A New Life

by DaBeejees

Chapter VII: A New Name

A/N: This is probably my favorite chapter yet, but I've only determined that while typing it in here off of my written draft of it. Why? Because I found out how hilarious some of the lines in here were, so you're in for a treat.

I was the first to wake the following morning, so I decided to head over to the kitchen to make some breakfast, being careful not to wake either Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy. The latter proved to be much more of a 'challenge', as I had awoken to find he practically laying on top of me; I then knew my chances of not waking her were minuscule. However, I didn't even get the opportunity to try.

Fluttershy fluttered her eyes open and shyly looked at me (diction intended, by the way), easily recognizing the helpless look of 'well...fuck' that was clearly portrayed upon my face. Noticing her position, she blushed, embarrassed.

"I-I'm s-so sorry...I-I just have a t-tendency to sn-snuggle..."

"Don't worry about it, 'Shy; I'm perfectly fine with it." I reassuringly say with a soft smile, nuzzling her gently to push my point further.

"I-If you s-say so..." she submitted. Fortunately for me, though, she moved off of me regardless, allowing me to make my escape.

A/N: "Run awaaay!"

-King Arthur, Monty Python and the Holy Grail

I squirm my way off of the bed and sneak out of the bedroom...before being scared shitless by Pinkie Pie, who was somehow hanging upside down in the doorway -- honestly, unlike Twilight, I gave up all hope of any remote explanation a long, long time ago...in a galaxy just a mere two-day journey away...

Luckily, I didn't scream or anything, instead simply losing my balance and falling down. In response, Pinkie Pie decided to drop down...landing right on top of me. Astonishingly, however, she didn't even make a sound, instead simply repositioning herself and staring at me in the same manner she had when I first awoke here in Equestria.

"Um...could we move to a different room?" I whispered. "I don't want to risk waking Dash or 'Shy."

Pinkie simply smiled and hopped off me; perhaps that was the very reason why she had been so quiet. I got up and followed Pinkie into the kitchen.

"Just so you know...I'm going to be trying my hardest not to talk as...hyperactively as I usually do while I'm around you. Well, at least until you can keep up with what I'm saying, especially because talking this slowly is...weird for me." Pinkie says once we stop, grinning widely.

To say the least I was astonished, but nonetheless grateful.

"Wow...thank you Pinkie..."

"Don't worry about it!

I paused for a second before asking the question that had been bugging me since Pinkie had scared me shitless. "Anyway...Pinkie...why exactly are you here? In Twilight's house?"

"Well, silly, I wanted to take you on a tour of Ponyville before your 'Welcome to Ponyville' party tonight!" Pinkie momentarily pauses. "That reminds me, you aren't just going to go by 'Brendan', are you? It wouldn't hurt to try to ponify your name!" Her hyperactivity finally kicked in. "OOH~! OOH~! I CAN HELP! I CAN HELP!"

I took a seat at the table and rested my chin on my hooves to think. "First things first: Rainbow wants to start teaching me to fly today, but in regard to 'ponifying' my name...well...frankly, I hadn't even thought about that!"

"OOH! So that means I can help, RIGHT?! OOH~! OOH~! How about BRENALICIOUS!"

I slowly look up at Pinkie with a raised eyebrow. "Please. For the sake of my sanity, tell me you're joking."

Pinkie put a hoof to her chin. "Hm...you're right...that isn't very pony-y..."

I resist a facehoof as I go back to thinking myself. This was probably something that should have been covered during our 'circle time' the previous night.

"...Pinkie? How'd you get in here?"

I turn and see Twilight at the entrance to the kitchen, her face telling me of her realization of the Pandora's box she had just opened. I turn back and put my face in my hooves in a desperate attempt to zone out the Pinkie-rant that was already starting to commence.

ADHD don't fail me now...that actually reminds me, I need to renew my La-La-Land passport...it's nearing it's expiry date...not to mention that my photo is still of me a a huma-- SQUIRREL! ...no...false alarm. Huh, I actually haven't seen a squirrel in a while...mainly just chipmunks...--

"BRENDAN!"

The sudden jolt back into reality causes me to fall over in the chair. For some reason I now donned a 'the shit I put up with'-style poker face.

"...did you...just zone Pinkie out at will just now?" she adds, leaning in toward me as I was on the ground.

"Well, after having severe ADHD for your entire life, you can learn to use it to your advantage..."

"Sounds like that could come in handy."

"Not if you can't focus enough to find the 'off' button."

"Is that what you were slamming your head on the desk last night for?"

"No, that was the failsafe for the 'logic orgy', remember?"

"Riiiiight..."

I temporarily ignore Twilight's last comment as I look around. "...did Pinkie leave?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, 'B', what're you doin' on the floor?"

I turn to look at Rainbow Dash, who's standing over me as well now.

"I wouldn't worry about that."

"I'm not. Ready to learn how to fly?" Rainbow's stomach complains, causing her to add with a laugh "After breakfast, that is."

"Sounds good!"

