Interlude - Profiles in Ponytude 1 - Gilda
Interview 1 - Gilda
*Begin recording*
Von: Is this thing on?
*tapping noise followed by silence*
Von: Welcome, one and all to the first of a series of interviews in which we’ll get to know our heroes better. My name is Von Snootingham and here with us today is our good friend, Gayle.
*BAMF!*
Gilda: What the hell is this? Where am I? Who the fuck are you?
Von: I’m the author.
Gilda: You’re about to be a grease spot.
Von: Okay, okay, simmer down. I just want to ask you some questions so we can get to know you.
Gilda: I just answer some questions and I’m out of here? Fine.
Von: Okay, we’ll start basic. What’s your name?
Gilda: Gayle Griffin.
Von: Noooo, Gigi… what’s your name?
Gayle: *subject sighs* Gilda Swiftwing.
Von: Very good. Was that so hard?
Gilda: Don’t ever fucking call me Gigi again!
Von: Ooo, touchy. What’s your occupation?
Gilda: I was a personal trainer, but I don’t know if I’m going to be able to get back to that. You know, because of the ponies.
Von: Quite. So then. Did you ever watch My Little Pony before this series of unfortunate events? Would you consider yourself a “brony”?
Gilda: Hell no. I’m not a little prissy girl or a huge dweeb with no life.
Von: Excuse me, but I resemble that remark. Moving along, when is your birthday?
Gilda: May 3rd. I just turned 25.
Von: *Interviewer whispers into microphone* Heh heh. We knew that.
Gilda: Huh?
Von: I said “Height and weight”?
Gilda: 6’ 2’’and none of your damn business. Or at least that’s how tall I was. I’m a little bit four-legged now.
Von: Well I think you may have packed on some weight. Last time I measured, you were just over 300 pounds. You’re only about four feet tall, but from beak to butt, you’re now 6’ on the dot. Another three feet if you count the tail.
Gilda: THE FUCK? You’re measuring me!? Are you touching me in my sleep, you creep? Wait. That seems kind of light for my size.
Von: Must be those hollow bones. You’re a griffon, friend. Next question: What’s your blood type?
Gilda: How should I know? Who cares?
Von: Got it. O positive. What’s your favorite food?
Gilda: Ooo, a nice juicy steak. Rare.
Von: I’m not partial to steak myself. Favorite drink?
Gilda: Beer. Lots of it.
Von: How pedestrian. Alright then, what’s your favorite color?
Gilda: Red.
*Pause*
Von: Just… red? Don’t want to expound on that?
Gilda: It’s red. What’s there to know?
Von: Well there are so many different shades! From the dark, coppery crimson of blood, to a bright, cheery “light-ish red”, to a deeo, mysterious maroon. I’ve actually noticed the way you describe colors in your narration. Or rather, how you don’t. You call Lazy Bones blue and her mane purple and light blue.
Gilda: Yeah?
Von: But that doesn’t tell us anything! I’d call her coat more an ultramarine. Navy blue if you want to be more basic. Purple and light blue? Try royal indigo and periwinkle! And your feathers. Once again, you just used “purple”. I’d say they were a lovely shade of wisteria!
Von: You’re weirdly obsessed with colors.
Von: You were better with eye colors. You said yours were golden yellow and Lazy Bones’ were yellow-green. Golden was apt for yours, but for hers, I’d say chartreuse. My favorite color! Which brings us back to the point! Care to be more precise on your favorite color?
*Silence*
Gilda: Red.
Von: Fine. Be that way. I’ll just spruce up your flagrant anti-color bias in the future.
Gilda: You know you’re the only person in the world that cares about that, right?
Von: Nonsense! The people reading this right now are enraptured!
Gilda: Reading right now? What? You’re… not right in the head, are you? Can I go?
Von: Oh, but we’re not done! Next question: If you could pick three songs to be the soundtrack of your life, any three songs that best represent you, what would they be?
Gilda: Um, okay. Three songs? I think it’d have to be, “You’re the Best Around”, “I’m Too Sexy, and… umm…. Let’s seeee… the theme from Rocky.”
Von: Aeeenhhhhh! Wrong!
Gilda: That’s what I pick.
Von: And you picked wrong. The three songs that best depict who you are: first, “Her Smile In Every Summer” by Hot Freaks.
Gayle: Never heard of them.
Von: Second, “Let’s Go On”, from the contest scene in the game Rhapsody.
Gilda: I don’t know what that is.
Von: And last, the Taichi Master Remix of Fly Away from Eureka Seven.
Gilda: You’re making these up.
Von: Not at all. Here listen to them.
*Recording stops, then resumes*
Gilda: What the shit, dickweed? You’re making me sound like a pussy.
Von: I just call ‘em like I see ‘em. I think they’re perfect. Especially in regard to the time you-
Gilda: Shut up, ass!
Von: But I was going to tell them about how your p-
Gilda: Shut your face! “Tell them?” Tell who?
Von: Fine. Be like that. Little miss grouchy pants. Fine then, next up: tell me a favorite childhood memory.
Gilda: I was never a child. Next question.
Von: Someone’s touchy on her past. Okay, then how about the present? Name one hobby.
Gilda: Kicking weirdos’ asses.
Von: You are a broken record, aren’t you? Be serious now. Hobby?
Gilda: *Subject sighs* I like to work out. I like to go fast. I used to run all the time. Man, I thought that was good. I had no idea. After I met Steve, I tried to get him to get off his ass and work out, but he wouldn’t do it, no matter how much I shouted. I told him how people pay fifty bucks an hour to have me yell at them to get them to exercise and I was giving it to him for free. He just said he wanted to make a return.
