This thread is for those with adventure story's and are looking for feedback. Please only post to this thread if your story has the adventure tag. If your story does not I will take down your post.

Format for post
Title
Tags
Link(you can link your story in the title)
Short sum up
additional notes (what your looking for in feedback, or any additional info you feel people should know)

*note* to those who have already set up feedback request threads, please delete your original thread before posting here.

Stop posting these! You're spamming my notifications, and it's getting really annoying.

866380 It's over now you can calm down

866378http://www.fimfiction.net/story/92712/who-am-i-what-is-a-pony
title: Who am I, What is a "pony"?
tags: random, comedy, adventure, human (Made me put the human tag in... but the MC isn't a human at all!... kinda)
ou wake up one day; You are a pony. What is a that? Why are most other ponies so big? Why do they keep staring at you?
You are a very strange pony. When you need to do something you can, no matter what you could do before. Wings? sure. Magic? sure! sounds great right? Right??... Unluckily for you.. it isn't . You are more then you remember, strangers have weird expectations about you, and strange things go bumb in the night. As weirder and weirder things happen you must hold onto the sanity of your foalish mind. You must fight for your freedom, and the pursuit of wubs! (aka you have amnesia and can transform but not a changeling)

My quality in my writing takes a dip sometime before chapter 9 and definitely after chapter 2! I plan to do a once over of it before launching into the big plot, and feedback on which chapters need more love would be of great help!

*ps those chapters make up about 1/7 of the story so no worries I think*

866380 It was freaking me out as well! almost got me in trouble at school.

866394and that is why you mute your computer while at school.

In the Shadow and the Light
Tags: Adventure, Alternate Universe
Sum Up: Inspired by Ray Feist's Riftwar Saga, Equestria is discovered by ponies from another world who control a mighty empire spanning the stars. But as Twilight learns more about these slave owning, light-obsessed, dark-hating soldier ponies, the more she starts to doubt the sincerity of thier pleas for friendship.
Notes: the story has just finished chapter 6, bringing the introductory arc to a close. I'd like some feedback on the pacing, the structure, and most importantly what people thought of the Empire and the Imperial OCs

Vengeance of Dawn
Tags: Adventure, Alternate Universe
Sum Up: Breaking Dawn was Princess Celestia's protege until Twilight Sparkle took her place. Now, as her hated rival becomes a princess, Dawn plots her revenge
Notes: 2 chapters up, general commentary requested.

866550 1) isn't mine it's the school's
2) well... duh

866378 so is your name just drag'hin (dragon) or is it (s)hin'g(u)ard? or possibly, gard'hin? (garden)

866750 It's just Hin-gard. The pic has more to do with my love of dragons then with the name. The name is just something I came up with for one of my characters in an MMO and it's kind of stuck as my pen name.

866765 Nice... on the subject of names, what do you think is the number of languages allowed in one name? Fantasi Vincenzadottir has 3 ("Fantasi"=imagination swedish, "Vincenza" is italian, and "dottir"= daughter icelandic).

Also on the subject of names. What's your favorite story title?

866773 Not sure on the first question. As for the second there's to many to narrow down, for me I like my own story title, Guardian of the Hearthfire. i also like the tite past sins and The stranger and her friend.

866791 You have to admit "Who am I, what is a "pony"" is a very philosophical title! It addresses the two biggest questions a sentient species will ask itself. Who am I (what am I, what will I do, what do I like, what sounds like fun etc etc) and what is it to be of my species/nationality/(other groups of sentients)

866798 I will admit that is a very thought provoking title.

866798 by the way if you want to continued this we need to move it to a different thread, as this is not what the feedback threads are for.

Sunset of Time
Tags: Adventure, Sad, Dark
Short summary: Fifty years into the future, Sunset Shimmer is Princess Twilight Sparkle's faithful student. When a dark power awakens and brings the apocalypse, Sunset must travel back in time and stop past events from occurring.
Notes: I mostly just want general feedback: what do you think of it so far, places that need improvement, and if Sunset looks like a potential Mary Sue. Trying really hard to avoid that. Also, I'm thinking I might change the cover art to this. I think it's really adorable, but it kinda detracts from the tone of the story. I'd like another opinion.

866818 Would you happen to know of any threads through which we may continue this conversation? (if you would like...)

867202 you could just mrsdage me on my page but i won't be available for the next hour

Title: Bonds Beyond Species

Tags: Romance, Comedy, Adventure, Human

Short Sum Up: Another HiE, you may say. Well, this HiE focuses on the journey in lands outside Equestria. And the human himself is quite a frequent lurker of TV Tropes and such. For quite a bit we won't see the mane six. You will see Gilda, Lyra and more characters of the various races that appeared in Equestria. Trying to deal with stereotypes about them and getting to know their real culture is the thing. All of us can bond, no matter who we are. Bonds beyond the species.

Additional Notes:
I'd like comments about my story and most importantly, reviews. I need to know what to improve on, what to do. I will let you know, tags may be added in the future...

Title: The Adventures of Silent Shot (or, 014 Reporting for Duty)
Tags: Adventure, Dark
Super short sum-up: Silent Shot is a top member of the Equestrian Reconnaissance Agency. She is sent out to investigate a failed assassination attempt on Shining Armor, but uncovers a plot to destroy Equestria.

Title: A Journey Unthought Of: Revival of Chaos

Tags: Adventure, Alt. Universe

Link: A Journey Unthought Of: Revival of Chaos

Short sum up: This story is a sequel to A Journey Unthought Of. Every attempt is being made to make this story as open to new readers as possible.

In the months after the events of the first journey to Equestria, Adam and Lyra Heartstrings have enjoyed a life together on the outskirts of a rural Montana town. Back in Equestria, a Royal Canerlot Wedding has taken place, and the Changeling menace has been repulsed. As the weeks pass, the Royal Family is rocked by an unexpected death, and in the face of this and the Changeling scare, Equestria is tossed into a state of upheaval. Events that have been nearly fourteen hundred years in the making are now unfolding in concert, all under the guidance of some mysterious entity, who has been influencing countless individuals, who were in the right place at the right time. How will Adam, Lyra, Twilight Sparkle and her friends, Princesses Celestia and Luna, and all the others struggle through the potential outbreak of an Equestrian civil war?

additional notes: Any feedback at all is greatly appreciated, as I haven't received any constructive criticism at all.

Title: The Balance of Harmony
Tags: Adventure

Short sum up: This is my second story that I am in the process of writing. This is a sequel to the story I wrote and posted in its entirety to this site a little while ago. Before I get into the heavy meat of the story, I want to make sure I'm on a good foundation. What I'm looking for is general feedback on my writing style from the first two chapters in addition to the setup of the story plot (does it work, am I being too clear/vague, etc...)

additional notes: any other help people can offer is appreciated - especially things about the secret sauce of using this site that may not be clear to a new user like myself.

Thanks!