What does gender dysphoria feel like?

Just curious.

Comments

[Tael_Spinner]

Very much depends on the person. Can feel like wearing clothing which just doesn't fit, but the clothing is actually your body.

[Trick Question]

I have a migraine at the moment, but I'll reply to this in detail tomorrow. Ping me if I forget.

[True Edge]

According to my partner . . . Horrible. Like being trapped in a body that's not yours, feeling like the face you see in the mirror is some ugly, hideous thing that should not be yours.

Admittedly, my partner has a lot of extra issues and baggage that bo doubt add to it, but 6is still clearly not pleasant.

[Super Trampoline]

5398466
I hope you feel better soon!
(You’re like my cool trans fimfiction mom who throws dope-ass parties.)

[Feech]

As someone else commented above, it depends on the individual. It can also vary over time. Some experiences can cause dysphoria flare-ups when you were going along okay for awhile. I have more gender dysphoria than sex dysphoria, so for me being misgendered (in certain contexts particularly) hurts like being stuck with pins. I do have some physical dysphoria, which when I don't give it direct thought, I tend to carry in tension in my shoulders. I don't have a problem looking at myself in a mirror. The feelings are on a spectrum and some people have it worse than others do; some have to transition in order to survive emotionally. The situation for me is not so severe. In any case, it doesn't have to feel like a physical pain, and it doesn't have to feel like horror all the time, in order to affect someone's life negatively enough for them to want to transition. Not all of us need to transition.

For reference, I'm trans male and assigned-female-at-birth.

[Mica]

5398466 *ping*

[Limonene]

It feels like a mismatch. Like you put a System 7.5 formatted floppy drive into a DOS computer. It's like the whole thing is just wrong, even if you can't point to any single specific thing that is wrong with it.

The pain of gender dysphoria is like many other types of psychological non-physical pain. I'd describe it as somewhere between social anxiety, the stress of having a difficult obligation, and seeing a particularly annoying animated advertisement in your web browser. It's difficult to describe.

I tried embedding this, but it lost the timestamp, so here's a link instead: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl0rqoRbzzU&t=1m36s

[Feech]

5399033
"The pain of gender dysphoria is like many other types of psychological non-physical pain. I'd describe it as somewhere between social anxiety, the stress of having a difficult obligation, and seeing a particularly annoying animated advertisement in your web browser. It's difficult to describe."

It is difficult to describe, but you did a really nice job. Well said.

[Trick Question]

5399010
Thanks!

First, some basic info.

Gender dysphoria is a distressful feeling of incongruence with the gender one is living in (almost always) and/or one's genitals or primary sexual characteristics (usually). Although most transgender people feel incongruence with their genitals or primary sexual characteristics, many do not, and the proportion of those who don't may be increasing as people in a society grow more comfortable with the idea that genitals do not determine your gender. As gender (rather than physical sex) is a social construct, the distress is primarily social in nature rather than medical: people with gender dysphoria generally want to engage in activities and interact with people in ways that would lead to social rejection and discrimination. However, medical treatment leads to far preferable outcomes. So it's a weird kind of issue that isn't a true mental disorder—it's more of a natural variation of humanity—but medical treatment may be necessary rather than simply cosmetic. For some transgender people there may be a sexual component, but that doesn't mean it is a fetish. Rather, "being yourself" allows you the freedom to relax and enjoy your sexuality.

Almost everypony with gender dysphoria is transgender, but not all transgender people have gender dysphoria. After transitioning, many transgender people no longer have gender dysphoria, and some transgender people never have dysphoria. Most, but not all, transgender people had strong inclinations they were transgender (though they often suppressed them) about as far back as they can remember. Although being transgender is not a disorder, due to the social component in most societies it carries a very high comorbidity of suicide attempt, depression, loneliness, isolation, low self-esteem, and anxiety, as well as an increased risk of substance abuse disorders and eating disorders.

I am transgender. I remember first hearing the idea of a boy turning into a girl when I was eight, while watching a play performed on television for Return to Oz. The idea resonated deeply with me, and as I realized how badly I wanted it to happen, I became horrified by my feelings and buried them deeply for a couple of decades. By the time I was able to have another conscious epiphany that this was something I could actually pursue and still wanted to, I was comfortable with my genitals but still had dysphoria with my appearance and how I fit into my gender role. I transitioned with cosmetic surgery to my skull and bust. I took small amounts of hormones early on, but decided against continuing the regimen because I enjoy the equipment I have down there and it functions better without hormonal modification. I find it somewhat annoying that social gender labels that describe genitals are taboo in 2020, because it I have to relay a lot of information to convey the fact I'm a functional futa (don't call transgender women this by the way), and yet there are all sorts of bizarre gender terms and flags for unusual topics that are more like a fetish or preference than a gender or an orientation... but I understand why this is and don't complain.

Anyway, more to your question.

I never liked wearing "boy clothes". They always felt very wrong and ugly. I never felt attractive in them. I never felt attractive at all. For the record, today I almost never wear "girl clothes" either! I usually wear jeans and a tee. Well, I guess I usually wear panties designed for special women, but that isn't something you usually see on the outside. Regardless, I've always hated wearing button-up dress shirts and ties, and it took me a long time to understand where that feeling of anathema came from. Curiously, as I got older, my signature grew more and more illegible... but once I transitioned and changed my name it became perfectly clear again, and remains that way. I knew a transgender woman who transitioned in her 70's and had stuttered her entire life but stopped the moment she transitioned.

What did it feel like, at least for me? If I had to wear boy clothes, it felt like I was wearing a weird and ugly costume. As a child I felt sad that I wasn't able to engage in some of the activities I wanted to, like collecting certain toys or watching certain cartoons. I felt fear that my parents or friends would find out how I felt. I felt disgust toward myself because of how I felt, and the hoof fate had dealt me. I was in awe of other girls and desperately wanted to spend time with them, but I also had very poor social skills so I was never allowed to be around them.

Imagine wanting something terribly badly, but feeling that desire is wrong, and trying to suppress it with all your might. Imagine feeling like you're wearing a costume in public. Imagine trying to be as (assigned gender role) as possible to avoid any chance of seeming like you're (preferred gender role) instead. I even developed a philosophy about just being as natural as possible, like, no shaving or doing anything with your body, and I think it was subconsciously to convince myself there was nothing I could do about the physical sex I was so I would pine less for it. All of this was prior to my awareness that transitioning was a possibility.

When you finally realize you can transition, the feeling can be overpowering. You want to do it now... no, you want to do it faster. You want to do it in the past, back when you were a little kid. Now that you know you can be free of these awful feelings, you want to do it as soon as you possibly can, but it takes time. You have to learn how to fit into the gender you want to be a part of. You have to wait for money for surgery, or job situations, or the right time to come out. It feels like your entire life is paused and you're just holding your breath for as long as you can and it feels like you can't do it any longer because you'll run out of air (which may lead to a hasty transition that is often a bad mistake).

Transgender people are an important part of the diversity of humans (and other animals, frankly), and they should be nurtured. And while I understand why people celebrate when they finally realize who they are, even knowing how important and life-changing it was for me, it always depresses me a little to see it happen to somepony else, because I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

Still, the other side is very nice, and Western society is getting better for us.

[Feech]

5399298
Obviously I'm not the blog OP but I just want to thank you for sharing your story!