After a nearly successful assassination attempt on Shining Armor, "Night Watcher," head of the Equestrian Reconnaissance Agency, sends her best spy out: Silent Shot (codename 014). Her mission: investigate the assassination attempt and apprehend the culprit. Silenced Shot soon discovers a dense web of intrigue and crime.
The concept as a whole is based loosely off of the 007 series of movies and the inspiration for this fic came from the song Secret Agent Man.
In this story, only Luna and Celestia are alicorns. Anypony with wings and a horn besides them is just that: a pony with wings and a horn. Otherwise, certain characters (NOT THE MAIN PROTAGONIST) would just be too damn OP to work with.
Coauthored by lordvad3r95
Thanks to Breath of Plagues for giving me pointers and suggestions for getting it off the ground. This wouldn't have happened without him, so check his stories out!
What, you say? Author gets first comment?
. Now, commence to start clarifications.
In this story, there is an important difference between a winged unicorn and an alicorn. An alicorn cannot die of old age. They have the strength and endurance of Earth Ponies, the flight ability of Pegasi, and the magic of Unicorns. They are extremely hard to wound, but can be killed. A winged unicorn, however, is just a Unicorn with wings. They can fly and cloud-walk, but they can’t actually manipulate the weather. They also don't have the innate strength and endurance of Earth Ponies. The only two alicorns in the story are Celestia and Luna, and there will be no Twilicorn in this story, despite references to her transformation in this chapter. (I may change my mind later in the story/in a possible sequel. I don't know yet.) Winged unicorns are also rare, but not quite as rare as alicorns are.
I took "keter" from the SCP creepypastas. Yes, I know that it's actually Hebrew for "crown." Both meanings apply (they are the "crowns" of their organization, and they are ridiculously dangerous. It just isn't apparent yet.)
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
The Adventures of Silent Shot (or, 014 Reporting for Duty)
Grammar: 7
Pros:
Interesting dialogue.
A good mix between show and tell.
A very interesting and intriguing start on the story.
Cons:
Words that should be capitalised aren't.
Lack of explanation on some important things. The Winged Unicorns for example need more of an explanation, especially since they're not a part of the show.
The narrative mode is confusing at times.
Notes: The story seems to be built upon a third person limited narrative, but at the start of the story is where this becomes confusing. It switches from limited to universal omniscient and then back to limited again. This is only an issue at first, but it can be enoug to put off a reader.
I'm also a bit confused with the hooded pony flying away. With the way winged animal works, the guard pony who saw the hooded should have seen the wings when the hooded one took flight.
Despite that, the story is off to an interesting start. You have a quite good grammatical sense which benefits the story a lot. Keep the work up with future chapters and this can go nowhere but forward.
That's it for my poor review. Hope you liked it. If you don't mind I could use a review on Forgotten Kingdom.
2466963 Thank you very much for the review
. Thankfully since so few people have seen this fic, vad3r and I can probably tweak it a bit.
2466984
You're welcome. I was a bit surprised to see how little notice this story had gotten when I found it in the folder. Thought I might as well leave a review. It's what the group is for after all. To help people with their writing. Goes both ways.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: The Adventures of Silent Shot (or, 014 Reporting for Duty)
Grammar: 8
Pros:
The Dialogue between characters is done really well
The story moved at a nice pace
The story overall had me hooked from the start
Cons:
Some elements needed a little more explaining, for example, What is a Winged Unicorn?
Some things need to be capitalized that aren't (Princess near the end)
Explain the Surroundings a little more.
Notes: Overall this story has me interested and has earned a Favourite and Like from me and I hope that the rest of the story goes well.
I rather enjoyed the 'Doctor Forceps' character and the personality he had. I don't know if it was because of his sassy nature or if his way of thinking is mainly my way of thinking, but something about him just makes me want to see more of him.
The Hooded Assassin could of been explained more in the story, and this may just be me being an idiot, but what's the Equestria Games Committee? I've never heard of it before :/
I hope this review was helpful to you and I can't wait to see more of this story. Also, if you don't mind, could you check out my story The Three Hardest Words? I've had pretty much even likes and dislikes on it and I'd like to know what I need to improve upon.
2502527
The Equestria Games Committee is that thing that was mentioned in Season 3 when the Mane 6 went back to the Crystal Empire to help Cadance with stuff. Miss Harshwhinny was from it, remember?
Also, I received a suggestion from Invisible Cadance as to how to explain the Winged Unicorn thing.
Thank you very much for the review