Death of a Pipe Dream · 1:01am May 24th, 2019
Blog Number 55: The Insufficient Edition
For ten minutes, without trimmings or restraints*, this is what I, Impossible Numbers, if you twisted my arm and I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, would admit was the ideal version of Impossible Numbers, or the version that should have existed by now.
*Well, all right, I'm not giving away plot details from fics behind the scenes, because that's not likely to help, and anyway I don't want to quadruple the length of this post.
I'm not fishing for compliments here. Most of these really are just delusions of grandeur, if not back in the fandom's heyday then certainly by this point. But this ideal Impossible Numbers is in my head, and at least if I exorcise it from there to the page, I might not go totally bananas.
Plus, that delusional aspect doesn't stop me from saying how much I find writing frustrating, because the elements are all there, I know they've worked together before, I know they work individually, and yet they just don't... want... to... mix. I might be good, at least according to some people's opinions, but I could be so, so much better.
I intend to keep trying, regardless. But after five months of bashing my head against a wall, I very badly want to vent.
The ideal Impossible Numbers:
- would have well over 200 completed stories and be accelerating fast
- would write for roughly three hours a day without sweat (equates to approx. 1,000,000 words a year)
- would have at least one published book per year
- would never abandon an incomplete project
- would have at least one fic with over 10,000 views
- would enjoy writing
- would get involved in no stressful arguments, disputes, disagreements, or the like
- would regularly turn up on other people's blogs monthly if not weekly, preferably in a good light
- would at least place within the top half of any contest easily
- would be strongly associated with certain characters due to a particularly iconic or beloved portrayal of them
- would be iconic enough to have an entire series devoted to them, a "----verse", so to speak
- would be known for doing good to great work in virtually every genre (virtually every genre)
- would manage the former without sacrificing the essential feel of the show
- would regularly combine quantity and quality
- would strike a comfortable balance between work, leisure, research, and writing
- would know what to do
- would do sterling commissions on demand, just for the pleasure of a job well done
- would finally get out there ideas that date back to 2012 without fear of being told by well-meaning strangers that it's been "jossed", because nuts to that
- would let people know through stories what beloved characters inspire me, by showing them via stories
- would finally get dozens of exciting ideas out there, alive and well
- would reinvent
- would make people laugh, cry, rage, scream, and hum with interest on command, through sheer narrative skill
- would find ways to capture so many experiences and put them into the right words in the right place at the right time
- would have already found a way to accomplish all this and be laughing at the idea of calling all this a "pipe dream"
Currently, I'm trying to work out a good ratio between short stories (for a sense of short-term success, at the expense of long-term ambitions) and novels (for the fulfilment of lifelong ambitions, at the expense of more definite and immediate satisfaction).
I might post blogs more often, just to reconnect more with the fandom, though goodness knows what we've got to talk about at this point.
If nothing else, I'm posting this to say "I'm not dead."
Right. That's it for the time being. Impossible Numbers, out.
This is a big mood.
It's good you're still here. I was getting increasingly worried about your silence and absence from the site lately. That list you wrote there reminds me quite on myself, especially the "Write x hours a day" part. I still struggle with writing five hours per day, mostly because of certain especially dramatic events in the last two years that turned my life and writing upside down.
I started reading "The Scootaloo Switcheroo". I made the mistake of starting late at night after a long day, so I fell asleep before finishing it and when I woke up again on the next day, duties had already caught up with me, but I got until the part where Luna shatters Scootaloo like glass and reveals to Rainbow Dash that she isn't the real Scootaloo.
That was a great twist, the sudden delivery of the reveal to Rainbow Dash was very effective and that idea goes into the direction of what I meant when I talked about more daring and unique ideas! Also, Rainbow Dash and Luna are a pairing that is underrated and that should happen more often, so you did well with bringing them together for this story!
I'll have detailed feedback ready for you once I have finished reading!
Also, I just realized this:
We have the same catchphrase to end blog entries with.
Now I have to think of a new one, a personal one..... I wanted to spice up a lot of things in my presentation as pony author here anyway.
I’m indeed glad you’re not dead! I think it’s helpful to air things like this.
Your list has some good stuff on it. I don’t know how to attain most of those things, but I think most writers would enjoy them. And some, I probably do have—but I might not have broadly applicable thoughts about getting them. Like I didn’t start out with Limestone as my “thing,” it just kinda clicked at some point.
Others might have more insight, though. It seems like most people love to talk about what they do and how they do it, especially when they’re not under pressure to make it sound or look any particular way. In essence, I bet there are folks who have figured some of this out who could be asked for their version of how they do it.
The problem, then, may lie in personalizing and applying their thoughts—but that’s always the hard part anyway.
5063437
Yeah, it sucks. Gotta fight through it all the same, right? There may be gold on the other side.
5063580
I took a little unofficial time off to cool down after a frustrating few weeks. It helped my temper, but didn't do a huge amount to help my writing, so now I'm trying a different tactic. And man, I gave up on a consistent five hours a day long ago. It'd practically be a full-time job at that rate.
No worries. I've fallen asleep rereading my own stuff too, (mostly 'cause of late nights), and a reviewer once admitted they fell asleep while reviewing an old fic of mine (this was years ago). So long as the following dreams were pleasant, I consider it job well done.
Heh, it's not trademarked. Up to you what you want to do. I only use it myself because I have a vague liking for military-sounding jargon. I don't know, but I've been told. Over and out.
5063588
Yes, I'm glad I'm not dead either, though there were moments when I nearly wished I was.
I'm trying to keep to a pragmatic mindset where it's just a problem I can fix if I find the right mental tools. Still, it's all too easy to start taking it personally when it keeps being a problem.
The problem's mainly in the production stage, the actual prose-writing. After all, I'm usually happy at the planning and structuring stage at the start, and at the tweaking and editing stage at the end, and it's mostly just the minute-by-minute writing in the middle that trips me up. So I figure if that part's solved, the rest will... not immediately, but in good time gently fall into place.
I suppose I could lurk or ask around... No harm in picking up a few extra tips, and all...
I struggle with all these but this perhaps most of all.
5063658
Amen to that. Still working on it, because the persistence sometimes pays off handsomely. But the devil's all about getting to that stage.
If it helps, I've somehow managed to check off a few items from that list, and there's still over a dozen that I look at and laugh hysterically at the mere idea that they're something I am even capable of accomplishing. Ideal You is some kind of force of nature.
It's great to have your sights set impossibly high, because you shouldn't be content to settle for less than awesome outcomes. But it's also exhausting to chase goals out of reach. With this demon exorcised onto the page, consider taking stock of where you are right now, and just see what you can do to make each day better than the day before. Seeing how much you've improved is every bit as important as knowing where you're heading.
5068465
To be honest, the worst part is having some degree of evidence that these are possible. If I'd never passed the first hurdle or outdone myself on occasion, I'd write many of these targets off as obviously ludicrous and move on. But then I have moments when I feel like I'm fire, and everything clicks, and the possibility of failure seems more like stubborn laziness than realistic management.
That "take stock and see how far you've come" approach is similar to what I strive for in my sane moments: try for 100%, sure, but if that doesn't work, at least get something like 75% where you got 74%, then 76% is pretty good, but next time see if we get 77%. Looking back, my stamina and certainly my productivity have increased over the years, to say nothing of refining my prose year by year.
Which is still good and worth celebrating. The problem's usually when that Ideal You, the inner critic, won't take "good enough" for an answer, and like you said, suddenly it gets exhausting fast.