Choice cuts II: “Interlude” through “Progression” · 2:43am Feb 23rd, 2021
This is still fairly early in our collaboration, when each of us still was learning about the other’s style and approach, so we occasionally discussed writing in general as well as Three-act Play in particular. For the sake of privacy I’m not including our conversations about Scampy’s writing, but I have dropped in one time we talked about Rose and Amphorae because of the larger issues that touched on.
Originally, neither of Wallflower’s parents would play a role in the rest of the story, but Scampy suggested bringing her mother, Holly, back in as a side thread. We didn’t end up using Holly quite the way we considered initially, but it still is possible to see elements we retained and carried on.
Dave: I fell in love with animé when I saw some bootleg episodes of the original Mobile Suit Gundam, flown over from Japan after first run. So back in 1981.
Scampy: Only series I’ve seen from back then was Evangelion.
Scampy: I, uh—
Scampy: I dunno how I feel about it.
Dave: Nobody knows how they feel about Evangelion.
Dave: Cook is by far my most popular original character, and I really enjoy writing him, but I do have just as much fondness for Rose. I think what makes her so appealing is how she fuses military and civil virtues.
Scampy: Definitely a big part of it. The big appeal for me is, like, most OCs in EqG act the same way re: learning about ponies ’n’ whatnot. Rose didn't get hung up on any of that. She saw three kids who needed help, and she helped them as best she could. Who they are, where they came from, what they are, makes no difference in the end. It’s a simple enough humanitarian approach that, oddly enough, I’d never seen done well before Amphorae.
Scampy: She [also] didn’t need any character gimmicks or excessive overdone backstory. She’s enough to stand on her own, and to add to the overall narrative rather than distract from it.
Dave: I don’t even know the details of that explosion [that maimed Rose].
Scampy: A lesser author would've dedicated whole chapters to explosion exposition.
Scampy: . . . Explosition, if you will.
Dave: I did get dinged by at least one review because the reviewer felt Amphorae was too bare-bones. I wonder if they were expecting things like explosition. That hadn’t occurred to me until you pointed it out.
Scampy: I wouldn’t call it bare-bones. I’d say it knew exactly what kind of story it was, and stuck to it. A big issue with OCs, and really just any story that focuses too much on backstory, is oversaturation. I like to think of it like pizza: most authors wanna have that drama element, the real driving plot force. But oh, gotta have romance too. And silly comedy scenes, gotta have those. A cool action sequence is necessary, I mean, come on, right? Gotta have everything, everything, all the backstory down to the last details stacked high. It’s like a pizza with so many different toppings that it just becomes an abomination.
Dave: And Fimfiction is full of pizzas spilling over.
Scampy: Or . . . look at Amphorae. It’s clean, simple, knows what it wants to be and nails it. It’s like a pepperoni pizza—it doesn’t have to be complicated to be perfect. It’s a really tricky thing to pull off, cuz you gotta have enough but not overstay your welcome.
Dave: I do think Wallflower took the opportunity for a lightning pass through the place to grab stuff before bailing, which might obscure some of the more obvious signs.
Scampy: Oh, for sure. I think she used [the Memory Stone] more than once, right?
Dave: Yes, that’s what I had in mind when I wrote Wallflower’s mention of using it a bunch of times.
Scampy: She was also in the most panicked state of her entire life, so she missed some things, things Rose wouldn’t.
Dave: Yes, absolutely she wouldn’t think of everything and would miss a few items. However, I may have Rose note how thorough a job she did do considering the time and emotional constraints.
Dave: I am thinking of a time when I was very young and tripped while crossing the street. There was traffic. It was in that moment I truly understood tachypsychia. It’s a very strange state of mind. Panic is right there, but at the same time the mind is oddly clear.
Scampy: The singular purpose of I need to get out of here probably helped.
Dave: Yeah. She might never be as methodical again, but in that floating, weirdly lucid state of mind, it would be like running down a bizarre checklist.
Scampy: Anything she could think of that would let them find her. The only pictures they ever took of her, torn off the wall and dumped in a trash can blocks away without sentiment.
Scampy: I'm thinking Wally's mom might be the one who inspires Sunset to break the promise not to use her magic on Wally. Like after she's apologized to the unconscious girl over and over, pleading for her to wake up, that she's so sorry and she'll do whatever Wallflower needs, etc etc etc. . . . Then she asks Sunset why Wallflower did this, and Sunset confesses she doesn't know—to which the mother sighs and says that Sunset knows her daughter better than she does
Dave: I’m thinking Mom is not a genius, but reasonably intelligent—certainly smarter than Dad. Just . . . crammed into a tiny box.
Scampy: Definitely. She’s cast aside all doubt at this point. When she finally accepts what Rose told her, she probably feels like she doesn't deserve another chance, but she has to ask anyway. If not for herself, then for her daughter. She calls Rose, that faint tint of hope in her voice, and is met with the worst possible news a mother can hear.
