Parts of a story. These are the bare minimum parts that you would need to get the jist of this story.

Working title=heads and tails.
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Humans. Weak. Naive. Violent. Stupid. All words that are commonly used to describe the race on Equus. Throughout the years, ponykind has flourished, making huge advancements in terms of magic research and society. But the humans? Nothing. No advancement, no society. The creatures had basically become little more than pets to their equine overlords. Originally, the humans had had knowledge rivaling the zebras in terms of alchemy and other plant based magic. However, when they came under pony rule, the magic had been lost. Humans possessed only enough aptitude to create remedies for minor ailments.

Light years away, however, on a small blue planet, humanity had become one of the strongest species in the galaxy. Their powerful civilization had been stable for over 1000 years. They had become one of the only races to master a technology. Humans, with their antimatter power, were the only race able to rival the ancient Martians, more commonly known as the Precursors.

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His voice was metallic and distorted due to his face mask. The mask was basically a one way black tinted space grade glass, with a HUD and respirator. The rest of his armor was chunks of kevlar layered over aerogel, and plated with a special metal alloy. The joints had servos and artificial muscle fibers, to enhance strength. On his back was the Specialist's Rifle, one of the USSF’s most powerful weapons. It could do anything from shoot off pulse beams, to fire antimatter rail cannon shells. His armor was jet black and combined with his helmet made him look like a robotic statue.

The Elite stood for a moment, then raised a hand, pushing the lock on his helmet. The plate slowly rose and revealed his face, which had a rather confused look on it.

“Sir? Is there a reason you’re staring?”

“I- Sorry, I’ve never met an elite before. It’s an honor!”

The confusion on the armored man’s face grew. “Thanks, I guess... Is there something you needed?”

“What? Oh, right, come on in.”

Hunt quickly regained his composure and cleared his throat. Quickly he explained the situation and asked the elite to set up two drop squads to perform first contact. Once the plans had been made, the captain dismissed the elite and turned around to look back at his deck.

His first day on the job, and he’d already met an elite. This was going to be one hell of a voyage.

“Captain!” Yelled the head engineer. “We’re ready to go!”
---
“This is insane! I’m not doing this!” shouted Punch as he stared at digital copies of the plan.

“I’m your commanding officer! You do what I say,” Hunt exclaimed.

John chuckled, “I’ve flipped off a general, I can do whatever the fuck I want, Sir.” said the elite, venom in his voice

“Well at least you still said sir. But at anyrate, just trust me on this one.”

“Fine. I’ll do it. I won’t like it, but I’ll do it...”

Jumping out of his fighter, he asked the OSS commander to set his ship up for disassembling his armor, then to take it back to the Monarch.

----

“Oh but someone as well rounded as you seem must have something the like.” pried the mare.

As their verbal fencing continued, the rest of the girls listened with a rather vague interest, the conversation was repetitive, Rarity would try and get John to reveal some information about himself, and the human would squirm his way out of each question, until finally, the man gave in.

“I don’t know. I like...chemistry, physics, and astronomy. I love astronomy.” sighed the man. “Look, I’m not interesting,” he said gesturing to himself. “I’m just me.” stated the elite.

“Oh? Well I can certainly say that you have one fact wrong. James, you are very interesting, everypony is. You just need to take time to find out why.”

‘That’s just what I’m afraid of.’ thought the elite.

As Rarity turned her attention back to her sandwich, Twilight slowly raised a hoof in the air, eyes locked on John. Punch watched the action with a smile playing at his lips. “Is there a reason your hoof is in the air?”

The unicorn looked away bashfully. “I thought we were taking turns asking questions...” she trailed off.

“Sure...I’ll answer your question.” laughed the elite.

“Well...um I wanted to ask, since, you know you like astronomy, if you know about the meteorite.”

“What meteorite?” asked John

“Well this afternoon, one was going to impact in the town square, but it disappeared before impact. Do you know what happened to it? Did you see it?” Twilight asked, her voice increasing in volume and speed with each word.

‘I was in it.’

“I don’t think I saw it.” said the elite.

