Hello? · 2:13am Feb 20th, 2022
Hi. It's me, Deus. Thanks for opening this blog. Those of you who even go so far as to read these initial sentences give me hope. Unfortunately, this is a sad blog. If you're not in the right mindset to read the words of a sad soul, now's the chance to avert your eyes and go elsewhere.
Still here? Okay then. What I ask today is simple:
Am I still relevant?
Do I still have works that you return to, reading them and desperately hoping for a sequel? Do some of my stories leave an impression of cuteness that you can't wash away? Do you tell your friends about me and say "hey, you might get a kick outta this story"? Or, to be blunt, is there a story that just ticks all your fetish boxes multiple times over, and you've saved it somewhere safe should it somehow disappear?
Or am I just...that person who shows up in your notifications and you think "oh brother, what now?"
Things have changed a lot through the past 9 months. I'm still struggling to hang on to sanity on a daily basis, and writing gives me such simultaneous anxiety over possible reception and lack of my production that I'm at a standstill. I'm wondering if it's worth it to fight anymore...on multiple levels. And I know what they say; "write for yourself". And I do. But a large part of myself writes to please others. I love seeing comments saying I made someone's day (or even just their 'night alone'), I love seeing people read my dumb stories and go "yeah, that was kinda fun actually" and giving it a green thumb and a bookshelf. The downvotes still kind of hurt, though I've accepted that most of them are probably just followers who follow me to dislike whatever I write, and/or those who disagree with my choice of content. Even seeing a constructive comment makes me happy, because it means someone paid close enough attention to my words to point out flaws in them.
But...these past 9 months, as I've said, have tested my sanity. I can no longer face a blank page without getting incessant worry about being flash-mobbed and doxxed and possibly worse. I've been out of work and my prospects of going back in in the next few months are very slim, though that is admittedly better than when I quit in October, which was a "no frickin' way, Jose". I just...can't seem to write or even live for myself anymore. All the medications I'm taking are putting my immediate family into tight financial coils that we just can't seem to break free of for longer than a single pay period. My therapist visits are down to two thanks to an extended family member's EAP, and then I'll have no emotional guidance or way to progress further than what tools I've been given. I can't afford more because I don't work and have no insurance, and neither of my immediate family members have benefits that they can put me on, either. The walls are closing in, and I'm just wondering...
Is there anyone still here to write for?
I can glance at my followers count, sure, but that just makes me feel guilty for not putting out. And yet the thought of having to write to please that many people shakes me to my core. I've had nights where I literally cry myself to sleep because life seems to have lost its meaning to me entirely. What's worse is I led myself here through self-neglect, and climbing out of this hole is just...proving almost impossible.
So I ask again: is anyone out there? Can...anyone help me, talk to me, encourage me, leave me a comment, or anything? I...I really need encouragement and advice right now on how to get through this. Because I've thought X times about ending it, and that's X too many. Please DM me if you're willing, or please write a kind comment about my writing, or just do something to let me know that it'll be okay, if you're able.
I'm sorry if you're a new follower and taken aback by this. But to all of you, please...at least let me know it's worth fighting this. Because I'm not sure it even is anymore. Not even if I switched to writing nothing but fluffy foal cuddling (which I have been considering adding to my repertoire). The fog is just...too thick. All I can do is ask for a stick to beat back my demons with, because they seem to have taken the last one I had and hidden it somewhere.
Yours Timidly,
Deus Foalt
Yes. You are
you are still very much relevant and i dont say "uhg..what now" when i see a new story from you. I get excited so please keep doin what your doin and if you need words of encouragement or jus someone to chat with just hit me up, either here or discord under Whitefox#8208. :D
yes, still relevant, i get excited when i hear about a deus fic
You have a niche community, they'll hear you out.
Even one person enjoying your story can be enough.
And remember, "The world is mad, so we must laugh at it, lest fall we fall further into the madness ourselves."
Yours graciously,
Shady Nail
We love you Deus, but don't feel that you're somehow obligated to churn out content in exchange for that love. It's always exciting to see a new fic from you pop up in my feed, but your well being has to come before the fillies can cum.
We love you, Deus. We all do. I've had times like this, wondering if anyone was there to write for. I've had many thoughts about ending everything, but something we all forget is-
Even if you feel like it's your duty to write, you should still take a break every now and then. Your well being comes before your writing, before your duties.
I love your content, unable to wait for you to write more, but despite that, you still need to take a break. Even if you want to repay us for the love we've given you by writing more stories, you still need a break.
Hoping this helped you,
And lots of love,
KingSombraTheTyrantRuler.
When I see a story by you in my feed, I think "Ah, a story from a foalcon author I like". Even when I'm picky about which stories I 'enjoy', I like seeing your stuff when it comes up.
Though, if I had to pick one particular story, it'd be "Lick, Seal, Stamp", for the one big button I have for using sex for a common task. The idea of this story is the kind of unique thing that sticks around in my mind, and can pop up randomly when I'm thinking of other things. (And, yes, I saved a copy of it on my computer, same with every story/picture I 'enjoy'.)
In short, yes, you are relevant.
I will always follow you.
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Take your pick.
Absolutely glad to drop some encouragement, and if you need anybody to talk to just hunt me down via PM so you can get my Discord. I'm a fan of your works and I dip back into them every so often when I'm in the mood for exceedingly cute fillies being silly, in all the best ways.
You know, you can always find people here, some are just readers (like me) and some will be happy to listen to you and offer help.
You are a good author and I am sure you are a good person. So do what you think is right, write stories or blogs, we'll still be there!
Heya I was looking around late at night when I miss clicked on your your profile and stumbled across this I haven't had the chance to read a story by you yet but I can tell by the other people who left comments that people do care and breaks are very important to wanting to uphold a strong positive mindset for anything you put your all into every one has different system of dealing with certain things best wishes cap
I myself have loved everything you've put out since i discovered you about 6 months back.
Ive since read all your content and enjoy every bit of it.
Thanks everyone for your responses. Know that I’ve read and appreciate them all. I’ve been going through a tough time recently and felt very lost when I posted this blog, but I feel like I have a bit more direction now. Unfortunately that direction doesn’t involve writing, but it does involve resuming my career, which would do wonders for my finances. After I’m in a safe place there, then I can see about if and when I can fit filly fiction into my writing time. Thanks for putting up with me; I appreciate it.
I actually love all the store you've written so far especially peaches and cream I hope you do more on that one soon I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories
I love your stories and ideas, and I think you are a wonderful person for not only creating them but sharing your creations with us. If you ever feel like you need someone to snuggle with, I'd be happy to add you on Discord <3