Dave: Because it’s uncertain. I’ve always felt uncertainty, or not knowing, is worse than bad news.
Scampy: So going forward, her mom could be a side presence. Maybe she visits Wallflower while she’s in treatment twice, and the meetings go radically differently. Maybe Wally just doesn't care. Maybe it’d be before Sunset confesses that she saw the memory, so she’s still just shut down, doing what people tell her, being rolled around in a wheelchair wishing she'd never woken up. Not the reunion her mother was hoping for.
Scampy: But the second time, after Sunset sparks that hope in her and she starts to try to get better, it all comes pouring out. This was probably Wallflower’s long-held dream, after all—that her mother would finally stand up for her, finally be there for her. A dream she gave up on as soon as she used the stone.
Dave: I was okay with the outline as it was, but this has that added sense of rightness that I get when something looks like a really solid solution.
Scampy: It feels like the missing piece tbh. It amps up everything, the sad and the glad and the everything in between.
Scampy: I’m wondering a lot about the Sunset scene. Her first reaction would be that she'd be livid to see this woman, I bet. Maybe even reverts to her specialty of perfectly cruel insults and—just like with Wallflower years ago—whips out the perfect turn of phrase to just cut her down entirely. Maybe not even an insult. Maybe she just bitterly recounts what Wallflower told her about the night she ran away. Ending it with something short and cold and biting like, “You didn’t even try to stop him, did you? You just let it happen.” Gestures to Wally. “You let this happen."
Scampy: But Sunset doesn't get the reaction she expected. Wally's mom knows she let her daughter down. She just solemnly agrees. “. . . And I won’t let it happen again.” Something to show she understands everything she did wrong, but her resolve is just as strong now as it was when she called Rose. She has to make this right however she can. She doesn't need Sunset or Rose to accept that, or even Wally if—when she wakes up. She knows. For the first time in her life, she knows. No room for doubt any more.
Scampy: Perhaps Rose gives her a list of conditions she had to meet before she’s allowed to see her daughter again, primarily that her husband cannot be allowed to get near Wally. Like Rose can direct her to someone who can help, but makes it clear that this isn't something she can or even would want to do for her. She wants to make things right? Prove it.
Scampy: And Wally's mom agrees on the condition that Rose let her know when her daughter wakes up, or something like that—some basic courtesy that Rose would've done anyway, but that Wally's mom isn't used to getting. So she wouldn't think to expect it, and views asking for it as a big request. Cuz, like, Rose is cold but of course she'd tell her that her daughter isn't dead.
Scampy: I think Wally's mom is what was missing from Act 3 tbh. It's not just "Wally gets better, yay!" Now there's a tangible goal, something she and the reader can latch onto—not an end goal, but, like, if Wally makes the effort, if she tries, she'll get the chance to try again.
Dave: There’s no guarantee, but if she tries, at least she gets the chance.
Scampy: Which is the essence of life, really, making the effort to discover more things to chase. That lost dream of having a parent who gives a damn, of feeling safe and not alone at home. That's a huge motivator alongside just wanting to improve for her own sake.
I've never seen it, but everyone I know who's seen it has basically told me this.
Both you and Scampy make some good points about stories with too many themes/atmospheres in them. I think it's pretty common amongst amateur writers in general to do this; I've seen it in other kinds of fanfiction, and I've done it myself in the past. Sometimes it's good to add things like bits of humor for levity, maybe some romantic sideplot, etc. but in general, you have to know what you're aiming for and stick to it. This story spares no words on unrelated tangents or fluff, which is a good thing, especially when dealing with heavier subjects.
Pretty sure I've had this happen once or twice... It was very strange, yeah. Simultaneous clarity and springing to action, fueled by more adrenaline than sense, getting what needed to be done, done, and then looking back and feeling overwhelmed by what the hell just happened. That's also the impression I got from the flashbacks of what happened at the door.
Agreed, a thousand-fold. Uncertainty is the foundation of anxiety, and anxiety is an awful, sick feeling. No one wants to be Schroedinger's Cat.
I think Scampy's mentioned to me before that Holly is basically her creation, but it's nice to see the thought process behind her character development. Including her adds another angle to the story that I think was needed, especially in the absence of the Rainbooms and/or any other characters that would be as invested in Wallflower as Sunset. Plus it adds more context (and tragedy) to what led to Wallflower's decision to leave.
I'm wondering how much of the discussion about Act III is going to come to fruition. So far, most of these "behind the scenes" bits have been spot on, but you never know...
I really like this line. You guys have such great conversations!
This was interesting
Very true.
Hey, that's— Oh, lowercase o. Carry on.
These continue to be fascinating. I love behind-the-scenes glimpses like this, and there are even some great insights to carry over to other works.