Out With The Old, In With The New · 3:04am Jan 15th, 2016
Heya.
So I kinda left you guys high and dry there with TPOH. Sorry about that. I realize it was a pretty dick move to say that I was jumping back in the saddle and getting everyone excited, only to then not produce anything. My absence wasn't medically-related this time so I guess that's at least a plus (things have more or less evened out as I said back in that TPOH blog) but the real reason has been something that's debatedly almost worse. I'll give you guys an explanation because I feel that's what you deserve, but I ask that you fully read through this blog and hear me out before you decide to leave a comment.
All right, here goes.
I did make a solid effort to try to get back into writing TPOH. I wrote Chapter 30, which I hadn't been able to finish for two years, and then started working on Chapter 31 straightaway. I got a couple thousand words into it, but I quickly realized that I wasn't enjoying writing it anymore. I couldn't quite get back into the same zone I was in when initially writing it, and it all was just coming out sounding cliched and forced. I was losing interest and was basically making myself slog through the writing, and when I looked at how much more there was left I just couldn't muster the motivation to keep going. I'd been sitting in one spot for so long staring at the story that it was unbelievably intimidating to me, and to top it all off, there's a small part of me that associates the story with pain. I honestly don't like being constantly reminded of all the rough times I had to deal with, and it just causes the whole thing to have a sour taste in my mouth.
I thought that maybe if I worked on another story it'd get me away from the bad vibes, but I ran into problems there, too. The stories that all came to mind essentially all boiled down to, "poor me, I've suffered so much, I have to deal with heavy issues now" and I'm gonna be straight with you guys--I hate writing stories like that. I don't write to be reminded of how much life can suck at times, and that's exactly what was happening. Some people may like writing those kind of stories, and more power to them, but that's not, nor has it ever been me. I write to pass time, get my imagination flowing, keep my mood and morale up, and occasionally live vicariously through my characters. Any story that makes me feel like garbage afterward is not worth it in my book. If I want to feel like that, I'll go watch a fucking police drama or something.
This is what led me to the realcrux of the whole issue. I realized that not only did I not like TPOH because I associated it with all my shit over the last few years, I didn't like this whole account for that same damn reason. Every time I logged on and saw my old stories I'd be reminded of what I was going through when I was writing them, and just... ugh. Es no bueno. It made me want to go do something else for a while, and by then I'd lost my motivation to work on TPOH or whatever other story I was trying to do, and it was making me frustrated. All my ideas were starting to sound like they'd been written by Kylo Ren, and I just didn't want to feel like that, nor did I want to become associated with that kind of genre. Also, I worried that some people would think I was doing it to get attention, and then it potentially could turn into a flamewar in the comments, and then the stupid people would come out of the woodwork and start posting spaghetti, and before you know it there'd be marinara everywhere.
So to put it simply: I felt like I needed to start over.
I managed to finish TPOH Chapter 30 because someone actually commissioned me to do it. That was all well and good, but as I've learned in several of my classes here at the U, external motivation will only get you so far. I felt an obligation to fulfill the agreement I'd made with that particular individual, but once it was over, well... I didn't have much to keep me going. I still like writing, I still like ponies, and I still like this community, but in a way, everything I've done under this pen name has left me feeling pigeonholed. I don't want to write emo sadfics. I don't want to keep writing TPOH. Heck, I'm not really interested in writing strictly adventure stories at all. They CAN be fun, sure, and I can certainly say I know a thing or two about writing them now, but they're very time consuming. You have the planning, the outline, the character development, the subplots, the worldbuilding, the history, the action scenes, any systems you want to make, character interactions, etc, etc, etc. All in all it winds up making for a pretty hefty time commitment, and let's face it here gents--I'm not someone that should be trying to embark on that kind of project.
But what kind of stories did I want to write then on this new account? I knew that my focus needed to be on simpler stories with simpler plots, but that didn't narrow things down much. I've written in a few genres outside of adventure here on CS, so I asked myself if I enjoyed the process of creating those, and I found that I still did. Not only that, but a few friends of mine are pretty well known in those genres, so I knew I had a leg up if I wanted to go down that route. I also wanted this decision to be my own, so I largely kept silent about it while I explored it. I mulled it over the entire time I was doing it, as this wasn't something I wanted to take lightly, but eventually I decided that it was either do this, or just give up writing altogether (and if that hasn't happened after everything I've been through, then it's probably not gonna happen at all).
(And yes, I'm aware I haven't actually said what the name of the new account is, nor have I revealed what new genre I'm writing in. Just keep reading.)
