On the absence and future of Finding Friendship · 3:03pm Jul 17th, 2022
Hello everybody. It's been a while, hasn't it? Far too long, if you ask the right people. The most recent chapter came out in January, about six months ago. Ever since then, I've been silent. And I'm certain that some people are a little upset with me on that front, I know for a fact that some definitely a little peeved at me for my silence, and for that, I want to apologize. Both to the readers who have been eagerly awaiting Chapter Fifty-One, and especially to Skijaramaz, the man who's doing the reading of FF over on YouTube (and who was helping me with editing chapters to make them more readable). It's long overdue for me to at least give some kind of explanation on why it's taking so long for this particular update.
The short answer:
Life.
The longer answer:
Life got hard for me, very fast and very suddenly. A lot of things in my life changed very quickly in a very short amount of time. In the six months that I've been silent, I've had my position at work change on me twice (and now I work night shifts), I became an uncle and had to start helping my sister take care of the baby from time to time, my anxiety and depression got worse (to the point where I now take medication), and my mother caught long covid. There's also the fact that my IRL friend Erik's schedule changed about four months ago, and he was one of my best outlets for venting and destressing, so that also took a toll on me. Before I started the medication, there was a period when I was having mental breakdowns almost every day, usually at work due to the various stressors that come from working at a Walmart facility. And by the time my shift ended, on most days I was too tired to work on writing and either just went to sleep or turned on a movie or let's play to just turn my brain off. I'd always tell myself "it's fine, I'll do some writing over the weekend." And then the weekends would come, and I would break that promise. Either by spending multiple days just sleeping, helping out with my niece or little brothers, or booting up a video game to (again) turn my brain off and relax. And I'd go and tell myself "it's fine, you had a rough week at work, you deserve a break. Next week will be better, you can catch up on writing after work."
And you can imagine how that quickly spiraled into a cycle of non-productivity when it came to sitting down and writing out Chapter 51. This isn't to say I haven't worked on it at all, even though that's exactly what it sounds like. There were days and weekends when I did have the time/energy to write something. But the problem is that every time I go back to try and write, I end up looking back at what I have so far and saying "I don't like how this came out," or "this dialogue doesn't read right," or "I should have X happen instead of Y," or any number of similar self-criticisms. And I don't want to just rush out another continuation/story beat without thinking it through, because every time I've done that in the past I've come to regret it.
To name a more recent example: The way that Twilight's alicorn secret got blown. That idea had been in my head since nearly the beginning, and looking back I feel like I botched it. I should have done it earlier and with more tact. I've also come to regret the decision of explaining some aspects of Starlight Glimmer's role in the story in the way that I did. The plans with her haven't changed since I introduced her way back when, but I regret not leaving it as vague as it probably should have been, considering that I wasn't even planning on diving into her story further until the sequel (which let's be real, planning a sequel before even finishing the first story was also probably a mistake).
If I'm being 100% honest, the only reason I haven't restarted or even straight up canceled the story yet is because of Skijaramaz. With his fantastic audiobook of the story, he's probably put more care into the story than I have. And, at this point, I feel like if I decide to re-write the story or even straight up cancel it, I'm going to deeply upset him. Especially since his readings on YT are his primary source of income through his Patreon, and I don't want to fuck with that. What right do I have to mess with someone's livelihood? Especially after all he's done to help me with the story as a whole. His audiobook is the definitive version of the story, if you ask me, and I am eternally grateful for all the editing help he has given me.
I don't want this to sound like I'm begging for sympathy/empathy/pity. Because I'm not. I just wanted to put some kind of explanation out there as to why the story has gone dark, seeing as how so many people actually have enjoyed reading it thus far. The issues that I listed off earlier have been mostly resolved. The medication has helped with my anxiety/depression, working night shifts at work has helped remove a lot of the stressors that come with working retail, and my mother is in perfect health again. The entire purpose of this essay of sorts is to be an explanation. Both for where I've been, and for where Finding Friendship is going.
This is the part that I've been dreading. And even as I'm typing it out, I'm not one-hundred percent sure what I'm going to do going forward. Usually, when I write up these "sorry it's taken so long" posts, it's when the chapter is nearly done or being edited. But that isn't the case this time. I wouldn't even go as far as to say that Chapter Fifty One is halfway done, considering all the issues I'm having with it. The only thing that is set in stone at this point in time is that Finding Friendship is officially being shifted from "incomplete" to "on hiatus," a status change that has long since been overdue all things considered. Aside from that, it's anyone's guess as to where the story will go from here. I could either get a second wind and keep on trucking, or I could end up shiting that hiatus into a full-blown cancelation. At this point, I honestly do not know, and I'm going to spend some time thinking about it. I don't know when I'll have an answer for you, but I can promise that I will let you know when the decision has been made. I know for certain that Skijarama and I are going to have a discussion about this.
And I am sorry if that isn't the kind of update you were hoping to hear from me. And I'm sorry in advance if I do end up canceling the story entirely. But at the end of the day, I need to do what's best for me. And if what's best for me is shelving this story, then that's what needs to happen.
Thank you all for reading. Both this dreary update and my story. I wish all of you a good day, and a pleasant tomorrow.
~~ Andrew.
I hope your life gets into a better position so you can continue your writing.
So, this may come off as dickish, but it's your story. Not his. He's making his living off of your shoulders, even if he's helping you out. At the end of the day. This is your story. You built the world, you gave the characters their roles and their personalities. You get to decide where this story goes, or if this story ends. Period.
If the guy who's standing on your shoulders throws a fit because he doesn't get to eat off of your plate anymore, well... That's his problem. Your life, and the lives of your family, should come first. If that means you have to end this story? Then end it! Don't let what happens on the internet eat at your personal life.
I’m glad your life situation is improving.
Regarding the “path not taken” storylines, could you use a mirror portal or visiting alternate universe (I.e. Starlight Glimmer and the Map Table) mechanisms to explore those story directions?
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Couldnt have said it better myself. And im the guy doing the bloody audiobook.
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Probably could have chosen my words a bit better on this one. If anything, it's more like a "he's been working hard on this, so should I" kind of feeling. I don't wanna portray some false narrative that I feel forced to produce just for his sake, because that simply isn't true. But I do feel like I should at least take his thoughts on the matter into consideration before making a big decision on the story's future.
Take all the time you need!
I'm tossing a coin in the wishing well.
tosses coin in
I'm wishing you well. Hope you are doing better.
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Life has calmed down some since this post. Thank you for the well wishes (pun intended).