Sep
9th
2018
Very Close to Giving Up · 12:36pm Sep 9th, 2018
All the caffeine pills in the world (eight of them, to be exact) can't change the fact that I'm a writer who hates to write. If I don't get my ass in gear in the next twelve hours, I'm going to start issuing commission refunds.
How embarrassing.
I'm a cis het white male who's only health problem is obesity. Other than being poor (and that's mostly because I only work 20 hours per week), I'm the living embodiment of privilege. I have tons of free time. So this all comes down to personal failing: I'm a self-hating lazy piece of shit.
I guess I could use some encouragement right now.
Well, it sounds like you've also got problems with depression, maybe? That's a health problem, for sure, even if everyone tells you otherwise. Having some privilege does not preclude you from being unprivileged in other ways, and you shouldn't let anyone guilt you for things you can't control. I can't offer more advice beyond that because our country is an uncaring wasteland. D:
HAVE YOU BEEN PROCRASTINATING FOR A LONG TIME BUT REALLY REALLY NEED TO STOP!? I HAVE FOUND A POSSIBLE SOLUTION!
FIRST!
GO TO YOUR HOMEWORK/ESSAY AND START TYPING IN ALL CAPS NONSENSICAL GIBBERISH! PERHAPS SPRINKLING IN A HEARTY SKRAAAAAAAAAAWWWW EVERY SO OFTEN. THEN SLOWLY TRANSITION YOUR KEYBOARD SMASHING INTO WORDS OF SOME KIND. ONCE YOU FEEL "READY" OPEN THE FOLLOWING TWO TABS:
TAB NUMBER ONE!
TAB NUMBER TWO!
TAB NUMBER TWO IS A CLOCK COUNTING DOWN! YOU ONLY HAVE AN HOUR AND YOU'VE ALREADY SPENT TEN SECONDS OF IT READING THIS SENTENCE!
GO!
GO!
GO!
WRITE!!!
WRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE!
I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!!
No one is the best judge of themselves, because it's impossible to have an objective perspective on the matter. Consider the outside perspective; people like you and your work enough to throw money at you. You're better than you think you are, and I mean that in every interpretation of the phrase.
C'mon, get to writing! Rainbow Dash knows you can do it!
Trampoline, you are a great writer. Your list of stories, the likes and comments that accompany them and the fact the others wish you to write for them should speak to you in the positive of ways. Everyone gets in a rut, whether it is professionally or personally about what they do, regardless if it is their job or just something that they enjoy doing.
Please don't think of yourself as lazy because of this. As you have said here, you suffer from depression. Despite what some in our country may think, depression is a serious medical condition. If I may be so bold, you should seek help. As with any medical conditon, if you do not take steps to correct it, it will only get worse and may manifest into other problems which will only continue to feed on each other. This will wear you out, physically and emotionally.
I believe I can speak for all of us here when I say this: we would rather see you healthy and happy. The stories can wait, my friend. What matters most is that you are doing alright.
I hope I haven't offended. If so, I sincerely apologize. But I care about the people in this fandom far beyond the enjoyment their stories bring to me. I love them for who they are.
Please take care, Trampoline. And let me know if you need anything or just wish to talk. I'm here.
Hey, I'm going to drop some unsolicited advice. My qualifications are that I was once a lazy twenty-something with a part time job and never managed to get anything written, and I am now a lazy thirty-something with a special needs kid and a house and I write a lot. So clearly the issue isn't how lazy or comfortable you are or how much time you have on your hands, and these are the things I've noted.
First, perhaps "moar caffeine!" is not the answer? I know caffeine pills and strong stimulants trigger my anxiety, and while you obviously have a higher tolerance than I do, you might be hitting your limit (or changing neurologically as you get older.) The thing with anxiety (as a general thing rather than being anxious over something) is that it can decide to focus on anything, and that thing becomes scary and you will do whatever you can to avoid it. Even if you know, logically, that there's nothing to worry about, and it would take you all of an hour and you've spent twice that time on youtube already.
I don't know if that's your issue, but given the caffeine pills it's something to look out for. Maybe let yourself sleep more, since there's no point in forcing yourself awake when it prevents you from getting stuff done. One productive hour followed by sleep is more productive than five hours where you get nothing done.
Second: Writer playtime. Writer playtime is a method of killing time and avoiding writing that actually contributes to getting writing done. Basically, if you don't feel like writing, keep the story you want to write in mind and direct your messing around towards that story. Write outlines or do an imaginary RCL interview for it, look at wiki pages for things related to the story, read writing advice blogs or watch youtube analysis about the characters you're focusing on. Make a story specific playlist of songs.
The goal is to feel like you're goofing off while teasing your brain with the story. You can think of it as foreplay for your story, so when you sit down to write you'll be able to get it up. (Metaphorically.) (Or not, I don't know how you write.)
Finally, find something to do that you don't have to focus on (exercise, cleaning, knitting, driving) and set blocks of time to do that. The point is to give yourself time to think where you can't distract yourself with a ton of input, and let your mind wander. Hopefully it will wander to your stories, and when you do sit down not only will you be driven to write but you'll have a really clear picture of the scene and it will flow right onto the page.
I wrote a blog post a long time ago with other "I should be writing more" tips, so if you have other problems, some of the things there might address them.
And finally, you don't have to write things. No one will hold it against you, it's not necessary to being a good person, and even if you like the idea of being someone who writes things, you can always start writing again later. Writing is not the healthiest hobby/profession to start with, and putting pressure on yourself to keep on with it when it's not making you happy (or at least fulfilling the eccentric drive that writers have) is kind of silly when you think about it.
Hope some of that helps.
Dude, I hear where you're coming from. Especially with this:
I have spent the entire last week avoiding my homework. I need to have it done by tonight. What am I doing? Everything except that, apparently. As one of your commissioners, I say no hard feelings - take whatever time you need, or if you're not feeling inspired, I don't mind if you decide to refund it. I've still been too scared/lazy/whatever to write anything on here so you're still more productive than me.