This is all why this account has been dark these past few months. I basically just kinda gave up on writing stories on CS, and instead, I've been writing stories under a completely different fimfic account (I actually had made it years ago and just never really did anything with it.) Now I realized straightaway that making this switch was going to seem bizarre to some. Heck, it might even get me labelled as a deviant, but the longer I thought about it, the less and less of a fuck I gave. I mean, come on, we're fanfiction writers, people. Go and take a look at the which groups are the largest ones here on fimfic. That should tell you enough about where and what the demand is. I'm not saying that that's right, mind you (although nor am I saying it's wrong) but with those kinds of numbers I think it's safe to say that people both enjoy writing and reading those types of stories. And with me struggling to try and find enjoyment out of writing again, I figured it was the best place to start.
And you know what? I was right.
I've greatly enjoyed writing the new stories on my new account. I've found myself getting into the writing groove again, and with these simpler stories I've had considerably less stress and overall time invested in them. I'm involved in a community of fellow writers that I get to bounce ideas off of, and there's a shared feeling of motivation amongst us that keeps everyone going. I really like what it's done for my attitude, I like what it's done for my writing, and I feel like if I continue down this path I'll be around writing for some time yet.
So yeah, not quite dead. Far from it, in fact! I've actually been writing quite a bit these last few months, and the new account actually has more stories published than this one does. Although I'm aware that that's not much of an accomplishment, heh. Six stories isn't that high of a bar to clear (but with those six stories I netted over nine hundred followers, holy crap!) On the new account I have one casual story that's been ongoing at the pace of about one chapter every two-four weeks, and in between I work on a one shot with whatever theme that tickles my fancy. There's usually a common theme in the one-shots, as we all have our kinks,but it's kept things from getting stale so far, so I dig it.
But what then what does this mean going forward? Well, it means a couple things, and this is the part that concerns you readers the most.
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-TPOH is dead. Sorry, but it is. I can't keep it going. If you guys want I'll give you a link to the folders I have all the stuff in and you can browse through it at your leisure. Thanks for the support, but I just don't have the motivation to keep that particular engine running. RIP.
-The other incomplete story on this account (Twilight of the Colossus) is also dead. Oh noez, how horrible. No love lost there; I got the characterization wrong, anyways.
-I'm likely not going to be publishing any more stories or blogs under this account. I've already stated the reasons why above, but I'll reiterate it again: this account is associated with a lot of negative things and it's suffocating my motivation. However, I'm not going to delete any stories or anything on CS, so you don't need to worry about that. I'm just gonna leave it be.
-On the new account, my focus is going to stay on the genre I've been writing in so far. Like I said, I'm not really interested in writing adventure anymore, so don't be expecting it. You might see adventure elements rise here and there, but nothing huge like TPOH or TLC.
-I still fully plan to continue attending conventions like Bronycon and MLP-MSP, but I will no longer be applying to be on panels. Instead I will be trying to help out with the back-end stuff, such as the logistics and coordination of things.
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As I said before, I'm mainly telling you guys all of this because I feel like you deserve to know. A lot of you have stuck with me through the past few years and have been really kind to me, so I guess the least I can do is explain myself. I don't know if this will lead to any kind of drama or what have you (it likely won't, I've found most people to be very gracious and accepting) but if it does, then I'll deal with it like a big boy. If you like my writing and what you see on my new account appeals to you, then cool, I'll see you over there. If you like my writing and the new stuff doesn't appeal to you, that's cool too. Thank you for reading the stuff I've posted on this account, I sincerely hope you enjoyed it, and I also hope that you find another (and better) author that scratches your itch.
Well, I think that's about everything I wanted to say. Kinda glad to get all that off my chest, in all honesty. I suppose there's only one thing left to do now, and that's to fully pull back the curtain and reveal my dirty little secret.
*takes a deep breath*
So what's this new, mysterious account, and what's new genre I'm writing in?
Heh heh... see for yourself. (Warning: NSFW)
Catch you on the flipside.
-CS
Oh. Well then. I can't begrudge you for doing what feels right. I'd certainly love to see the material for TPOH, but aside from that, best of luck with your other work. Some of which I may or may not have already read.
Well, CS, I wish you luck with your new account! I very much enjoyed The Powers of Harmony, and am sad to see it go, but I'll support your decision to end it. It's better that you write stuff you enjoy, and I hope you find success on Mr. New Guy. I'm probably part of the camp that liked your stories, but isn't really a fan of the genre of new content you're putting out. I do wish you luck over there, and I'll give you a follow.
May your roads lead you to warm sands.
That's a shame, but I understand.
It'd be nice to see that folder, though.
Thanks for letting us know. Good luck with your new focus. Wish you the best in the future.
Props for telling your readers instead of vanishing.
Well, I'm sorry to see TPoH end like this. This was the story that made me strive to be a better writer. I can understand your frustrations though, and wish you good luck in future endeavors.
While I'm sad to see a definite end to TPOH, I'm glad you decided to let us know. Good luck with the future and I have enjoyed some of the content on your other account. Might give the rest a look later.
Well! I certainly wouldn't have guessed the genre I would find at the other end of that link. :)
Always sad to see a major work left unfinished, but such is the way of fanfiction - the reward must always come from within. I guess I'll chip in my vote on "it would be neat to see the notes", and wish you well regardless.
