7222469

On its own terms, the fic does well, as I could easily imagine this dynamic playing out, especially given what appears to be Trixie's alicorn complex.

You just gave me a story idea!

You're all very welcome. Now to respond to each one individually.

7222541

In the main, I think my objection boils down to "How pony is this?" On its own, and as an exemplar of that wartime writing genre, it does its job reasonably well, and the missing details kind of rely on context outside the fic to get the impact right. It's just distractingly weird when that context is MLP: the closest fit I could think of was that alternate timeline Sombra War, but nothing I read confirmed it outright, so that was an unsure speculation.

7222559

Putting too much thought into things is either my blessing or my curse.

As for the timing: understandable enough. That said, I try not to let the development history of a fic inform my reviewing of it as a thing in itself, for the simple reason it's strictly irrelevant to the personal experience of a reader. Interesting in a behind-the-scenes kind of way, but irrelevant.

Besides, for a fic produced in twenty minutes, it actually reads pretty good overall. Just a little tidying up here and there to iron out the creases.

7222567

So no weight jokes because it looks like I'm hating and insulting them when I actually like them.

Well now, I wouldn't go that far. A lot of comedy is basically refined cruelty, yes, but it's perfectly possible to love a character to bits and still have fun at their expense. Like banter between friends, I suppose, as a good example: only close friends can get away with throwing harmless barbs at each other. It's not even all there is to comedy: there's wordplay comedy, OTT silly comedy, self-deprecation comedy, anti-climax comedy, all kinds.

I'm also not going to do comedy anymore because it seems out of place with all of the philosophical ones.

Heh, who said you had to do what everyone else is doing? I liked SweetAI Belle's a lot, and that was basically one big joke. If I can recommend anything at all, then it's the idea that comedy is absolutely not some "lesser" form of entertainment than a philosophical piece (especially when Loganberry's judging, ha!). Comedy can be pretty fun and worthwhile in its own right. I wouldn't want to stop you from doing it if you're interested in it.

So be concise, but still be descriptive or my story won't look as good as it could.

I have to admit it's a bit of a judgement call on this one, because what's a good bit of description and what's just padding can vary from person to person (e.g. some people like slow-paced slice-of-life, others get impatient with those stories because nothing's happening). I think it's a matter of if you're going to do it, then do it with a bit of flair. When it comes to a flashfic of few words, that decision is probably going to lean more towards "cut it if it's not absolutely vital".

7222569

Ha, I do love a good eureka moment! One of those things that makes writing so... magical.

7222608

Well now, I wouldn't go that far. A lot of comedy is basically refined cruelty, yes, but it's perfectly possible to love a character to bits and still have fun at their expense. Like banter between friends, I suppose, as a good example: only close friends can get away with throwing harmless barbs at each other. It's not even all there is to comedy: there's wordplay comedy, OTT silly comedy, self-deprecation comedy, anti-climax comedy, all kinds.

So I just have to find one that works.

Heh, who said you had to do what everyone else is doing? I liked SweetAI Belle's a lot, and that was basically one big joke. If I can recommend anything at all, then it's the idea that comedy is absolutely not some "lesser" form of entertainment than a philosophical piece (especially when Loganberry's judging, ha!). Comedy can be pretty fun and worthwhile in its own right. I wouldn't want to stop you from doing it if you're interested in it.

It's not so much as follow the crowd as it is my story pales in comparison to everyone else's.
7206799 did a good execution, but I'm not there yet. I've written quite a few poems, so maybe I could do something like 7210270. Their execution of this fix was perfect and worked just right for what she was doing. Another good example is 7208701. I don't like the ending as in I'm sad that Scootaloo is implied to have died, but it had a good ending as in it was written well and conveyed what the author was looking to convert extremely well. My story... Well... I made a joke. Even if I had pulled it off and got a few laughs, it wouldn't be anywhere near a winner with all of these more beautiful peices of work. SweetAI Belle's is very funny, but even I have to admit that I wouldn't pick it to win over the other two. Also, I decided this before judging even started.

I have to admit it's a bit of a judgement call on this one, because what's a good bit of description and what's just padding can vary from person to person (e.g. some people like slow-paced slice-of-life, others get impatient with those stories because nothing's happening). I think it's a matter of if you're going to do it, then do it with a bit of flair. When it comes to a flashfic of few words, that decision is probably going to lean more towards "cut it if it's not absolutely vital".

