• Published 9th Jun 2013
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Equestria Noir Case 23 "Mad Doctor" - Jacoboby1

Private travels to a strange asylum in search of a missing pony. What he finds is a madhouse filled with all sorts of horrors the likes of which he's never seen. But one madpony in a box has...

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Chapter 1 "Welcome to the Madhouse"

Equestria Noir

Case 23

“Mad Doctor”

By: Jacoboby1 and Shattered Illusions

Chapter 1

“Welcome to the Madhouse”

“I know it’s going to be here soon!” Twilight said, excitedly pacing the library floor. For nearly three hours Twilight had been eagerly awaiting a package. This package contained a book that supposedly belonged to Starswirl the Bearded. To say it got Twilight excited was like saying my coat is grey.

I was reading at a nearby table as Twilight continued pacing. I looked back at her and smiled “Geez Twilight, you’d think this was his greatest work or something,” I said teasingly.

“Any book from Starswirl is valuable,” Twilight replied seriously as she stopped in front of me. “I can’t wait to take a look at it once it arrives!”

“Twi, it’s almost midnight,” I said, gesturing to the clock. “You should probably head to bed and wait for the package to come tomorrow.”

Twilight just gave me a “are you crazy?” look. I sighed and closed my book “I’m going to swing by the office for a bit.”

“Are you sure?” Twilight said, looking at me “I’d love to show you it, maybe Starswirl had something to say about Tenacity.”

“As much as I would love to stay up till one in the morning, I gotta hit the hay pretty soon,” I said with a yawn.

Twilight walked to me and laid a kiss on my lips. I returned it slowly and Twilight said as we parted, “Right, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As I turned to leave I felt a strange urge to say, “Twi?”

“Yeah Private?” Twilight asked, looking over at me.

“No matter what, we’re going to stick together, right?” I asked, looking back at her.

Twilight smiled and replied, “Nothing is going to change how I feel about you, Private. You’re the love of my life.”

I smiled and said, “I do love you.”

She walked to me and nuzzled along my cheek. “I love you too, even if you aren’t willing to stay up till two o clock for a good book.”

We both laughed at that. Then Twilight’s face turned a little serious. “Have you been okay these last couple of weeks?” she asked with concern.

“Why do you ask?” I returned, looking at her.

“Well, you’ve seemed so distracted lately,” she explained. “It’s pretty easy to tell with you, since you’re usually so focused.”

I knew what she was talking about. During our dates I kept coming up with ways to try and propose. So far, they basically failed on all fronts. I tried to convince a waiter to put it at the bottom of a champagne glass. Turns out all the champagne was taken by a certain Berry Punch that night. I tried to get Raiden to help sky write but the weather team threw a fit when one of their clouds was made to look like a terribly written P.

Suffice to say, yeah I have been distracted. Just every time I think about marrying Twilight I get flustered and honestly a little too happy.

“Private?” Twilight said, that snapped me back to reality.

“Yeah um,” I said rubbing the back of my head, “just dealing with something right now, something very personal.”

“Oh,” Twilight blinked and said, “well if you need an-“

I shook my head and replied, “No Twilight, this is something I have to work out on my own. You have to understand.”

Twilight frowned, and then slowly smiled and nodded. “Alright, I won’t pry, just tell me if you need any help.”

She has no idea how much me telling her would ruin the plan. I smiled anyway, and laid another kiss on her. She returned it and wrapped her forelegs around my neck. I hugged her back and set my head on top of hers. “Twi, just, don’t change.”

She let out a muffled laugh as she nuzzled my chest. “I’m not going anywhere Private, at least not until that book comes...”

With that we parted and I walked outside. There was a small spring in my step that was there every time I thought about Twilight. I never thought I’d feel this way about anypony. Just being around that lovable, adorkable, sweet, and unbelievably talented mare just made the whole world seem brighter.

I can’t wait to put a ring on that horn.


I returned to the office to find the light on inside. Somepony broke in?

