Friendship is Card Games: Tell Your Tale, Part 3 · 12:15pm Jun 5th, 2022
As stated last week, enough new content arrived for two consecutive G5 card blogs. Crazy, I know. Let’s see what Maretime Bay’s been up to when not being consumed by the void.
I have a number of concerns about that opening. Especially the chant that makes it sound like Izzy’s about to tear a still-beating heart out of some poor soul’s chest.
Sunny’s face. It is at this moment that she realizes the full implications of reuniting the tribes.
Wait, if they lost track of time, how long has Izzy been chanting?
I do appreciate it being Thursday in Maretime Bay. After all, that’s when these shorts go up in our world. (Though this does raise questions about pony Tyr and Thor. The etymology may be lost to the mists of pony history… or it’s just a bit of translation convenience.)
The Unicorn Expression of Sparkle Day definitely feels like a backronym, even in universe. Generations ago, somepony felt very proud of themselves.
“It’d be nice to make another unicorn friend.”
On the one hand, I do appreciate something addressing Izzy’s status as the sole unicorn in the main group. On the other… she had unicorn friends? I guess Alphabittle might count. Still, if Izzy misses Bridlewood, you know it’s bad. (Or she has legitimately fond memories of her home despite what I view as a less-than-positive experience. Who am I to judge?)
“Make. A unicorn. Friend!”
Thankfully, Izzy doesn’t know enough magic to create a true equinculus. I hope.
Okay, who let Izzy have access to acetylene?
Señor Butterscotch/Actual Sunset Shimmer shipfic when?
Also, horse-Spanish is apparently still a thing is this era.
Ah. Actual footage of Trotformers this time, however limited. I do have to wonder if it’s animated or live-action.
Posey, the rest of the theater is empty. Just move to a different seat. You’re bringing this on yourself.
(Also, further context for her frustration in Make Your Mark.)
The Lady and the Tramp reference is getting into awkward territory.
Apparently Sunny’s heard about T.U.E.S. Day before. Not sure if it’s from Izzy herself or some of Argyle’s more contemporary research (assuming he did any.)
Ah. No, it seems this is from Sunny’s own journal. Though her reiterating the same point Izzy said earlier feels like a bit of sloppy writing.
Also, a unicorn-specific friendship holiday… that’s the “Expression of Sparkle.” I only just got that. 
Hmm. Reaction from Izzy’s cutie mark during her friends’ chant. This just keeps raising more questions…
Yeah, bringing together three cultures that have had generations to diverge will come with some hiccups. Fortunately, this is one of the more minor ones.
That does look like an amazing breakfast spread. Makes me wonder if there’s any Apple in Sunny’s family tree. She certainly has the coat for it.
“Family” breakfast. That’s honestly sweet. Sunny’s found three sisters of the heart. (Plus, I imagine Argyle cooked impressive meals in his own right. Don’t forget those unicorn cupcakes.)
Izzy still hasn’t mastered the art of living with others. 
Oh God. The horned raccoons have telekinesis. And they’ve repeatedly wielded pitchforks. This is honestly terrifying.
Also, literal rat with wings. Working wings. Makes me wonder when we’ll see earth-empowered wildlife.
Apple or not, Sunny reflects a very earth pony sensibility: To dine together is to be together, for what greater expression of love can there be than to provide for one another?
Sunny not-quite-yelling at her phone to use the right camera is painfully relatable.
I… think Zipp’s response to Sunny’s video message is meant to be the hoofed equivalent of a thumbs-up? I honestly can’t tell.
Very convincing, Izzy.
Also, does she just think those are gemstones, or do some crystals not form pre-polished and pre-cut these days?
Huh. I guess Sunny hasn’t come to Prancing Point very often. That can make a hike fun, though it can also lead to focusing more on figuring out where you’re going than who you’re going with.
Hmm. Creepy forest full of ominous gazes. Evidence does suggest that the Bridlewood is actually the Everfree; I have to wonder how closely it encroaches on Maretime Bay.
