And so a story ends · 8:54pm Apr 11th, 2021
Wow.. has it been a month already?
It's a bit crazy to think that it's been a month since I started posting chapters of Changing Your Tune.
I always planned for the story to only have 4 chapters. You can see it in the profile pic, even. In any case, I guess I had hoped to have something profound to say by this point in the tale. I'm afraid I don't. Still, I'll try my best.
As Atom pointed out, I did all of my writing over a 1 year span. In fact, I did all of it over 5 months, and then just posted over like.. 9 months? Something like that. All of which to say that it might be a bit far-fetched to call myself a writer. As I stated on my "I'm Back" Blog Post, Dysphoria was born out of a need to say something more than anything else.
So why write now?
I already said that Krickis bullied me into writing. That isn't really the full story. She showed interest in my writing for the first time in ages. That interest fueled the part of me that longed and needed to be heard. After all, it had been a while since I felt I could shout out and have someone to listen. The question then was, did I have something to say?
Turns out I did.
This story is very personal in a lot of ways. The lack of hunger or drive I think is one of the more apparent things people might be able to connect to me. The artist coming back after a long hiatus has been pointed out. But the struggle to find happiness in complacency? Looking back at places where you could have settled and ended up better for it? Looking at others who've done what you've done and being unable to understand their happiness. That's me too.
Regret. Struggle. Hunger. Purpose. The need to understand how these shape us. This is what this story is about. Maybe. At least that's what I was going for. I'm not as good at conveying themes as I like to pretend I am. In any case, these are the things that have been on my mind and there was definitely something I wanted to say through this story. Something I wanted people to hear.
Which is funny since the ending you got is a different one.
Originally, the ending was a darker one, more akin to how I was feeling when I started writing. I don't fully feel that way anymore though, so the ending didn't feel appropriate for me to write. I felt it would seem disingenuous somehow. I struggled for a while on what I wanted to say. How I should say it. What I should strive to convey when my heart wasn't beating as it once was. The ending I did go with is not how I feel either. The way I feel is too hard to define. I'm still figuring it out. So instead, I opted for something else. The ending you got isn't how I feel, or how I felt, but instead how I wish I saw things. It seemed to make for a better resolution.
I hope you agree. Krickis seemed to think so, in any case.
As for what happens now, I don't know.
I have story ideas, but not really the spark to write them at the moment. I don't feel I have something substantial to say that wasn't already splattered over the pages of Changing Your Tune. I've already spent all the energy I leeched from Krickis' encouragement.
So maybe that'll be it for a bit.
Or maybe not?
I certainly wasn't expecting to write this story, and yet here it is. I wasn't expecting to change the ending either. Who knows what next unexpected surprise might arise.
To the 19 of you who tracked this story. Thank you.
To those of you who commented. Thank you.
To anyone who read it. Thank you.
It felt good to be heard again.
-thedarkprep
I don't think you linked to me enough
Lol but anyway, once I have some time I'm gonna sit down and read this cover to cover now that it's done! I do hope you get drive to write again, but I understand not having that right now. In any event, I'm glad that you got this story completed
5495772
Masochist.
Sorry Krickis. I'll try to do better next time.