Bittersweet Bronycon · 1:10am Aug 7th, 2019
I went to Bronycon this year. It was the first time I'd gone since 2016, and I went because it was the last hurrah. I went as a regular attendee this year; no panels, no working on staff, no crazy schedules or set in stone plans. I just went without really announcing it, and I figured I'd just roll with the punches. I saw new faces, old faces, had experiences familiar and foreign. Some people had a lot of time to hang out and talk, others were so busy I was lucky if I got five minutes with them. There was a bittersweet feel to the whole affair that hung over the con center, but regardless that we all knew this was coming to an end, we did our best to have a good time.
I chose to have my con badge say Klamnei instead of CyborgSamurai. It was a change that threw many for a loop, and if I could do it again, I'd probably display both names. Some knew about both my old and new accounts and didn't even bat an eyelash. Others knew one of the pen names, but didn't know they were the same person. It was pretty funny to see those people's eyes go wide as they realized, heh. The fans of my new works were the most fun to interact with, and getting to talk about the things I've put so much time and effort into was the absolute highlight of the trip. I gave out 3 autographs, one super cool guy bought me lunch, and at one point in Quills and Sofas, a guy squeezed past where I was sitting while muttering:
"Excuse me, author of my favorite fetish fuel."
I still laugh thinking about it.
It surprised me just how many people didn't know I'm still writing under a different pen name. Several were outright shocked to learn I hadn't dropped off the face of the earth, to be honest. The reactions upon pulling up my new account were varied, ranging from interest, polite acknowledgement, irl lennyfaces, and unfortunately in a few cases, outright disgust. There's no point in naming who the disgusted people were, but as I've long suspected, my transition to primarily mature-rated works has lost me some friends. Can't say I appreciate being treated like I have the fucking plague, but hey, if that's how someone's gonna act, I doubt we were ever friends at all.
During the con, I noticed a pattern that I think is indicative of a more widespread misunderstanding. Obviously I can't speak for everyone, (although in my 7 years writing horsewords, I've never met another author who got annoyed when others started gushing about their stories) but personally, I LOVE hearing about what things readers liked and didn't like about my stories. I love getting questions about why certain events happened the way they did. I love talking about the world I've created, the mentalities of the characters, the thought process of constructing scenes, the way I put things together into a final product. I love getting advice on how others think I can improve. There's an absolute ton of stuff I have to do behind the scenes when writing a story, and you're essentially giving me a chance to talk about it! It's like getting irl comments on my story, and whether your feedback is positive or negative, it's both welcomed and appreciated.
I seriously can't emphasize how much I like meeting someone that's read something I wrote and wants to talk about it. I'll say it as many times as I have to: I love reading comments on my stories, and I love getting feedback on how can improve. I write fanfiction for a lot of reasons, but a big one is because I like both helping and entertaining. If something I wrote has truly, legitimately brought you any kind of enjoyment or fulfillment, tell me!
Another cool thing was the opportunity to meet a lot of new friends I've made the last 3-4 years. Some of them were exactly how I expected, some were a complete surprise, some were more pleasant in irl than their online counterparts, and some were the converse. It's funny--I stopped coming to Bronycon every year for several reasons (money being the biggest) but among those reasons, I was struggling with occupying all of the time with things to do. I was a panelist for several years in a row. Still bored. I worked BronyCon staff one year. Bored. I wasn't really sure what I could do to occupy so much time a con provides, but it turns out, the solution was to simply branch out my interests.
In a nutshell, having more friends means there's a higher probability that at least a few are doing something. Having a more tightly-knit group you do everything with has it's perks, of course, but the downside is you're pretty much joined to them at the hip. If they want to do something you don't, or they have a previous engagement they gotta go to, you either have to compromise somehow, let them go do it and entertain yourself, or just bite the bullet and go with them. I've been in situations where setups like this has worked really well and led to an optimally enjoyable time, but this year, most people just kinda did their own thing. People were either too busy to do anything, or they were content to hang out with just one or two others.
I should probably mention this didn't bother me much. I was a little sad I didn't get to spend as much time with certain people, but we can't always have what we want. The stars didn't align this time around, and that can't be helped. Also, given I didn't announce I was coming to Bronycon at all, I can't really get crabby about schedules not lining up.
Of the nine BronyCons there were, I attended five of them. I can't tell you how many times I've come up to other authors, some of which I interact with every single year, only for them to stare blankly at me when I greet them by name. And I'm not talking about this year due to the name change--I'm talking every year. When I went under the name CyborgSamurai, the number one thing people would say is this: "That name is familiar, but I can't place how I know it." This year, though, as Klamnei, I was recognized. Not so much by my fellow authors, but by people that loved my stories. They knew my name and they were excited to meet me. They thanked me for writing them. It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, but it's certainly ironic I've gotten more recognition as a writer of mature content. I'm honestly not sure what it says about me as a writer, but maybe I'm just better at writing those kind of stories? I really don't know.
All in all, my experiences at BronyCon have been a mixed bag. I always enjoy certain aspects of conventions in general, but it's a lot of work, time, cost, and energy. The weather around Baltimore in August sucks, travelling is stressful, walking and standing around so much leaves you sore for days, there's a ton of waiting, and the social interactions aren't guaranteed to pan out. Yes, I've made great friends and had cool experiences, but some of those have had negative consequences. Yes, I've gotten to travel and see new parts of the world, but it's also been a reminder of how disabled I am. I can't say for sure if choosing to go each time was a net gain or not, let alone if the entire experience was. Am I a better writer for it? I'd certainly like to think so, but maybe I could've gotten the same experience an easier way. Do I have more friends as a result of it? Yes, but many of those friends forgot who I was as soon as the event was over. Every pro I can think of about the trips has had an equally pertinent con, and while that might speak to me as a person more than anything else, I think that kind of viewpoint has merit.
So fare thee well, BronyCon. Your conclusion has many in mourning, and I understand why. I don't know what future lies in store for our quirky little fandom, but regardless of that, I won't be leaving any time soon. I still have stories to tell.
LOL dude, you caught me by surprise, but I always remember you and I always enjoy hanging out, even if half the time I'm running somewhere.
A shame i never got to go for any, but I love the way you put things to the malaise that has sorta taken fimfic atm.
I knew both names but forgot they were the same person. XD
I knew you were both accounts, but I never knew what Klamnei wrote.
And now that I know...
You monster. You should be ashamed
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I'll still get you
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You can still call me CS
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"hugs you"
Don't be ashamed of what you like. Speaking as someone who's been in that position, being open about yourself is very liberating. I'm glad you had a good time :)
It was awesome to see ya, Klam! Finally got to meet the legend himself.
Was my first and last bronycon; found it to be a bit overwhelming for my first con ever. My goal had been to sorta meet writers... Would’ve loved to have met more Authors from my current reading list.
I have no clue why it took me this long to get to this.