Now go!" Celestia ordered to Shining and all the guards present in the room.
They all saluted and went to investigate their assigned posts of the castle and its surrounding grounds.
"Sister!" Celestia turned around to find her sister Princess Luna entering into the throne room, "I have some important news!"
"Luna, please tell me you found him!" Celestia said with hope in her voice.
"Sorry sister but neither I nor Captain Falling Star have found any trace of him," Luna said, looking at the disappointed look of her sister. "But I have even worse news."
"What is it?" Asked Celestia with a worried look.
"It's about the Elements of Harmony... They're... They're gone!"
"WHAT!?" Celestia shouted in surprise at the news of the absence of the Elements, "But... how is that possible? He shouldn't be able to break into the magical barrier that protects the vault!
"That is the thing sister, he didn't. I felt the magical energy of another pony at the vault and that is what worries me the most," Luna said to the now very nervous Celestia
"You mean... he is not working alone?" Celestia asked to her sister, more concerned than ever, “That is most unlike him. Could they be responsible for assisting his escape?
"That's what I'm afraid of dear sister," Luna said with a sad look. "What do you think we should do now?"
"I don't know, Lulu and that is what scares me the most!" Celestia said, with fear of what could happen to her little ponies with the criminal free of his prison.
"What are you planning to do now ... Discord?" Celestia thought before sighing. "Please my little ponies... please be alright!"
-Back to Santa Destroy-
"There it is! Body Slam Beach," Travis said while looking at his cellphone, "And just... one hour late... Damn it. Anyway, where is this guy?" Asked Travis with disappointment, "I bet this guy just realized who he was fighting and ran away, what a pussy!"
"That is kind of a rude thing to say, don't you think, buddy?" Travis heard from behind him.
He turned around to find a man of about fifty, perhaps fifty-five years old with what looked like a Victorian suit with the pants and coat a light brown colour and a red tie around his neck. His white hair had a black streak across the sides slicked back in an English style and a small beard on his chin also white in colour and prostheses made of what looked like gold in his right arm built steam-punk style.
"You know you are an hour late, don’t you?” The man asked to the confused Travis.
"I think I already said this to someone before but I will say it again: it's called being fashionably late, fuckface!" Travis said to the man in front of him. "Anyway, are you that new assassin I have heard of? Rank 2 of the UAA?"
"Where you waiting for someone else boy?" the man asked Travis with a smirk.
"No, but I was kinda expecting someone less... old I guess?" The man let out a loud laugh at Travis’ statement.
"Really? Come on, you have fought very old people in the past. All of them with a very high rank in the organization I might add. What makes me any different from them?" The man asked with a smile.
"Well, one of them had a big as fuck cannon and the other one had a flying technological chair and an Orbital laser. What the fuck do you have?"
"I have a very expensive suit and A LOT of personality!" The man said with a laugh.
"... Okay you may just be the coolest grandpa I have ever met, I’ll give you credit for that!" Travis said while laughing alongside the man. "But really, who the fuck are you?" Travis grew serious again, looking at the eyes of his opponent.
"Well my good chum if you need to know so badly then I will tell you but only because you asked so politely. My name is Discord, god of chaos and disharmony and we..." The now humanoid Discord said with a large grin on his face, “Are going to play a little game!"
"Whatever you want old man, but let me warn you..." Travis said while turning on Blood Berry, "I'm not the one who likes to play soft."
Discord only laughed at Travis’ confidence, "That is good to know kiddo..." Discord summoned what looked like a pair of gloves with claws glowing with a yellow light on them, "Because I don't like easy challenges either. Don't go and disappoint me now, Travis."
"Believe me, I won't," Travis said before both fighters got into their respective fighting stances.
"LET THE GAMES BEGIN!" They both said in unison before rushing to attack one another.
Both weapons collided with each other, sparks flying everywhere the instant the weapons made contact. Both Travis and Discord quickly jumped backward, Travis took the initiative and sliced with Blood Berry in an uppercut motion while Discord - expecting the attack - quickly countered with a fury of punches with his claws, alternating between horizontal and vertical cuts.
Travis was waiting for the right moment for the perfect opportunity and it came to him like a long lost friend. With a single lightning-fast movement brought his sword into contact with Discord's claws, breaking his stance for a few seconds and giving him time to make a small cut on his opponent’s arm. If Discord felt the cut Travis had just made in his arm, he didn't show it. He just backed away from him and smirked.
"Impressive Travis, and here I thought I was going to have to hold myself back to give you a chance."
"Too much shit coming from the one who is losing," Travis said in a calm tone, "Now, are you going to stop talking shit and fight or what?"
"Don't worry boy, we are just getting started," Discord rushed at a high speed to Travis.
He expected that tactic from Discord and lifted his katana to parry and counter the incoming attack.
"You are going to need some new tricks if you're going to have any hope of..."
