On Twilight, Puppies, and Good Stories · 1:42am Feb 2nd, 2021
Howdy, folks! First and foremost, as always, Adorable Applejack:
Holy Appul
This blog will contain light spoilers for the story Twilight Gets A Puppy. Ye be warned. I say this because I want to make it very clear from the get-go, I do recommend this story. Also, TDR, please know I say these things with love, despite the snarky style I use. Love ya, boo. Now then...
I want to ask you a seemingly easy to answer question: What makes a story good?
I think that if faced with this question, most of us would rattle off the obvious ones: interesting characters we can get invested in, snappy dialogue and character interactions, good actions/emotions, a compelling plot, satisfying ending, etc. However, I think a lot of us would skip right over a pillar of any story, the mechanics, the grammar and punctuation. It's obviously important, but it's not the first thing that springs to mind, and I think that's because mechanics are like the audio mix in a movie. Nine times out of ten, you don't even notice it, because it's doing its job well... but that one time when it's not doing its job well, it's all you can notice.
So, I posit this: Would The Godfather, widely considered to be one of the best movies ever made, still be good if the audio mix was shit? If the background noise or music would randomly get so loud you couldn't hear the dialogue or vice versa, if the gunshots were anemic and quiet, if all the sound effects were barely there, would it still be one of the greatest movies ever made?
I ask this because over the past two days, I finished reading the story Twilight Gets A Puppy, by TDR. That;s nearly 250K words in just a hair over two days. Obviously the story was doing something right. If you've never heard of it, the TL:DR is that when Twilight got her cutie mark, she did all the things we saw. She hatched Spike, grew him into a giant, turned her parents into potted plants... but she also seemingly conjured out of nowhere a canine species Celestia thought extinct for centuries, known as Moon Dogs. The pup immediately gets super protective of Twilight and the infant Spike, and refused to leave them. We quickly learn that his name is Rahs, and he's intelligent, about the same age as Twilight. SO, much like the show, the Sparkle family adopts Spike, as well as Rahs.
The first several chapters show all four Sparkle Siblings—Shining Armor, Twilight, Rahs, and Spike—growing up, but in snippets, several times through Celestia filling out a Journal. But by chapter 17, we finally get to the main plot of the story... which is also where I peace'd out the first time I read this. See, I initially started reading this about a year or so ago, but bailed at Chapter 17 when I realized what this story was doing, a trope I usually hate: "Here's how the episodes would have gone if my OC had been there!" I hate them because they almost always turn out to be self-aggrandizing, Mary Sue self inserts where every conflict is resolved by the OC.
However, once I finally gave it a shot, I realized that author was doing what these kinds of stories should do: the introduction of the OC, along with the canon characters, changes the entire narrative flow of the season. This means that as soon as Twilight, Spike, and Rahs get to Ponyville, their initial interactions with the characters sets up their relationships throughout the story. It's not like how these normally go, where each "episode" is self-contained and they unfold exactly as canon, but with the OC doing things. No, the way Rarity reacts to Rahs has consequences throughout the story. So yeah, I read and loved the whole thing... however it was a bit of a slog sometimes, but we'll get to that in a minute.
Let's start with the very thing that kept me coming back: the interactions and dynamics between the Sparkle siblings. To start Twilight is portrayed like an early-Season One version, but kind of dialed up to eleven. When we first start the "episodes," she is very much an antisocial borderline misanthrope with severe social anxiety. Seriously, when Pinkie throws her surprise party, she freaks out so much she blasts a big hole in the library's roof. But as the story progresses we see her start to open up and get over her issues. She's till snarky, but she's more friendly, if that makes sense.
Then we got my boy Spike. He, like Twilight, is how we see him in the show: the sarcastic, put-upon little brother. This too, however, has been cranked up to the nth degree. This kid is a snark machine, and I love it. He also does what he does best in the show, reeling in Twilight when she starts to go off the rails.
Finally we get to the main OC, Rahs the Moon Dog. The best way I can sum him up is that he's sarcastic like Spike, but a bit more... mellow, I guess. We don't initially know a lot about him, but we learn throughout the story. He's a big fan of musical theater, and we see this as he sometimes overreacts to things for comedic effect, which is also why Spike sometimes refers to him as "Drama Dog." He's a bit goofier than his siblings, but he's also super protective of them for reasons explained in the story. He's also apparently very easy on the eyes, as he ends up with several characters pining for him, but none of the Mane Six. However, he doesn't really reciprocate because of a very unique reason: being a canine, he relies a lot on his nose, and ponies smell like prey to him, so he can never get over that enough to find them attractive like that.
