• Published 9th Jun 2013
  • 2,340 Views, 103 Comments

Equestria Noir Case 23 "Mad Doctor" - Jacoboby1

Private travels to a strange asylum in search of a missing pony. What he finds is a madhouse filled with all sorts of horrors the likes of which he's never seen. But one madpony in a box has...

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Chapter 2 "The Doctor is in"

Chapter 2

“The Doctor is in”

“Doctor, you’re not going to believe what’s going on here,” I said frantically. “There was this weird metal slug, and then statues that move when you aren't looking at them and sudde-“ The Doctor put a hoof on my mouth, cutting me off.

“Just take a breath, Private,” he said, before removing his hoof. “You’ve obviously had some very strange encounters.”

I nodded slowly and asked, “Ditzy is with you?”

“Yeppers!” I heard that childlike voice I'd grown to love coming out of the Tardis followed by the muffin loving mail mare herself, Ditzy Doo, aka Derpy Hooves. The wall eyed, rain cloud colored Pegasus, smiled upon seeing me. “Hi, Private! I didn’t know you knew the Doctor too!” she said excitedly.

“So you really are a companion,” I said with a smile. “It’s nice to see you, Ditzy. How’s the family?”

“Great!” she said, hovering over to us. “Dinky is on the honor roll and she’s going to graduate at the top of her class! Sparkler is doing well too. She just discovered the most amazing flavor of muffins. I'll bake you some when we get home.”

The Doctor then spoke up, “So Private, what brings you here?”

I spent the next few minutes explaining how I ended up in this predicament. The Doctor’s eyes went wide, and then he put a hoof on his chin, wondering aloud, “That’s odd, why would they just let you go?”

“You know those things?” I asked warily.

Ditzy nodded and replied, “Uh huh, the Doctor and I ran into those things a while ago on this one planet.” She shivered. “They were very scary.”

“They’re called Weeping Angels,” the Doctor explained. “Nasty assassins who’ve developed the ultimate means of sneaking around. They’re quantum locked, that means they can move only when nobody is looking.” He smiled and said admiringly, “Clever idea using the mirror, since their own kind also count as lookers.”

“What about that weird slug?” I asked, still a little leery about how casually the Doctor was talking about a monster.

“Cyber matt,” the Doctor explained, “nasty little critters. Who knew Unicorn magic would work on it?” He then clapped his hooves briskly and said, “Well, sounds like we've got a bit of a mystery to solve.”

“Wait, you guys are seriously considering looking around here?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Ditzy nodded, replying, “We do this all the time. It’s scary, but also kind of fun to figure out things.”

I knew that if I had any hope of getting Screw Loose out of here I’d need the Doctor. He was the expert on these things. I was a little worried that Ditzy was also versed in what they are. Just how long have those two been traveling together anyway?

The Doctor locked the Tardis with his key. “Now keep your keys on you. I can’t tell you how many times I nearly had to regenerate because somebody forgot where the Tardis was parked.”

I checked my inner trench coat pocket then sighed with relief. I still had the key the Doctor had given me a few cases ago. I moved to the door, and slowly opened it revealing… another hospital room?

“I didn’t know there was a hospital room connected to this one,” Ditzy said, tilting her head.

“There wasn’t,” I responded, looking over at her. “There was a hallway here before.”

The Doctor stepped inside the other room and pulled out his Sonic Screwdriver. He ran it over the area, analyzing it. “No time anomalies, no teleporter, nothing.” He shook his head. “It’s as if its always been here. Now things are getting interesting,” he said with a smile.

He stepped back inside the room with the Tardis and closed the door. He then opened it again, this time the door lead to a hallway. “Ah, very interesting,” said the Doctor.

“All right,” I said, pulling out Blackbird, “Ditzy, you stay behind me. I’ll take point.”

I slowly walked outside, Ditzy behind me, and the Doctor bringing up the rear. Doctor Hooves looked around and observed, “Not exactly homey, is it? Maybe if it had a little shop.”

“It’s a mental ward, Doctor,” I said, looking over at him. “Nopony would exactly want a souvenir from here.”

