The Yankees (One Extraordinary Time, Chapter 12) · 10:41pm Jun 23rd, 2019
Hello. I may or may not be a teeny-tiny bit hungover right now.
Previously, on One Extraordinary Time:
RB finally had to break out the liquor.
And now:
Freddy meets up with Monica at the court house for their date. Funny, I was under the impression that relationships usually ended in court.
After fifteen minutes, Freddy, tired of standing, sat down. In the post 9/11 environment, heavy security was present in and around the courthouse.
Mr. Kaplan has run out of ways to impress upon the reader the reality of post-9.11 New York. As such, he has continually resorted to this exact piece of imagery, stated in almost the exact same manner. This has happened several times now, including on the last page.
About an hour later, Monica came out of the courthouse and smiled when she saw him. She greeted Freddy with a kiss.
“So how did it go in there?”
“Tedious. There is nothing sexy about bankruptcy proceedings," Monica said.
“Okay let’s go. Your chariot awaits.” Freddy smiled as he handed her a single red rose.
You have known each other for less than a day. This is your first time really interacting with one another, even.
Please, god, don't let this chapter end with a sex scene.
Freddy directs her to his cab. The driver is, as you'd expect, Harry. Who has apparently been ignoring his job to wait for Freddy for over an hour.
Come to think of it, I don't think we've ever seen Harry actually doing his job. He seems to exist for the sole purpose of shuttling Freddy around whenever he needs it. Convenient!
Harry is a sleeze towards Monica. As usual, this is treated as okay.
Freddy suggests they go to the ice rink at Rockefeller Center. Yes, it is open in October. New York is friggin' cold.
They went and got skates at the world-famous Rockefeller Center skating rink. Freddy was a pretty good skater, but was soon impressed how Monica was able to spin around and skate with the grace of a swan. They skated around and around, often holding hands. Monica was having fun again. They would skate around, talking, as quiet music played in the background. Then Freddy slipped, bringing both of them to the ground.
“I’m sorry, I guess I’m just a klutz on skates,” Freddy said as he picked her up. They embraced and for the first time deeply kissed in the middle of the rink. Monica then looked up and gazed into his eyes. She felt her heart racing. She hadn’t felt this good in a very long time and was never this excited on a date.
First date. Second kiss. God but those brain worms work fast.
Freddy started to laugh and said, “Boy, if I knew we would be skating so much, I wouldn’t have jogged this morning.”
“Do you jog every morning?” Monica asked.
Yes. Yes he does.
Hey. Hey guess what.
Monica likes jogging, too.
“That’s great. I would love to be able to do that. I only get to jog two or three times a week. It’s hard for me to squeeze in the time. Since law school, time has been tight for me. Now I’m caring for my mom, and with the long hours at work there’s just not enough hours in the day,” Monica said.
Freddy looked at her near perfect body and said, “Judging from the way you look, your lack of jogging hasn’t harmed you.”
Monica’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree as she blushed.
I take back everything I said. They're perfect for each other.
They left Rockefeller Center and proceeded to walk arm and arm up swank 5th Avenue, just talking.
Swank. good word. I bet Freddy's going to be doing a lot of swanking later tonight.
I'm so sorry.
Monica, as it turns out, is completely fluent in Italian. They go for a horse-drawn carriage ride. Horses. horses make everything better—
They both enjoyed the ride as Monica rested her head on Freddy’s shoulder. Freddy said, “The city has a different look to it up here. When you’re in a bus, a car, or a cab, the traffic puts a certain strain on you. Not in this carriage. You feel as though you’re floating in air.”
They embraced in another deep passionate kiss again as the horses slowly took them around the city.
The horses have failed us. There truly is no hope now.
After the ride they walked arm in arm down 59th Street talking about a lot of things, getting to know each other better.
That's nice. If only you would show us this, Mr. Kaplan, instead of having them madly in love with each other upon making eye contact.
They walk over the Queensboro Bridge.
They stopped walking once they reached the middle of the bridge. Monica had been over this bridge many times by car or train, yet for her it was like she was seeing it for the first time. The beauty stunned her. The sheer awesomeness of the surroundings engulfed Monica. She listened to Freddy tell her a little of the history of the bridge. “Wow, it amazing how a bridge could be so interesting,” Monica said.