Okay, then. Thank you for clarifying that for me.

Ha, I do love a good eureka moment! One of those things that makes writing so... magical.

Yes, inspiration can come from anywhere. 🧙‍♂️

Correcting myself! Of course, we have 11 eligible entries this month, not the 12 I said, since 7216351's piece is (as Ursa acknowledged) too far over the word limit for me to look the other way. I'll still read it, but I won't consider it for awards.

7223923
Aye it is a shame but if I lost any more it would really not have worked. But I couldn't not post it at that point. I have so many languishing on my hard drive that never see the light of day. If I don't start putting them up I'm never going to improve and I'm never going to drum up the confidence to tell stories.

7222469

A cute joke. The story is peppered with little clues that don't make full coherent sense until the last line, which is good story structuring. Rarity and Sweetie Belle are pretty funny in how they handle it, Rarity's lines in particular: I particularly like Rarity's undignified "You should woosh past." Rarity attempted a wooshing gesture.

Don't have much to say, since most of my most quibbling complaints (e.g. it's not exactly "deep") are pretty obviously beside the point. A good'un for giving me a laugh.

Thanks!

Little clues is something I find works well with Flash fics, because they usually don't have enough room to explicitly spell things out, and it does go well in something like this. Rarity is also sometimes best when you catch her off balance, and she loses some of her decor and dignity. I enjoyed writing the "wooshing" moment, too.

And yeah, not deep, and not deep has a tendency to lose to deep in contests (neither of my winning entries were comedies), but it was fun to write, and I'm really more about getting something written and having people enjoy it than winning.

My own biggest criticism of my story would be one I thought about after writing it, which is that if you weren't familiar with gaming, the joke at the end would totally go by you, so it's a bit limited in the audience, though you might still enjoy the interplay.

--Sweetie Belle

7222469

That is an unexpected reference in the title. It's apt for the fic in one obvious way, but weirdly associates that with threatened domestic abuse another way, and I cannot for the life of me tell whether I like it or not.

I'll be honest - about a week later I had a moment of "Damn it, I should have titled it Fly Me To The Lulamoon." but by that point it was way too late.

7206663
Missed this again. I check back every few months, out of curiosity, to see what the prompts were and who won. This month, I actually had an idea, but once again, I forgot and missed the deadline. That's really why I stopped doing these, because it kept happening and was becoming an increasing source of frustration. But I still wanted to write my idea for this month, even though it's not eligible. Here it is:

A Stone’s Throe

“You don’t understand,” Sunset said, pushing her geode into Twilight’s hand—the Twilight from her world. She’d shoved it at Twilight, yet hadn’t loosened her grip.

“Do you remember how demonic I was? Grasping for any power I could. Then later I had it! At the Friendship Games, I had wings! I could fly!”

“Look how you used it, though,” Twilight said, rubbing Sunset’s shoulder.

“Still, I… hadn’t thought about it, when I went through the mirror the next time. What if I’d become an alicorn? Thank goodness I didn’t. I only now realize that.”

“You would have earned it.”

“No, no.” Sunset hid her face in a hand. “I only got those wings by taking everyone’s magic, and now that I know…”

Twilight pushed the fist with the geode back to her. “The fact that bothers you means you deserve it.”

Maybe. But it didn’t have to weigh so much.

Uh, feedback! I'm no Impossible Numbers, who has made many good points above, but here's my penny's worth.

7206742
I was slightly at a loss until the twist came! I like it, it made me go back and read it again with my new understanding. For a minute I was slightly confused as to the link with the prompt but it didn't take me too long after the twist. Perhaps it could have been more explicit without taking the power out of the ending, with say a line with a double meaning like hovering over the body or something? Just spitballing. Thanks for writing and sharing!

7206797
I like this, especially the first half, which manages to paint such a scene in so few words. This is great from dialogue alone. I think this one's my favourite choice of characters for the prompt just because Trixie and Starlight's relationship for silly setups like this is great, but actually I think it's one that is trapped by the word limit. I'd read more about Trixie being fired out of a cannon at various objects in the sky and Starlight reluctantly enabling her weird desires. Thanks for writing!

