I'm Setting The Record Straight On "Your Fault" · 1:22am Aug 24th, 2019
Alright guys, there's been a ton of debate on "Your Fault", and I'm here to set the record straight because it's pissing me off.
"Night Light got off too easy."
"Night Light got an out."
WRONG.
He didn't get anything but a ton of shit the past twenty years. For twenty years he battled a demon in his head, and nobody listened to him. He tried to talk about it to a therapist, but even they didn't know what was wrong because he didn't know. He asked for help, and tried to get it. That is so important, because most abusers don't do it.
I didn't want to share my personal connection to this series but apparently I need to if I'm going to set the record straight. I grew up in that kind of house, and still live there. I lived every day in fear until I was eighteen, and went to the hospital for the first time. I had cut myself off from my dad at that time for six months but agreed to see him in the hospital. I told him that he scared me, but he hadn't understood what I meant until I did that. And I caused him to change. Maybe not completely, but a lot. he doesn't scream at me anymore, and tries not to do it to my mom. He goes to the doctor when I ask him to. So everybody saying abusers don't change, you're right and you're wrong. No, they don't change completely, or sometimes not at all, but sometimes they really do go in the right direction. My dad doesn't scream at me anymore, or frighten me anymore. He still gets violent with my uncle, and my uncle does it right back to him, but they've been that way since they were kids. I don't expect their relationship to change, but he changed with me and my mom because we were the right incentive for him to do so.
Night Light's own transformation into something he didn't want to be was important, because you don't know what somebody is going through, and if they have nobody to talk to, that demon or darkness in their mind grows stronger. He tried to tell his wife what was wrong, but she didn't believe him. And why would she? Because once something like that happens, you can't take it back. All you can do is try and make tomorrow better and earn their trust back. His relationship with his children was what made him change the most. He didn't want to be that guy for them. Somebody asked why he didn't stop completely until Twilight was born. The answer is, the demon was supposed to make him kill Shining, but his paternal instincts wouldn't allow it. When Twilight came along, the instincts and love for them doubled and outweighs the consistent strength of the demon.
The point of this story was intended to be that anybody can find redemption and forgiveness if they are brave enough to admit their mistakes and prove they are different. And if a second chance is given to them, of course. In the end, his family's forgiveness was what helped him forgive himself. And that's something I experienced with my own family. My Dad hated who he was but didn't know how to change until I made him see things differently. He cried asking me to forgive him, and I did. My dad doesn't cry, so when he does, it's under severe circumstances. Nobody knows the demons we're fighting but us, and nobody knows unless we say something and ask for help or forgiveness or whatever we need.
This story was intended to be about an abusive, narcissistic, megalomaniac when I began it. But it got away from me, and turned into something I didn't expect. The power of love making you change for the better. Not every abuser will change, not every one will get help or seek it, and most don't give a damn about forgiveness, but if you can ask for that, it's important.
For me personally, looking at the debate in the comments was dreadful. This message of hope and forgiveness and being willing to share your demons got twisted into "This isn't realistic". And for a lot of people, yeah, it's not. But I'm not one of them. There's courage here. Courage in asking for help, in asking forgiveness, in hoping for redemption. That should be recognized, but it wasn't.
For me, every story is a blessing and a curse. I love posting what I write, and sharing because I think it will help people. But the flip side is that because everything I post is usually incredibly personal, days like these bring a lot of self doubt. It strips me of my confidence. And I can look at a story I've written and just totally be in love with it at first, and then I'll go back and start picking it apart because of my constant drive to be better. I feel like with how many times I've gotten on the popular page, and the two times I've been featured, there's a pressure there, to hold to a standard. Where everything I write has to be perfect and flawless and amazing, because if it's not, then I am not good in the one area I've always been told I excel. And A lot of it is perfectionism issues with me, because I feel I have to at least one thing right consistently, even if it's just writing a story. In feeling like a screw up everywhere else, this is the only area I'm ever told, "You did good.". I don't have that internal self worth yet, even though I'm working on it, so I get it from others. So when something like this hits, especially with something so personal, it hits hard.
In my life, I've been told countless times things are my fault or I'm to blame. But recently, I've begun to realize that isn't true. Maybe, just maybe, everything isn't my fault. And I think Night Light went through the same thing. His fault that he hurt his wife, his fault he traumatized his son. But what if it really wasn't, and he could make peace with himself? That's what I tried to portray here.
I disabled the comments on Your Fault because seeing all that today was just too much. If you all want to duke it out, do it, but not where I have to see it and constantly get notifications about that. It's way too much for me to take right now.
Thanks to those of you who were supportive. It means the world to me.
Love you guys.
Cloe
That's pretty rough, hope you and your family are doing okay
It’s exactly for reason like this that I try not to read far into the stories that are posted here. Sometimes there’s something more to them than just a story, and other times there isn’t, and either way, I have no way of knowing unless I’m told.
For what it’s worth, I liked it, even if my interpretation was radically different from everyone else’s, and I’m glad that you gave me the chance to read it.
It's not easy to forgive people for something like that, so good on you for doing so and and being able to get him to change.
I still maintain that you did good in getting me thinking.
My father was a real nasty sonofabitch, who was raised in an abusive environment and ended up becoming an abusive aberration himself. He honestly thought that right fist and left fist were proper first and second answers to all his "problems," and the ol' USMC did nothing but reinforce that mindset... and yet, you got me wondering what was plaguing the old bastard's mind. Trying to understand my abusive old man.
Good shit. It's a rare accomplishment to make me wonder if my conclusions about something were wrong
That's what I said, you did a great job to show a real-life problem, don't let this get you.