Frustrating writing halt - updated x2 · 9:33pm Feb 20th, 2020
I am doing my best to write the next chapter of A Deer Named John. I've been trying to even start it and failing since the day after I posted the previous chapter. I wish I knew the root cause other than potentially something wrong with my current anti-anxiety medication. It could just be a bad batch or my body has adapted to it and I need something different. My next doctor's appointment isn't until the start of next month but I will be trying to get one sooner. It could mean I have a transition period where I ween off the old one onto the new one and I know from experience that those periods are not pretty. Nor are they good for writing. Just be warned it could be a little while before I can get back to proper writing again, even though it is what I would much rather be doing than curling up in an anxiety ridden quivering ball. The usual calming distractions I use are only helping during the time I use them and the anxiety is creeping into them now, too.
I really hope this is just a blip and I can get back to it soon. I will keep you all updated. I just want to keep sharing the tale of John and her friends with all of you. Whatever this is has stopped me for too long and I need to deal with it.
Tael.
Update 1 - And I can do nothing about it until the middle of next week. Best I could get. Just have to ride it out until then.
Update 2 - And the answer is... up the dosage and come back in a week to see if that has worked. Sigh...
Sorry to hear it's going that badly for you, I hope you will find a way to get back at it, it sure sounded like writing seemed to be helping your mental health in genera with how much pride you were putting into it.
I know that feeling all to well on my end and it took me a while to to find a way to fight against it. The best way as I see it was that it is the fight instincts set on overdrive, in avoiding all sources of stress, I was overwhelmed by the sheer and complete irrational fear of doing a bad job in doing the art results work I wanted to do a perfect job at it , l knew that the problem for a long time was really all in your head but it took me a long time to understand that have to accept that I can afford to do a crappy job one time and strive to do better at the next one and if not then the next one after that. I took the habit of not to dwelt over and jut move on the the next art piece that I would do tomorrow after that. I hope it help you in some way and that your medication will help you feel better soon.
Thanks and I understand what you are saying. I have tried doing the same in the past and it worked to an extent. Unfortunately it never addressed the part that I couldn't rationally fight. I wasn't happy moving to medication in the worry it could remove my writing ability, a worry partly accurate with one medication we tried. And, like I said, it could just be a bad batch or I need to move to something else. Unfortunately, my treating doctor is on leave until the day before my new appointment and it is best to go with the one who understands the full history of it.
I know, I do take a decent level of pride in my writing and it does have an effect on me, but I also know from many past writing projects that I can only control the product so much. It always has a habit of going in directions I didn't intend. Often, it is a very good thing. Was why I was happy to include my preparation notes (even a small bit which failed to get into the chapter and was pushed to the next one) after the last chapter as part of a post to show how it can deviate from what even I expect before writing.
Right now just doing my best to ride it out and keep all of you informed. Hopefully this is just a little blip and I will be back to it soon. This just felt different so after trying so much and completely failing, it was best to seek the cause and not spiral down.
First, take care of yourself. We'll still be here whenever you are ready.
5206743
It's good to see that you are aware of your issues and that you can take charge of it, others that I have meet in the past who are always shifting the blame on to other outside factors, it's a pain to watch them letting out their frustration on to others just to avoid the actual underline issues they, I have done that far to many times myself that it's unproductive, and burns a lot of bridges in the process, which is a relief for a while, but solves nothing. took me a long while to stop that.
For me I channeled my frustration on just doing more art, to just keep at it and it helped me a lot to to fuel myself to just keep at it, but that really for everyone and is often only make things a lot more toxic.
I managed to over come these anxieties in art, but I can't really seem to to actually managing to use it to overcome my writing block for years despite wanting for years to actually write a my own stories. Doing RP and just writing in the fire of the moment is the only way that I managed to overcome it and feel a lot less stress by getting comfortable in my own writing skill and knowing that everything I write is just a throwaway idea I know I won't come back to fix it and that is just fine for me to ignore there moment of stresses.
goodluck
5206761
Thank you.
5206772
Mine has always been an internal thing as I can't stand causing pain to others. If I did, it would only compound the problem and drag me down more.
It has been more of a recognising what the problem could be issue for the past several days. Speaking with a friend about it yesterday highlighted that it could be my body being too used to the medication now, hence pending doctor visit. At least having moved on it as far as I can, my mind can fixate more on the date and maybe distract it a bit instead of worrying about what the problem could be. Here's hoping.
Just not looking forward to the transition if it does mean a change in medication. Can be a very rough time.
Don't beat yourself over it. Take your time, your well-being is more important.
5206815
Thanks. Doing my best not to. Just glad to have recognised it for what it probably is.