7206799
Okay I just really like this joke for Sweetie Bot okay. Also, "You don't remember accidentally, say, dying, recently?" Perfect in Rarity's voice. Hit the funny spot for me. Thank you for sharing!

7206812
I feel similarly to Impossible Numbers about human-in-Equestria. That said, I think this is a fic that's going for a punchline, and in a fic of this length I would personally have liked less setup of character and more of "human runs after flying pigs and horses sailing over his car in the driveway!" Because that's the funny bit, rather than who Mark is. Thanks for writing and sharing. :)

7208284
Great to see new people trying out the competition! I like the concept that there would be a spell that would literally make one light as a feather. I think it could have done with a bit of ruthless cutting (including of Spike, poor boy, I'm sorry), which gives you more words for more banter between Twilight and Starlight, which is what I wanted more of :) Thank you for sharing the ficlet with us!

7208622
I'm ready to critique Impossible Numbers aha, no I'm not... This is fun, and tight! And it's exploring the pony tribes, which as you said, is ripe for story. I think the final lines are actually lackluster compared to the strength of "Can't I choose too?", at least without a few words to strengthen them, maybe with a hesitant smile from Cherry as she says yes and losing the final two lines of dialogue. I don't know exactly, but since the fic's really tight, there's little before this that's easily removed - the one bit that sticks out is Cherry coughing and saying "There!" which I didn't think was necessary. You'd only gain like 3 words though... Like I said, I like this a lot :D Thanks for submitting something even though you're not allowed to win two months in a row haha!

7208655
This is a strong entry! I like it a lot. It's sad and understandable and you set up Cherry's motivation very well. I like the repetition of "becoming one with the sky" from the first paragraph as the final line. I think Impossible Numbers has a point about not really resolving the primary thread of motivation at the end, though. Although the side conflict of friends/ponies laughing at/not understanding Cherry for her interest in the sky is pretty relatable too, if you had lost these parts, or streamlined then, you would have had more words available to address what's left of her mother when she achieves the dream ("Her mother wasn't there." or something like it would've been a powerful downer ending!). Thank you for writing and sharing with us, I enjoyed it!

7208701
Damn.

7208765
I dislike the formatting: looking at walls of text (even small ones!) turns me off. I also think this would be much better with room to breathe. For 150 words I would've preferred just a letter or just a poem, not both, because they're much more difficult forms in the first place and it didn't work as either for me, sorry. Thank you for writing and sharing though, sorry I'm a downer!

7210270
No real feedback from me because I don't know who Autumn is (she's from a season I haven't watched, I've learned). Soz! Still, thank you for writing and sharing and taking part! :)

7212542
I like the idea of exploring where the balloon came from and whether it's Twilight's but I personally have trouble marrying Twilight's fairly well-established character pre -S1 (simply put, "I like studying and familiarity") with the idea of her wanting to leave safety for somewhere else. It feels random as it is which makes me discount it, but it wouldn't take too much to get it there, maybe she wants practical experience of flying because she read a novel or something. There is little room to establish motivations with 150 words though, so Impossible Numbers' suggestion of instead having a conflict (or just making it about jokes) is a good idea. Thank you for sharing!

7216351
The spelling (edit: okay no, the spelling is fine, that is wrong of me) and punctuation and formatting inspires a full yikes from me. Harsh, yes. But as Numbers said, the actual idea here is solid, it's just really let down by technical failures that Numbers has explained. It also feels like you didn't try to end the fic properly either. He just walks off. One of the pegasus pony's friends could've at least said, "Oof!"

Technical ability to write words can't necessarily overcome lack of actual plot, story or conflict (lord I know that) but lots of people won't give a decent idea the time of day without basic things like spelling, punctuation and formatting in place. These things can make the reader (me) not care, because the impression is that the author doesn't care whether I can actually read it. This can happen in within five words, as it did here. A shame when the conflict is good. Thanks for taking part nevertheless!

7222052
If you're going to be inspired late at night by your own bookshelves, you could at least do Ian McEwan the courtesy of rereading Enduring Love.

Thanks for participating y'all! Had fun reviewing these :D

7225737
Thanks for the feedback! Not all experiments succeed, but the ones that don't often have the most to teach!

7225737

7222469

Thanks for the feedback!