On the one hand, I appreciate Hitch going full search and rescue. On the other, the hyperventilation’s a bit much.
I’m not sure what terrifies Hitch more: Sunny being lost or Sunny escaping his supervision.
Nice touch with the chiptune interlude as we get a Pac-Man style overhead view.
So… did the would-be rescuers stop shouting, or are these incredibly sound-absorbent trees?
I’m not sure when Sunny and Izzy got those bandanas, but I imagine it was around the time Izzy started getting ‘Nam flashbacks.
Ah, the classic “backing into each other” bit. Pipp’s “Not the face!” is the cherry on top there.
Oof. Yeah, the Straight Outta Bridlewood album has not aged well. (And there’s the uncomfortable question of whether earth ponies ever wear underwear…)
Hmm. An orange earth mare with a dead father looking up and being reassured by a shooting star. The more things change…
I appreciate nopony laughing at Pipp’s title drop. No, Pipp, it’s not a thing. Please don’t try to make it one.
This is interesting; this short’s intended as a direct, immediate sequel to Make Your Mark, Chapter 1. I appreciate the increased continuity.
Yeah… I appreciate the attempt to match pegasus sand castle techniques through teamwork, but next time, maybe just use a ladder.
“Amazing what a little peace and quiet can do.”
Yeah, if that isn’t jinxing herself, I don’t know what is.
Huh. Well. Bit of an immediate unmarked spoiler with applied earth pony magic there. Also, I’m a little disappointed that we don’t get the glowing leyline effect in 2D. Still, I won’t say “No” to a touch more karma for Posey. See? Magic takes practice; the other tribes really weren’t trolling you.
I’m not sure how a blender contest works, but Sunny is clearly winning. Unless she’s the judge. Either way, no wonder everypony loves her smoothies; they’re all blithering incompetents when trying to make their own.
That “Files erased” sent a shudder of dread down my spine. Nice work, Izzy. I’ve honestly never related to Pipp as much as I do now. Losing something into which you’ve put that much effort really does hurt.
I do love Izzy’s apology portrait. As for the smoothie that’s literally bigger than Pipp, I’m just wondering where Sunny was keeping a cup that big.
And who’s pressurizing that whipped cream if it can launch Zipp like an untied balloon.
I have to admire Hitch here. Displays of masculinity are overrated. True stallions dance flamenco to cheer up their friends.
Sadly, Pipp has a point. Some lovely gestures, but none of them are getting back that video footage.
The bread castle is legitimately impressive, all the more so because I have no idea how it can even exist.
Rehashing a song from previous shorts makes this lose points—especially a song that exhorts the listener to “try something new”—but I do appreciate the sentiment. (Also, Pipp knows the recreation won’t capture the same candid quality as the original footage, but she’s not going to tell her friends that after all this work.)
I’m mildly disappointed that Frankenstallion is only a movie character and not an actual resident of Maretime Bay.
Zipp is too angry to put up with the popcorn gag.
Ooh, I like the sinister pegasus and unicorn silhouettes on the height chart during the mugshots. Relics of less friendly times in Maretime Bay. (And I do have to wonder what Hitch thinks about this appropriation of sheriff resources.)
Pipp knows this is a mugshot. She just has certain reflexive responses to a camera.
Oh, Sunny. Don’t act so surprised. We all know this isn’t your first time being arrested.
She’s gone full Pepe Silvia. Never go full Pepe Silvia.
Pipp may be the diva between the two of them, but Zipp still got some degree of Haven’s sense of drama.
I’m sure Izzy measuring Zipp’s face both in and out of the flashback will have no bearing on the resolution of the missing sunglasses issue.
I have to respect a short with the courage to acknowledge its own terrible puns. Especially one that couches that terrible pun in a CSI: Miami reference.
“Auto-mane-tic shampoo and shine.”