I pulled out Blackbird and slowly opened the door, peering inside. There, sitting on my desk was Doctor Stable. He was a yellow coated, brown maned unicorn with glasses and a doctor’s coat on. He saw me standing there with a gun and raised his hooves. “Please, Detective! I’m not here to steal anything!” he said fearfully.

“What are you doing in my office, Doctor?” I asked, holstering Blackbird.

“I came to ask for a serious favor, but when you weren’t here I tried to see if you had any files I could use,” he said honestly.

“Why are you here so late at night?” I inquired. “If you wanted me to take on a case couldn’t it be in the morning.”

“If my superiors knew where I was I could lose my license,” he answered seriously. “Listen, you have to help me, Detective. One of my patients has gone missing, I’m sure you remember Screwy.”

“Screw Loose?” I asked, falling into the habit of using her nickname. I’ll admit I felt a little guilty afterwards. From what Twilight told me Screwy was a mare who used to own a hardware store with her husband, fella by the name of Locksley. But Locksley died about a year before Twilight arrived in Ponyville and Screwy sort of fell off the deep end. She started barking incessantly and chasing anypony who would come close to her home.

“I thought she was rehabilitated,” I said. “She was dropped off at home about a week ago.”

“I had hoped that would be the end of it,” Doctor Stable said with a sigh. “She was a good patient, and she made great progress under our care. However, the family of her husband made a call to the hospital. They claimed that she needed to be put under permanent psychiatric care. I told them it wasn’t a good idea and tried to convince them of all the progress we'd made, but they wouldn’t listen.”

“Where is she now?” I asked gravely.

“They convinced the medical board to take her to St. Synapse Hospital for the Mentally Ill. I tried to fight for her as best I could, but the board threatened to revoke my license if I didn't stop. My hooves were tied and she was sent there about two days after she got released.”

“That can’t be good.” I shook my head and continued, “If she’s forced into a new environment so quickly it could cause her to regress.”

“You’re quite knowledgeable for one so young,” he complimented.

“I was very good at Psychology classes in college,” I said with a shrug. “Anyway, where is this St. Synapse place?”

“It’s a few miles away from Ponyville.” He reached into his coat to pull out a sheet of paper. “Here’s the address, you can take the train to the Hoof Creek Station and you’ll be right there.”

Hoof Creek was an abandoned mining town though. Why would a hospital be active there? Unless their practices are not exactly legal.

“I’ll take a train in the morning,” I said, pocketing the address. “Consider this payment for you putting up with me in the hospital.”

“Just find her please,” he said earnestly. “She’s probably scared and confused. She needs to come back home as soon as possible.”

I nodded and replied, “Alright, I’ll bring her back.”

“Thank you so much, detective,” he said with a smile. “This little meeting stays between us, right?”

“What meeting?” I asked with a nod. “I just found out why she suddenly went missing and decided to investigate myself.” I gave a wink and he got the message. I wasn’t about to sell him out if it meant his license could get revoked. He was the guy who helped cure me after the fire all those months ago.

As the doctor left I debated whether or not I should ask Twilight to come along. She’d probably be busy with whatever Starswirl’s book told her. Knowing her, she’d probably be up all night and sleep in the next morning for several hours.

Right now, I was going to get some sleep, and I’ll handle this business in the morning. If all goes well, I’ll be having lunch with Twilight and Screwy will be nestled at home, hopefully without barking.


“Come on! Let me see it!” Tailspin demanded the next morning.

Tailspin and I got up a little bit early for whatever reason, it was a Saturday so he didn’t have to worry about school. However, he wasn’t interested in catching up with Pony Rangers but rather in what my ring for Twilight looked like.

“Alright,” I relented as we sat down at the kitchen table. Tailspin rolled over to me as I pulled the small black box from my trench coat. I opened it to reveal Spike’s claw made ring and Tailspin’s eyes grew wide.