7226025

Bitte, mein Freund. I hope it has proved helpful to you.

7225737

Unexpected to see my name turn up repeatedly in so many reviews. You looking for a scapegoat in case of complaints?

At the time, I was so busy trying to fiddle my way under the word limit that I didn't give much thought to the finishing shot, but in hindsight, and now you mention it: I think I need to learn when to end a scene on the money line. I've never been very consistent when measured against that standard. A standard to uphold for future assays, perhaps.

Thanks for the constructive review. And of course, a pleasure to see you enjoyed the fic: to quote the inimitable Jeeves, I endeavour to give satisfaction.

Results will be up tomorrow, but I wanted to reply to a couple of other points first.

7222608

If I can recommend anything at all, then it's the idea that comedy is absolutely not some "lesser" form of entertainment than a philosophical piece (especially when Loganberry's judging, ha!).

For what it's worth (probably not much) I looked through the tags on the 44 stories I gave five-star reviews to in my first 247 editions of Ponyfic Roundup. Only four have the [Comedy] genre tag. I'm slightly surprised it's so few. I suspect it's because many longer comedies I've read run out of steam with the actual "being funny" bit after a while. That particular problem, of keeping readers laughing for a long time, doesn't apply to 150-word stories, and this may well have something to do with my enjoyment of funny flashfic.

7223700

It's not so much as follow the crowd as it is my story pales in comparison to everyone else's.

I'm not going to comment on that -- but yes, it's a tough gig here sometimes, and you've started out in a month where plenty of your competitors have been doing this -- and ponyfic in general -- for long enough to have polished their writing a good deal. I see you're newish to Fimfiction, assuming you weren't here in the past under another name, so I don't know how familiar you are with FF150 -- but some pretty high-profile authors have had at least the odd go at this over the years.

7226011
That's a really healthy outlook, one I should keep in mind myself when my execution doesn't pan out as planned!

7226070

Unexpected to see my name turn up repeatedly in so many reviews. You looking for a scapegoat in case of complaints?

Well, if you're offering! ;) Just thought your feedback was good and a class act to follow! And feedback can be a lot of work so maybe I wanted to lighten my own load slightly...

I certainly have a lot of trouble knowing how to end scenes myself, as we saw! Just gotta keep on trying!

7225737
Thanks for the feedback, I really need it. I suck, lol.

7226159
Yeah, I'm fairly new, and I've just discovered you, so :derpshrug: My story sucks, lol.

7206742 7206797 7206799 7206812 7208284 7208622 7208655 7208701 7208765 7210270 7212542 7216351 7222052

Here are the results. By Celestia, it was a hard one to judge this time. I seem to be saying that a lot lately, but it's by no means a complaint. I went back and forth a lot in my mind this time. Also, thank you to Pascoite for his story, despite its being a "just for fun" one rather than an eligible entry. I'm going to pick a winner and two honourable mentions this time, but there could easily have been more.

Hon mensh 1: Amereep. "Rarity Investigates!" is high on my favourite episodes list, so the noir feel here didn't hurt your story at all. I like the twist, too.
Hon mensh 2: Astrarian. For a piece written in 20 minutes I'm impressed. An interesting trio of characters and I felt the dialogue sparked rather nicely.
Winner: SweetAl Belle. I'm not sure how canon-compliant it would be -- though Button does play an arcade game in "Slice of Life" -- but I enjoyed it greatly. The payoff line is fun, but actually it was Rarity's dialogue that clinched it for me. The "whoosh" line and the "dying" one were both great.

Congratulations, SweetAl Belle! Please think of a prompt for next month and post it here in the next day or so.

Well done also to the hon menshes, and also to everyone who entered. Putting your work up for someone else to judge, even if the judge is just ol' Logan, deserves respect in itself. Thank you all, and I hope to see you (and any newcomers who'd like to give it a go) next month.

By all means continue to discuss feedback now if you'd like.

7226266
You do not suck! Please don't think like that! I think it's great there are still 'new' people joining and diving into fanfiction and writing, and having the bravery to join a pretty tough competition - 150 words is really no joke!

7226582
Logan, you're very kind for the mention. Thank you!

Congrats, SweetAI Belle!

