I Shot the Wannabe Sheriff (RB Vs. The Shadow God, Chapter 21) · 3:02pm Jul 14th, 2022
Previously, on The Shadow God:
Detective Underwood took a nap!
And now:
We open with Underwood pulling up outside of Mark's house. He briefly wonders if potentially contaminating a crime scene is worth it, but the idea of becoming sheriff drives those thoughts away. He goes inside and heads down into the basement.
“Pssst!”
Underwood turned behind him, drawing his gun, glad that he didn’t forget it. Who was that?
“Pssst! Over here!”
Underwood turned around again, peering into the pitch darkness. “Who’s there?” he demanded, his heart beating faster. “This property is off limits! Leave the premises immediately!”
A blue light erupts from the corner of the room, illuminating a man. It's Mark, carrying an aluminum baseball bat.
Cut to Detective Eubanks, who is near enough to Mark's house to see the blue light shining through the basement window (for some unspecified reason).
Cut to Craig and Todd, still in the underground cavern. They're on the trail of the blue light. They follow it around a corner, and find a man waiting for them, a mysterious object in each hand.
“Craig!” Todd rasped. “Let’s get out of here! Please!”
The figure laughed again. “You’d better go, Craig. Your friend is scaaaaaaaaarrrrrred!” It burst into another fit of laughter.
Craig happens to look up at this point and notices a bunch of stalactites hanging from the ceiling. He focuses back on the figure.
“What’re those in your hands?” Craig asked.
The figure held up the objects. “You mean these?” They were large and square, silhouetted by the blazing, blue light. They looked like giant mallets.
Don't you dare—
The figure lifted the large objects high into the air. He paused to speak. “They don’t call me Sledge for nothing!” he yelled, slamming the heavy mallets hard against the side of the cave.
Ugh.
Now, I can't say I know much about caves. But...
The entire cave trembled, and Sledge broke off into maniacal laughter. He slammed the huge hammers against the cave walls again.
A large chunk of ceiling fell in front of the boys. Craig turned and shoved Todd backward. “Run!” he shouted. “We gotta get out! He’s going to cave us in!”
...is it really so easy to cause a cave-in that you can do it with a pair of sledgehammers? Maybe we can write it off as magic on Sledge's part.
Craig and Todd run for their lives back the way they came.
“I’m going to be left behind!” Todd cried.
“No!” shouted Craig. “I won’t allow it! I won’t leave you! I promise!”
Friends till the end. That was the thought on both boys’ minds.
Y'know, you could make a pretty good drinking game out of that phrase.
In the middle of this life-or-death situation, Craig takes the time to ponder about the source of his invulnerability:
I cannot be hurt.
Craig knew of instances where that was true, but he couldn’t bring himself to totally believe in it. What if that invincibility was given to him by the Shadow God? Maybe that was what the Shadow God wanted—for him to put his faith in his ability. And once he was in danger, the Shadow God—Cain! The Shadow God is Cain! Cain— would take his invincibility away, causing him serious injury, or more preferably, death.
Craig couldn’t afford to be careless and take that chance. Besides, he had more than just himself to save. There was Todd, who wasn’t even fully capable of running away from something like this.
This is a pretty good way to cripple an action scene's pacing. Take notes, everyone.
The two boys continue to run for it. Todd is having a rough time of it because of his injuries, Craig having to physically pull him along by his arm.
As they neared the door, Craig’s excitement grew intense. He cocked his head to tell Todd that it was the door and that they were going to escape. But when he turned around, Sledge suddenly appeared in front of the door and he was slapping a large hammer into the palm of his hand, chortling.
Cut to Underwood, still in Mark's basement, still facing off against Mark. Underwood fires his gun at his assailant; it does absolutely nothing. Mark grabs his right hand and crushes it to dust. Then, he breaks Underwood's left wrist. Then, he shoots Underwood with his own gun. Cousin! No!
Cut to Detective Eubanks, who has just witnessed this murder from outside the basement window. He has been rendered unable to move from what he just witnessed. This is unfortunate, as he is immediately spotted by Mark.
Finally, with the realization of his death near, Roger Eubanks was able to break free of his icy state and flee. He ran down the hill with no intention of going back to his patrol car. There was only one person that could help him now. And he hoped like hell he was home.
Cut back to our power couple, Craig and Todd.
The stalactites were still crashing down all around them as Craig and Todd hurried forward toward freedom, the door, and Sledge.
“He’s not real, Todd! Trust me!” Craig didn’t know if Sledge was some kind of mirage or not, but he had that distinct feeling. (Another ability probably instilled in him by the Shadow God.) He took a chance—a big one!
They rush Sledge head-on.
As they came into striking distance, Sledge hammered his huge fists down in a swooping arc. Craig cringed against what would have been extreme pain, but the image of Sledge disappeared and only the dying echo of laughter fell in his wake.
Craig was extremely proud of himself for seeing what he saw.
Less pride, more running.
The two of them burst through the door and rush up the steps, just as the cavern collapses behind them. They find themselves back in the circle of logs, alone: no animals or blue eyes in sight. The two head back the way they came in. They leave the forest, and—
Wait. Hold on. They leave the forest? But they didn't do anything there! They never found what they were looking for, and they didn't learn anything new! Why did the author send them here in the first place? He even invented a new character just so the boys would be told to go to the Dead Woods! What was the point!?
Anyway, Craig notices that their ride is gone. They run down the hill to Craig's house, which was apparently just within walking distance of the spooky woods. They spot a man running towards them. It's a cop.
The policeman extracted his pistol and fired it into the air.
“Hold it right there!” he managed, his breathing labored and winded.
Craig and Todd started to run, but tripped along a landscaping timber and fell clumsily to the pavement.
Oops! Clumsy!
That's where the chapter ends, folks. See you all tomorrow!
Is this a shounen anime now?
My response to this is simply a long-suffering sigh.