In side of Twilight Sparkle's library, she is doing her usual work of organizing and shelving books with Spike tirelessly keeping track of it all.
"and the encyclopedia of arcane items goes here, and.....done. You get that Spike?"
"Yep!"
Twilight's assistant, Spike, quickly checks off an item from a comically long list and Twilight smiled.
"That takes care of the last new volumes to add to the library. "
Spike looked excited hearing this.
"So are we all done for the day?"
Twilight looked at Spike bouncing hopefully, feeling slightly worried for her assistant,
knowing exactly what he intended to do with free time and sighed.
"Yes Spike, we're done."
With that, Spike quickly dashed up stairs and quickly went to work preparing himself for a fine night out.
He had put on a sharp looking tuxedo complete with hat and cane and happily skipped down the stairs
and presented himself before Twilight.
"So whadda ya think? Not too bad if I say so myself."
Twilight had to admit Spike had put himself together quite nicely.
"You look wonderful spike, but don't you think you should give it a rest for a bit?"
Spike simply put on a cocky stance
"Hey, you always told me perseverance is a virtue. Besides...
He couldn't help have a dreamy look and puts on a goofy smile.
"Any amount of work and waiting'll be worth it."
Spike looked smitten while Twilight watched, feeling empathetic for her assistant,
hoping he wouldn't put himself in a point where he could get hurt.
"Alright, but try not to be out too late Spike."
Spike looked a little sneaky and muttered
"Heheh, all goes well, I might not come back at all..."
Twilight looked at Spike with a stern look and he back away slightly and held up his hands in defense.
"Okay, okay, 9:30 curfew as usual. "
He turned and opened the door with a little hop in his step.
"Wish me luck!"
With that, he left. Twilight, still concerned for him, spoke to noone.
"Rarity, please don't hurt him..."
~
Spike quickly made his way into town, purchasing a bouquet of flowers and heading towards his crush's home,
enjoying the late day passing the last of the market goers on his way.
All of them noticed his sharp dress and complimented him such which he proudly thanked them for.
Some mares were even giving him catcalls and lightly flirting with him, to which he only gave a polite nod to.
While there were plenty of lovely ladies in Ponyville, none of them had ever pulled his gaze away from Rarity.
He was determined to win her over, he truly felt if he was to be with anyone, it would be her.
Along his way Fluttershy was purchasing some things for her animals.
She smiled and payed her fee to the shop clerk.
"Thank you so much. Goodbye."
"See you later kiddo. "
Fluttershy was about to head home when she spotted Spike, and she caught her breath.
"Oh my!"
She couldn't help but admire how handsome he looked when he dressed up.
Since she first met him, she enjoyed very much speaking to him and learning about him,
but recently, she couldn't help but notice she felt something for him.
She loved just the sight of him and the sound of his voice,
seeing him working with Twilight or uses his dragon breath.
Suffice to say she had a bit of a crush on him.
It felt odd to her, considering her fear of full grown dragons.
Even so, even after seeing Spike turn into the beast that destroyed Ponyville, she didn't see a monster.
She only saw the sweetest little guy in Ponyville.
Spike walked past her, not noticing her, walking with what he thought was a confident stride
but looked more like a waddle.
Fluttershy couldn't help but giggle at his antics and thought to herself "He's so adorable."
She quickly trotted beside him.
"Hello Spike."
Spike quickly turned to see Fluttershy smiling at him.
"Oh, hi Fluttershy. What are you doing here?"
"Just picking up a few things. What are you up to? You look very handsome. "
"Well, I'm off to see Rarity, the best mare in Ponyville, and take her out for the night."
Fluttershy felt a little downed by this but tried not to show it.
"Oh...well, um...what did you have planned. "
Spike then stopped and turned to face her, his face full of hope.
"Well, first we'll have dinner at Crystal Colt restaurant, have some music and a bit of dancing,
then we'll see that new romance play at the theatre, then we'll headout to the lake, under the moonlight,
and then finally, we'll have our fist kiss."
Spike looked like he was in heaven as he finished.
Fluttershy couldn't help but blush and smile hearing his plans.