What, no long diatribe about how it took seven years to complete the bridge between 1902 and 1909, due to a section of the bridge collapsing in a windstorm and another section nearly being blown up by frustrated laborers? Or how fifty people died over the course of building it? Or how it was the fourth-longest bridge in the world at the time of its completion?
Is it just me, or does it feel like Mr. Kaplan traded out for another author in the middle of the last chapter? Because suddenly everything else that the writing placed importance on has been shoved aside so the author's OC can bang the woman of his dreams.
This feels like fanfiction of the first ten chapters. And not the good kind.
They embraced and started to kiss again. An older couple walked by. The woman said to her husband. “Look Sid, young love, isn’t it grand?”
Oh, if only you knew.
Monica decides to take the day off tomorrow because she doesn't want their date to end. Freddy takes her to the bagel shop. You remember Stan, don't you? The character who I'm pretty sure was last mentioned in chapter one, maybe two at best?
“Thanks, Stan. Look Monica, we were here this afternoon,” Freddy said, pointing to a picture of Rockefeller Center.
That's the most patronizing thing I've ever heard in my life.
“That’s a beautiful picture, a real classic. Do you know what year this was?” Monica asked.
“A great question. This was taken two days before Christmas, December 23, 1959. Before I pick out a picture to hang up in my shop, I always browse through hundreds to try to capture the essence of New York. This picture captured it,” Stan said. He then pointed to his picture of the World Trade Center. “Do you think I should leave this up?” he asked.
Freddy looked at Monica, thought for a second, and then answered, “You know, Stan, I think you should take it down. Not forever, but right now emotions are too raw for a lot of people. Your pictures in here are all inspiring. The World Trade Center is not inspiring right now,” Freddy said.
“You’re right, Freddy. I’m going to take it down right away,” Stan said.
They exited the bagel shop, walking arm in arm. For both of them, this day had that certain intangible quality, making it magical. For Monica, this was her best day since graduating from law school.
If you can't describe the feeling you're trying to convey, and you can't get it across during the event anyway, then using wishy-washy coward-words to try and evoke it isn't going to work.
Freddy takes her back to his apartment to see his Coca-Cola machine. Also, apparently he has a Coca-Cola machine. I don't remember if that was mentioned way back when we got the low-down on Freddy's apartment; I was too busy focusing on the Yankees.
Freddy gave her a tour of his small apartment. Monica was impressed, with number of interesting items. A small basketball hoop with a soft indoor ball, Monica took a couple of shots.
After reading that, I feel like doing a couple shots, too. Heck, I'm pretty sure Mr. Kaplan must have been doing them, too, considering those two sentences of cromagnon.
They start frenching.
Then they have sex.
Thankfully, it isn't graphic. Although, frankly, I think some nice Ikea porn would have been the perfect cherry on top of this whole mess.
Or, well, it would have been, but there's fourty-one pages left of this chapter.
I counted.
The next page or so details how in love the two of them are for the following week or two. I'll spare you the details. We resume on October 29th, with U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft warning the nation of the possibility of a terrorist attack or attacks the next day.
That's not strictly true, actually. The warning was over the next week. Historical fiction, folks.
Tuesday, October 30
New York was sealed up tight as a drum. The president was going to throw out the first ball tonight at that evening’s World Series game. It was game three of the series, with Arizona leading the Yankees two games to nothing. The U.S. Secret Service K-9 unit swept the stadium for possible bombs. The FAA restricted flights near Yankee Stadium. F-15s patrolled the skies over New York.
But enough of that. Freddy gets a call from one Mr. George "The Boss" Steinbrenner, then-owner of the Yankees. He invites Freddy to the game. Front-row seats. Four of them, in fact. He invites his parents and Monica.
Monica was all excited. She now had some clothes at Freddy’s apartment so changing for the game and work the next morning wouldn’t be a problem. They made plans to meet at 6:00 p.m.
Monica told Freddy, “My mom is old fashioned and her health has been great lately.
I hope she doesn’t relapse when I tell her I’m going to be staying over again!”
Haha! Cancer!
Monica, by the way, is also a Yankees fan. Match made in heaven.