“Never underestimate the power of a little shop,” the Doctor said, laughing a little. How can he be so cheerful in a situation like this? Is he getting a kick out of it?

Ditzy then hovered up beside me as the Doctor moved ahead. “Don’t worry, Private, I’m sure the Doctor will be able to help,” she assured me.

I then looked at Ditzy warily, asking, “Is he always like this?”

“Sometimes, but I think it's just so nopony will get scared or sad,” she said, looking after him.

Again, we do seem to be a lot alike.

“Ditzy, Private!” the Doctor called urgently from around the corner.

We ran up and saw the Doctor standing still in the hallway. Before we could move towards him, though, he cried, “Don’t move!”

We stopped in our tracks, and that’s when I noticed it.

There was a shadow making its way towards us. However, nothing was casting it, the lights certainly weren’t…

“Private, do you have any food on you?” the Doctor asked.

I reached into my trench coat, pulled out an apple, and tossed it to him. “I was going to save that for la-“

He tossed the apple into the shadow and within seconds it was gone. It was like Tailspin with a chocolate chip cookie, just there and gone!

“What’re you doing here?” The Doctor asked bending down to look at the shadow as it inched closer.

I looked at Ditzy, asking, “He’s talking to a shadow?”

“Vashta Nerada,” the Doctor said, still looking at the shadow, “the Shadows that melt flesh. You’re an awfully long way from your forests, aren’t you?”

The Shadow seemed to, I don’t know how to describe it, converge and expand, as if it were an ink blot that suddenly came to life.

“Taken? Somebody took you?” The Doctor asked, tilting his head. “Who brought you here and why?” His voice was rising in volume.

The Shadow simply moved away from the Doctor, and towards me…

“Private, don’t touch it!” the Doctor shouted.

I leapt back from the shadow as it approached. I figured, “Shadows that melt flesh,” was enough of a warning. Ditzy and I began backing away from the shadow as it came at us. This was insane, shadows were going to eat me!

“RUN!” the Doctor yelled as he galloped around the shadow and took off back the way we came. Ditzy and I followed suit. I dared to look back and saw more shadows cast by nothing chasing after us. These things wanted to eat us! Sweet Luna!

The Doctor opened set of double doors and cried, “In here!”

Ditzy and I dived inside and the Doctor slammed the doors shut behind us. He then pulled out his sonic screwdriver and ran it along the lock.

I bent down to catch my breath. “What the *huff* was that?” I panted.

“Lousy blighters called Vashta Nerada,” the Doctor replied offhandedly, as he studied the ground. “Three shadows, three ponies, that's good.”

“Do you encounter these things on a regular basis?” I asked, looking at him in wide eyed shock.

“Well, not all the time,” he said with a shrug.

I gave Ditzy a look and she said, “Well, at least we’re safe now.”

I scanned the room around us. “Looks like some kind of operating room,” I said, gesturing to the table in the center.

The Doctor picked up a scalpel on the tray and observed, “I hate to imagine what kind of surgery was performed here.”

“Let’s not stay too long. I don’t like this place,” Ditzy said nervously.

“Neither do I, Ditzy, but Private’s friend Screwy is missing, and I’m not about to give up.” He began walking around the room, running his Sonic Screwdriver over everything.

I looked over at Ditzy and asked, “Hey Ditzy, what was your mother’s name?”

Ditzy put a hoof on her head in thought and replied slowly, “I had two sets of mommies and daddies. My first daddy was named Mickey Doo, I think. I don’t really remember him. My first mommy was named Giddora Doo, but she left me in the woods when I was really little. I didn’t find out about her until years later.”

“She, may have been kept in here,” I said slowly.

Ditzy looked down. “So Dawnbird wasn’t lying? She really was funny in the head…”

“Hey,” I said gently, putting a hoof on her back, “I’m sorry I brought it up.”

“Dawnbird told me she had lots of foals at one time, but that she hurt them all really badly. I was the only one she left in the woods, but I never knew why,” she said sadly.

I rubbed her back gently and assured her, “Nopony is saying you are the same way, Ditzy. Just because your parents are one way doesn’t mean you have to be. Your genes are only the starting tools, you build your life however you want with them.”