She would have been ecstatic to have an evening like that with Spike.
It would be like a fairytale come true for her.
But she knew he only had eyes for Rarity, which deeply saddened her.
But she would still be supportive to him, after all, she could still be a friend.
"Well...she's very lucky to have such a handsome young admirer."
"No,no....I'm the lucky one. Well, bye Fluttershy, I have to get going before I'm too late."
Spike rushed off, Fluttershy waved to him but couldn't help but worry for him.
She was good friends with Rarity and she often said she wasn't sure she could feel for Spike like he did for her.
But she believed it was just a simple crush and he would outgrow it eventually.
Fluttershy wasn't so sure.
She could see Spike was taking this very seriously
and more than likely was setting himself up to get hurt.
"Oh, I really shouldn't, but....I need to make sure he's okay."
She quickly set off after Spike, hoping to stay out of sight but stay close enough to help if need be.
~
Spike quickly reached Rarity's door and did one last check of himself making sure he was ready.
From a distance, Fluttershy watched him, partly hoping that his evening would go as he foresaw,
but partly wanting to run up to Spike and tell him how she felt.
Inside, Rarity was hard at work on a lovely gown, looking somewhat flustered and tired.
"Just need to get the seem just right, make sure it threads perfectly..."
She finished her work and set the dress on a mannequin looking quite satisfied.
"Yes, another success Rarity! Now onto the next-"
She is cutoff as her doorbell rings.
"Who could that be at this hour?"
She quickly walked to her door and opened it to see Spike looking very hopeful and smitten.
"Spike! What a pleasant surprise! What brings you here?"
Spike was lost in his thoughts for just a moment as he admired her.
Even disheveled from her work, she was beyond stunning.
He cleared his throat and offered her the flowers.
"Well, I was wondering if you would be interested in a little night out. Some dinner, dancing, maybe a nice walk by the lake?"
Spike made a bow to her and didn't notice Rarity looked a bit conflicted.
She still had work to do and she was in no shape for a night out
and she didn't like stringing Spike along like this,
but on another hand, he had obviously gone to a lot of work to make himself up for her
and obviously very much wanted her company.
"Well...Spike, I-"
She stopped for a moment as she noticed Fluttershy watching from a distance and had an idea.
"Darling, I'm so sorry, but I've got so much work to do I really don't have the time."
Spike heard this and couldn't help but droop a bit in sadness, but Rarity gently lifted his head.
"But please don't let me ruin you're evening. There are still plenty of ladies who would love an evening out with you."
"Well...."
Spike felt a bit torn by this, not wanting to spend the night with anyone else, but Rarity gazed at Him with a puppy dog look.
"Please Spikey-Wikey? For me?"
She fluttered her eyes at him and he finally sighed.
"Okay Rarity, for you, I'll find someone else for the night."
She gave him a little hug and patted him on the head.
"Have fun."
She slowly closed her door, winking once at Fluttershy in the distance.
Fluttershy had watched in anticipation, and now felt so grateful to Rarity's gesture.
"Thank you Rarity."
Meanwhile, Spike was slowly walking away from Rarity's shop looking downtrodden.
"That could have gone better..."
"Um...Spike?"
Spike jumped slightly hearing Fluttershy's voice and saw her smiling warmly at him.
"What are you doing here?"
"Oh just, um...passing by...."
Spike eyed her suspiciously, and she worked up the courage to speak.
"So um...how.....how did it go with Rarity?"
"It didn't...Rarity's got alot of work she needs to finish right now. "
Fluttershy could see him becoming depressed and gently hugged him with her wing.
"Well, if you'd like, maybe....um, I could, possibly treat you out.
I know the Cakes have some emeralds they could bake into a meal for you. "
Spike looked at her thinking it over for a few moments.
Fluttershy was inwardly praying he would say yes.
Finally Spike decided he had pormised Rarity to enjoy the evening.
"Okay, Fluttershy, let's go."
Fluttershy smiled wide and inwardly squealed with delight and the two set off.
When they arrived at Sugarcube corner, they were warmly welcomed by Ms. Cake
who showed them to a table.
They started a simple chat when Pinkie Pie dashed in.