… Okay, given that it does involve actual manes, I’ll give this one a pass. Also, nice to see Pipp get in an impressive physical feat. In her sister’s flashback, no less!
I do like how Pipp cites her own massive collection of sunglasses as an alibi and nopony suggests Zipp borrow a pair, Zipp included. Though the sisters’ differing styles do cut both ways.
I see Sunny has discovered the ancient earth pony art of mane storage. Good on her.
Meanwhile, Izzy has discovered the ancient unicorn art of “telekinesis + loose objects = pocket sand.”
… I’m sorry, did Izzy manage to put heat vision in that visor? And X-ray vision? I have many questions.
>Finds apple with a worm.
>Puts it back in the basket.
Really, Zipp?
I do appreciate Hitch’s “Amateur.” He is a trained law enforcement officer who tracked Sunny across the continent. Zipp’s attempt at a parlor room scene is insulting to him on a professional level. And you know it’s bad when even Sunny is fed up.
These are getting better with each batch. It really feels like the writers are finding their stride with the characters… though it would be nice if we had enough time to do a deeper dive into those characters. Still, it’s certainly going better than Pony Life. Now, to see what I can do with this…
Sparkling Legacy 1W
Instant
Untap all creatures you control. Unicorns you control gain lifelink until end of turn.
Though warped through generations of misremembrance, Twilight’s lessons of friendship still live on.
Expert Unicycler 2W
Creature — Unicorn Rigger
1W, Exile an artifact card from your graveyard or scrapyard: Expert Unicycler assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)
“I had to melt down that ashtray, but I made you a new friend!”
2/2
Convoy Scheduler 3W
Creature — Pony Artificer
If it’s neither day nor night, it becomes day as Convoy Scheduler enters the battlefield.
Whenever day becomes night or night becomes day, you may have Vehicles you control become artifact creatures until end of turn.
She makes sure the trains raid on time.
3/3
Rescue Ranger 4W
Creature — Pony Ranger
Flash
When Rescue Ranger enters the battlefield, choose up to one target creature you control or creature card in your graveyard that was put there from the battlefield this turn. Exile that target, then return it to the battlefield under your control.
2/4
Tactical Visor 1U
Artifact — Equipment
Whenever equipped creature blocks or becomes blocked, draw a card.
Equip U
“Don’t get so lost in the data that you forget you’re fighting something.”
—Bombshell, bounty hunter
Blooper Reel 2U
Enchantment
If a spell would be put into a graveyard from the stack and didn’t resolve, exile it instead.
Sacrifice Blooper Reel: You may cast a card exiled with Blooper Reel and you may pay mana as though it were mana of any color to cast that spell.
“Some day I’ll look back on this and laugh.”
Iterative Stitcher 2U
Creature — Pony Wizard
Zombies you control have “2U, Exile a creature card from your graveyard: Monstrosity 3.” (If that Zombie isn’t monstrous, put three +1/+1 counters on it and it becomes monstrous.)
Whenever a monstrous creature you control dies, each player mills cards equal to that creature’s power.
1/4
Astral Omen 2UU
Sorcery
Scry X, where X is the greatest mana value among cards in your graveyard and/or cards you own in exile, then draw two cards.
“We are stardust, and the stars watch their children fondly.”
—Princess Luna, journal
Bridlewood Chant 1BB
Sorcery
Mill four cards, then return up to two creature cards from your graveyard to your hand.
Some unicorn traditions come from dark, desperate attempts to regain magic. Others are just fun to say.
Swooping Vermin 2B
Creature — Rat Mutant
Flying
Swooping Vermin can’t block.
When Swooping Vermin enters the battlefield, each player discards a card.
Many ponies heard about the “rats with wings” of Zephyr Heights. Sadly, they’d expected pigeons.