She smiled and said more cheerfully, “You’re very smart Private.”

“I just don’t want my friend to feel sad,” I said smiling and rubbing her head affectionately. She just laughed in turn. I always loved Ditzy and how childlike she can be. She didn’t need much to be happy. Just good friends, good muffins, and the smartest and sweetest fillies I know for daughters.

The Doctor returned and said, “Well, I scanned the room, no nasty monsters in here.”

“Still, we can’t stay here,” I said firmly “Who knows what’ll find us in here.”

“Right,” Doctor hooves agreed, “which is why we are going to stick toge-“ He stopped mid-sentence, staring up at the ceiling.

“Doctor?” I asked, tilting my head.

“Private, whatever you do, don’t look away from what you are about to see.”

If it’s more of those statues, we’re really in trouble. I looked up and saw… ponies? No, they were much lankier and almost resembled Slender in a way. They were clad in suits, with large alien heads, and surprisingly flat faces. They stared at us with dark eyes and made strange hissing noises.

“Just when I thought I was done with you fellas,” the Doctor said with a sigh.

“What are they,” I asked, yet again. I seemed to being doing that a lot today. I think when all this is over I am going to have to check out a Monster Manual from the library.

“Silents,” The Doctor replied, “fellows I am not at all happy with.”

“Are they dangerous?” I asked, noticing they hadn’t moved.

“Only if you look away,” he said calmly. “They are memory proof, the minute we look away, they'll erase us seeing them from our memories.”

“They don’t look like they want to hurt us,” Ditzy observed innocently.

“They aren’t looking to hurt us,” the Doctor said. “They are going to make us hurt each other.”

“They’re psychic?” I wondered, and then in my head…

Do not move, we can hear you.

“Who said that?” I asked, keeping my eyes trained on the creatures.

The Silence did not fall, the question was answered.

Then another question came. The eleventh fell,

and rose again as a new being.

“I don’t know what you want,” the Doctor shouted at them, “but if you even think of using one of my friends, I won’t hesitate to really make you all silent!”

Just what did these creatures do to him?

The Doctor, The Doctor,

“That’s right, it’s me!” Doctor Hooves shouted. “Now, what the hell is going on here?”

End, the Doctor’s end…

Suddenly the creatures fell from the ceiling, about half a dozen of them stood before us. I watched as they slowly advanced on us. I glared at them and cried angrily, “I don’t know what you freaks are, but if you think you guys can hurt my friends you've got another think coming!”

Fool! We need no weapons to destroy you…

I pulled out Blackbird and shot one of them in the head. After a small screech it died, and the other Silents looked at me. “Welcome to Equestria,” I growled.

They started advancing on us and I felt a ringing in my head that wouldn’t stop. Ditzy and The Doctor covered their ears as the ringing continued.

The Silents raised their hooves, sparks of electricity forming seemingly out of nowhere. I tried to aim Blackbird, but I couldn’t concentrate. The last sound I remember hearing was Blackbird hitting the floor, before unconsciousness took me.


I groaned as I woke up on the hard floor of a different room. How did I end up here? The last place I remembered being was an operating room. The Doctor had told me to look up, now I’m here?

I climbed stiffly to my hooves and looked around. I was in an office, dusty and abandoned after years of neglect. Papers were strewn everywhere and some cobwebs were in the corners. No spiders I could see though…Thank Celestia for that.

I reached into my trench coat and felt that Blackbird was in its holster. Didn't I take it out? Who put back in? Why can’t I remember what happened?

This is all too weird, I couldn’t wait to get home where my only really problem was proposing to my marefriend.

I dusted myself off and moved around the office. It was eerily quiet and I felt a strange feeling of being watched. I pulled out Blackbird and looked around, ready to encounter any statues, moving shadows, or equicidal metal slugs.

I heard a roar and leapt out of the way just in time to avoid a large creature, standing where I had just been. I looked up at it. It walked on two legs, and was clad in what looked like an old doctor’s coat and scrubs. It was tall, muscular, and had no fur on its skin. It looked at me with beady eyes and growled menacingly. Then it lifted one of its claws and swung at me.