Once last interesting note of him is that for 95% of the story he doesn't speak English/Equish/whatever. He instead speaks in monosyllabic dog noises. "Bark," "woof," "bork," "ruff," "grrr," things like that. What's interesting is that we learn very early in the show that he has a very strong magical link to both Twilight and Spike, so they can understand everything he says. The only other ponies that can understand him are Fluttershy, because she can talk to animals, Pinkie Pie because... well, Pinkie Pie, and Luna because of her connection to Moon Dogs that we learn. He also has a similar connection to Shining Armor, albeit a bit weaker, so Shining can generally understand the intent of what he's saying, but not the actual words. Except for one moment that is actually pretty great... yet almost ruined for reasons I will get to in a minute.
But what sells me is their dynamic. They genuinely feel like siblings. They're always sniping at and teasing each other, but they also always help each other out and love each other. The three younger look up to Shining Armor as the Big Bro, Twilight and Rahs are generally equals, as it is again established that they are the same age, and Spike is, once more, the little brother. The way they interact feels very real for the characters they are portrayed as.
Other characters are showcased well, too. For example, Rainbow Dash is still the brash, kind of arrogant showoff we know and love, but what is almost her defining character trait here is the thirst. For real, I don't think I've ever seen Dash written this horny outside of actual clopfics. She's always throwing out innuendos, openly coming on to most male characters, which literally gets her sent to "horny Jail" once. In the Bridle Gossip chapter, Rahs gets turned into a pony, and Dash doesn't let him rest for a minute, throwing out cheesy pickup lines, and rating him out of ten. He gets to twelve, by the way. But again, it's not so much that it seems out of character. She is the same mare as in the show, just... horny.
TDR also does something I love with Blueblood... wait, sorry, it's Blue Blood... no, it's Blueblood aga—
*ahem* getting ahead of myself.
Sorry.
Anywho, he does that thing where he's actually pretty good guy, not a stuck up ponce. He and Twilight actually go on a date in an early chapter. They have fun, but both realize that it isn't going to work, and they part as friends. We learn that later he met the mare of his dreams, but she was in a costume and he didn't get her name. We also don't know who she is... until the last chapter, and boy, I did not see that coming! Either way, he pines for her, so he acts like a spoiled douchebag to try and discourage mares away, so that Some day, his princess will come...
Finally, I absolutely adore how TDR portrays Shining Armor, because it's pretty much how I always see him, and how I tried to portray him in my stories. A very powerful combat mage, intelligent, brilliant tactician, devoted boyfriend and brother... and a massive fucking dork. It's great. 10/10 "it was alright," IGN.
It's not all glowing with the characters, however. In an author's note in an early chapter, TDR mentions that he used to hate Rarity, and it shows. Several times, she is portrayed in a very negative light, almost to the point where it gets distracting, but it never quite goes over that line. Plus, she does get her moments to shine and redeem herself eventually. Trixie is also done well, which means the Boast Busters episode turns out very different than we saw.
So the point of the story is "the episode but with the OC," but again, it does it very well. Again, it's not just Rahs added to the mix. Every character is slightly different than what we know, so things usually don't unfold the way we remember. When it does, it is done with a unique twist that makes it enjoyable. Sometimes, the events of the episode are actually in the background, and the focus is on the new story line and not the show. For example, the Dragonshy episode is relayed via Twilight's letter to Celestia, who reads it while having tea with an ancient dragon god... while Luna is having a knock-down, drag-out fight with the god's son in the background. Also, at the end of the day, the story is about Twilight, Rahs, and Spike. So if they didn't play a big part in the episode, it's either again in the background, or extremely short. The Cutie Mark Chronicles chapter is just Twilight telling the CMC how she got her cutie mark while Spike and Rahs snark at her, and the it ends when Scootaloo wants to go find Rainbow Dash. Simple!
I'm glossing over a lot, but suffice to say that each episode is handled in very unique and interesting ways. It makes me excited to read the sequels, which also cover seasons of the show. I believe he just started Season Five. Suffice to say, it's a lot of fun... but a slog.
