What dysphoria is like · 1:43am Jul 12th, 2020
So I just wrote the bank scene into chapter 7 and I used Cozy Glow's anxieties about being a former villain to illustrate what having gender dysphoria in public is like. Needless to say, it is not pleasant! I brainstormed what it's like and made sure to incorporate all of those aspects into my story so that I cover them all. That is, anxiety about others and what they may be looking at or talking about as well as that feeling that you don't belong there or shouldn't be there. And since I actually know what that's like, it got to me and I ended up knocking off for the day right when Trixie got to Cozy after she fled the scene. After having all of those awful thoughts in my head, I needed to decompress and so I colored for a bit... When I think about it, I still believe I made the right call by including this into my story as the goal was to illustrate my pain right? Well, that's certainly part of it!
The truth is though, I didn't expect it to get that real? When I was writing about what this filly was going through, I knew it was my pain being demonstrated. And after looking over my notes, I pretty much knew exactly how to express that. The truth is, I wanted Cozy to accompany Trixie when they went to the market, but now I think Cozy is about to just fly home instead. I think she's had enough for the day... When I was describing the anxiety and how awful it is, I remembered it vividly and that's why I had to stop for now... Work in progress right? One day at a time!