*Wisplash!*
Travis couldn't finish what he was saying when he suddenly felt something like a whip hit him full in the face," Oow fuck! What the fuck was... is that a tail?” Travis asked, noticing something long and covered in red scales coming from behind Discord
"Maybe~" Discord said with a cocky grin.
"What kind of fucking fighting technique is that?” Asked Travis, surprised that the sudden appearance of the new limb.
"Now who is the one talking shit, huh?" Replied Discord with a laugh.
"Fuck you!" Travis yelled with anger at Discord, running towards him to sever his head from his body and finally put an end to this annoying battle.
Discord didn't even bother to move, he just stood there with a smirk on his face as he watched Travis run towards him like a demon possessed. Travis – once he got within striking range of Discord – charged his katana and jumped, preparing a powerful horizontal strike
The katana hit the ground but it just met air and dirt. There was not a single sign of Discord anywhere, "What? Where did he go?"
"Up here kiddo!" Travis looked up to find a smiling Discord flying with what looked like two mismatched wings coming from his back: a blue angel-like wing and a purple bat-like one
"You got to be shitting me! First the tail and now you have wings? Peachy, just mother fucking peachy!!"
"Believe me, this is the last addition you need to watch out for because real pain starts now!" Discord said, suddenly going kamikaze and dive bombing towards Travis
Travis prepared himself for a counter attack the moment he had the chance but when Discord got close enough to attack, he suddenly disappeared into thin air and leaving Travis dumbfounded. He didn't have time to curse Discord when he felt the sharp pain of his opponent’s claw gauntlets cutting into his back.
He turned around quickly to find nothing but thin air behind him. He felt the claws cutting at the same spot again and again but every time he tried to find the annoying source, his attacker was nowhere to be found. Suddenly he felt someone grab his right leg. He didn't have time to look down before he got lifted up into the air, yelling and cursing.
Once they were high enough, Discord looked down at Travis and started to laugh, "Our flight ends here ladies and gentlemen. We know when it comes to sudden and unexpected air travel you have no choice but to use Chaos Airline and we thank you. Happy landings!!" With that said, Discord released Travis' leg, leaving him to fall from the sky
Travis hit the ground… hard
Discord started descending slowly, looking at Travis' body with a disappointed look, "Shame, just when I was starting to have fun," Discord said as he began to walk away, "Oh well, I guess I will just have wait for someone capable of fighting a decent battle."
"Why do you said that?... This battle isn't over!" Discord turned around with wide eyes as he heard Travis' voice, "Now come here so we can finish what we started, Sir Motherfucker."
"Seems I've underestimated you Touchdown, you are much tougher than you look," Discord said while starting to flap his wings to get back up in the air.
"You are going down, douchebag!" Travis let out a war cry before letting his power overtake him.
"DARK SIDE MODE: BLUEBERRY CHEESE BROWNIE!!"
Discord could feel the power emanating from Travis and it brought a shiver down his spine, a feeling he hadn't felt in a very long time, "This is the moment I was waiting for. I better start the spell now!" Discord thought with a mental smile before snapping his fingers.
Travis took advantage of Discord’s surprised state and charged his Beam Katana before - thanks to his Dark Side Mode - releasing a wave of energy that surged towards the flying mutant. He didn't have time to react as the wave hit him square in the chest and made him crash down to the ground. Discord just started to get back up when he felt a powerful kick right in his jaw that made him fall back down again. Discord barely had time to defend himself when in one quick move, Travis' Beam Katana went through his body
"Game over, old man!" Travis said with a smile on his face, a smile that was soon banished when he saw Discord grinning as he disappeared in a cloud of smoke right in before his eyes, replacing his spot with a white portal in the ground that started to rapidly expand under Travis' feet, "What the fuck is going on?! Was that a copy? And why can't I move?"
"That was quite the display of power, friend! Couldn't have expected any less from the so called 'Crownless King'. I knew you were the right one!" Discord said to the overly pissed Travis while the white portal started to engulf both of them.
"What are you talking about? You talk to me as if you know me. Who the fuck do you think you are and what the fuck is this thing?" Yelled Travis with anger in his voice.
"We, my friend, are going to travel to a very, very far and magical place."
"Where are we going and why do you need me to go there?" Asked Travis with both anger and confusion.
"We are going to a place very different to this or any other in this world. The name is not really that important right now but I think you could call it 'Paradise' if that's what you want," Discord said with a roaring laugh, "As for why are we going... it's because I wanted to give that place one last hope for when the time of the final battle arrives. But I have another reason and that is to also to show 'you' that there are still ‘heroes’ out there and that one day - sooner than what you think - you will become one. We shall be seeing each other again that day. With that said, I think we should be leaving now, pleasure to fight against you Travis Touchdown... Please say hi to Celly for me!"
"Who?" Travis asked Discord, confused by the request of the old man.
"The one with the huge ass, you will know who I’m talking about when you see her and whatever you do, don't piss her off or she will banish you to the moon," Replied Discord to the now very confused Travis
"Banish me to the... Are you fucking serious?" Travis said with an annoyed tone.