"Hey guys! What are you doing here! OOh! Spike! You're all dressed up so nice! What's the occasion?
She then gasped for joy.
"Are you two dating?! Ohmygosh! Ohmygosh! That's so awesome! How about I get some candles and some music and-"
Spike silenced her by placing a claw over her mouth.
"Pinkie, it's not really a date. We're just having a night out together is all."
Pinkie nodded but Fluttershy looked down at his comment.
"Well, we have those emerald cupcakes you like Spike! Want some?"
"Absolutely! What about you Fluttershy?"
"Some Peppermint cookies, please."
"Coming right up!"
Pinkie dashed away leaving them alone.
"I swear, one day I'll figure out how she works."
Fluttershy couldn't help but laugh at his comment and he glared lightheartedly at her.
"So, Fluttershy, since you live so close to the forest, do you ever have to deal with big nasty animals, like Timberwolves?"
"No, thank heavens, I found a few different ways to keep those kinds of creatures away.
Sometimes Twilight even uses her magic to help me.
She says it gives her a chance to try out new spells she learns."
"That's-"
Spike was interrupted by Mr. Cakes giving him a friendly nudge.
"Well, you're certainly getting lucky with the ladies, eh kiddo"
Spike blushed lightly at this as did Fluttershy albeit with a small smile.
"Certainly went the extra mile, dressing up nice and all. Good luck!"
He gave Spike a pat on the back and left them.
Spike looked a little awkward but Fluttershy seemed a little happy.
Half a second later, Pinkie returned with their food.
"Here you go! Right out of the oven!"
Spike looked at the cupcakes, smaller than one he received on his birthday
but still with plenty of the tasty gems, and felt his mouth water.
"So, why are you here Spike? I thought you would try to take out Rarity?"
Spike looked a little annoyed as he answered.
"Well, I did...but she had too much work to do, and Fluttershy offered to treat me here."
Pinkie looked quizzically at Fluttershy who couldn't help but smile shyly.
"Well...I couldn't let such a handsome and charming gentlecolt go to waste."
Spike and Pinkie both looked surprised at this and Fluttershy blushed fiercly but smiled.
Pinkie Pie seemed to realize it and left them be, giggling a bit.
Spike proceeded to eat his cupcakes to try and avoid the awkward feelings he had.
He couldn't help but wonder what was going on.
Why was Fluttershy so flirty with him, and for that matter, why was he so taken aback by it?
His heart belonged to Rarity, it always had.
Then again, he had never really looked at another pony, but he didn't think he needed to.
Rarity was so much more beautiful than any other pony.
Spike tried to push these thoughts out of his mind as he finished his cupcakes feeling very satisfied.
"Mmmm, that was great, I-"
Spike then noticed a clock said 10:30pm.
"Oh no! My curfew! Twilight's gonna kill me!"
Spike started to run but Fluttershy gently stopped him.
"Don't worry Spike. I'll bring you home and explain to Twilight."
Spike smiled wide eyed at her.
"You will? Oh thank you!"
Spike gave her a big hug which she happily accepted.
She placed him on her back and flew off for the library, reaching it a few minutes later.
~
Twilight was tapping her hoof angrily as she looked at the clock,
feeling concerned and frustrated by Spike's lateness.
"I told him not to be out late! Where in Equestria is he?"
Her front door opened and Twilight was about to shout but she saw Fluttershy carrying Spike and felt confused.
"Fluttershy? Wha-....Where's Rarity?"
"Hello Twilight. I'm so sorry for Spike being late, but Rarity couldn't join him tonight,
so I offered him a treat at Sugarcube corner. We lost track of time."
Twilight eyed them both as Spike looked on nervously. Finally she sighed on resignment.
"You're off the hook just this once Spike! You do this again, I'll have you dust the library with a Robin's feather."
Spike sighed in relief and stepped to the floor.
"Thank you for the night out Fluttershy."
"My pleasure Spike."
Spike held out his hand for a shake but Fluttershy surprised him and Twilight by giving him a kiss on the cheek,
turning quickly and flying away giggling.
Spike looked a little confused as he touched his cheek and Twilight looked amused.