Can't deny being demotivated. TPoH was one of the good ones. I would like to see the folders as well. A bit of closure, if you will.
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Done.
3687263 This guy is saying exactly what I'm feeling. Please let us know when The Powers of Harmony information comes out.
Well, good luck in your new endeavors.
Honestly, this frees up a lot of time for both of us.
And having a tantalizing unfinished epic around is better than no epic at all. Though I won't say no to those folders either.
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It's out. I put it at the bottom of the blog. Refresh your page.
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Refresh the blog. I put the folder at the bottom.
Thanks for the update.
It is what it is. Thank you for telling us instead of disappearing.
Good luck on whatever the future hits you with and i will be checking out your other account.
Well, that's a shame. But I suppose a writer has to write what he feels like writing. I know the feeling.
Damn that sucks, but understandable. Can't say I'm too disappointed that TPOH is dead, since it already spent several years on life support. Fanfics die all the time anyway.
Good luck on your new endeavors! Write more macro.
Sad to hear that TPoH is now dead (it was one if those rare gems, worf waiting for). Can totally understand your reasons and wont begrudge you (much
). Thank you for having the uncommon grace to allow us to see your notes and let the story rest.
Bummer, I was looking forward to the rest of this exciting tale. Out of curiousity, would you be willing to allow another author to finish it out?
Eh, shit happens.
*checks out new account*
*blush*
Well, I won't lie, I'm really sad that TPOH is done for, and I would have loved to see it return. I was ecstatic when you announced that you were back on track with it, only to then forget it a bit when nothing really came of it.
On the other hand, I'm glad that you have found a joy in writing again, even if it's not what the followers of TOPH had hoped for the source of this joy to be.
And on a final note, and this may be a bit pretentious of a request, but I'd like to ask if it was possible for you to sum up, in a blog post, what your plans were for the rest of the story? I know you've linked to the files containing all of the info for it, but there's so much to sift through that it's near impossible to find heads and tails in it. So, again, I know this is a very pretentious (and also selfish) request, but if you could sum it up in a few thousand-or-so words, I think a lot of us would be much obliged.
If you refuse, I understand given how the story (and this account) is a reminder of past pains, but I thought I might as well ask. Can't hurt to see what you think
That being said, I wish you luck on the other account. I've checked it out and it's not much my taste of stories, so I'm not likely to follow it. Regardless, good luck, and have fun
Huh, turns out I've whacked it to your alternate account without even knowing this whole time.
Whaddya know.
Well, it's a shame, but at least it's definite. I really did enjoy editing your story, man, and doing so threw me into the world of writing and editing far more than I ever thought it would. I went back to school to do Creative Writing, English Literature and Philosophy, and I'm not kidding when I say I think you played a significant part in making that happen. If I hadn't started editing TPOH, I wouldn't have edited for other people on FiMfiction. If I hadn't edited for other people on FiMfiction, I wouldn't have started editing for small amounts of freelance cash. And if I hadn't done that, I don't think I'd have started writing again myself, and wouldn't have gone to college with the intent of being an editor/publisher.
Going back to college might be the best life decision I've ever made.
So thank you. Thank you very much for asking for an editor one day, and thank you for listening to the advice of a teenager who offered his services on a whim.
It's a shame to see TPOH die, but don't think for a second that it didn't literally change lives while it was around.
And I'll be sure to read whatever you write next.
well, if the story had to go, especially if you didnt like writhing it anymore, then that was it.
my one problem though, is you changing accounts. i personally dont see a reason to move, even if the stories kinda depress ya, but hey, its your accounts.
Dammit CS I'm already following one of your new stories but I never checked out the rest of the stuff on the account. I think I'm going to like this change you kinky bastard.
As for TPOH, it was one of the first fics I got into on this site and there was a lot of effort there, I wish there were more ambitious world building adventures on this site, but I have to admit that I never read the new chapter because I needed to reread up to it... which seemed unappealing. I think you did the right thing, it's not a bad fic but it needed to be revived or just left altogether.
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Maybe if the right writer came along, but I'd need to see what other kinds of works said writer has made in the past. If a person hasn't written a story before and just wants to take a crack at it for whatever reason, I wouldn't be cool with that. TPOH may be dead, but it still has some integrity to it. I would want to see that integrity upheld if I were going to hand it off to someone else.
3692528 Well of course, I'm not talking about some stooge fresh in from the street. But there has to be, among those who are fans, someone who writes, writes well, has nothing else on their schedule (or is willing and able to handle the load), and wants to see this story properly concluded.
I certainly hope it happens; seeing good fanfic become good deadfic is just about my biggest peeve.
Well, then...dammit...
Can't do anything about it when all you see about something is the associated negative past I guess. I hope you continue to find joy in the fandom at least.
Ok, just tell people the basic outline of the plot line and have someone else who WANTS TO finish it do so.
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agreed