"Yes, yes I am!" Discord said before the darkness surrounded both of them.
After the white portal finished engulfing both of them, Body Slam Beach fell into complete silence except for the sound of astonishment of a little boy on a tricycle that managed to watch the entire fight from a close but safe distance on the beach
"Oh, man... That was totally wicked!"
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Why does that weapon look so familiar?
2902001 Which one? Travis or Discord?
2902012Talking about the cover art.
2902033 It should that's blood berry.
2902191...what's it from? Because so far it isn't ringing any bells.
2902197 That's the default weapon for Travis in every no more heroes games to date.
2902199Oh, there's an actual No More Heroes game. Okay, my bad. That'd why I didn't recognize the name blood berry.
2902204 Wait... there's more than just the games
!
2902204 You should check the game! It's pretty cool and very damn funny!
2902219How long ago did it come out? And is the replay value good? I'm slowly beating Ni No Kuni and Dragon's Dogma, and even if I do go and replay my old LoZ games for nostalgia sake, I'm going to run out of games soon.
Continue this awesome story!
INITIATE AWESOME DUBSTEP
2902234 It's actually kind of old, The first game came in 2007 and the second one on 2010. Both on Wii and the remakes with better graphics and bonus content in PS3. It takes a little to finish with all the optional jobs, collectibles and bonuses, so yeah! check it in Youtube so you can see if you like it.
2902260Yeah, I'll check it out.
2902249 Don't worry Doctor, I will
!!
Ps: A7X And Dubstep all together in harmony
!!
huh good story, but I still think you could have used no more hero's, instead of no more ponies in title, but keep it up.
2902809 Thank you for your kind words Doctor
SWEET! Also if you want to have people get an understanding for the series, I think 2 best friends are doing a let's play of No More Heroes 2 on their own channel. Great chapter, I'm really interested in seeing just who you pick to have fight. Keep goin and stay golden^^
2904366 Actually I already have an idea to get the 10 criminals, maybe more, that Travis is going to fight! And I can feel people is going to like it! But I'm not gonna tell it just now!
d2tq98mqfjyz2l.cloudfront.net/image_cache/1346724000736537.jpg
i was planning on writing a No More Heroes crossover but i havent had time in a very long time to write.
anyways im kinda diggin' this but it just feels that Travis is not totally in character.
FUCKFACE
2904902 yeah i kinda felt it too but i will try to improve that, Don't worry! Sir Gipsy Motherfucker
And you there, with the fanfic page open right now, just click the first chapter. LET THE BLOODSHED BEGIN!
A No More Heroes crossover.
I would just like to say, briefly, FUCK YEAH!
Hah.
2907094 Finally Somepony got it!!!
2904918
gipsy?
what are you? Trying to be different?
get back to fucking work
Sounds like an interesting concept.....Please do continue
2909684 With Pleasure
If I wasn't sure before, now I KNOW I need to play that game!
Travis worst enemy, a unicorn with a frying pan. Wished you've includes not the face!
Random 4th Wall breaking, Video game crossover stories are not my cup of tea, but I can say that you're doing fairly with with the first chapter.
Main character is good and written consistently pretty well.
The paragraphs are full of context.
Nice setting and premise of a plot.
That's about it.
2909717
I can see this happing:
img.pbooru.com//images/182/9726a1512db61135f453fa180285cbfb1a684f4e.png
img.pbooru.com//images/173/f1187fe015a28ad2622d74cf891665293743c93c.png
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTIvMTEvMDkvMDNfMjBfMDVfMjAxXzE0NjMxOF9fVU5PUFRfX3F1ZXN0aW9uYWJsZV9uaWdodG1hcmVfbW9vbl9tb29uX25pZ2h0bWFyZV9ub19tb3JlX2hlcm9lc19hcnRpc3RfZnJpc3Q0NF9kYXJrX3N0YXJfbmlnaHRtYXJlX3N0YXJfbm1oIl1d/146318__questionable_nightmare%2Bmoon_moon_steven%2Bmagnet_nightmare_artist-colon-frist44_no%2Bmore%2Bheroes_dark%2Bstar_nightmare%2Bstar_nmh.png
Are we going to see some characters from other games like MadWorld/Anarchy Reigns and Killer7?
awesome nice discord and frying pane
If Sir Henry Mother Fucker dose not make an appearance I will be sad, but this is looking to be shaping up well, cant wait to see what kind of mayhem Travis causes.
2909239 Tell that to Gipsy Danger!
FINALLY! I have been looking for a NMH MLP crossover for months now
2921488 I know the fans refer to him as that because he is badass as all hell, but can we please refer to him by his real name? Henry Cooldown? And why are you worried about Henry and not Shinobu, or maybe even Captain Vladimir? After all, Dscord said equestria may be "Paradise", which is constantly referenced.