“Oh.” muttered the unicorn. Her ears swiveled back and she looked towards the ground.

“Sorry.” replied to elite awkwardly.

_____________________-

DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION? Great. Enough with the royal Canterlock. At anyrate, yeah there are funnier parts, like when Luna is talking to the AI on John's ship and she thinks it's insulting her. You know.

I just want to know. What improvements need to be made, here? The general concept is clear in my head.

Humans who live secondary to ponies, meet their counterparts. Humans who basically rule their world and aren't opposed by many.

There are going to be parts where upper class ponies basically say "Oh Humans? I don't care for them, a waste of space," Then three days later they have the USSF Monarch floating over their house.

(USSF Monarch is the HUGE super ship that the Op is run off of.)

TL;DR: I want to capture pony kind's reaction when they see this powerful society built by creatures they thought were next to useless.
Is the story worth posting?

1249684

Sounds interesting to me.

Sounds like a very interesting concept that I haven't seen before. I'd certainly read it.

1249684 Sounds interesting.

The only criticism I have, is that the first part seems a little bit extremely expositiony. Other than that, it looks great!

1249700OH.. that's brilliant.1249684 it sounds like something i would read.

1249684

How much does this suck?

To answer your question, not at all. A long as you don't make this one of those "humanity, fuck yeah!" stories, or one of those human supremacy stories, I see no problem with this fic. Is it published yet, because I want to read this.

1249700 That picture... why do I find it extremely entertaining?

Also the story sounds interesting, the ponies are going to be in for one hell of a surprise.

I would read it

1249700

I don't know what that means...and I don't know if I want to find out either.

But it is hilarious.

1249771
No. Not yet

1249772 because its the greatest picture we have ever shall.

1249684 Is this Halo inspired? are we talking about the same kind of elites? Because If not, I'm glad to see someone else creating their own space-aged human race that isn't a crossover of any existing ones. (star trek, halo, stargate, Etc.)

I am doing something similar, but it's more ideologically based with a population of humans being enslaved after crashing on Equestria, in essence like district 9, but with humans. Ponies are in awe of human technology and society, but are unamused with humans as a species. Revolution by a corrupt leader who is thought to be the protagonist of the whole story, and eventual destruction of the uprising human forces by their own hands, and banishment of the remaining humans to the wastelands inhabited by the changelings.

But one piece of advice. Review the names of your characters. Especially 'Hunt'. That's REALLY close to hunter, which is in the top three cliched names for HiEs, and will turn many a reader off. If thsoe are their real names, try to use philosophically inspired names, Like from religious books and the like. Too boot, read up on those character's names, and pick those names as per the significance of their actions int he stories plot. For instance, the main character of my story is named Ezekiel. This is because the Angel Ezekiel is the archangel of self-defense, and is the patron angel of help and hope in conflicts in unknown lands. (exactly what humans go through in my story.)

1249811 Rainbow is scared of the human technology, even though it's just a vacuum cleaner.

.1249684
Nice description. I'd probably read the crap out of this story.
1249700
I find this picture horrifying... and adorable.

1249866

A useful comment appeared!

No. It's not halo inspired. Elite is basically a special unit. Think of them as the special ops of tomorrow. Basically, it's a title.

Also thank you for the heads up about the names. oddly enough, John Punch was a real person, he was an African American slave, and it was shown he was Pres Obama's ancestor. You can Google him, here.

1249745

there's a Too Long;Didn't Read on the bottom...it's bold and pretty damn hard to miss.

1249994 Huh, so there is.
Too bad I never got anywhere near that far down. TL;DR should go at the top, dude.

1249684
Giving my honest opinion here but it sounds like this fic would just be a ego stroke.
Proving humans right and ponies wrong, having ponies back peddle in their statements and all that. Other than that I don't understand where this fic would be going.

This idea has already been pitched before, except the humans from earth were not happy at all with how the ponies treated their brethren.