Von: Ha ha, that’s adorable. You two sound like an old married couple. Next up, if you could meet any one person, past or present, who would it be?
Gilda: Ugh. This question? Isn’t this, like, the oldest, boringest question that people ask in interviews? Like, when they’re not creative and have nothing better to ask?
Von: Ad hominem.
Gilda: What did you just call me?
Von: That doesn’t mean what I think you think it means. Your answer?
Gilda: Fuck, I don’t know. Who cares? Um… Jesse Owens.
Von: Hm, nice choice. If you could have any one super power, what would it be and why?
Gilda: And that’s the other lame question they always ask. Super speed. So I could kick your ass faster than normal. Let’s wrap this up.
Von: Hmph. I DID have over a dozen more questions, but I guess we can just do one more. Okay, hmm, let’s see. What’s a good one? *Interviewer smacks lips several times.* Oo! Here’s a good one. Who was your first kiss and what were the circumstances?
Gilda: WHAT!? Now you’re over the line, fucker! I hope you weren’t too attached to your teeth. Come here! I’m g-
*Sound of table being flipped* *BAMF!*
Von: Whoa. That was close. Okay, well that didn’t go as well as I’d hoped. But tune in next time and hopefully the next interview will be a little less… ridiculous. I may have to rethink the whole process and make some changes. I don’t think I have an ungodly number of author notes this time, so you can just go about your business. Thanks for reading.
*Recording ends*
Name: Former: Gayle Griffin
Current: Gilda “the Griffon” Swiftwing
H / W: Former: 6’2” / She’ll never tell!
Current: 4’ (height) 6 (length) / about 300 lbs
Coat Color: Tan / Sepia feathers on wings
Mane Color: (Feathers) White / Wisteria
Eye Color: Golden amber
Cutie Mark: None
Blood Type: O+
Birthday: May 3, 1995
Occupation: Personal Trainer
Brony: Fuck no
Favorite Food: Steak, rare
Favorite Drink: Beer
Favorite Color: Red. Just red
Songs: Subject’s picks: You're the best Around (Joe Esposito)
I'm Too Sexy (Right Said Fred)
Gonna Fly Now (Theme from Rocky)
Author’s pick: Her Smile in Every Summer (Hot Freaks)
Let's Go On (From the game Rhapsody)
Fly Away(taichi master remix) (Eureka Seven)
Meet One Person: Jesse Owens
Super Power: super speed
Hobby: exercise
Childhood Memory: question evaded
First Kiss: question evaded
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2966693
Thanks. I like to give my characters grief.
2966703
You're welcome haha.
I can only imagine what you have planned for Steve
I knew it! You are a prissy girl!
2966854
Zounds! I've been rumbled! Cheese it! Whoop whoop whoop whoop! (V) (;,,;) (V)
Another fine addition to the story. I knew there was a reason this was one of my favorite FSMBM fics!
2969767
I directly aped from The Legend of Zelda: the Wind Waker's style. Like, I'm such a bad artist that for Gayle and Steve's human forms I just directly traced WW characters. Compare Gayle with Tetra below. You see? Although that may be the picture of Tetra I used, that's not necessarily the best example of the style. The original WW used black lines, and an especially heavy black outline for the characters, while the later WW-style games switched over to a thinner, colored line style (which is actually what I prefer and usually draw.) On my deviantart page, I actually had a few different recolors of both humans, with Gayle recolored as Tetra and Zelda, and Steve recolored as Link (even one with him in Link's jammies from the start of WW! Squeee!)
zeldawiki.org/images/thumb/d/dd/PhTetra1.png/254px-PhTetra1.png
2971162
Well, Gayle does. I don't know about Gilda's original birthday (hell, I don't even know if Equestria runs on the same calendar as us). But yeah, most 5S/4 universe characters are going to have a birthday somewhere in the first week of May, given the concept.
2971211
Well yeah I did notice that but most people use the 1st or 2nd day of May not many have used the 3rd so thank you for that
Yikes. I'll see if I can't arrange some security detail for your next interview, just in case Gilda tries to track you down. And provided you're comfortable with dubiously sane chaos spawn watching you safe.
"He'll be fine!"
Shush, Screwy, your hair hasn't even started to grow out yet.
"And whose fault is that?"
I really need to stop being so cavalier with fourth-wall awareness...
Anyway, that Wind Waker-ish art style works surprisingly well with Friendship is Magic's. Nice touch.
Fantastic interlude. I look forward to more.
2971613
Ehhh, I'm not worried. I wish her good luck. I'm behind seven proxies.
Seriously though, I'm safely guarded behind the twin aegises of the fourth wall and the canon barrier. I bamfed her out of the story and into MY DOMAIN (sinister laugh), where everything that happens is noncanon. I mean, surely, there's no way she could ever hunt me down and do me grievous bodily injury. Surely....
Yep.
fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/096/b/2/b2589294f54da877deba4973701909a2-d4v6rn3.png
Oh god, my tibia! My colon! Ahhh! Those things should not be together! Aaaaaooooohhhhh!
2997332
If I may refer you to here: http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Gilda. You can see the fur comes down well past her elbows.
I'm not good enough an artist to start taking creative license with an established character. For the character shots, I'm just tracing crap.
Hmm... I think that Storywriter would be a better fit. But that's just my opinion.
3006507
A good track, to be sure. I like the beat. I just figured the lyrics for Fly Away fit her. The whole soundtrack is good. I like to listen to it while write or draw because it helps me get into a groove and just work without thinking. I'm particularly fond of Sakura (the fourth opening theme) and Canvas (the fourth ending theme). Every time I see the fourth ending it breaks my heart a little bit, particularly the little boy with the peg leg. But yeah, great soundtrack.