Speech! Speech! Speech! (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 14) · 5:53pm May 3rd, 2021
Previously, on Empress Theresa:
Theresa decided that winter is optional.
And now:
Hoo boy. That last chapter sure was a doozy, huh? Let's see what Mr. Boutin has in store for us today.
The chapter begins with the world rejoicing! Reporters talk about how Theresa has saved the entire world, making her the biggest hero in history. Baseball games in America stop to put pictures of her up on the big screens and cheer. New Yorkers pour into Times Square for a bigger celebration than New Years'. Church bells across Europe ring out. In China, twenty-five million people gather in Tiananmen Square; the biggest crowd in history. Tiananmen Square has a max occupancy of 600,000 people, so I hope they're standing on each others' shoulders.
The celebrations continue into the next day. A parade of half a million people start making their way towards the Parkers' estate. As such, the military evacuates Theresa and Steve to London, where they go to see Mr. Blair at the Houses of Parliament.
Theresa is worried about the crowds; she doesn't want to be mobbed for the rest of her life. Blair suggests she speaks publicly about the issue; she decides to address Parliament instead for... something to do with reporters. They cheer as she walks into the room.
Yadda yadda yadda, Theresa gives a speech about how she just wants to live a normal life in that angsty way that she does. Also, she gets interrupted by a member of Parliament at one point and, like...
I stared at him with no attempt to hide my contempt. How dare he interrupt me! In answer to his own question, why had he spoken if not to attract attention to himself? This hypocrisy had to become plain to everyone as I stared his political career into oblivion.
“You interrupted me,” I said. “Nobody interrupts me. I don’t need you.”
Yeah. Not the kind of thing you want to hear from your future dictator. What was it that was said earlier about Theresa not letting power get to her head?
She then goes on a tirade about reporters, and... like, I'll be honest, I don't want to bring up the big orange man? But this speech feels like the big orange man.
Anyway, she gets back to angsting. And also talks about how perfect she is. But also how she's not remarkable. But also how she never lies. Honestly, I wish I could quote this whole thing, but I'm worried about hitting the limit too early. We're only halfway through the book, after all.
What, you thought we were getting to the end? No no my friend, we just hit 49%! 225 pages out of 468! I've been at this for a month and the end is nowhere in sight!
Anyway, Theresa finally ends her speech by asking that people not mob her when she goes out in public, because they owe her that much for saving their lives.
“People must be disappointed. They expected a bubbly, gushy airhead like the movie actresses who spit out every line like it’s an announcement of the Second Coming. They got Robot Girl.”
God, have I mentioned how utterly unpleasant Theresa has been these last few chapters? I swear, she gets less likable with each thing that comes out of her mouth, and she wasn't all that likable to begin with.
They go back to the hotel they stayed in when Theresa first woke up in London. A crowd does gather, but it's a quiet one. They disperse by early evening. Next day, they go out, most people are polite, some aren't, the particularly impolite ones get wrestled to the ground by Theresa's guards, life as usual. They go to a restaurant. There's another jab at Paris.
And then the topic of Jan Struthers comes up. Remember her? Theresa's old handler, the one who got disappeared? Yeah, neither did I. They ask their entourage to do some digging. Turns out, she was just living with her parents this entire time. Funny, that.
Also, there's a jab at America's concept of free speech, and I honestly don't know what to make of that. Theresa calls it junk.
Anyway, Theresa gets Mr. Blair to announce to the world that they're looking for Jan. Jan cries. She's happy that Theresa still likes her. That's a quote, by the way. That's what she says.
Anyway, that's the end of the chapter. Short one today, thankfully.
See you next time, folks.
Now I know you're shitting me D:
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Only shit here is the book. It's as long as it is poorly structured. Maybe longer.