At that, Twilight gets started making our breakfast, and several minutes later Fluttershy wakes up and joins Rainbow and I in Twilight's living room, where we had decided to eat. Fortunately, Twilight had a TV there, which I turned to ESPN (Equestrian Sports Programming Network), which was showing some NELL highlights. I turned the volume down, however, and brought up Pinkie's suggestion.

"Ponify?"

I nod.

"I-I think it makes sense..."

"Hmm...the more I think about it, the more it makes sense to me, too. I mean, no doubt ponies would wonder why you have such a 'weird' name -- no offense."

"None taken."

"Well, he could say his parents were hippies or something." Twilight suggested from the kitchen.

I smirked as I decided to mess with her. "And you could say that yours were vampires!"

Twilight's reaction sounded like I had just pissed off a kracken, but fortunately, the obvious sarcasm in it was as obvious as the obvious humor in it was. "NO! That crap-on-paper is an utter disgrace to the entire concept of literature itself!!!"*

Rainbow and I burst out laughing, and rather surprisingly, so did Fluttershy. A few minutes later, Twilight joins us, shaking her head -- albeit with an amused smile on her face -- carrying our food with her magic. She sets a plate in front of each of us -- PANCAKES -- and lays down with us.

"I must admit, you got me good there, Brendan."

"Well, you expressed some impressive diction yourself, Twilight."

Rainbow gave me a confused look. "Word choice." Twilight quickly explained with a laugh.

"Ah..."

"Um...maybe we should...well...get back to the topic? I-If that's okay, that is..."

I look at the timid pegasus and flash her a soft smile. "Thank you, 'Shy."

"So...should we brainstorm then?"

I had already started, as I knew I would have to, as I was absolutely clueless about what I would want my 'ponified' name to be, especially because I wouldn't be able to change it. Long story short: I need to like it.

"Well...I've already gotten in the habit of calling him 'B', so I think that his 'pony' name should also start with that letter..."

"Agreed."

"Wait...isn't 'B' the name of the random board on 4chan or something along those lines?"**

"You just broke rules one and two of the internet."**

"Damn..."**

"Um...what are those things?"

"Don't worry, 'Shy, I'll show you later."

"Do you really think that that's a good idea?"

"Nope. Not at all."

"Fantastic.."

"WELL now, isn't that just great?! But guess what?! We're on another tangent!!!"*** I cut her off with an enthusiasm that has enough sarcasm in it to completely fill several metaphorical saddlebags.

"We seem to like those, don't we?"

"They're...nice."

"Okay...so, back to brainstorming."

The process took much longer than expected, and included suggestions such as 'Brink', 'Brilliant Breeze', and -- one that I desperately wanted to choose, but reluctantly didn't, thanks to my better judgment being a dick and spoiling the fun -- 'Braveheart'.**** However, just as Twilight decided to get up to take our plates -- which had been empty for at least the past twenty minutes -- back to the kitchen, we finally got a 'keeper', courtesy of Fluttershy.

"Um...how about...Briar?"

I look at the others, my eyebrows raised and nodding my head approvingly, my face similar to the 'not bad' meme once again. Honestly, however, I would have preferred the :megusta: face, but I didn't want to risk 'scaring' Fluttershy, who was already starting to cower due to the silence that had followed her suggestion.

"D-do you not like it? I-it was only a suggestion...s-sorry..."

"Quite the contrary, actually; I'm trying to think of any reason why I possibly wouldn't like it...and I'm failing miserably at it, quite frankly..."

"Looks like it's settled, then!" Twilight announced happily, clopping her hooves together as the rest of us stand up.

"Well about damn time! C'mon, B!"

*Zoom!*
*Crash!*
*Awkward silence!*

All of us, minus the now-absent Rainbow Dash, stare wide-eyed and jaw-dropped at the area to the immediate left of the library's front door -- at the now-glass-less window. After a major 'awkward turtle' moment -- which I found out the hard was was difficult to do the gesture for when you have hooves -- I force some words out, even though all three of our facial expressions wouldn't change at all for the rest of the chapter.

"Iiiiiiiiiiii'll just use the doooooooooorrrr....." I manage to say as I very slowly start toward it.

"Thank you..."

I maneuver my way around about three rogue mini-shards of glass before taking my leave to join Rainbow Dash outside.

*This is probably my favorite line in the entire story so far.
**These three lines are a very close second though.
***...and this is a close third.
****...and this is somewhere in there as well.

Comments

[Laine]

Da fuq?

[DaBeejees]

270836
...you'll have to be more specific than that, I'm afraid.

[Mard93]

Twi said what is the truth about that thing
Good chapter and fun as well

[uTTerAbsurdity]

I nearly fell out of my chair at the "Run awaaay!" tHANK yOU.

[Soycd]

lol i like rule 34 personally

[P!nR!ght]

Dude this is creepy. Your name is almost the same, your IQ is around mine, and somehow you have the same dry sarcastic sense of humor. Are you sure you don't have a twin who was lost at sea? Because if you did... that's kinda scary.

[DaBeejees]

273363
I live in Phoenix, Arizona. The closest ocean is in Mexico, the Gulf of California, to be exact. I highly doubt that I had been lost at sea.