"Are you two?...."
Spike quickly retorted with a blush.
"No, er, I don't know...."
Spike looked embarassed as he fiddled with his hands and Twilight laughed lightheartedly.
" C'mon Spike. Time for bed. "
Spike followed Twilight upstairs, both entering their beds,
though Spike had trouble sleeping for he still had a thought in his mind.
"Does she really like me?"
End part 1
I have to admit, I liked the idea.
Then I looked at it, and realized there was a giant spacing issue. It's a step removed from "giant wall of text", and that's not a compliment.
2501352 I apologize for that. I had done most of the editing in MS word and didn't realize that it wouldn't carry over to here. I will try to make it more presentable, but any advice you can give would be very appreciated.
2501786
I'll make you a once in a lifetime offer.
I'll pre-read for you, and this sort of thing should never happen again. :D
Now to go read, then give you some advice.
2501799 I appreciate it. Thank you.
Alright, here is my bigger and more thought out message.
You're almost there with the spacing. Some of the sentences are cut off, as if you pressed enter in the middle of it. Another thing is that you seem to have it be centered, though I'm not sure if that's a conscious decision or not. Another thing that came up was the dialogue. No, it isn't horrible. It does have the occasional "script" feel to it, though, where you put the name of the speaker next to the line.
And I caught one spelling error:
"Thank you foor the night out Fluttershy."
Take out an O and you'll be fine.
From a content standpoint, perhaps there could be a little more hesitation at the end when he's being asked if they're going out. After all, he loves Rarity. I'd imagine it'd probably be a no.
Then again, it's your story and your characterizations. Don't let anyone force you to change your head-canon.
2501855I'm used to writing in a script format with fictions so it's a little hard to break. that habit. As for him not certain if he likes Fluttershy or not, that's a reaction to all the comments by Pinkie and Mr. Cake, as well as the awkward feelings he had, like he doesn't know it it was serious, or if it was just a friendly outing.
2501878
The script format isn't bad, but you might want to work on that. Either that, or go all in with the script format. That will help with making it look a little better (all one or all the other).
Edit: You're almost there.
"Hello Twilight. I'm so sorry for Spike being late, but Rarity couldn't join him tonight so I offered him a treat at Sugarcube
corner. We lost track of time."
Is a good example of what I mean
"Hello Twilight. I'm so sorry for Spike being late, but Rarity couldn't join him tonight so I offered him a treat at Sugarcube corner. We lost track of time."
Like I said, very willing to look it over and find these smaller mistakes to help you out.
2501888 The problem is I originally wrote it out as a script but this site doesn't accept stories in that format so I had to edit it to be published.
2501986
Oh right, I forgot.
I wish you luck in trying to -not- do that, then?
The has promise but the script format makes it hard to read with all the broken sentences. Though I'm happy to another Flutterspike fix.
2502323 Honestly I've editied it severeal times trying to get the format right, but everytime I save something is cut off at the wrong point. I'm glad you enjoyed it and will keep working on it.
I like it.
2504457thank you.
The way Fluttershy is acting makes me feel all tingly inside.
2510022 I take you enjoyed it then. The idea behind her feelings was based on the first episode when, she first saw Spike and she got so excited and fascinated by him. I figured she would try to learn more about him and talk to him as time went on, eventually developing feelings for him.
I love Spike, I am a huge fan of his, but he needs to open his eyes and realize that there is other beautiful mares in the world of Equestria than just Rarity. For Celestia's sake, Fluttershy is truly beautiful and she has the same feelings for Spike that he has for Rarity. Oh, he makes me mad sometimes. WAKE UP SPIKE! Love this so far.
I think this song is what your trying to accomplish with Spike and Fluttershy
Nice. Little different then what I usually read, but nice.
You really need to understand about 'spaces'
Wow, I couldn't even make it to line 10.
This is really badly done. You've got sentences broken into multiple lines, you're going all 'tell' rather than 'show' and there's grammar and spelling problems.
I wasnt sure what to think of htis at first, I think this could be written better. But I stil think its really well written.
Man, I think this is my 5th or 8th time reading this story!