Monica meets Frank and Julia for the first time. They all get along. Why wouldn't they? It's not like Monica has any actual depth or flaws to her. It'd be like not getting along with a bar of soap.
Talk turns to the Patriot Act.
They spoke for the next fifteen minutes about the pros and cons of the bill and agreed the country on 9/11 was changed forever. They left and headed for Yankee Stadium.
No seriously, who are you and what did you do with Mr. Kaplan? Why is the story suddenly so intent on glossing over everything it's been about up until this point?
They entered the subway at 86th and Lexington Avenue.
"Monica, you will love how fast we will be at Yankee Stadium. It's only four stops and four minutes," Freddy said.
Why are you telling her this? She lives in New York!
They make it to the stadium. Frank gets sad about how much security there is. Julia and Monica talk about gender equality in the workforce. Freddy shakes hands with Mayor Giuliani.
The game starts, and President Bush throws the first pitch. It's actually a pretty dope moment in baseball history. If you've never seen it before:
What's really impressive is that he was wearing body armour under that windbreaker and still managed to throw a clean strike.
What follows this is pretty much a play-by-play summary of the game. Unbelievably, this section is actually pretty okay. It's baseball. Kaplan knows baseball. It wouldn't surprise me at all to learn that he was in the crowd for this, and some of that emotion actually manages to slip through for once.
Next day. Monica heads downtown to work. Freddy goes jogging. He and Harry talk about the anthrax going around. Freddy goes to work early. They watch the next game in the series on tv in the restaurant. The party goes on 'till 2 AM.
Next day. It's November, now. Freddy and Harris talk about what's going on at his company. Freddy has apparently sent out around fifteen hundred envelopes by this point. He says he's down to about 10% of his initial fortune, so that's $84,000,000. Freddy goes to work. The Luntzes and Freddy's friends come to the restaurant and they watch the game together. Yankees win again.
Next day. The nation is being kept on high alert. The economy sucks. Employment sucks. Everything sucks. The emotional whiplash is threatening to tear my head clean off. Monica goes to China Wok. They do the "romance" thing. Then they have sex. No, not at China Wok. That would have been interesting.
Next day. Freddy and Monica go jogging together to the post office. Freddy's been getting fan mail, you see. Four bags of it. They read them together. Freddy goes to work. The entirety of the cast shows up to watch the game. And I do mean the entirety. The only person missing is Norm. Yankees lose.
Next day. Freddy and Monica go jogging together. It's the day of the New York Marathon, and the city is under total lockdown. Snipers on roofs. Coast guard on the river. National guard on the streets.
Freddy goes to work. It's game seven. They've pulled out all the stops.
At Freddy’s station, an unusual table was set up. It had Monica, the Luntzes, and Mr. Wong. Freddy somehow managed to convince him to take it easy tonight. There was no holding court outside since you had to show a receipt that you were there for game four, five, or six. The menu was fixed; with a choice of wonton or egg drop soup and Yankee Peking duck as the main entrée. On the side was a tomato creatively sliced to form the Yankees logo. The chefs also made a dozen giant sheet cakes listing all the years the Yankees won world championships, and Johnny included 2001. Phil tried to put an x through that year and said, “Come on, Johnny, why did you put 2001? They still have to win tonight’s game, you might jinx it!” Johnny just waved Phil off as though that was silly.
Shit goes down. The Yankees do badly in the first few innings, but by inning 9 they've turned it around, leading 2-1, aaaaand Yankees lose.
2001 was a great World Series, though. Watch it some time.
Chapter ends here. Two chapters to go. It can only get worse from here.
See you tomorrow, everybody.
That's how Freddy got the eight-hundred and forty million dollars: he was being paid for donating blood and tissue for a cloning experiment, which resulted in Monica. Only he doesn't remember because they wiped his memory of the event after.
IT ALL MAKES SENSE!
Man, Monica's mother's cancer sure was conveniently handwaved away before it could cause any trouble for our dashing heroes plans.
Also I wonder how many times the word "Yankees" has been used in this story.
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What the fuck is "swank" supposed to be? I can sorta understand most of the other mistakes around but this one is escaping me.
What.
I know about half of the book was crammed into the last few chapters but really?
Someone was paid to edit this book.
People paid to read it.
I just...I can't even..