Yup, it's "in a minute" now. As I said, I really enjoyed this story... but I didn't enjoy reading the story. There are a lot of issues with structure and things. One of the big ones is something I alluded to earlier, and that is consistency. Take Prince Blueblood—and by the way, his first name is literally "Prince," and that made me giggle. For the first 230K of the story, whenever he is talked about, he is called, "Blueblood." But once we get to The Best Night Ever chapters, it switches to "Blue Blood." And it stays that way, consistently... until after the arc, when it changes back to "Blueblood." Fucks's sake, author, which is it?!
The other consistency comes from Rahs. Remember how I said that he speaks in "borks" and only those listed ponies can understand him? Now, you would think that since we can't read what he said, that every scene would play out like this:
"Bark."
"Huh? What do you mean I'm fooling myself?"
"Ruff."
"And that I need to confront the issue?"
"Bork."
"And that I have a deep seated fear of rejection stemming from an unhealthy relationship with my parents and that it left me scarred and now I have to deal with this or I will never be a full pony?"
Now, sometimes that does happen, but to his credit, the author a lot of times does what I did with Featherweight in Best Left Unsaid, where we're never told what he was signing and we have to infer based on the reactions of those around him. It's pretty nifty... when he actually talks like that.
A very few times in the story, a line will be said in English, and we are either explicitly told it was Rahs, or the paragraph was structured so it couldn't have been anyone but him. Okay, so maybe he can speak English, he just only does it around ponies he trusts... except that's not the case. There are many scenes where it's just him, Twilight, and Spike, and he still speaks in Bark. And then remember that moment I mentioned where Shining Armor understood him? Well, Rahs says something, and Shining says, "One of the very few times I can understand you, and you make fun of me?" Except, Rahs' line is in English. Why? Why not just let us infer again? It would have added to the scene, I feel.
But it gets even stranger than that. I told you that he loved theater. Well, eventually we learn that not only does he love it, he performs it. Hell, he played the Beast in a run of Beauty and the Beast(f'naaaa)! So, he's comfortable enough to speak and sing in a theater full of ponies... but not when he's around his family? And I'm pretty sure I remember it was multiple shows, so it can't be painful or anything, so... why? Iunno, I just feel like the author wanted to have the "bark, woof, ruff" mechanic, but either couldn't figure out how to make some scenes work, or just didn't care.
There are other little things, as well. For example, he writes out AJ and AB's accents, which isn't that big of a deal, but again, it's inconsistent. For example, in one chapter Applejack randomly says, "thar" instead of "there." Or Apple Bloom once said, "nao" for "now" despite never doing it before or after. Also, in one chapter we are told that Spike isn't allowed to sit on the beanbag chairs in the library because his spines tear them up, only to see him sitting in one with no issue later. In one chapter, Fluer-Dis-Lee is said to be Fancy Pants' wife, only for her to become his girlfriend later on. And one random note, he calls Apple Bloom, "Applebloom," which I can understand. In the earlier episodes she was sometimes credited as that... but then he calls Sweetie Belle, "Sweetiebelle." Correct me if I'm wrong, but I can't remember her ever being referred to as that.
And now we come to the big issue, the mechanics. Now, Grammatically the story is pretty solid. I noticed a few tense shifts here and there, a "looks" instead of "looked" and things like that. Style-wise, he writes shouting IN ALL CAPS instead of italics. I can't remember if that's actually wrong or not, but I always saw it as a bit low-brow. However, the absolute worst aspect of the story, the crown jewel of errors, as in it was so prominent and glaring that I often had to look away... the punctuation.
Dear sweet, bald, Baby Jesus on roller blades, this story may have the worst punctuation I have ever seen outside of something like The Spidereses. I swear, there are enough missing commas to cover every milk carton in the world. This means that there are a whole bunch of sentences that I had to read several times in order to fully understand the intent or context. Ellipses are completely random. Sometimes they're three periods, sometimes six... sometimes like ten or more. The spacing can sometimes be just as random. A few choice examples:
“OUT, OUT, YOU FOUL BEAST, WHO LET A DIAMOND DOG IN HERE!! SWEETIEBELLE!!! no wait she's at home.....”Rarity screeched continuing to beat Rahs about the head with the broom held in her magic.
“Arrrrgh why are there so many delays!”Twilight bemoaned.” I'll never get a chance to research Nightmare Moon like this.”
