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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Oh my gosh. I love this story so much.
Shit just keeps getting better and better...
Man I have a lot to catch up on as far as commentary, so this is gonna be sporadic and probably not terribly helpful. Sorry!
First and foremost, I absolutely love how Snap is developing as a character. Already she's a different pony than the one who left the clouds, and that was even before their arrival at Neighson. She's still got a military mindset, but those moments where she's with Tailwind or trying to defend the Enclave's stances from prying questions, I could swear she's not entirely convinced. Maybe that's me misreading the situation, but either way I absolutely love Snap as a protagonist, and it's a joy to read combat scenes with her.
Crafter is an interesting addition to the team, though I'm not fully sold on him I gotta admit. It's interesting to have a character who's not even as Wasteland-wise as our winged leading ladies, but I feel like he's gotten the least amount of time "on-screen" of our cast.
I really liked Paladin Rose and her rangers, but man I do not trust Fade. Guy is a rogue element, and even for all his ability, he's unstable. That said, I adore that there's a whole different language in this region, it's an angle I've never seen played with. Occasionally I've seen it come up with different races interacting with each other in FoE stories, but that's different.
Speaking of language barriers, I'm frankly amazed that the encounter with the Lobos went as smoothly as it did. Their culture is intriguing to be sure, but I'm not 100% clear on how Tailwind ended up helping them. I probably overlooked something, and for that I'm extremely sorry. Either way, I did enjoy Snap's reaction to Tailwind being missing. I hate to imagine what would happen if Tail did actually die. Each of them are like their last anchor to their old lives, and after this latest revelation about the SPP tower overlooking Neighson, I doubt they'll be returning ever again.
And by the way? That was an excellent conclusion to the chapter. Perfectly paced, with the long and detailed description of Neighson, giving plenty of weight to just how significant of a settlement this is, followed by the whole idea that this is the kind of settlement that proves it's safe to come down from the clouds. And, as icing on the cake, a tower providing perfect proof that the brass knows. I can't wait to see where this goes, and there are still plenty of mysteries to solve. The idea that the Enclave isn't entirely on the level is one the readers have known from the beginning, but this mystery about the ice is getting intriguing. Those journal entries imply that the frozen wasteland our heroes find themselves in is not part of the natural climate, and I can't help but think it has something to do with those Storm Born.
On the whole, I'm really enjoying the story, and definitely eager to see where things go now that they've arrived at Neighson. Sorry I didn't comment much on the previous chapter events, but FS has definitely gripped me. Looking forward to chapter 7!
When it come to Enclave ponies, Snap is the first, I've read at least, not to be banished but rather crashed against her will. Not to mention having another Enclave pony with her. I love how torn she is by the Wasteland's current state and that of its inhabitants; she's a sympathetic antagonist of sorts turning more and more into a protagonist as the story goes on. All in all a very good story thus far, can't wait for more.
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You know, a week and a half ago I thought to myself, "That's a really thought out comment. I've gotta get home and respond to that properly rather than from my phone." And then here we are. Ahh, seems to be the way of things lately...
Anyways, firstly, your assessment is bang on with regards to Snap's view of the Enclave. It is absolutely an evolving situation, and I'm glad you're enjoying that dynamic. Sometimes it feels a little like some things I'm trying to highlight are going unnoticed, and comments like that are very reassuring. Glad you like the combat! I have to say, there's something coming up... not especially soon, but suffice to say, I think you're in for a treat.
Crafter will also be getting more screen time... in a bit of an unusual way. You'll know it when it happens. I agree, he isn't too visible... and part of that is because his skill development is not exactly fast. It isn't neglect, it's plotting.
The language barrier is fun to play with, I'm glad it doesn't come off as being too disorienting. I'm operating under the... minor suspension of disbelief that Snap could remember what was said despite not knowing the language - there are... not "easter eggs" there, but the dialogue there is absolutely relevant, despite Snap's lack of understanding, and that trend will continue.
>I'm not 100% clear on how Tailwind ended up helping them
Umm... I'm not entirely sure I follow. Helping the Lobos? She didn't really help them, she's good enough at sneaking that she managed to sneak into the vault area while the door was open, presumably while somepony was checking something. Then, she was looking at the terminal when the pony left, sealing the door behind him and trapping her - she hadn't noticed that the door only opens from the outside, and got herself trapped. I hope that helps, if not I'd like to talk a bit more to see where the misconception is there.
Thank you for the feedback on the chapter end! A LOT of time was spent on getting that right. Hearing that is SUPER validating.
Chapter 7 should be out in the next couple days.
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I'm glad you like that aspect of her! I never did agree with Calamity's decision, even though he had reasons, and I've thought that this dynamic is a fun one to play with. I can assure you that particular subplot will be followed through with as things continue.
A... similar situation happens with a mare in Operation Flankorage, though her backstory isn't gone into all that much, I strongly suspect there are a lot of parallels with Snap. Fair warning, the fic... seems to be on indefinite hiatus. It's a fun ride, for what it is. Also, Outlaw's rewrites make the protagonist's decisions make quite a bit more sense than they did previously, at least I think so. Just if you're looking for something else to read.
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Actually already read Outlaw, just prior to him rewriting it
Memories I just restarted due to my giving up after he began the rewrite.
One idea I'd like to throw out there is having some kind of climate control shield tech inside the upper ring of the fort. The fact there's a giant weather control device nearby and the massiveness to the facility would lend to the idea of it being stationed year round originally and since the climate was similar even prior to the war, climate (mainly heat) shielding would prevent snow storms and other extreme temperatures from affecting the troops or their families. Similar to the effect the shield did to the Crystal Empire in shielding the city from the intense winter weather.
Loving the story! The Enclave question never gets enough thought and I really like it so far.
My only two issues are that the dialogue is often hard to follow, with characters replying to things said far earlier in the text seemingly out of context, causing me to have to reread sections of dialogue to understand it; and the fact that the herbivorous ponies had next to zero psychological or even physiological reactions to it, even though neither their established culture nor their bodies seem like they would react very well.
The military jarjon would also be an issue if my phone didn't tap to define.
All in all, however, the story is fascinatingly wonderful, and gives a much need look at some interesting pegasi characters and the equestrian north.
I can never understand authors compulsively force-feeding their equine characters with corpses. Some of them I can understand, since it's the FOE-verse, but even in post-war Equestria it's supposed to be controversial at least. (Also, I find it almost as disturbing as raider bases. Seriously, carnivore horses? Can't get used to it.)
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Horses in real life are known to ingest rodents and other smaller vertebrates during times of low or inconsistent nutrition. Sadly that state has been the norm in FoE for near on 200yrs. Also the people in question, the Lobos have never had an agricultural base being a semi-nomadic people. The growing season is just to short for only foraging to maintain their population base and as such any stigma amoungst them at least had been worn away by the years necessity. Glad to hear you're enjoying the story we've worked so hard on!