“Wow! It’s amazing Private! Twilight’s gonna love it!” he said happily.

I closed the box and said, “I sure hope so, pal.”

“Hey, Private,” Tailspin said looking at me, “what’s gonna happen to me once you and Twilight are married?”

I looked at Tailspin, this is one of the things I had to think about before getting married. I thought Twilight may want us to have the house to ourselves. I couldn’t ask Tailspin to leave though. Where would he go? Who would take care of him?

But I knew Twilight would never even think of that. I wouldn’t ask her to kick out Spike, she would never ask me to kick out Tailspin. We’ll figure out a housing situation once everything is settled. But, I’m not letting my little brother get left behind. Twilight would agree.

I just smiled at the colt and said, “I’ll figure something out, I always do.” I rubbed his mane and he laughed a little.

“This is going to be awesome,” he said with a happy smile. “I get to have Twilight for a big sister!”

The prince and princess of the crystal empire, a dragon for a brother sort of, and the cutest niece he would ever see. Looks like Tailspin was going to get quite the family once I married Twilight.

I loved how excited Tailspin was for all of this. I’m sure he’d love to have Cadence and Shining Armor for family members. Skyla would absolutely be adored by my little brother. Though he may get a little jealous that somepony in the room is cuter than he is.

But, I think I’ll save this fact as a surprise for both parties. I pocketed the ring and looked at Tailspin. “You have a good day pal; I got a case this morning”

“Come back soon, okay?” Tailspin said as I walked out the door.

I gave him a wave and set out on a strangely cloudy day.


I stepped off the train just as the sun was about to rise over Hoof Creek. The town was practically deserted. A long time ago this used to be a silver mining town, but it went under after the mines dried up. Soon it became a ghost town like many mining towns in the past.

I looked back at the conductor and asked, “Do many ponies come by here?”

He shook his head and replied, “Not until recently, we get very few ponies stopping at this station. We mostly use this spot as a pit stop whenever the train gets busted. Never thought anypony would set up a mental ward here.”

“Where is it exactly?” I asked, feeling a little suspicious about all of this.

“It’s over on the hill in the old hospital,” he explained, pointing to probably the biggest building nearby, “but I wouldn’t go there.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“For the few ponies that do go there,” he said gravely, “never come back to the station to leave.”

Okay, this sounded like the set up to a bad ghost story. I walked off, undeterred by what he said. I was going to find Screwy, and I was going to get to the bottom of this.


I entered the hospital to find it too was deserted. There was nopony seated in the waiting room and nopony at the front desk. This was very strange.

I walked up to the front desk and ran my hoof across it. “An inch layer of dust, either the janitor is slacking off or nopony has used this desk in ages,” I muttered to myself.

I then looked at the name plate at the front. I lifted it with my magic and wiped away the dust. My eyes grew wide; it read “Dawnbird Thatcher.”

Dawnbird worked here? Glimmer’s daughter that went on the same crazy train as her insane mother? Now that I think about it, Hoof Creek isn’t too far away from White Tail woods where the Thatcher family home was.

If Dawnbird worked here at one time, it may explain her hatred for anypony like Derpy.

I set the name plate down and walked behind to investigate the desk. Most of the papers were yellowed and were mostly bland medical records. Then…

I opened the list of patients and scanned them hoping to find something about Screwy. But nothing, no new patients were added since the 80s. Wait…

The last patient to be introduced, was a mare named Giddy Doo. It couldn’t be…

I heard a weird skittering sound. I closed the file and looked up. The sound was coming around the corner and I pulled out Blackbird. I was ready to fire at anything that came around that corner!

It was… a weird metal slug?

At least that’s what it looked like as it moved towards me. It stopped periodically and turned to look in different rooms as it went down the hallway. It honestly looked kind of cute, if not for the fact I was alone and anything skittering always made me jumpy. I stared at the strange thing as it moved up to me.

I bent down to look at it carefully. “What are you...”