I leapt backwards and aimed Blackbird at it. I fired rapidly, hitting the creature in the shoulder. It screeched as the bullet clipped it. In a furious rage it lifted the nearby desk, throwing it at me. I managed to dodge a direct hit but it still winged me, knocking me backwards.

I leapt over the desk and delivered a swift kick to the creature’s jaw. It roared and swung at me, slamming a fist into my face. Stars exploded in my head as I flew into a nearby copier. I shook my head and felt the creature grab my throat tightly. I squirmed as it squeezed tighter, trying to strangle me.

I can’t let this thing eat me…


A bullet hit the creature square in the arm, causing it to drop me. I fell to the floor panting as the creature turned its attention towards the shooter.

The stallion looked to be about a couple years older than I was. He was a blue Pegasus, with a short black mane, and green eyes that seemed to display a certain arrogance about them. He was clad in a long blue coat that resembled a uniform a soldier would wear. He had a .45 in his mouth and smiled smugly at the creature. There was no fear in his eyes, didn’t this guy care he was taunting a Doctor monster?

The Creature roared and charged at the Pegasus, but he leapt over it with surprising agility and shot it in the femur, causing it to roar in pain. He then pulled the gun out of his mouth and said, “Don’t just stand there looking handsome, give me a hoof here!”

Did he just…


I levitated up Blackbird and fired the gun at the beast. I hit it in the chest and it roared weakly, most of the fight having gone out of it. The Pegasus walked up to the downed creature and shot it in the face, putting it out of its misery.

The Pegasus wiped the sweat off his brow and slid the gun back inside his coat. He then flew over to me and smiled. “Thank you very much for lending a hoof back there,” he said.

“Um, you’re welcome?” I said, giving him an odd look.

“Oh wait, I haven’t introduced myself.” He held out a hoof and said, “The name is Ca-“

He was cut off by a roar and I looked up to see more of those creatures coming through the doorway. The Pegasus smiled smugly, “Seems I’m a lot more popular than usual.”

“What are they?” I asked, reloading Blackbird. There was that question again.

“Weevils,” he replied, hovering in the air a little. “Not exactly the friendliest race in the galaxy.”

Seems I’m running into all kinds of weirdoes today.

About a dozen of them ran towards us. The Pegasus looked at me and said, “You’re about to get a crash course on companionship, kid. When encountering dangerous killer aliens that want to turn your innards into fine dining. The best option is to run like hell!”

I took his advice and we booked towards another door. I galloped through it, the Pegasus flying beside me as we raced down the hallway. I looked back and saw the Weevils were still chasing after us. They roared and growled like timberwolves as they pursued us.

“How’s your ammo count?” I asked the Pegasus as we fled.

“I wasted my last bullet on the first one,” he explained as he flew. “I ran into a room full of Flesh. Imitation may be the sincerest form a flattery, but I’d like it not to require me being thrown into a furnace, thank you!”

This guy reminded me of Raiden in some ways.

We rounded a corner and he landed when we saw what was there. More Weevils were running towards us. “Geez!” I said. “What is this a Weevil convention? All you can eat ponies?”

My Pegasus companion laughed and said, “I knew I’d like you.”

“So what now?” I asked, looking around and seeing no way out.

“Just brace yourself!” he said, reaching into his coat and pulling out a strange looking gun.

“For wha-?” I started to ask as he aimed the gun at the floor and fired. My question turned to a shriek as the floor suddenly disappeared and I fell down onto the floor below, landing hard. He flapped down beside me, aimed the gun back at the hole, and fired again, resealing it.

I rubbed the back of my head and groaned. This was going to be a long day.

The pegasus walked over to me and offered a hoof. “Okay, I think it’ll be a while before they find us again,” he reassured me.

I grabbed his hoof with my own and he helped me up. I dusted myself off and said, “It’s nice to see there’s a normal pony around here.”

He frowned a bit and said cryptically, “Well, maybe not as normal as you would consider me.”

“You were going to introduce yourself earlier,” I said, “I’m Private, Private Eye.”

He gave a smile and said dramatically, “The names Jack, Captain Jack Harkness.”

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