2/1
Specter of Intolerance 3BB
Creature — Specter
Flying
Will of the council — Whenever Specter of Intolerance deals combat damage to a player, that player reveals their hand. Starting with you, each player votes for a card in that hand. That player discards each card with the most votes or tied for most votes.
3/3
Perilous Launch 1R
Instant
As an additional cost to cast this spell, sacrifice an artifact.
Until end of turn, target creature you control gains flying and trample and gets +X/+0, where X is the mana value of the sacrificed artifact. If that creature didn’t already have flying, sacrifice it at the beginning of the next end step.
Snarling Pilferers 3R
Creature — Raccoon Unicorn
Mutate 1RR (If you cast this spell for its mutate cost, put it over or under target non-Human creature you own. They mutate into the creature on top plus all abilities from under it.)
Menace
Whenever this creature mutates, attach up to one target Equipment to it. (Control of the Equipment doesn’t change.)
4/2
Function Over Fashion XRR
Sorcery
Destroy X target artifacts. Support X. (Put a +1/+1 counter on each of up to X target creatures.)
“It’s better to look good than to feel good, but staying alive’s a bit higher priority.”
—Princess Pipp Petals
Hidden Ravagers G
Enchantment
When an opponent activates an ability that isn’t a mana ability from a noncreature source, if Hidden Ravagers is an enchantment, Hidden Ravagers becomes a 4/3 Beast creature with “This creature can’t be blocked by creatures with power 2 or less.”
Off the Beaten Path 1G
Instant
Prevent all combat damage that would be dealt this turn by creatures with power X or less, where X is the number of Forests you control.
Bridlewood has grown to accept ponies. The deeper Everfree is as hostile as ever.
Pony of Interest 1G
Creature — Pony Citizen
Morbid — When Pony of Interest enters the battlefield, if a creature died this turn, draw a card.
“I’m not making any accusations, ma’am, but please stay in town until we finish the investigation.”
—Hitch Trailblazer, Maretime Bay sheriff
2/2
Towering Presence 1G
Instant
Until end of turn, target creature gains reach and gets +1/+1 for each creature you control. Untap it.
A week-long sandcastle competition produced more effective anti-pegasus techniques than Canterlogic ever had.
Gemhauler Unicorn 4G
Creature — Unicorn Citizen
Whenever Gemhauler Unicorn is dealt damage, create that many Treasure tokens. (They’re artifacts with “T, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.”)
Bridlewood’s exports delighted everypony but a few jewelers.
3/4
Rattlethorn Tatterdestallion 5
Artifact Creature — Scarecrow
Rattlethorn Tatterdestallion has persist as long as you control a black creature. (When it dies, if it had no -1/-1 counters on it, return it to the battlefield under its owner’s control with a -1/-1 counter on it.)
Rattlethorn Tatterdestallion has wither as long as you control a green creature. (It deals damage to creatures in the form of -1/-1 counters.)
4/2
Hair Conditioner
Artifact — Contraption
Whenever you crank Hair Conditioner, target opponent sacrifices an enchantment.
Empty Cache 2(wb)
Instant
Exile target player’s graveyard.
Draw a card.
A digital record preserves the past until the end of time… or until somepony hits the wrong key.
Feral Blossom 2RG
Creature — Plant
Reach
Whenever a player casts a noncreature spell, Feral Blossom deals 2 damage to that player.
As with that of the other tribes, earth pony magic came with some teething problems.
4/4
Unusual Suspects XWU
Instant
Create X 1/1 white and blue Pony Citizen creature tokens with “When this creature dies, draw a card.”
“Somepony in this town has to know the truth, and I won’t rest until I find out who.”
—Princess Zipp Storm
Confirmed Link
Conspiracy
Double agenda (Start the game with this conspiracy face down in the command zone and secretly choose two different card names. You may turn this conspiracy face up any time and reveal those names.)
Whenever a creature you control with one of the chosen names deals combat damage to a player, you may search your library for a noncreature card with the other chosen name, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.