Suddenly the weird metal slug thingy opened a flap in front, to reveal a real pony mouth! I jumped back as it tried to bite me. What the hell was this! It looked mechanical but it had a real mouth inside?

I moved back from it as it leaped towards me. I aimed Blackbird and shot it out of the air. The bullet merely bounced off it’s metal skin but the force sent it back a few feet. Looks like the outside was bullet proof and I had no way of shooting it.

Unless I could get at it’s inside.

I waited for the slug to recover and it hissed at me in anger. It then leaped again at me and I grabbed it with my magic. It looked confused and tried to wiggle and bite at me. I aimed Blackbird down it’s throat and fired.

Blood poured out of the slug’s interior and it let out a quiet hiss before it died. I slammed the thing down on the ground and leaned against the wall to catch my breath. After that was done I bent down and levitated the slug up to me. It obviously didn’t seem to understand magic, strange.

Whatever it was this slug wasn’t friendly. I was lucky there was only one of them this time. Who knows what a swarm of these things can do.

I slid the slug into a large plastic bag and left it on the desk for later. I wasn’t about to let something like that come to life while I’m carrying it around.

I reloaded blackbird and started moving down the hallways. This place really was deserted. Nopony came out after hearing the gunshot.

I rounded a corner and saw a very strange looking statue in the middle of the hallway. It resembled a pegasus but its pose was very odd. It had it’s eyes covered with it’s front hooves, as if it were weeping.

I passed the statue without a second thought. Then I saw painted words on the wall…


I looked back at the statue. It wasn’t in the same pose, it was looking right at me with these blank yet strangely angry eyes. As if it wanted to kill me…

What did it mean by don’t blink?

Was there somepony else here? Did they see this statue move like I did?

I walked up to the statue, and put a hoof on it. It didn’t react or move, it was a stone statue but it definitely moved as if it turned to look at me.

What was going on? First metal slugs now statues that moved when you didn’t look at them?

If this thing moved when I didn’t look at it, I can’t leave it alone. Who knows what it’ll do if it moved again.

I had to give it something else to look at…

I wonder…

I reached into my trench coat, my eyes not leaving the statue. If this thing moved when nopony was looking at it, then maybe it’ll be tricked by it’s own reflection. I pulled out a small hoof mirror that I used sometimes during cases. I then took out a rubber band with my magic and used it to place the mirror over one of it’s eyes.

I took a tentative step back and blinked.

The statue didn’t move. It worked! Now I just need to turn around and...

Look right into another statue’s eyes!

The hell!

I fell back as I saw that a second statue was behind me the whole time. How long had it been there?

I had to get outta here! Now!

I ran back the way I came, not bothering to look back. I rounded a corner and found myself in another hallway? However, it was not the same hallway I came from. What the hell was going on here?

I burst into a room and slammed the door behind me. I don’t care if those things can teleport I just wanted to hide.

I wiped sweat from my brow and took a deep breath. Whatever those statues were they haven’t followed me inside what looked like a hospital bedroom.

Just what was going on here? Weird slugs, statues that moved when you didn’t look at them? Just what did I get myself into?

Why was it getting so windy?

I looked up and I heard a very familiar sound. The whoosh of a blue police box coming into existence before my very eyes greeted my ears. I stood and stared at the blue box, and instantly knew who was going to come out.

I didn’t expect him in a Haywaii shirt however.

“Geronimo!” Suddenly a brown stallion leaped out of the Tardis door and landed in front of me. He grunted as he made contact with it and tapped the ground. “This isn’t the eastern ocean of Antalin!” He then turned and glared at his box. “This is a hospital! Derpy, our vacation was cut short by the Tardis being weird again!”

He then turned around to look at me. “Private? Fancy running into you here.”

“Doctor?” I asked, still in shock. “What are you doing here?”

“I was on vacation,” he said tilting his head, “but apparently life translates vacation as ‘someponies in trouble, go get em’ and I end up here.”

We have so much in common it’s almost scary…

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