I have begun my recovery path from the trauma I barely endured this past summer. I am beginning to understand myself more fully, and I am believing slightly that I could be trans-feminine, which seems more and more appealing as the days go by. I have felt such torn feelings with it all, and I'm just somewhat afraid to talk about such things, for it makes me feel ashamed. I feel as though I shouldn't be this way, that I should be a somewhat normal person.

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I'm averaging about 2 pages a day because I keep rehashing things in order to word them right. While I have an editor now, I'm thinking if both of us work on it to this end, what gets made should be amazing! However, that's actually not the only reason progress is so slow right now. The truth is, I was talking again about gender dysphoria and what that's like in my story and I really don't like to talk about that. It just makes me think about how awful it makes me feel and I really don't like

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I had an appointment with a psychiatrist yesterday and I told her about my dysphoriac like feelings, and she told me to take my time and find what feels right to me, and to do things on my own time, so I am going to be making a few changes maybe in the near future to find myself. Thank you all for sticking around thru all of this.

So I just wrote the bank scene into chapter 7 and I used Cozy Glow's anxieties about being a former villain to illustrate what having gender dysphoria in public is like. Needless to say, it is not pleasant! I brainstormed what it's like and made sure to incorporate all of those aspects into my story so that I cover them all. That is, anxiety about others and what they may be looking at or talking about as well as that feeling that you don't belong there or shouldn't be there. And since I

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Well as I write about Cozy learning the error of her ways, it occurs to me that there's definitely more than one mirror here. The truly scary thing is, that when Cozy asked these difficult questions in my story, Trixie almost immediately had an answer in my head. It's almost like I already knew how to deal with my problems and just wouldn't admit it to myself? Regardless, I understand now that I need to see my old memories and my past life as reflections of me as I developed and as learning

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So, I been having some more ducking problems. This time, it's one that's gonna be harder to fix.

So, I've been having thyroid issues, and have been the entire time I've been on this site, plus more, but that's beside the point. My immune system is attacking my thyroid. As the thyroid is damaged, hormones that are important for the body are not distributed as effectively as they should be. Now, the thyroid affects the gender identification hormones, such as testosterone and estrogen.

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Okay so first off I wanna apologize for making so many posts today. Not in the best state rn, I didn't get to take my anti-depressants this morning so I've been super depressed all day, not to mention my hormone crap has been playing on me and driving me insane, and making me freaking question again, and now we're kinda back to square one. I wanna say thank you to all the people who've stuck by me, and I hope I can try and be a person I can be comfortable with again.

So I've found a bunch of old fandom songs (namely Flutterwonder) and now I'm freaking crying and contemplating literally everything.
Dysphoria literally doesn't show it's face unless I think about it, and then I get a weird rush of just ugh and then my body feels all weird-

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y'all always compliment my avatar but the fact that the sombra in it is female bugs me now

i used to not mind it too much before but now it's weird to me

heck