1249700
My dogs do that. Be freaking funny to have one of the pet Rainbow Dashes from Tumblr do that.

1249994 Oh, I see what you mean now. Are they a strategic military force made up of multiple kinds of humans, or are they one race? I have something similar Known as an Ilearsian, Which is a race of humans from a planet long thought to be a failed colony, but was in fact rediscovered centuries later to have succeeded, and in the extreme environments they were faced with, created a species of humans dedicated to survival and combat skills. Though very introvert and socially damaged by their disconnect from other human species, they will strictly follow orders given by other humans, as their ideology has been manipulated in such a way that it has become part of their beliefs that they live to serve the expansion of the human race.

I really want to hear what kinds of things you have come up with your human race. Maybe we could bounce a few Ideas off of one another in a PM conversation?

1249771 What's the problem with 'humanity, fuck yeah?'

We have our flaws, but in the end we're impeccably brilliant and complex. If someone does a Semper humanus story the right way, per say making everything seem like the humans are failiures, but upon closer inspection revealing some deep and pride-jerking truth about humanity as a whole, then I think that's one f the greatest stories that could be written. there are enough stories where people label humans as evil in our creativity, and plenty of badly written culture shock stories. I think that What we need is something that will make you sit back in the end with a smile and say 'yeah, only we humans could pull that off.'

1250231

I see where you're coming from. However the fic is going to show how the (space age humans) interact with ponies. It's mostly going to focus around John Punch.

This is a high ranking official and is normally treated with huge amounts of respect by others. In Equestria, humans don't get much respect.

The fic is going to be Punch and the difficulties he will have adapting and staying unnoticed even when provoked. He is going to be introduced to their culture and will basically be treated in a way he just doesn't understand, and isn't used to. (misunderstandings. Many times, funny ones.)

And then you forget to take into account the Precursors...I made them for a reason...a very big reason.( le cryptic reference. ) Their tech is thousands of times better than the ponies, and you must know, after a point, the line between technology and magic, seem to blur.

As long as Blueblood is a dick about the humans and gets bitchslapped off the castle.

And need more racism! Nothing more fun then "Those useless creatures" Coming down out of the sky and breaking some heads.

Other then that 100/10

some one needs to wright a story about dash vs a vacuum now that be a good read

but yea so the humans on equstriea are what like the humans from planet of the apes?

1250400 What I mean by "humanity, fuck yeah" stories are the stories where the human takes on this Mary Sue-esque persona and can do no wrong whatsoever, where the humans just win at everything without even trying, or in certain anti-TCB fics, commit genocide on the ponies. Please understand, I love humanity more than I love anything else, but those stories get really old really fast, and I hate it when and author fails to accurately characterize their own species.

1250402
So more on interaction and the restraint that the more advanced humans have to show? Sound good on paper but this can be easily flopped but I will give it extra points for being original.
But that character name "John Punch"...
You might as well call him "Beef Hardback". Unless that's the intention?

1250868

John Punch is a historical figure. He was a slave in America and is related to the current US president. I thought the name kind of fit in a meta sort of way

And it sounds cool.

1250751 I agree with you on that. It's why I've dedicated my story to avoid every cliche and trope possible in HiE. The main character believes he is 'all that', but really isn't. He believes humans are 'all that', but in the end, the story seems to suggest otherwise. But in closer detail, the events of the story suggest the immortality of humanity, as the story foreshadows and alludes to the idea in Shining armor that 'though we've gotten rid of the humans and banished them to *somehwere thye won't survive by pony standards, such as the changeling wastelands*, I am sure they will come back. There's a drive to survive about their race that just seems incurable.'

1249732>>1250868>>1250964>>1250751

So guess what's up?

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/116036/heads-and-tails

1249700

What's she cowering away from?

1274865 a vacuum cleaner

1275033

Im confuzzled now.

How is vacuum cleaner related to corvo's story?

Smiles = Stoopid

1275049 He asked if it would suck so I thought that i would just crack a little joke about it :b. twas all for the lols

1275064

1249684

Even though I'm not a fan of sci-fi stories in general.

This is a frickin great concept. I will read it, and possibly give you a fave.

Oh you should so do this.
Can't wait for a remark from Blueblood.