TOne Empty Desk

• MLP: FiM
• Drama
• Sad
• Slice of Life

It's not running from your grief if you're too busy to feel it, right?

• Death
• Twilight
• Spike
• Cheerilee
• OC
• Filthy Rich

applezombi · 2.2k words  ·  72  5 · 1.1k views

One Empty Desk

by Applezombi

Summary

Planning an event that's sure to draw all of Ponyville is a lot of hard work. There's all sorts of small details to take care of. And since everypony is so distracted and distraught by recent events, who better than Cheerilee to step in and help out? She has experience with organization and planning, after all. She's been teaching for years.

And whoever says that she's throwing herself into her volunteering so she doesn't have to think too hard about what's happening is wrong. She's dealing with her grief just fine. She's Just Fine! Everything is FINE!

Initial Thoughts

I was warned about this story, by the author directly. I was warned it would be sad. But I decided to read it anyway. If this ends up ripping my heart out of my chest, then I have no one to blame but myself.

My General Reaction

I almost made it to the end without crying. But, like the onion ninjas of old, it snuck up on me. I do have no one else but myself to blame, for that. Even so, I can’t decide if this story shouldn’t have had the Tragedy tag added on. It’s an edge-case, in that respect. Where does one draw the line between Sad and Tragedy, anyway?

Anyway, I will try to summarize the story, and my reaction to it, but… that might be very difficult, without spoiling anything. And this is the sort of story I wouldn’t want to spoil, even if I probably should for discussing it. The story has its own pacing and sense of itself that I feel would be diminished if you go in knowing exactly what’s up.

Ponyville is in mourning, as the story begins, and Cheerilee takes it upon herself to coordinate the upcoming funeral. The majority of the story (a short one, at 2-thousand words) is simply Cheerilee walking from one place in Ponyville to another, speaking with various ponies who will be involved with the proceedings. That’s… more or less it. Through the third-person close narration, we get a good view of Cheerilee’s grief and denial at the sense of loss she and the whole town are feeling, and this only builds as each errand she runs in preparation slowly erodes her ability to confidently state how “fine” she feels.

And in the end, she can’t hold it back anymore, letting out all her grief and anguish in a single, soul-crushing scene.

The mystery of who has passed isn’t a hard one to guess at, by about the halfway mark. But the author does such an amazing job at building up to the reveal that I found myself doubting my guesswork. Surely, it wasn’t what I thought it was? Alas, it was, and the final revelation, though expected, still hits like a truck.

It is, and it is not, a hard story to read. Yes, it’s difficult to read about that particular character passing on. My god, is it hard. But the author has a simple, flowing style that carries your eyes effortlessly through the passages. It’s a smooth story, in that sense, running fluidly and naturally from scene-to-scene.

If I had to say anything negative about One Empty Desk, it may be that I felt a Tragedy tag was warranted… but that’s very subjective, to be honest. More pressing, I felt that the story went by too fast in one particular place, bringing the resolution up too quickly for the pace that had been set. This, and (without spoiling anything) there was at least one character I thought should have made an appearance, but didn’t. I know why you didn’t have it in there, but I don’t think quickwrites should be exempt from the usual standards.

A bit of a missed opportunity, if I’m being honest. But then, I don’t know if I could have handled that scene.

Grammar and Word Things

5/5 – Free Points
You misused ‘There’s’ in the short description. You should have used ‘There’re’. But I don’t count that sort of thing.

Story/Plot/Pacing

4/5 – One slip-up of pace, and one missed opportunity
The pacing was excellent throughout this piece. It had a very strong structure, building one scene from the one that came before. The flow of the narrative was superb in that sense. But the scene with Cheerilee and the Flower Ponies simply moved on too quickly for my liking. Just a bit more there would have been perfect. Ask me about the one character that should have gotten a scene though. I’ll not bring it up in the review proper, for fear of spoiling.

Characters

5/5 – Heart-wrenching look into grief
Cheerilee is very consistently written, and our deep dive into her grief and denial of said grief come across as very heartfelt and genuine. Some of the words put in her mouth really tear you up as you follow her arc, especially if the reader has been in a similar situation, dealing with loss.

Final Word and Rating

One Empty Desk is a heartbreakingly sad story, which is the greatest thing I can say for it. The author went out to make me cry, and he succeeded. The story is simple, yet elegant. Applezombi doesn’t dwell on death so much as his writing explores the theme of life through death. It is a beautiful piece, that deserves some attention. But keep some tissue at hand, for the tears.

To the author: I think this was a masterfully done bit of drama. It tugged just enough at the heartstrings to weaken me, without feeling forced. I think a little more attention to the emotional buildup of the Flower Ponies scene, plus perhaps an appearance/mention of You-Know-Who could have elevated it further, despite the already high bar you set.

Feel free to comment below.

<For Archive Purposes: 9.3/10>

I dont alway use emojis... but when I do...
" Ow, that hur... I MEAN... wOw, that shur was a good read... good buildup, and good delivery... yes... quite good...
what? ME? I'm fine...
really...
"
I spent way too much time on this comment... but I did it because this deserves it... copied and pasted from the story comments becauseI'm lazy... sorry.

Wow, thanks!

Yeah, I don't think I ever even briefly considered the Tragedy tag, but maybe that's because I see tragedy differently. For me, a tragedy means the hero is unable to overcome the conflict. The hero loses, in other words. For me, the primary conflict is Cheerilee's struggles with bottling her grief, so when she finally 'unbottles' it, and ends the story in a conversation with a therapist, that feels like a triumph, though it may be a sad triumph. She's on a path towards a better place. The death, therefore, is merely a backdrop for the action, rather than the focus of the action itself.

Anyways, thanks for giving it a look, and I'm sorry if you felt it was mis-tagged.