8 Years Later · 8:55pm Mar 21st, 2021
Hi everyone.
I was going to do a simple "Hey, I'm writing again" blog post and talk a little bit about what got me back into writing. However, I then saw that my last blog post was literally that and I wrote it in 2016. Not only that but my last story update was in November of 2013. That's 8 years.
Since then, Generation 4 has ended. The world has changed. Things are different. I'm different.
As such, I want to do more than just let you know I'm back, since I'm not really quite the person I used to be in the first place. I doubt most of you are either. In fact, while I've been gone I somehow kept accruing followers, meaning that, for a lot of you, this is your first time hearing from me. So let's make this my introduction.
Hi! I'm thedarkprep, 2021 version, and it is really nice to meet you.
My history on the site starts in December 2012 as a reader. I simply joined as a way to keep track of stories that I had already been reading through Equestria Daily. I had been bookmarking them on my phone but once I found the WinningVerse, I had to get an account.
Once on the site, I stumbled upon a few trans stories but found that they didn't really reflect my experience. I didn't really see my voice and opinion out there. I was young and had a lot to say, plus my life was tumultuous at the time to say the least. The idea of an escape that doubled as self expression that might fill a niche I saw was missing in the fandom excited me. On January 13th, I announced that I was writing my first fic, which I started posting a week later on January 18th. This fic, which started as a single story but developed into a 5 arc series, would update twice (sometimes three) times a week, every single week until June 2013. It was called Dysphoria.
I had just graduated college in December and I would be moving to a different state in the summer, so my life was kind on hold. This allowed the story to dominate my life and I willingly let it do so. It was my passion project and I put everything I could into it. It was my thoughts, my outlet, my expression, and my way of dealing with a lot of things I was going through at the time. As I said, I had a lot going and I had a lot to say back when I was younger.
Being one of the first few Transgender specific fics by a trans author back then, the story connected with a lot of people. That made me happy. I made a lot of friends, got a lot of support. For a while, it was this community and the readers of that story that sort of sustained me. I owe a lot to you all, and you know who you are. Off the top of my head, I can think of Kaidan, ElkinFencer, Parasprite, Krass, Cyborg, Froey, Miki, Ahri, and Skeeter. Again though, that's just off the top off my head while typing this. I'm sure I could think of more if I actually sat down and thought about it.
Anyway. If anyone has heard of me, Dysphoria is the reason why. Eventually though, that story ended. I began writing Arc 0, a prequel, but I just didn't have the same fire as I used to. Not only that.. but my life was changing. I got married. I moved to a new state. Started jobs. Changed jobs. Life got harder in a lot of ways. I never left the site as a reader, but I couldn't write anymore. It just wasn't in me. I forget what year it was but at some point I realized that my 15 minutes on the site had passed and that I had to be ok with that. It took me a while but eventually I was.
Throughout this, I kept changing. I got divorced. I lost friends. I had to rebuild my life. I had to find myself. In some ways I'm still doing that. I moved back home. I looked for purpose and through all of this I kept reading. There's been so much amazing content on the site throughout all of this and I'm very thankful to all the writers who provide it for free. I can't put into words what it means to me.
Which kind of brings me to today.
I kind of reached out to one of them. I was going through some stuff and turned to a story I've read time and time again. Krickis. She's super nice, btw. But anyway, I found my way unto her Discord and we got to talking on there. Turns out she knew who I was and didn't particularly agree with the idea of me not writing anymore.
She offered a lot of support, and I mean a lot of support, in getting me writing again. Encouragement, ideas, positive feedback. It's motivating. Eventually, I had an idea for a story, the first idea I had since the brief flash of inspiration that led to my 2016 blog post. Except, this time, I actually began writing.
And now we're here. My first story since the Dysphoria Series. It's called Changing Your Tune, and I really hope you like it. It's short, only 4 chapters. I don't know what's going to happen after that. If I'm going to keep writing, or if I'm going to lose this short burst of inspiration again. Everything is so intangible still, and it has been for a while. But I'm finding friends again and I'm hopeful. So I guess we'll see.
Anyway. As I said. Hi! I'm thedarkprep, a has-been writer who is picking up the pen again. It is very nice to meet you. And if you were one of the people who used to know me, it is nice to see you again.
No matter what you ultimately do with your writing, it's so nice to see another familiar face returning to the site. It sort of reminds me of my own little journey, but I never mustered the will to write down any of my ideas. Throughout all the tribulations of life, this remained in the background, all these cool writers and stories in a rather obscure corner of the internet....
It might sound weird, but I wondered a bit if you might ever come back, like I've wondered about a few other people too. Your Dysphoria series was important, and was one of the first longer stories I ever read here; and I think it got a lot of people more in touch with the issues in question, including me. It was pretty great, and still is. You can call yourself a has-been writer I suppose, but you got talent. And I will definitely need to read your newest story.
Well, if this isn't a blast of nostalgia and mixed feelings...
I can't Believe I only just realized, but you hunted down my Fimfiction account for that! I don't think I ever gave it to you, and while wanted it's a fairly specific name and picture, I'm honestly more upset I didn't notice it until now! Anyways, it's great to see you posting again!
5480877
Thank you! It feels really good being back. I didn’t expect as much support as I’ve gotten already and I must say it means a lot more to me than I can put into words.
It doesn’t sound weird at all. Back in the day everything felt like such a small community and everyone really did know everyone on some level. I keep thinking back to the LGBT Skype groups where all these authors and readers would talk to each other and how there were so few stories back then (comparatively) that you really got to know a writer and read their whole catalogue, and I keep coming up with names that I wonder if I’ll run into again.
Speaking of! And yeah, mixed feelings is a good way to describe the more controversial members of that group (if it’s the two I think you mean). But before all the drama and fallout and even throughout, these were my closest friends on here. Elkin and Froey remain friends IRL. If I could go back, I don’t think I’d trade my friendship with any of them for anything. They were the nicest people to me when I really needed someone and I can’t forget that.
Thank you! I’m actually fairly proud of this little story I’ve put together. I certainly will do my best not to disappoint.
And once again, thank you for your comment. It does mean a lot to me
5480884
Thank you! And yea, I was going to ask you for your info for the proofreading credit but, you know me. I never pass up a chance to trip someone up by acting like I know more than I should.
Okay, so recently I learnt about some things that some of the people on that list did after I left. I’m not a big believer in changing blog posts, and I definitely stand by what I said. However, what I learnt was pretty messed up. Just a heads up that elkin and froey are the only ones from that list I’m still in contact with, so what a certain individual did was completely off my radar.
5480877
Oh, you have no idea.
I'm happy whenever I find out I positively influenced someone's life, though. It makes me feel good inside.
5483650
"This is the strangest life I have ever known."
--Jim Morrison