7226269
You do not suck at all drop that way if thinking. Just write what you wish to write. I don't write to impresse anyone here I write because I want to. Yes I do need to improve my grammar, punctuation and spelling. Those are very fair points but as to what I write I couldn't care less if folks hated it. Thankfully most here offer very good constructive criticism.

7226582
I won! Yay!

Didn't really expect to win with this one, but I had fun with it, which is a lot of the point. I always kinda feel like writing Sweetie Belle and Rarity is easy mode for me. It doesn't hurt that I've been doing the mlp rewatch, too, so all of season 1 and the beginning of season 2 is fresh in my head. Sisterhooves Social in particular helps.

Canon-compliance was not my highest priority, but that arcade machine was in Hearts and Hooves Day, too, and Equestria has a mirror link to EQG. EQG definitely has consoles and computers. Starswirl the Bearded could've slipped through the portal, played Skyrim, slipped back, and wrote the spell or something. Or maybe Twilight wrote it.

The interplay between the two was a lot of fun to write, especially the lines you mentioned. I think Rarity especially fun when she's flustered.

So, as far as the next prompt goes, how does "Dream A Little Dream" sound? I don't think that's been used yet...

7226592
Thanks! Congrats on the honorable mention!

7226269
Of course you don't suck!

Flashfics improve with practice, though. Best thing to do is to keep submitting. Mine have certainly gotten better. This is my third win, which is kinda amazing to me, but I can feel it getting easier with practice.

You end up getting a better feeling for how much to write, and what words are disposable. Dialogue can express a lot more than description plenty of times, and hints and leaving things half said can help a lot on space. Leaving things to implications often better for the story itself, too!

--Sweetie Belle

7227263

Congratulations, SweetAI Belle. Also: a dream prompt, eh? You know, that might be right up my alley...

Oooh, a good prompt. Now to figure out one that doesn't involve Luna.

7227263

So, as far as the next prompt goes, how does "Dream A Little Dream" sound? I don't think that's been used yet...

It hasn't -- and it sounds pretty good to me! I'll make the appropriate edits now, and as usual (when I remember) the June thread will go up on the 1st.

7226269
Don't let yourself feel you suck. As SweetAl Belle mentioned, practice helps. It's just like drawing or any other art form, in that you have to work at it. The results of that effort will be worth it, though. We'd all love to see you return for the June contest!

7226592
I mean, if I messed up <150, then 1,000+...

7226626
Thanks for the support. I am pretty good at grammar (I'm actually an editor), but I am horrible at writing a story, if you know what I mean.

7227263
Thanks for the encouragement! Surprised how many responded to that, lol.

7227429
Wow, thanks, Logan! I can't believe even you responded.

7236196
You're welcome! Back when I was new on here (2012) one of the longer-established members left me a little welcome message. It really boosted me, so I try to answer when people comment.

7236191

Oh, people usually don't like seeing someone be harsh on themselves. A waste of future talent may go with it, to say nothing of a person's fundamental morale being worthwhile in itself.

I think, for constructive purposes, the more useful word here would be "inexperienced", since it becomes clearer then that the next possible step is to remove the "in".

Being honest about your skill level is laudable, but so's framing it in a way that doesn't cut yourself down prematurely. Keep a sharp eye out for opportunities to improve, if that's what you want, and you should find something soon enough.

Feeling a bit more energy now, after watching an art stream by my friend, so here is something to catch up on my flashfic for May. Not as good as my first four, but I'm already glad I could produce something, at least:
.
.

It was madness. Utter madness. Pure. Unfiltered. Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth in a nervous fashion, as she glanced around from her position at one of the tables of Clover Café. Something was requesting her attention in a few meters distance and she unwillingly directed her eyes at it. Scootaloo was flying there, waving her hoof fervently to be noticed by her big sister and mentor. "Hey, Rainbow Dash, look how high up I am!" She was flying upside down, face pointing at the ground.
Rainbow Dash frowned. "Yeah. That's great." Her face was a distorted mess of frustration and unhappiness.
Around Scootaloo's tail was a metallic ring, which she constantly flung around with it. Giggling, a few other pegasus fillies with the same contraptions flew past Rainbow Dash.
"Pegasi flying without wings..... If that's the new future, I don't want to be a part of it," Rainbow Dash muttered.