“Your brother is a baby Dragon?” the mare blinked and drifted slightly closer to the ground. “ I've never seen a baby Dragon before.... oh and yes I can understand you. You're.... you're not a Diamond Dog are you... my friend Rarity is always going on about how much trouble they cause her... “
By the by, those all came from one chapter.
But the one that drove me absolutely fucking bonkers was the quotation marks. I swear, almost every single fucking time there is a bit of narration between lines of dialogue, the opening quotation is in the wrong place, and there is a space. Like, if the line was:
"Whoa," Rainbow Dash said, flicking an ear. "That really sucks."
It would instead be:
"Whoa," Rainbow Dash said, flicking an ear. " That really sucks."
I know, I know, it's a very tiny thing, but it's so goddang prevalent that it was death by a thousand paper cuts. Like, I couldn't even get used to it after enough time. From start to finish, it made me derp.
Okay, so I've gone on and on about how much this story irritated me, and how I sometimes had a hard time pushing through it. What am I going to do now?
Go start on the sequel.
Yup, I'm gonna keep on going. There are five of these stories now, encompassing Seasons One through Five. I know I just spent like ten paragraphs ranting about the stories flaws, and I meant every word, but despite all that, I enjoyed the hell out of this story. The characters, the interaction and dialogue, the setting, it was all so damn fun and interesting! Little teases were dropped here and there that have me super pumped for upcoming seasons. Hell, the entire reason I wrote this blog is that I loved it! And you know what's even better? All these formatting issues that made it difficult to read? I just briefly skimmed the first chapter of the latest story... and they're gone. The author fixed those issues. Which means the story will get easier to get through in the future.
Okay, I'm done rambling. TL:DR, Twilight Gets A Puppy is a fun, heartfelt, genuinely funny story that shows different perspectives on things seen in the show, and despite the issues I mentioned above, like I said at the very beginning of this blog, I highly recommend it. Go check it out.
Damn Rahs is cute
Damn Rahs is sexy
Never forget that I fucking love you all. Til next time stay safe, stay free, and stay metal! Jake The Army Guy out!
EDIT: While I still meant everything I said above, after reading Season 2... no. Just... just no. I'm fucking done. Rahs' English/Bork routine got too much to handle after he gave a big huge lecture to the girls after Mare-do-Well in English, and then let out a "bork" as he left. Also, Chrysalis didn't invade Equestria for feed her subjects. No, she did it because she wanted to try and impress her ex. Not Shining, but Cadance. Also, her daughter? Her father is Cadance. Her father is Cadance. Fuck's sake...
I just had another friend recommend this story to me.
I guess I'll have to check it out. Though I admit that grammar makes me verry wary.
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Yeah, it is a sticking point, but if you can get through it, it'll be worth it.
I have to admit, I made it through 19 chapters before I stopped reading. I'll have to pick it back up again.
I love TGaP to death, but the thing that drives me up the wall about the series is TDRs unfortunate tendency to spell perform as preform. He did the same thing with Stories in Stone, too. I have no idea why that's a thing he does, either.
This is EXACTLY what I wanted someone to do. It looked interesting but I just couldnt get through the writing. This must be why they used to put soap opera digests in the newspaper.
I made it to the mid point of season four before I gave up on it. It's turned largely into a "Who can I ship my OC with next?! Find out next week as I leave this supposedly minor thread hanging for three fucking sequels!" As I recall, he's got Trixie, A Diamond Dog "Alpha", Sunset, Applejack, a changeling daughter of Chryssi's, a Dragon, and I think one other all chasing his OC's tail. And now he's got another chasing him. It becomes far, faaaar too much of a distraction.
That and I took a peek at the last chapter of "Season 4" and... It feels like the writing has fallen into the 'by the numbers' trap of writing. It was stale, so very, very painfully stale. Which means that either the author is burning out, or he's running dry on how to tackle the beast he's created.
I'll say this, the characterizations were fantastic, the interplay between the Sparkle siblings was what kept me coming back, but when the OC's relationship side plot started to really overtake the actual story it just... Ech. No thanks. I wasn't reading to find out the OC's Pony Nookie quest. I came for an interesting story idea. I got that for most of the earlier stories in the series. But half way through "Season 3" and most of "Season 4" up to where I was reading (I think chapter 42... or 46.), the relationship side story overtook too much and subverted the main story of the series.