• Published 10th Jun 2013
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Friendship is mADgic - Dafaddah



What would happen if Twilight Sparkle discovered the science of advertising?

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Chapter 3: This Exponential Land

Friendship is Madgic
Chapter 3: This Exponential Land
UnEdited as yet


The screen lit up to a scene of grasslands, lush and verdant and spreading as far as the eye can see. The scene panned right. A lone earth pony appeared in the distance, the prairie grass growing almost to her withers. Her orange coat and blond mane left no doubt that it was none other than Applejack. As the camera zoomed-in she rose to her hind legs, forelegs held out to her sides, the frogs of her hooves stroking the bearded tips of the tall grass.

What a lovely image, thought Celestia. Of all the bearers, she’s the one who seems both the most at ease and the most powerful when in her element. What a truly regal mare!

“This is good land,” said the orange mare, a lone stem of grass dangling from the corner of her mouth. She pushed her Stetson up, revealing her sun-freckled face and huge green eyes. There was no mistaking the affection in her gaze as she scanned the prairie vista. “My family knows good land when we see it. The Apple clan have been farmers fer generations. The land and all the things that grow in it an’ on it are a big part of who we are. ”

“So ya’ll listen up when ah tell you, this land weren’t here even a few weeks ago.” She waved a foreleg pointing into the distant horizon. “Cause this here land is part of the exponential lands. You’d never know by lookin’ at it, but all this used to be part of the Earth and there was nothin’ livin’ on it but maybe a few weeds an’ bugs. This here land used to be fields covered by the last harvest.” The vision of green on-screen was replaced by stock footage of grey fields of toxic dead wheat, victims of the eco-disaster that killed off most of the earth's grasses and legumes.

Even though she had known all about it for years, the shock of the contrast still affected Celestia very deeply. “How could they have done this?” Luna blustered next to her. "Sister, thou..." Celestia place a hoof on her sister’s and felt the mare trembling in anger. There were still some things about the Earth that she had not yet told her.

“Hush, Luna. We shall discuss it anon,” whispered Celestia, and turned her attention back to the screen.

“When ah first visited the Earth it just about broke my heart to see it,” said Applejack’s voice. The scene cut back to the farm mare peering into the distance. “But jes’ look at it now.” She gave a patented thousand candle-power Apple clan smile.

“This all is part-n-parcel of the magic the Princesses made to protect Equestria’s ecology during the convergence, an’ it’s turnin’ every mile of sterile Earth land absorbed by the barrier into three or four miles of this beautiful Equestrian prairie that’s jes’ begin' fer good folks to come here to settle. To farm. To raise families. To live and become part of tha land.” She stared directly into the camera.

“And that’s where you all come in.” She waved her foreleg again. “All this could be yours, just for the asking.” Her expression became serious. “Now ah ain’t gonna lie to you an' say that a farmer’s life is an easy one, ‘cause it ain’t. It’s hard work from sunup to sundown.” Her brilliant smile came back. “But ah wouldn’t trade it for all the gold in two worlds.”

Luna clopped hooves. "Huzzah for Applejack! How could any human refuse such an enticing prospect?" Celestia smiled at her sister but kept quiet.

On the screen, Applejack dropped back to all four hooves and began to slowly walk away, her hat and blond pony tail barely visible above the grass. A simple guitar tune began playing. Her voice-over resumed. “If you can feel the call of the land in your bones, or even if ya cain't, ah recommend you to go to the Conversion Bureau at your earliest convenience. Y’all won’t regret it, no matter where you're coming from. All y’all will be welcome here, and that’s the honest truth.” As she walked into the distance the volume of the music rose and a familiar tune rang out from the speakers, with sweet young voices singing the words, mostly in key.

‘This land is your land, this land is my land
From Califoalia, to Manehatten Island
From the Everfree forest, to the Canterlot Highlands
This land was made for you and me.’

The music faded with a flourish and giggles from the singers.

Applejack’s face reappeared on-screen, looking somewhat sheepish. “Oh, an’ ah won’t tell ya’ll there ain’t no hazards in Equestria, ‘cause there is. There's monsters in the Everfree like timberwolves, parasprites, ursas major and minor, hydras an’ other critters ah can’t rightly remember. And then there’s also crazy unicorns, Discord when he ain’t a statue, buffalo when they're on the warpath, gryphons when they're obnoxious, mean ponies, ponies that don't like apples, ponies that make stupid cider squeezing machines, the mayor of Ponyville when she thinks she can do comedy, an’ whoever done took Granny Smith's dentures agin'.”

“Sis!” said a foal’s voice off-screen. Applejack looked down and her eyes grew wide. “Oh yeah! An’ that was my sister Apple Bloom an’ her friends Sweetie Belle an’ Scootaloo, who done sang for you all.”

The screen went dark, and the lights came up. Applejack stood before the screen, a look of interested curiosity on her face. "Since nopony's hidin' behind the furniture, I recon that wasn't so bad at all!"

"That was a truly inspiring monologue, Applejack," said Princess Celestia.

"I'll pass the compliment onto my brother Big Macintosh, seeing as he did most of the writin' fer this commercial," replied the orange mare. "He don't say much, but he sure can write mighty purty words when he sets his mind to it."

"He certainly can," agreed Celestia. "Perhaps you should consider having a few posters made to support your theme. Although that last bit might need to be edited out. Remember that we do give a course on the hazards of Equestria to every Newfoal before they go through the Conversion process."

"We'll ah suppose so," said Applejack sounding unsure. "Maybe ah'll do that part over agin'. Ah jes kinda tacked it on myself 'cause ah wouldn't want nopony to be disappointed when they got to Equestria an' all."

"That's very thoughtful of you, Applejack." Celestia heaved a sigh of relief. Finally things were looking up. "So. Who's next?"

"That would be Rarity, your highness," said Twilight. "Lights please!"

Oh good, thought Celestia. Let's see what civilized advert our sophisticated fashionista has devised. The room was again shrouded in darkness.