• Published 10th Jun 2013
  • 1,380 Views, 29 Comments

Friendship is mADgic - Dafaddah

What would happen if Twilight Sparkle discovered the science of advertising?

  • ...

Chapter 2: It's just terrible!

Friendship is Madgic
Chapter 2: It's just terrible!
UnEdited as yet

"Next up is Pinkie Pie,” said Twilight. "As a special treat, she’s decided to do her ad live in front of everypony, and that she'll be using the screen as part of her audio-visual-dynamic-contextual fabric, whatever that is." The purple pony shrugged and moved aside as the lights dimmed.

A single, sad note from a cello filled the darkness, its texture low and tremulous. The lights slowly rose, and the note rose in timbre with it until Pinkie was revealed, hunched into a ball, dressed in a black body stocking. There was a grating sound and Pinkie turned her head to the screen, still hunched as if in fear.

Hmm... This isn't what I expected from Pinkamena, thought Celestia.

On screen was a view of one of the Earth's many dismal favelas. It was dank, dirty, and depressing, a washed out scene in greys and blacks, all of which seemed to be reflected and amplified by the music. Pinkie rose to her hind legs like a human and began to move in staccato bursts, each move and stance in counterpoint to the music and reflecting a sad and frightened individual. The image on screen seemed to move uncannily well with Pinkie's own, so that even though she didn't budge an inch from her spot it looked as if she was a fugitive fleeing something terrible and being thwarted and threatened at every step.

This so moving, thought the Princess. I didn’t know Pinkamena had it inside of her. I’m thoroughly impressed. She heard a sniffle from Luna's direction.

On the screen, a small spot of colour appeared. It was a poster on a favela wall. Pinkie’s gaze became fixed on it. The music changed. Notes began to harmonize. She crept in closer (never actually moving from her spot). It was a poster for the Conversion Bureaus.

By now the discordant sounds had been replaced by a light airy melody. Pinkie stretched out her forelegs in yearning, seemingly edging closer, then closer still. Just when it looked like she might reach her goal, a bitter note of discord rent the harmony as cymbals crashed shockingly loud.

"Eeeeek!" Celestia felt a vibration through the dais/box spring as Luna started in surprise.

Before the screen, Pinkie had raised her forelegs as if to hide her face from something. Then she began to tentatively feel the air around her with one forehoof, and then with both. It became obvious there was an invisible wall. She reached up. Her hooves balked on an invisible surface above her. And then beside her. Frantically she began feeling all around, her movements restricted to a smaller and smaller space. The music grew oppressive. On the screen the word ‘Barrier’ appeared. The lights gradually dimmed as the imaginary space around Pinkie grew smaller and smaller and the word ‘Barrier’ multiplied onscreen, growing larger each new appearance.

Luna's sniffles amplified. Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to expose my little sister to modern media emotional manipulation techniques, mused Celestia.

Finally Pinkie Pie had shrunk to a ball on the floor again. There was one last discordant shriek from the cello. The little black leotarded ball of pony erupted into flames and was consumed in an instant. The embers faded, and the room went black.

Well, thought Celestia, that was unexpected! She reached over to stroke her weeping sister's mane.

Then on screen, a message appeared.

‘Go to your Conversion Bureau today’

It faded out and another text faded in.

‘Before it’s too late’

Fade out.

Twilight and her friends sure seem to like laying on the drama good and thick! thought Celestia.

Fade in.


Fade out.

Patience Celestia. Let's see how the pink party pony wraps this up.

Fade In.

‘A mime is a terrible thing to waste.’

"Wah-hah-hhhaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!" Luna wailed. Celestia quickly reached over and enfolded her in a full alicorn hug: neck, forelegs and wings. "All those poor mi-hi-hiiiimes! How terrible the tra-ge-dee-ee-eee." She snuffled into her sister's withers, leaving huge gobs of snot on the snow white fur.

"Pinkamena Diane Pie!" Celestia called. For some reason the Element Bearers had already disappeared from sight. Pinkie Pie popped up seemingly from nowhere, holding a box of tissues.

“I know!” Tears flew from her blue eyes in twin streams. “It’s so sad about all those mimes. Wah-hah-hhaaaaaahhh!” She offered the box of tissues to the Princesses while wailing as loud as Luna. “But maybe now,” sniffle, “all the mimes will see the commercial and get ponified before it’s too la-hay-hay-hate.”

“Oh," sniffed the Moon Princess, "Pinkamena, thinkest thou they wi-hi-hi-hiiill?”

“I’m sure they will!” Suddenly Pinkie was smiling again. She pulled a sheet of paper from wherever it was she put things. "I had the ad run through a focus group. It scored over nine thousand on the mimetic scale!"

"They said so?" asked Luna tremulously.

"They didn't say anything. They were mimes, silly! They responded by e-mail," said Pinkie.

Luna turned to Celestia. "E-mail, sister. Be this something I shouldst have studied this in my introduction to modern life?"

"We'll get to it eventually, Luna," said Celestia, smiling sheepishly. In another century or two when you're ready for it, thought Celestia.

Her Ponyville friends could be seen peeking from around various pieces of large or overturned furniture. Pinkie gave Luna a hug. Apparently reassured, the younger princess sat back in her throne and began methodically wiping tears and phlegm from her dark coat.

Celestia resumed her own throne. With a shaky voice she commented. “That was certainly a most effective advert, but one I suspect with a rather small target demographic.” And now the humans will dump ALL their mimes into Equestria forthwith, she thought. What a disaster! I’ll need to send an advisory to warn the Conversion Bureau directors. She swallowed to calm herself. Out loud she said: “Twilight, please do continue.”

The lights faded again.