I hadn't the foggiest what they were trying to do with that. I'd assumed there was some "Izzy doing annoying rap" bit earlier in the short it was tying back to, which got cut for whatever reason. This extra context does not endear me towards it any more. The weird tendency with Izzy to have her try and do song/rap thing to be hip with Pipp's vibe, within the narrative itself, is… not a sound writing thing, putting it mildly.
The tendency of these shorts to have character intentionally cracking bad jokes, and others (usually) laughing at them, is… not neat. I was rather infuriated in The Game Is Ahoof when Hitch cracked a pun better than most of the others' thus far, and Sunny and Pip groaned like it was the worst. The token male degrading continues.
Concur, and the only reason I don't feel more for Pipp here is because of the abysmal writing they used with Izzy to get us there. It's enough to make what was otherwise of the "best" (grading on a curve here) shorts of this web series plummet down to the pack's middle. And I'm rarely infuriated heavily by one element in my media these days.
Made all the more awkward by the song's drops of the salon's name. Apparently their budget was that strapped as to not be able to cook up more than two songs, one of them the theme, in the first 12 shorts, or 60 minutes, of content in this.
As noted, I'd concur if worse puns from the girls didn't get largely praised most weeks.
Can't go that far, though there is, on the whole, less facepalm moments gradually as we go forward. And a short done in by one big mistake, like Maretime Bay DAY 2.0, is still a better sign than one with problematic writing all over, like used to be the case.
Also, on the back of Foal Me Once and The Game is Ahoof being easily the best shorts thus far, due to their story types necessitating largely abandoning the fast-food processed moral formula and its tonal whiplash, I have thus concluded that this web series is at its best when doing schticky genre parodies.
I'm not posting the same video two card blogs in a row, so you'll just have to imagine Mr. Bean saying "magic" and then snorting.
Inside Baseball Alert: I don't know how Izzy managed to wrangle a goblin, but I'm not complaining.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: If Iterative Stitcher is a zombie for whatever reason, I am given to understand it will be able to trigger its own final ability. More interestingly, it'll stay monstrous even if it stops being a zombie, and the ability will still work if the user stops being a zombie before it can resolve. Sorry mate, but you'll have to remove the creature directly if you want to pull that stunt.
Inside Baseball Alert: Did you know that the "Urza's" sets had an Enchantment theme? Hidden Ravagers did. (Appropriately enough for Urza, artifacts accidentally broke everything)
"Underwear?" They don't even have outerwear!
I'm convinced Zipp's antics were half motivated by just wanting to play detective.
That would be why they don't clean it.
Based on the music, that was the cancan. Neither Hitch nor his animal friends appear to have the flexibility to execute it properly.
I also didn't understand the rapping ending of "Sunny-Day Dinners." I'm surprised the lawyers let them get away with straight-up singing part of the chorus of "Hip Hop Hooray." I'm not sure whether it would have been better or worse if they had sung "Neigh, ho, neigh, ho."
Kinda weird that a pegasus isn't backing up her files to the cloud.
I like Zipp as a character. I wish Maitreyi Ramakrishnan could go bigger on some of her performances, though. Zipp sounds a little too mellow on lines where she should be emoting more.
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Has everyone forgotten Izzy rapping in the movie? Complete with Kanye glasses?
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I can't speak to _Undefined_, but I had not forgotten that, not at all. However, aside from the obvious difference of that actually working, in context, vocal delivery, music, the actual lyrics and so on, that's non-diegetic. Or, at least, we have no confirmation it's diegetic. That Hitch is a competent singer and dancer in "Fit Right In" when he wasn't previously would support it being non-diegetic, where characters are suddenly great at singing, and the laws of physics and space can be broken for funky musical number visuals.
But I'll admit, mostly it just feels wrong here because the writing is just dropping it in lazily, rather then making it feel like a proper, organic part of Izzy's character, and neither the voice actor, animation or accompanying music are doing much of anything to sell it.